My Milaya Reposted
by MaxieMoose
Summary: It is anoher Dimtiri left Rose for Tasha story but I promise you it  is different just give it a try it's really good. There's a hot new guardian,  Adrian, Dimitri, Christian, Rose and Lissa. They all end up at European Court.  Beta rocks! Bonkerzrulez!
1. Chapter 1

**My Milaya is being reposted after being pulled in August : )**

**Shout out to my fanflippen tabulous beta bonkerzrulez, she has helped me so much!**

**Richelle Mead is brilliant and created the world of Vampire Academy that my imagination visits often. She is a Rockstar and allows aspiring writers like myself to play with her story, plot lines and characters.**

**This story is an alternate scenario and ending to book 2 Frostbite, I hope you enjoy my take on a way things could have gone for Rose and her sexy Russian.**

Title: **My Milaya**  
Category: Books » Vampire Academy  
Author: MaxieMoose  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: T  
Genre: Romance/Hurt/Comfort  
Published: 07-03-10, Updated: 08-11-10  
Chapters: 8, Words: 32,043

**Chapter 1: Chapter 1**

**Lissa POV**

I hated keeping things from her, but this was our agreement. I didn't speak, think of or share anything about Dimitri and Tasha. It has been 11 months since Dimitri left Rose to be Tasha's Guardian. It almost killed both of them, he shouldn't have done it. A few weeks after he had gone Rose finally came to me and told me their story; she was broken and deeply hurt. Between Mason dying and loosing Dimitri I wasn't sure she would pull out of the depression she was in.

Then we had the attacks at school during field experience and I saw a ghost of her old self come through. Christian and Rose fought together and this was great for their relationship. Although neither of them would admit it they cared for each other. We made a pact that she would never have to be reminded of her painful past. Christian and I never spoke of Tasha or Dimitri and when we went to visit them Rose got a substitute Guardian to go with us.

She wasn't my only Guardian I also had Brett Mitchell as my other Guardian, he was 24 and was a great fit to our 'family'. Eddie was Christian's Guardian, we were one big happy family and everyone loved and protected Rose. Part of protecting her was keeping anything that had to do with Dimitri a secret.

She's still healing and just recently started dating, although I know she is not serious about any of her suitors. I was hopeful one day she and Adrian would finally give into their attraction to each other and be together. The evil side of me smiled what Dimitri would do if he ever found out Adrian was with Rose.

Jake Hale was a Court Guardian and he would be going with us on our trip to visit Tasha and Dimitri. He promised not to mention any details of the trip to Rose and never asked why. Both Christian and I were Royals and when we laid down an order it was never questioned. I hated to be so strict on this issue, but there is nothing I wouldn't do for my best friend. If she found out the details I think it would kill her.

After leaving, Dimitri was worse than her if that is possible. He felt he was protecting Rose and leaving was his only option. He started drinking and was very withdrawn. One night when he was in really bad shape Tasha trying to comfort him, she went to his bed and they had sex. Next thing we knew Tasha was pregnant. Dimitri being the responsible man he was stepped up stopped drinking and was there for Tasha throughout her pregnancy. That's where we're headed today; Tasha just started early labor so we are off to Vermont to be there for the birth of their baby.

I am happy for them, but being Rose's best friend it's hard for me to watch this go on. He only cares for Tasha as a friend and I know he still loves Rose, as she will always love him. But what's done is done and now he is going to be the father of Tasha's baby and life partner.

We arrived at the hospital and found Dimtiri getting coffee, he looked horrible. I guess Tasha was having a hard time. Christian and I instantly got worried, but Dimitri assured us she was with the doctors and should be fine. He said she was close and it shouldn't be too much longer. When we walked in he instantly assessed who was with us. Even though we never spoke of it he knew I knew about him and Rose.

I could see disappointment written all over his face, but he needed to realize Rose will never come with us to visit them. I think he knew this, but still hoped.

The doctors came to get Dimitri saying Tasha was close. He ran off, I could tell he was excited, he and Tasha both wanted kids and this baby was the one thing that finally brought them together.

I was reading a book for my English class when the doctor came out. He had a grave look on his face. Oh no not the baby, the baby has to be okay.

"Mr. Ozera I am sorry to inform you that your aunt has passed, she suffered a brain aneurism that was probably always there, but the stress of child birth aggravated it. We did everything within our powers to save her, but unfortunately with these types of ailments there is not much we can do."

Christian started sobbing into my shoulder, he was a wreck. Tasha was the only one he had left, she had done everything for him, had risked her life to save him.

"Thank you doctor, what about the baby?" I asked.

"Mr. Belikov is with him now, we were able to perform an emergency c-section and we were able to save him. He has been checked out by the pediatrician and is in good health."

The doctor said a polite goodbye and walked off.

I hugged my fiancé. "Christian I am so sorry. Tasha would want us to be here for Dimitri and the baby. Are you going to be able to help me with that?"

He looked at me with swollen red eyes, fighting tears. "Yes baby I can. Thank you for being here for me I know it's hard for you."

"Shhhh I'll be fine. What we need is to focus on Dimitri and the baby. Let's go see them."

**Dimitri POV**

I was sitting in the room that would have been Tasha's, where she would have held our beautiful son. Tasha wanted this baby so bad. He is a strong one, reminds me of her, he has her fighting spirit. I love him and will never blame him for his mother's death. I will not let anyone blame him ever. Tasha would do it all over again if she knew the outcome I am positive of this.

I had my head in my hands and I felt the slightest touch on my back, Lissa.

"Dimitri I am so sorry. We are here for you as long as you need us."

"Thank you Lissa. Christian I am sorry about Tasha." He gave me a small nod I can tell he had no words his throat thick with emotion.

"Can I hold him?" I nodded and Lissa picked him up.

Seeing her hold my son made me sad, that should be Tasha holding him.

"What's his name?"

"I am not sure, we had thought of a few things, but wanted to meet him or her first before we decided."

"Well he is adorable, he looks a lot like you Dimitri."

"Thank you Lissa." She handed him to me.

I stared at him. He was adorable, he was my son. "His name will be Zander Christian Belikov."

Both Lissa and Christian looked touched I used 'Christian' for the middle name.

Christian spoke for the first time. "Thank you Dimitri."

"Tasha would have wanted it that way."

He looked down fighting tears and nodded.

They left me to go make arrangements for Tasha's body. I was vey thankful for to them for handling the arrangements; I didn't want to have to deal with that now. I fed Zander and we had a nice time bonding.

As I looked at him I couldn't help but think of her. I always thought of her and felt that maybe I was being punished. I left true love for a child and this is what god did, he punished me by taking the child's mother. How I wished this baby was Rose's and she was here with me right now. As usual I felt horribly guilty taking my thoughts to Rose so soon after Tasha's passing, but Tasha knew what she was getting into. She knew I loved another woman and would never return her feelings. She walked into this a knowing party so I refused to feel guilty.

I will never love again and I will never have my Roza again, but maybe some day my son will find true love and be happy. Maybe one day I will look upon this life of pain and sacrifice and achieve happiness through his happiness.

Lissa came back explaining that Christian had to go lie down at the hotel, he was wiped emotionally.

We played with the baby talking about him and my plans.

I had to ask her even though I figured she would not tell me.

"Lissa I have to ask. I know you might not answer me, but I have to try. How is Rose?"

"Dimitri she knows nothing and will never know. We don't talk about anything related to you. She just started healing and I can't bear to see her go through that pain again. I can't do that to her, she will never know about any of this. I am sorry Dimitri."

That was fair I almost killed her by leaving her, even though I did what I did to protect her. "It's alright Lissa just knowing that she is better and is doing okay is enough."

She gave me a sympathetic look and touched my arm in a comforting fashion.

Thinking back to how I handled things I felt sick to my core. I left without telling her in person or even leaving a note. I left it to Alberta to tell her. Alberta took over her training. I can only imagine what was going through my Roza's mind when she showed up to the gym and I was not there but Alberta instead. She had to learn I was too weak to face her or even leave her some parting words in a note.

I was such a coward, but I knew if I faced her I wouldn't be able to follow through with my decision. I wouldn't have been able to leave her; she was my love, my life. I left to keep her safe and make sure her dream of being Lissa's Guardian wouldn't be compromised. Looking back now I know I should have faced her, told her myself, but as I have painfully learned you unfortunately can not go back. If I could go back I never would have left her, would have never ran to Tasha like a coward. I would have made it her choice, instead of forcing what I felt was right onto her.

I remember going to their graduation. I was like a gittery kid on Christmas morning I was so excited to see her. Tasha was pregnant and I shouldn't have left her to set up our guest room by herself, but the chance to see Rose, to look in her gorgeous brown eyes was too appealing. I had to find her immediately. I told myself I would see her one last time and then I would be able to move on with Tasha to raise our child. I just had to see her, my love, my life one more time and then I would start afresh. Looking back I sounded like a complete addict but that's exactly what I was, addicted to…Roza.

It was the day before they were to graduate, the campus was buzzing with excitement. After dumping Tasha and the luggage at the room I ran out right away. The look Tasha gave me when I ran out riddled me with guilt, but it didn't matter, all that mattered was her. The guilt I felt over Tasha was nothing compared to the guilt of what I had done to Rose. I ran to her dorm room and knocked, but she was not in. I figured Alberta would be my best bet to find her, she could radio Guardians and we could get a twenty on Roza's location. I had butterflies in my stomach, after all these months I was going to be able to see her. Her soft alluring skin, her luscious hair, her goddess body and those eyes that haunted every dream and nightmare I've had since the day I left. I ran to Alberta's office, Alberta was always my friend, but this day she was not happy to see me.

"Dimitri I thought you'd come."

"Well yes Tasha is very close to Christian she would never miss his big day."

"That's exactly why I sent her away."

"What do you mean Alberta where is she, where is Rose."

"Dimitri she is on a fighting sabbatical. I sent her to Israel to learn their fighting techniques so she could bring them back and teach them to the Guardians at Court. I am very protective of Rose. I knew if she saw you again it would break her and I couldn't bear to see her go through it again."

"You had no right Alberta, I need to see her, to explain, to say goodbye."

"Sorry Dimitri you had your chance and you blew it. Rose is gone and the best thing you can do for her is stay away. I know about the baby and if Rose found out it would kill her. I am not going to let you destroy her further. You have no idea what you left behind for Lissa and I to deal with. Sorry Dimitri, but you need to leave her alone and let her be. You have done enough."

Alberta was very protective of Rose which I appreciated. What killed me was that she had to protect Rose from me, the one person who loves her more than anything in this world. I would do anything for her, but I was the one who destroyed her, left her broken and alone. I was a pitiful excuse of a man.

After my talk with Alberta I went back to mine and Tasha's room and laid on the bed not moving, not sleeping, just lying and thinking of what a mess I caused. Tasha found me and was very concerned. She begged me to tell her what was wrong. I knew I wasn't being fair to her so I told her the entire truth, not just the bits and pieces I gave her before to satisfy her curiosity. She agreed to stay with me even though I was just a shell of the man I used to be. We agreed to raise the baby and be life partners. At this point there wasn't much else we could do.

I didn't deserve her love and I could never return it, but she stuck by me and now she's gone having sacrificed everything for this beautiful baby, my Zander.

At that moment I vowed that my life purpose would be to raise Zander and be the best father that I could.

Lissa and Christian stayed with me for a few weeks through Christmas. But I knew staying in Tasha's house in the US was not healthy. I had constant reminders of my mistakes and the two women I had lost.

I called my mother the day before Lissa and Christian were to leave and told her I was coming home. She was thrilled as I was to start my new life and try to put the past behind me. I owed my son that much, to be a better man, role model, and father.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Chapter 2**

**A/N: Okay since you guys were so wonderful reviewing my new story and adding it to your favorites and alerts I am going to post Chapter 2 early. I haven't had time to respond to all the reviews, but I swear I appreciate and read everyone…thank you so much!**

**For my fans of Kismet I promise I am not going to neglect that story. Chapter 27 is half written, but the story is more than half done so I decided to post the My Milaya story. I let my friend read it and she fell in love with what I had so far and said I had to share it. I came up with My Milaya around Christmas, but since I was in the midst of the Why Me? and Kismet saga I put it on hold writing dialogue when I had ideas floating around in my head.**

**I have to give a shout out to my awesome beta Bonkerzrulez she's the frosting to my cake. Also this story had two pre-readers the awesomely talented Ruthless527, she is an amazing author and has three stories that will knock your socks off. Also I have to give my last shout out to my biggest fan lovetoread456, she's a great inspiration to me.**

**I don't own Vampire Academy, its ideas, original characters or story line, unfortunately they belong to the amazing Richelle Mead. She's is wonderful though and allows people like me to play with them.**

**Enjoy…**

**My Milaya – Chapter 2**

**Rose POV **_**(3 years after Zander's birth)**_

I was having a great dream surfing in Hawaii, something I have never done, but always wanted to try. The scene I woke to was much better.

I was lying on my side while he planted kisses all down my neck, collar bone, that tender spot behind my ear. He knew that was my weak spot, cheater. Next he went for my ear lobe; I felt the vibration from his mouth as he spoke. "Come on gorgeous time to get up. I've had enough of this sleeping nonsense." He was trailing his hand up my side sending wonderful goose bumps throughout my body.

He rolled me over, took my arms and pinned them over my head, while he hovered over me as he planted kisses all over my chest, avoiding my breasts. I was faking sleep just to drive him wild.

"Rose I know you like to pretend you're still asleep, but I have work in two hours so if you're going to let me ravish your beautiful body you need to wake up honey." He kept kissing me, now down my tummy, I was trying hard not to smile and move my mouth. He was doing some great things to me and I was trying my best not to moan. He moved back up and took my left breast in his mouth; I couldn't help it I moaned. I felt him grin on my skin.

He kissed me. "Good morning sunshine. You beat your old record 3 minutes, 13 seconds. You're getting better." I finally opened my eyes to his gorgeous smile.

He spent the next hour showing me how happy he was I finally woke up. Sex with Jake was amazing!

Jake Hale, my boyfriend I guess you could call him, was a Court Guardian and would either guard at Court or fill in for Guardians while they had time off. He always filled in for me when I was not with Lissa. I never took time off except when she went to go see him. I refused to think about him, it was the only way I'd get through my day.

Jake was gorgeous I was so lucky to have him. He was 6' 4", had light blue eyes, medium brown hair that was messy stylish, had a rock hard body, with just the right amount of muscles and had a nice tan. He looked like a cute surfer boy, he was always turning heads at Court, but I got him. He was 28 and unattached when I came to Court he wasn't dating anyone. We got to know each other and were good friends at first, we starting dating almost a year ago.

"So what are you up to today?" Jake asked me.

"The normal: a run, shower, do some homework with Lissa, hang out with the babies and then we are off to class, while Pyro watches the little ones." I did a fist pump, but he knew I was being sarcastic I hated college. I was so excited we had finals next week and then just one last semester to get through. I couldn't wait to be done with school.

Lissa and Christian were married now and they had twin identical girls, Alexis Rose and Annabel Rose Dragomir. We had worked out a schedule. Lissa and I went to college Mondays and Wednesdays while Eddie, Christian's Guardian, and Christian went Tuesdays and Thursdays, then on Friday we did an online course. This schedule worked well for everyone, we could switch off watching the babies.

I loved those two little munchkins, I was Auntie Rose, and I never thought I'd like them so much. Normally I saw kids as little creatures that cried and leaked from their orifices. But the babies were sweet and they loved me, they were turning 1 at the end of January in about 7 weeks, they were so fun right now. They had Lissa's blond hair, but it was darker blond, Christian's eyes and their facial features were a fair division between the both of them. I felt like their second Mom, I even experienced morning sickness through the bond with Lissa.

"Will you stay again tonight?" Jake asked, very hopeful. After him I refused to let myself love anyone. Due to this all my relationships, well there was only two worth mentioning since him, have been casual. I follow some rules to keep myself in check; one was to never stay consecutive nights.

"Sorry babe but we'll be getting back late and I have to study" I gave him a devious look. "And you know with your hot body next to me in bed there is no way I will be able to concentrate and study." He gave me his best puppy dog pout and pleading eyes. Unfortunately for Jake I was a hurt and broken woman and was immune to his manipulative antics, no matter how adorable he was.

"Rose you are such a rock, but one day I'll break you." Oh don't count on it babe I gave my soul to a Russian God named Dimitri Belikov and it will never be the same. Damn it broke a rule, thought his name…shit.

He gave me a passionate kiss trying to sway me. "I'll see you tomorrow after your shift; you can stay at my place." He let out a sigh.

"Fine. Bye gorgeous be safe." He gave me his serious Guardian look.

I gave him a salute then he came back for more kissing. I said with his lips on me. "Go, you're going to be late; you know Alberta will blame me. I don't need 'Mom' giving me guilt." It was my nickname for Alberta she was my savior and was like a mother hen to all of us Guardians at Court. She left St. Vlad's and followed us to Court and was now head Guardian here.

He let out a big sigh and collapsed his head on my chest in defeat. "Okay, I'll go, bye." He gave me one last chaste kiss and walked away. I watched his back side, he was so fine, and I loved his ass. He knew I was watching him and shook his booty extra sexy for me; he always loved putting on a show.

"I can feel your heated stare on my ass, hope I don't disappoint." He turned and caught me, I blushed.

He ran back. "Shit Rose you can't blush like that you know I can't resist you when you blush, you're killing me." He gave me another passionate kiss, at this rate we were going to end up back in bed and never leave.

I said around his lips again. "You gotta go you're killing me, I'll see you tomorrow lover boy." He giggled; he loved my nickname for him, lover boy.

"Bye love, see you tomorrow, don't dream of me too much." He ran out the door while I threw my running shoe at him.

He was such a kidder I was so lucky to have him. He was funny, super hot, cared for me greatly, treated me like a princess, but I could never love him. That's what ended my last relationship, Adrian. Once he left me I was broken and Adrian tried to help me pick up the pieces, but I could never return his love. Finally I had to end it. I was hurting him badly and he deserved a life, not a broken shell of a person that he threw away.

I walked to the track to do my daily run. I love this time of my day, I could opening think of him, think his name, how gorgeous he was. It was my main rule. Every morning I went running to get rid of the darkness Lissa was sending my way and to think of Dimitri. This was the best part of my day I looked forward to it; it's what keeps me going. Yep I was definitely an addict, addicted to him, to my memories of him anyways. Everything about him, his smell, how his strong muscles felt under my touch the few times we were close, those few stolen kisses, the only man I will ever love, My Russian God, Dimitri Belikov.

I got to the track it was a brisk December morning. I stretched and thought about all the times we stretched together in the gym at St. Vlad's. It has been 1,794 days since I had last seen him, but I could see his face as clear as the sky above me, remember his heady scent of musk and spice from his aftershave. I would sometimes come in contact with someone who had that same scent, although it was rare, and when I did I ran away not being to handle the memories it stirred inside of me.

After stretching I rubbed my tattoo and did 5 minutes of deep meditation thinking about every detail that was great about the little time we had together, the lust charm, that last kiss in the gym, him holding me on the balcony at the lodge, how he held me after Mason died. Once I was done I had a few silent tears running down my cheek. But I was used to these tears, they were nothing compared to the hours of sobs that racked through my body the months after he left. I almost welcomed these tears, they were my bodies way of telling me they still remembered him, still loved him.

I rubbed my tattoo again and started running. Thinking about my tattoo I thought back to when I got it. Like I said Alberta was my savior after Dimitri left me for Tasha, she became my mentor. Between her, Lissa and Adrian I was able to struggle through that last semester of high school and somehow graduate. I was having panic attacks in training thinking about how I would have to see him and Tasha at graduation.

Alberta knew I was not going to make it and sent me to Israel for 3 weeks to learn some fighting techniques. The Israeli's practically invented modern day hand-to-hand combat and I had the honor of being taught by the best. Master Cohen a 7th degree black belt in Krav Maga. When he first laid eyes on me he knew I was broken. He never asked for details, but told me I had to move on. He explained about Hebrew and Israeli symbols. I started looking into them online. The one I chose for my tattoo was the symbol for eternal love. It's the Hebrew symbol for love, with a circle around it signifying its forever, or eternal.

I decided then to come up with my rules and move on with my life. I knew I could never really love again, but I was human and knew I could do casual relationships. My rules:

Only think about Dimitri memories during my morning runs

Use my eternal love tattoo (it was on my bikini line on the right hand side) as my symbol of love for him

Never spend consecutive nights with a boyfriend

Never get married (this one was easy since Guardians really didn't get married)

Never go with Lissa when she visited Dimitri and Tasha

Never hold any grudge against Lissa, Christian, Eddie, etc. for keeping a relationship with Dimitri and Tasha

And finally never ever love again

The last rule was necessary, my body would not be able to handle anymore love and potential heartache, it would kill me. I couldn't allow myself to be weak again, my duty was to protect Lissa and love made me weak, and I will never let it happen again.

Master Cohen was the only one who knew about my rules and my daily routine to keep my sanity. We still kept in touch and I've been back to visit him now and then when Lissa goes to visit Dimitri and Tasha.

Lissa really has been wonderful. She was in a horrible position being married to Christian, but they were able to make compromises for me. Every time they visited them I was given warning and Lissa was able to use her expert blocking skills and kept all thoughts and all things about Dimitri and Tasha from me.

It was better I didn't know. I imagined they had a few kids by now. I am sure they were as happy as can be; they always got along so well. To keep my sanity sometimes I imagined them fighting. My favorite day dream was Tasha finding him gazing at a picture of me then her getting mad and jealous. Hehehehe

I was realistic and knew this was only a dream; he has nothing of mine as I have nothing of him as a reminder. That's another reason for the tattoo. I had nothing to link him to me except memories; this symbol was my only physical reminder of him. Also, I am sure he was happy go lucky raising his kids with Tasha and being a father, something he always wanted, something I could never give him. I was such a failure, that's why he didn't want me.

Before I knew it my five miles were up, it was sad in a way. I hated for it to end, but I had to get back to my life and back to reality. I showered and was eating lunch when Lissa texted me. She told me we would meet up to study in a few and she would contact me when to come over. All of a sudden Lissa pulled me into her head. I knew something was up; she was too quiet through the bond this morning.

She was in the Queen's office with Christian and Adrian was there. Adrian had been gone for awhile. He looked good I forgot how good looking he was. I felt her send me a message, 'sorry Rose to pull you in, but I needed you to hear this first hand, this way you are in the loop.' I wish I could message back thanks, but the bond only works one way.

The Queen informed them about an offensive magic pilot program starting up at the European Royal Court; she asked if they would participate. After discussion between all of them they all decided to go. Lissa, Eddie, Christian and I would be finishing up school remotely, we would move to the European Royal Court in Russian right after the holidays. Christian, Adrian and Lissa would all be instructors; they'd get many more details in the new few weeks and would have several meetings with the facilitator and other instructors to coordinate.

'Bye Rose I'll see you soon, meet me at my apartment.' I cleaned up my lunch, put on my shoes, grabbed my backpack and headed off to her place.

I walked right in. She was on the phone, but hung up as soon as she saw me. I didn't ask who it was since it might be Tasha or Dimitri.

"So Rose are you alright with all of this?"

I was shocked by her question. I was her Guardian she came first no questions. "Sure, I am good; I mean I kind of have to be you being my charge and all."

"Rose seriously we are friends' first, talk to me, are you alright moving to Russia, leaving school, leaving Jake?"

"Lissa Jake and I aren't serious; you know Guardians can't have serious relationships. I could care less about school, you know I only go because of you and sure Russia sounds cool. But Lissa are there any other teachers or Guardians going that I might know?" She knew for sanity purposes I couldn't just come out and ask about Dimitri and Tasha.

"No Rose, don't worry." She gave me a reassuring look and sent those same types of feelings through the bond. Phew I got nervous there for a minute.

"Well then Liss I am ready, I'll start packing."

"Ok good, but let's table the move details, we need to cram for finals." We studied and then went to school.

When I got home I found lover boy waiting for me asleep in my bed, chest bare which meant he was only wearing my favorite, boxer briefs. He looked so good in them he should be a boxer brief model. Hmmmm, I guess he didn't get the hint I said I'd see him tomorrow.

Just to be evil I pulled some ice from my freezer and put it in a paper towel. I thought he was awake and was trying to use my 'pretend you're asleep game' on me. What he didn't realize was I was the master. I stripped down to my boy shorts and lacy black bra and climbed in bed. I started my stop watch and began. I started kissing his lips, neck, behind his ear (his favorite spot) I bit his lobe and pulled on it delicately with my teeth. I could tell he was fighting so hard trying to beat my time.

Okay he was going to get it now. I kissed down his neck to his itty bitty man nipple and bit it lightly. That's when he lost it, he moaned. "God Rose you're killing me, please don't stop, hmmmmmm"

"Lover boy you suck, 2 minutes 36 seconds, you don't hold a candle to me." He opened his eyes and looked at me. He was excited especially when he saw the lack of clothing I had on. He used his ninja skills and flipped me over and gave me a passionate kiss. "I know you didn't want to see me until tomorrow, but you are addicting and I missed you."

"Well I guess you're forgiven, but seriously sexy man I need to study." I think this next move will teach him not to surprise me again. I distracted him by kissing him, but I took the ice and put it the front of his boxer briefs. He immediately started howling and jumping around retrieving the ice and throwing it into my kitchenette sink.

"Why you little brat." He tackled me on the bed. "Do you really want to start another war?" Our last practical joke war got so out of hand we had to call a truce.

"You started it falling asleep in my bed with your sexy ass in these." I patted his butt and ran my hand along the hem of his boxer briefs so he would know what I meant.

"Sorry I had to see you so I pulled out the big guns." He gave me his gorgeous smile. We had so much fun together it was nice and easy. No commitment, no fighting, no serious relationship drama, just what a broken person like me needed.

He gave me his puppy dog eyes that melted me and I was sick of studying so I pulled him to me for a kiss. He pulled away too soon; I gave him my little girl pout.

"Sorry baby, but I have to talk to you." Uh oh he seems serious.

"Okay" I sat on the bed and padded the seat next to me.

He sat down, let out a breath and grabbed my hand. He was looking down at my fingers playing with them. I could tell he was trying to collect his thoughts, trying to figure out how he was going to start. I gave him an encouraging look so he would continue.

"Rose, Alberta has asked me to go to European Court to help with the new offensive magic program."

"Jake I –" He cut me off and put a finger over my lips. "As much as I love to hear your sexy voice let me finish."

"I know you don't feel for me as I feel for you Rose and I am okay with that, I will take what I can get. I know you are broken and you can't tell me why and I am okay with that too. I hope one day you will be able to trust me and tell me and give me your heart, but if you can't that's cool too. Like I said I'll take what I can get, whatever you can give me. But Rose I don't want to force myself on you. I know you are going and I want nothing more than to go too and be with you, but if you don't want me to follow you and I am getting too serious I'll understand. I know we promised no serious relationship for the two of us, but Rose I can't help it you're irresistible, you're everything I want, I love you Rose." He looked deep in my eyes with such intensity I had to look away.

Shit why did he have to go and fall in love with me? I could never return those feelings. We agreed that what we had was casual and fun and he didn't want anything more, but now he dropped the 'L' word. I was so conflicted, we got along so well and I did enjoy being with him. Maybe if he promised not to push me I would be okay continuing as long as he never pressured me.

Time stood still while I collected my thoughts of how to answer him. "Look Jake I am broken and I can't talk about why that is. I am sorry about that, but it's just the way it is. But you knew this going into this relationship so I refuse to feel guilty about not returning your words or your feelings."

He looked down shaking his head like he knew that's what I would say. "Shit I know I screwed up, I had to go and tell you my true feelings, now you're going to leave and I am going to loose you and I suck –" I stopped him this time and put my finger to his lips.

"BUT I enjoy being with you. I don't want to end this, this thing that we have whatever you call it." I gestured between the two of us. "Is wonderful. But you have to know I can't return those feelings and I can only give so much. If you can deal with that and not pressure me then I would love for you to come and I would love to keep seeing you."

He let out a huge breath I don't think he realized he was holding in. "Really?" I nodded and he kissed me with so much passion and love it almost knocked me out. He pulled away resting his forehead on mine. "Thank you Rose, I promise I won't push you, pressure you, or ask for more than you can give. Just please don't leave me."

I caressed his cheek. "As long as you'll have me broken and all I am not going any where except to European Court with you."

He pulled me to the bed and held me. I could tell he needed to feel me close to him, to know I was there and was not leaving without him. I was breaking a rule staying with him again, but it felt so good for him to hold me. We gave each other little kisses and caresses, it was very sweet. It was the first time we spent the night together without having sex and it was the most intimate and close to him I have ever felt. I knew I was in trouble of getting too attached to him, but the thought of loosing him scared me more. I would just have to keep him in check and make sure he kept the 'love' stuff to a minimum. My broken heart was a dark dingy broken mess and I knew it couldn't take anymore pain or rejection.

**If you like this story then please review, they make me write faster….THANKS!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Chapter 3**

**I am loving your responses to the story. Here's how the updates will go, when I send a new chapter to my beta I will then post the chapter I have in inventory. Sorry…I haven't had time to respond to all the reviews, but I swear I appreciate and read every one…thank you so much! If you have a question PM me or put it in a review and I will get back.**

**Some of you have asked about Rose's tattoo. I posted what the Krav Maga symbol meant, but Rose's tattoo I made up the symbol, that's why it's called fiction : ) I tried to post the Krav Maga symbol since in my head it looks similar to this, but I can't figure it out. Anyone who knows how to do this please PM me.**

**Bow to my beta Bonkerzrulez! She is an Aussie and she is what puts the special touches on these chapters you all love so much.**

**I don't own Vampire Academy, its ideas, original characters or story line, unfortunately they belong to the amazing Richelle Mead. She's is wonderful though and allows people like me to play with them.**

**My Milaya – Chapter 3 Enjoy….**

**Dimitri POV**

I was riding my motorcycle to my job at the grocery story. I worked the swing shift which was afternoon to midnight. This allowed me to spend more quality time with Zander. Today was my last day; I was taking the next two weeks off to spend with my family before I took my new job.

This life I had created for me and my son was nice and comfortable. I had a good job working at the butcher shop in the Baia grocery store and I lived in my mother's house surrounded by my entire family. As nice as it was I felt it was time for a change. Zander was turning 3 tomorrow and he needed to be in preschool with kids his own age. When they called me from European Court about a new Guarding post it was the exact thing I needed. I could still be close to my family, have a job guarding and be close to Zander while he went to school.

I would keep my motorcycle and take it with me, but instead of driving it I would take the train up with Zander. Even though he was old enough to hang on, he was only good for small trips. The European Court was south of Baia by two hours.

Zander's such a good boy, in my life I was unlucky in love, but with my son I was extremely lucky. He was all I could ask for and more. He was smart, polite, liked to play, was well behaved and already a good little fighter. I worked with him a lot and I saw he had a lot of natural abilities.

As I drove through our modest town my thoughts as always went to my Roza. For self preservation I only thought of her when I worked out, ran or rode my bike. It was too difficult to focus on normal day-to-day tasks and also think of her. She was so much more than my true love, it's as if the heavens above said that each person had their soul mate walking around on earth and only the lucky ones actually got to be with them. I was lucky and got to know her, but as I felt sometimes I was being punished by the same deity above that created her, my perfect match, she was not mine to have. I let her go, to protect her, to make sure she would be happy. I sacrificed true love for her happiness being the Princess' Guardian and my selfishness to have a family.

As if loosing her was not punishment enough I lost my partner and mother of my son. I am not sure who I pissed off in the big house, but I try to be the best person possible to make amends. It was too late for me and my true love, but maybe since I paid so dearly my son will have that luck that people dream of their entire lives. Maybe he'll be able to be with his one true love.

I brushed those depressing thoughts aside and imagined what it would be like to have Roza on the back of the bike with me. Her holding onto me as her heavenly scent circled around us. Her silky gorgeous hair blowing in the wind, I imagined a few strands hitting me and sending chills up my spine. I loved her hair, it was gorgeous. The few times I got to hold it in my hands it was like heaven on earth. Pulling up to the store I sighed knowing I'd have to give up my thoughts of Roza until my workout tomorrow morning. Goodbye my sweet Roza, I'll see you again tomorrow. Man I was seriously a mental case if anyone could read my thoughts and hear me say goodbye to thoughts of my lost love, they would put me in a rubber room.

I walked into the store to complete my last day of work and begin my new life as a European Court Guardian.

After work I went home, checked on Zander, took a shower and dropped into bed exhausted. Sleep found me easily and my dreams, as normal, went to her. I woke up to a busy house; it was Zander's big day.

It was still pretty early and I didn't get as near enough sleep as I probably needed. I didn't usually sleep well since most of my dreams starred Roza, thus sleep was not restful for me. I heard my Mom, Yeva, sisters and Paul all downstairs, they were up early to get ready for the party. Zoya, Zander and Sophie were still asleep. Well not Zander anymore, I heard him come into my room.

"Daddy I am thwree today." He held up 3 fingers and jumped up and down on my bed.

I grabbed him and gave him a big hug. "Yes you are big boy. Now go brush your teeth, go potty and have Babushka give you some breakfast."

He gave me a little peck on my lips and ran off. I put on my workout clothes and went down to see the family and have breakfast with Zander.

My momma kissed me. "Good morning Dimka, ready for the big day?"

Zander stood up in his seat and did his cute little shake your booty dance. "Yay yay it's my birthday. I get presents yay yay!"

My momma scolded him. "Zander sit down and eat or you'll get sick moving around with a full stomach."

"Daddy what time is Uncle Christian, Aunt Lissa, Lexi and Annie getting hear?"

I hadn't told my family that I talked to Christian a few weeks ago and they weren't going to be able to make it to Zander's party. I gave him a sympathetic look. "Son they won't be able to come, I am sorry." He looked like he was on the verge of tears, his little chin quivered. "But they sent you lots of gifts and said as soon as we get settled they will come for an extra long visit."

I ruffled his hair and my answer cheered him up a bit. "Okay I see them soon." He shoved the rest of his bellini's in his mouth and finished his juice. "I am done time for my party?"

My sister Karolina laughed at him. "Sorry honey, but you have to wait awhile. You can go play with Paul until it's time okay?"

He ran and gave her a big hug. "Okay Auntie Kiki." He ran off. He had cute little names for all his family. Karolina was Kiki, Sonya Cici and Vikki he called Ikki, Zoya was Zizi, Yeva was Yevi, Sophie was Wewe and Paul was Paulpal. Vikki didn't like Ikki much, but Zander was so irresistible she let him call her that. But if anyone else did it she showed them what it was like to cross Viktoria Belikov.

Karolina shook her head and sighed. "Oh I am going to miss having his little bupkes around here everyday." Everyone looked sad and momma got tears in her eyes.

I gave her a hug. "Momma they are giving me a 3 bedroom apartment so you can come as much as you want. It's only 2 hours and I'll send you money for the train." I looked at everyone. "That goes for all of you, come as often as you'd like we'd love to have you."

Sonya who was the sister that tortured me decided to tease me. "Oh but Dimka what happens if you get a women and she won't want us around." She was kidding, but as soon as she said the words she instantly regretted them. "Dimka I am so sorry I didn't mean to upset you." She gave me a hug.

Viktoria who had no filter decided to speak what everyone was thinking. "Dimka it has been almost 4 years why don't you look her up and find her. You're single now and I am sure she'd love to hear from you." Viktoria waggled her eyebrows.

"Look Viktoria I've told you. I broke her, hurt her and she doesn't want to see me. Alberta and the Princess have asked me not to interfere in her life. She has finally moved on and I can't destroy her happiness. She means too much to me to hurt again." I looked away from them fighting tears; I stared out the kitchen window it had just started snowing.

Everyone was quiet, I went back to the table to finish my breakfast. I noticed Yeva out of the corner of my eye shaking her head at me.

She was mumbling something and I tried to ignore her. Yeva often told me to go to Roza and tell her how I felt, that we were meant to be together. I never listened to her and she was frustrated with me. Everyone sensing my uneasiness let the subject drop.

I went and did my workout starting with a run. I loved my runs they were the best part of my day. When I ran I felt the closest to Roza. During my run I rewarded myself, normally I squashed thoughts of Roza, but in my runs she was with me the whole time. I was such an addict, addicted to her. I was like my neighbour who struggled with a weight problem. As long as she ate good all day she would reward herself with dessert. This is what I did, I put my thoughts of Roza on the back burner and then during my workouts she was all I thought of. My neighbour being naïve always wondered why she never lost weight. Well I was not naïve I knew Roza was the only women for me and I would never love another. I didn't mind feeding my addiction to her since I didn't want anyone else and wouldn't even try for a relationship.

I came in and showered. Once done I went to check on Zander. Momma got him down for a nap before the party. She was definitely a miracle worker he would have never gone down for me; he was so amped for his party.

I feel bad Christian and the Princess can't make it, but I understood. Russia is a long haul for them and I know things were hard, they had to coordinate switching out Rose, and they had school, but still always insisted on coming to Zander and me. If I was a betting man I would say they didn't want me on the same continent as Roza. They were very protective of her and didn't want me near her, since I was the person who broke her. I put my head in my hands, why did I leave her?

No no no no I can't think that way and regret my son, he is my life. My Zander my baby boy. I can't believe he is three, he is growing up so fast.

Thinking back to Christian and Lissa I started to get worried. Maybe something was wrong with Rose and that's why they couldn't come. No I have to be positive, I have faith that if something was wrong with Roza I would feel it and Yeva would warn me. I just hoped that everyone was alright and Zander would get to see them soon.

I had told them I was going back to Guarding, but hadn't got my assignment yet and that I would call them when we got settled. They promised they would come for a nice long visit to make it up to their nephew. Even though technically they were cousins Tasha and Christian were so close he was by default an uncle, which made Lissa an aunt and the babies his cousins. The babies were so cute.

I finished getting ready, and then got Zander up so he wouldn't over sleep and be cranky for his party.

The party was fun and it was good to have the neighbours over and our close friends in Baia. I saw a group of women gossiping in the corner. Apparently I was the Baia bachelor to catch and they were discussing who had dibs. As much as this flattered me I saw no woman more than a friend. No one could compare to my Roza. I wouldn't even attempt a relationship just for casual purposes it wouldn't be fair to the woman. I ignored their whispers and talked with some Guardian friends who were home. Ivan and Simon like me were being assigned to the European Court; the new offensive magic program was the buzz.

It was time for cake. My Momma told Zander to make a wish and blow out his candles. He had a serious look on his face; his eyebrows were scrunched together in deep thought. He nodded to himself and a peaceful look came over his face and he blew out his candles. He looked very happy he was able to blow them all out; I wonder what he wished for?

We finished up the party. Zander and the kids played with his new toys. He got some clothes, but those did not interest him and my Momma put them away. I gave Zander a bath and we played with his new toys and then put them away. He was very neat and liked to keep his toys organized, he was so cute.

As I tucked him into bed he looked sad. "Daddy if I tell you my wish will it not come true?"

"Um I am not sure who told you that?"

"Zizi said if I tell my wish it will not come true."

Hmmmm I wanted to know his wish. "Zander, I am your Daddy you can tell me anything. Zoya was talking about telling everyone, what if you just tell me what you wished for and we will keep it secret."

"Okay Daddy." He clasped his hands together and got a very sweet look on his face. "Daddy I wished for a Mommy that can bake me cookies."

I must have looked very sad. "Daddy are you okay? You have your sad face on."

"Yes Zander I am okay." I was really not, I was devastated.

"I know I have a Mommy in heaven, but I want an everyday Mommy. One that will love me, read to me and make me cookies. Do you think I will get my wish?"

Oh god what do I say. I can't lie to him. "I am not sure Zander, but you have me, Babuska, Yevi and your aunts and cousins and we all love you so much."

"I love you too Daddy." He gave me a big hug and a kiss. I tucked him in and said goodnight.

I went downstairs to get some water. As I was drinking my glass of water and staring into the blizzard happening outside I allowed myself this time to think of Roza. I imagined what it would be like if she was mine again. She could be my wife and Zander's everyday Mom. Although I don't think Roza could make cookies, but Zander is so irresistible I am sure she would learn for him. She was so caring and selfless I know she would be a great Mom.

Trying to get my mind off my Roza I looked around for something to occupy my brain, but all I saw was the liquor cabinet. I hadn't had a drink since before Zander was born and hadn't even thought about having one until tonight. Today was extra hard and with Roza on my mind I was distraught knowing Zander's wish. I wanted to give him a Mommy, but the only women I could be with was Rose and I knew that was out of the question. If I contacted her I know Alberta would have my head and even though the Princess was a Moroi she was a strong one and not someone I would ever cross.

I finished my water and went to bed, not looking or thinking of the alcohol again. Mentally exhausted I fell asleep immediately and my dreams as usual all starred my Roza….

**Please give me some love in a review…remember the formula – More Reviews = Faster Updates : )**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Chapter 4**

**You guys are so awesome, the reviews have been wonderful. Thank you so much. I read everyone and really take into account your comments when I write. As a writer I love reviews like Rose loves Dimka : )**

**Bonkerzrulez is my fanflippintastic beta, she makes this story so much better! She just got chapter 5 back to me for final processing so to speak, as soon as I send her chapter 6 I will post chapter 5, this will be my typical posting routine.**

**I don't own Vampire Academy, its ideas, original characters or story line; unfortunately they belong to the amazing Richelle Mead. She's is wonderful though and allows people like me to play with them.**

**My Milaya – Chapter 4 Happy Reading…**

**Rose POV**

I loved Christmas time; everyone was happy and had hope. This was mine and Jake's first Christmas as a couple. To make sure he didn't cross my boundaries and buy me some jewelry that was way too expensive for someone who made very little money I put a dollar limit on our gift exchange. Men in love were blind and often did dumb stuff so this was to protect Jake. I laid down the law and made a rule our gifts could not be over $25 to each other.

I had to think about what I should get him. I wanted to make sure I got him something sweet to show him I cared deeply for him, but still stayed within my limit. At a loss for the right gift I ended up just getting him some new designer boxer briefs and special edition version of his favorite movie. I wanted to get him so much more, but I had to follow my own rules so I would have to make it up to him with a special dinner. I would show him how special he was to me all night long, thus the boxer briefs.

We were having Christmas with Lissa & Christian. This was the first time I got to spent Christmas with them since before he left. I did not want to think why they weren't with him and her, but I wondered if everything was okay. During my morning runs I ran scenarios through my head why they wouldn't be with Dimitri and Tasha this year. I finally gave up and realized I would never know. I had to sleep at night so I chalked it up to Christian and Lissa wanting to be at home with the babies.

The babies were so cute, each day I got closer and closer to them. They had their own language; it was some sort of phenomenon with twins. Lissa was of coarse reading every book possible. She was such an amazing Mom, I would never be a Mom, but I was going to be the best aunt possible. I even tried to learn how to cook so I could make them some homemade baby food. I made them some beef stew with vegetables, all the ingredients were organic, after cooking it I processed it up in the cool machine and voila, organic baby food. Lissa was so excited. I even started to bake a bit. First I made peanut butter cookies and today I was watching the girls while Lissa and Christian shopped. We were making holiday sugar cookies.

Jake loved the babies he was coming over to help me watch them and make cookies. I was on the ground playing with the girls we had all their toys out and were having a good time enjoying them when I heard lover boy at the door. I jumped up to grab it before he could knock.

He gave me a huge hug and kiss. "Hey babe how's the nanny job going?"

"Silly Jake I am not a nanny, I am an aunt."

He smirked at me. "Oh sorry Auntie Rose." He gave me another kiss and both babies crawled over and demanded my attention. They didn't like being ignored by me. They both wiggled their way into my lap and got in-between Jake and me.

"Well it looks like I have some competition for your attention Auntie Rose."

"Sorry they don't like being ignored."

"Oh don't worry I would never get in the way of an aunt and her nieces. Plus I get you all to myself later, I am staying at your place right?"

I gave him my bedroom eyes and man eater smile. "Yes love and I don't plan on doing much sleeping."

We made cookies and had a great time with the babies. I made everyone dinner, Jake was impressed with my domestic skills. The things I did for these darlings, I never in my life thought I would be cooking. We gave them baths and put them in their PJ's. The four of us sprawled out on Lissa and Christian's bed while I read stories out loud to everyone. The babies fell asleep lying across both of us.

Jake was staring at me while I caressed and kissed the girls, they smelled so good after their baths. I couldn't get enough of their baby smell; it was a combination of innocence, sunshine and baby soap. They were the sweetest things, I loved that I got to be close to them.

Jake was gazing in my eyes. "Rose I have never seen you look as sexy as you are right now, holding those innocent little ones. You are a natural you should be a Mom."

I quietly snorted. "Yeah right when the queen protects herself is the day I am a Mom."

He raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "I am serious, I kind of feel bad I can never give you kids." I shook my head at him, where was this coming from?

I got up to put the babies in their cribs and walked out to the living room to sit by Jake on the couch. He brought up the kid thing again; he wasn't going to let this go. "So are you mad I can't give you a family."

I stared at him in disbelief. "Jake stop, I have never wanted to be a Mom. I am a Guardian that's what I have always wanted to be, especially Lissa's Guardian. I never want kids, I am happy, you make me happy, stop being silly."

He ran his hands through his tousled hair and looked stressed. "Okay. So is that why you and Adrian broke up because you don't want a family?"

Why was he bringing all this stuff up? "What is the deal with you, why do want to know all this stuff?"

He blew out a big breath, like he was holding in stress. "Well Rose I just like you so much and things are changing with our move and I don't want to screw up and loose you." He held my hand and looked at me with those gorgeous blue eyes. "I love you Rose and I want to be with you forever." I had to look away this was getting too intense for me.

I pulled my hand away and dropped my head in my hands, he was stressing me out. Not realizing it I rubbed my tattoo, I did this often to relax myself. I felt his hand on my back. "I am sorry babe. I know you hate talking about all of this stuff, but I am just nervous and scared."

I was starting to lose my patience. I looked at him and saw hurt in his eyes.

"Look Jake. To be honest with you Adrian and I broke up because of this." I motioned between the two of us.

"Wait you broke up with Adrian because of me, us?" I sighed in frustration.

"No, because he kept pressuring me and told me I had to decide if I wanted a future with him and to be honest about my true feelings. Well the truth is I gave my heart away a long time ago and I got hurt and I can never put myself out there again." I was fighting tears. "I am sorry I can't do this." I tried to get up, but he grabbed my arm to stop me.

He looked stressed. "Rose I am sorry please don't end it I am sorry I'll stop, I promise." He got on the floor in front of me and put his arms around my waist looking intently in my eyes.

"I am sorry I promised I wouldn't do this. I just can't lose you. Please, I promise not bring this stuff up again." He held up two fingers in a scouts promise. "I swear only fun and great casual sex." He rubbed my cheek. "I promise babe I am sorry please just give me what you can and I swear I'll stop pressuring you."

I looked at his beautiful eyes and his gorgeous face. "Okay"

He gave me a passionate kiss that melted me to the core. He pulled away, we were both breathless, and he put his forehead to mine. "I am sorry." He whispered. I nodded and he kept kissing me. We were in a heavy make out session when Lissa, Christian & Eddie walked in.

"Is that what you do in front of my kids?" Christian said as he smirked at us.

I gave Jake another passionate kiss and then looked up at Pyro. "Yeah Pyro we have to do it just like that so the girls can see what it's like to kiss a real man." Eddie started busting up while Christian looked pissed and Lissa gave me her standard scolding stare.

"Rose please tell me you don't do that in front of the girls." Lissa asked as she narrowed her eyes at me.

"Liss be serious we would never, plus they are so jealous of Jake they won't let him get near me, they are rather possessive of their Auntie Rose."

Lissa squealed and clapped her hands together. "Oh that is so cute did you video tape it, I can't believe I missed it."

I shook my head. "Sorry Liss maybe next time." It was so cute how she hated missing any little thing when she was not around them.

We sat around and chatted with them and confirmed our plans for Christmas Day. Jake and I were both working tomorrow which was Christmas Eve and then we had Christmas Day off to spend with everyone. Brett was on duty since I was off, but it was casual so he could relax.

Christmas came and went. We had a great time I hadn't spent a Christmas with Lissa since we were at the academy, the year my Mom had given me a black eye and Tasha came to take my man. Of course that's the year I longed to forget, I tried my best not to make any connection to that dark time in my life. Jake let up on the emo relationship conversation so overall it was a great holiday.

The girls were so much fun as each day passed I got closer to them and they seemed to get more and more attached to me. I think it made Lissa a little jealous. To make her feel better I pointed out to her that in one of her baby books it stated I was all about fun and she was the Mom and the one they really counted on. She was impressed I read one of the books and was relieved once she realized this and got over her jealously.

Each day during my morning run I kept running scenarios through my head why Lissa and Christian were not with Dimitri and Tasha over Christmas. I couldn't help but wonder why? Were they still together? Oh god did something happen? Could he be hurt or even worse dead? I finally stopped trying to figure it out and focused on the move. I couldn't let him consume anymore of my energy. I'd spend a lifetime of worry, heartache and regret on him in the last 4 years and I was done.

We were leaving January 2nd after the New Year's holiday. Jake and I were both off until the 6th when we got assigned our new shifts at European Court. Because of our free time we agreed to watch the twins for Lissa and Christian on New Year's Eve. The Queen was hosting a Royal ball and I was more than thrilled to not be working it, they were such a bore.

Jake was finishing his last shift; I had worked earlier in the day so I went ahead to Lissa's and Christian's apartment to help with the babies. This way Lissa and Christian could get ready stress free. Jake was coming over after he showered and we were having a late dinner after I put Annabel and Alexis to bed.

I gave the girls a bath and got them ready in their PJ's. We were in the front room playing when the doorbell rang. "Hey Rosie do you think you could get that?" Christian called out from his and Lissa's bedroom.

"Uh sure Pyro." I was holding Alexis, Annabel was bouncing around playing in her exersaucer while I went to open the door.

It was Adrian and his girlfriend Emma. "Hey Little Dhampir miss me?"

"Hey Adrian how are you? I haven't seen you in months." He gave me a hug on my right side since Alexis was on my left hip. She was very shy not seeing Adrian and Emma in awhile. Alexis put her head lovingly on my shoulder while sucking on her binky. She batted her eye lashes shyly at both of them, what a heart breaker.

Adrian pulled back to get a good look at me. "Little Dhampir you look great. Look at you holding that baby; I guess I should start calling you Little Domestic Dhampir." He gave me his sexy smile I loved so much.

"Yeah look at me Auntie Rose. Guess what I am even cooking now and not just in the microwave." I gave him a proud smile.

"Wow Little Dhampir I should go away more often it seems me not bothering you gives you lots of time to learn new things." He gave me a seductive wink.

Emma cleared her throat, as usual Adrian and I were in our own little world and she was being ignored. She did not look happy with the attention he was giving me. She was not my biggest fan, but we tolerated each other. Adrian told her up front that despite our past I was one person that would forever be in his life and if she wanted to be with him then she was going to have to deal with our friendship. I know she hated how close we were, but I really didn't give a shit what she thought.

"Hi Emma nice to see you, you look lovely tonight." They were dressed for the ball and both looked Royal and dashing.

"Thank you Rose. Look at her she is so precious. Adrian, look how sweet she is." Alexis was now fully hiding her face and snuggling into me while Emma and Adrian cooed over her.

Annabel feeling jealous how much I was cuddling her sister was bouncing up and down demanding my attention. I picked her up and gave her a binky since it relaxed them and got them ready for bed. I was holding both of them as I often would, one on each hip and they both were sucking on their binkies laying their heads down resting on my shoulders. It was very sweet.

I sat on the couch opposite of Adrian and Emma so we could catch up.

"Rose can I hold one of them?" Emma reached her arms out to Annabel who squirmed and whined at Emma. Next Emma tried to take Alexis who actually screamed when Emma touched her. Emma looked upset and jealous.

"Sorry they are a little fussy it's close to their bedtime." I tried to reassure Emma.

"Oh okay maybe another time then." She didn't look happy. I think she wanted to show off in front of Adrian her child rearing skills, but my girls wanted nothing to do with her. I internally smiled. As much as I liked Emma and thought she was good for Adrian, there was a small part of me raging with jealousy. Adrian and I dated for over a year and even though I ended it knowing I could never return his feelings I still cared for him deeply.

We caught up, we had plenty of time, Christian came out to announce Lissa needed another 15 minutes to get ready. Seriously she was such a primp queen, typical Lissa.

Carrying both the girls I went to stir my dinner. Adrian followed me into the kitchen leaving Emma alone in the front sitting area.

"So Little Dhampir I can't get over the change in you. I go away to Europe for a few months and I come back to find you all domestic. I have to say it's pretty hot!" He gave me a sexy smile.

"Yeah I am quite the homemaker." I snorted and rolled my eyes. "I've come a long way, but trust me I will never be June Cleaver. It's just nice to be able to cook for Jake now and then and I even make the girls some homemade baby food." He was smiling at me like a proud father.

"Wow so I guess this guy agrees with you?"

"Yeah he's pretty cool." I heard a knock at the door. "Well speak of the devil and he shall appear."

Still holing both girls I answered the door. I handed Jake Alexis so I could hug him. She happily went to him; both girls were familiar with him now. I saw Adrian come in the room watching the domestic scene play out in front of him, he narrowed his eyes and looked pissed. He wanted to have a family with me and I refused to let our relationship go beyond casual. When he saw me with Jake acting like Betty home maker I know it pissed him off.

But Adrian needed to know tonight's domestic scene was pretty rare. I was still Guardian Rose Hathaway, broken by her one true love and I would not be able to give him what he wanted, no matter how much time he waited for me to heal. Time may heal all wounds, but true love never dies. Got to love clichés.

"Jake you remember Lord Ivashkov and his girlfriend Emma." I gestured to Adrian who was now was standing by Emma who was sitting on the couch.

He scooted Alexis over to his left side so he could shake both their hands. She was really getting tired so she rested her head on Jake's shoulder sucking on her binky looking like an angel. "Hello again nice to see you." Jake politely said as he shook their hands.

"Nice to see you too." Adrian shook Jake's hand. "So looks like you're in for babysitting duty tonight." He gestured to Alexis and then turned and gestured to me and Annabel who was also resting her sweet little head on my shoulder while sucking her binky and twirling my long hair.

"Yeah it's a fair trade, I help Rose watch the girls and she cooks for me." He winked at me and gave me his gorgeous smile.

Adrian narrowed his eyes and glared at him. "Yes that sounds really nice." Shit why was he acting like this? I thought we were long over the jealously thing and he had Emma.

Emma looked annoyed with his jealous behavior and demanded his attention. She was worse than the twins.

The atmosphere was tense, Adrian was being a little over the top with jealous comments and inquires. I was thankful when Lissa finally emerged, she looked like the beautiful princess she was. She and Christian gave the girls good night kisses, by this time they were exhausted rubbing their eyes. Jake went in the kitchen to get their bottles ready. Adrian hugged me and whispered 'we need to talk' in my ear. I pulled away and gave him a small nod.

Emma was glaring at me, but I ignored her. I didn't have time for her jealousy. She wanted him and she got him, she needed to get over herself.

After the girls went to bed Jake questioned Adrian's behavior, but I blew it off and changed the subject. Knowing my reluctance to talk about anything serious he didn't press the subject further.

The next day while finishing up my run I noticed Adrian watching me. He gave me a little wave. I acknowledged him and after finishing walked over to him.

"Hey Little Dhampir got a few hours for your old lover?" He was kidding, but there was just a hint of sarcasm in his words.

"Adrian I always have time for you." I linked arms with him and we walked back to my room. I prepared myself for what was to come.

After declining Adrian's help to wash my back I showered, got ready and made us some breakfast.

"Hmmm Little Dhampir thank you for breakfast it was wonderful" He gave me a wink while I cleared the dishes.

I was at the sink washing the breakfast dishes when I felt two warm arms circle me, Adrian pulled my body to his as he nuzzled my neck. "You can't imagine what it does to me watching you cook and clean. The fantasies running through my mind right now are beyond R rated."

I pulled his arms off me and turned to him with a smirk on my face. "Well glad I could fuel your fantasies, but I don't think your _girlfriend_ would want your hands on me."

He cleared his throat while he stared at me. "Rose." I knew a serious conversation was coming since he used my first name. "When did you change your mind?" He looked at me with sad eyes.

"What are you talking about?"

"I saw you last night with the babies, cooking, making me breakfast, your little boyfriend. You lied to me Rose, you do want that stuff. Why don't you want it with me?" He asked me with pleading eyes.

I sighed and felt hollow inside. "Adrian look I don't want that stuff. I am just doing a little more since the babies arrived. Trust me nothing has changed, I am still the same broken women that you saw a few months ago."

He searched my eyes to see if I was lying. "I see." He glared at me.

"Adrian I promise nothing's changed. Jake wants more, but I won't give it to him. I almost broke it off, but he promised to stop pushing me." I fought back tears.

His eyes softened and he pulled me into a hug. "I missed you Little Dhampir." He sighed while he held me.

I wanted to steer our conversation away from me so I pulled away to enquire about Ms. Wonderful. "So Emma looks good, things seem serious with you two."

He glared at me knowing what I was doing. "Yes things are serious. That's why I needed to talk to you." He pulled me to the couch.

"Emma wants a commitment, but Rose I needed to make sure."

"Uh make sure of what?"

"That maybe you had changed your mind. I have always wanted you Rose. Please Rose just be with me, I mean really with me?" He pleaded

I put my head in my hands, why are all these men harassing me? I've told them the story, why aren't they listening?

I looked up at Adrian and put my hand lovingly on his arm. "Adrian I am sorry nothing's changed. I can't return your feelings; I will never be able to return those feelings. I am sorry."

"Damn that Russian if I ever see him again…" He trailed off not wanting to finish his statement. He saw what referring to him did to me.

"I am sorry Rose; I hate to see what he did to you."

"Adrian be happy. If that's with Emma that's great, I'll be there for you. I care for you; I will always care for you." He nodded.

"Okay." He looked distraught, but resigned that nothing was ever going to change between us. I quickly changed the subject to his trip and our upcoming move to the European Court. Adrian and Emma were moving as well so we would all be together. Oh joy.

We spent another hour together before he left to meet Emma. He gave me a parting hug. The look in his eyes broke my heart, but I will never be able to give him what he wants. I told myself that I was helping him; if I had stayed with him he would have been miserable. I know what I was telling myself was rational, but I couldn't help but feel miserable. I cared for Adrian and hated to hurt him.

I felt very depressed as I packed my stuff for our move tomorrow.

I ignored Jake's calls. I texted him and told him I was going to bed early and would see him bright and early for our flight. Adrian's visit had depressed me and I wanted to be alone and wallow in my sorrows my last night at Court.

**If you give me a review Annabel and Alexis will let you hold them : D If you don't like kids then Jake said he'll give you a back massage : D Remember this is fan **_**fiction**_** ; )**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Chapter 5**

**As I finished writing chapter 6 today to ship off to my beta I was monitoring the reviews. Just as I was putting the final touches on this story my 100th review came in WHOOOHOOOOO! I can't believe how awesome you guys are, thank you! Please keep them coming I love them so so much and you can't imagine how much they inspire me.**

**Bonkerzrulez is my amazing beta that gives this story its extra special touch. I just sent her chapter 6, you guys know the drill now I get to post chapter 5. Chapter 6 is my longest and favorite chapter so far!**

**I don't own Vampire Academy, its ideas, original characters or story line; unfortunately they belong to the amazing Richelle Mead. She's is wonderful though and allows people like me to play with them.**

**My Milaya – Chapter 5 Enjoy…**

**Dimitri POV**

The last few weeks seemed to fly by. Zander had his party, we did some family activities with everyone, spent Christmas with them and now Momma, Zander and I were on the train heading to European Court. I think Momma was excited, she'd be staying the first three weeks with us at Court to help get Zander and I settled.

Zander and Momma were asleep so I decided to spend this time with Roza. I pulled her picture out of my pocket. It was worn, but she still looked so beautiful. After Tasha died I had to sort through her things in the Vermont house and I came across a picture of Roza and her classmates from the ski lodge. It was taken during that fateful winter holiday were I almost lost her. I cut out the others, scanned and reprinted the picture. It was the only reminder I had of Rose and I treasured it.

She was smiling, but you could see sadness in her eyes. I knew it had to do with me; somehow I always ended up hurting her. Her sad expression was about Tasha asking me to be her Guardian. At that time I was not going to take the job, but then Rose was nearly taken from me and that made me realize I needed to remove myself from her life. Her happiness was all that mattered to me and at the time I felt by removing myself and not interfering with her life she would end up happy. I was a fool.

I put her picture back in my pocket realizing the thoughts of her combined with the stress of moving was making me distraught. I felt a small tear slip from my eye. I wiped it embarrassed; glad Zander and Momma were asleep. I could tell we were getting close, I noticed the protective open area around European Court. It provided no shade or shelter for Strigoi and there were spotters all around in towers with dogs to alert of any impending intruders.

In Russia we didn't mess around, we were determined to fend off attacks. Although Queen Tatiana chose America as her home base I felt European Court was better protected. Egor was head Guardian and he was all business. He was one of the only ones I could speak to after I lost Ivan. He understood having lost a charge too. He had a scar on his cheek, a reminder of how easy it was to get caught by a Strigoi. He and Tasha had been close also, bonding over their physical and emotional scars.

The train came to a stop, Zander and Momma woke up. "Daddy we here?" He was excited.

"Yes Zander we are here now. Just a short van ride to the gates and we'll be at our new home."

"Yay my own room." He did his Happy Zander Dance.

As I got the bags Momma hugged me. "Some day soon you'll find you're peace." She trailed her hand along my tear route. Maybe she wasn't as soundly asleep as I thought; she must have witnessed my breakdown. Momma had only seen me cry once before so she knew I was hurting.

I thought I had found peace, had let Roza go, but I was wrong. Something about this move and going back to the Moroi World was opening up old wounds for me; first Ivan, then Tasha, and mostly Rose. Just the thought that I would be in contact with people who had just seen her at American Court made her so close, yet so far.

I sighed and gave Momma a half smile while we exited the train.

"Zander Christian Belikov you come here this instant and eat your dinner." Momma called for Z to come eat.

As soon as we got to our apartment he claimed the bigger room as his own and starting setting up his stuff. He was particular and kept rearranging how he wanted his things. He would skip dinner if we'd let him, but there was no way Momma would allow that.

"So Dimka what's on the agenda tomorrow?"

"I need to check in with Egor, get the details of my assignment, and then we can go to Zander's school. The rest of this week he can go part time, you can get him before lunch and nap time, and then next week he can start full time." Momma nodded at my answer while she ate.

Zander scrunched up his face. "What if I don't like school?" We called it school to make it sound like something a bigger kid would do.

Momma tsked him and caressed his cheek. "You are going to love it; there will be lots of kids to play with and special toys that can only be kept at school." He shrugged unconvinced.

"If I had an everyday mom I could be home with her." He pouted.

"Z lots of mommies work so that's not really true." He didn't comment and suddenly his food seemed to finally capture his attention. I was a little worried about his anxiety, but had to hope it was a reaction to change.

I got up early the next day and did my morning run and a light workout. I showered at the Guardian gym before going to see Egor.

I walked in his immaculate office; it could even put Alberta's office to shame. He looked up and gave me what was a big smile for him. "Dimitri, good to see you." He gave me the standard man shake hug. "Sorry to hear about Tasha" I sighed and pulled away.

"Thank you Egor. It has been tough, but I have been in Baia with my family and they have helped tremendously." He nodded.

"Yes your sister Viktoria has put in for a transfer. She's not enjoying the desk job she has at the Guardian field office there." Viktoria decided last minute to be a Guardian so she didn't get the best assignment.

I nodded, he continued. "I told her that we needed Guardians with more field experience, like you, for the OMP (Offensive Magic Program), but I told her we might have some openings as a regular Court Guardian since some of them will be transferring over."

"It would be nice to have her here."

He nodded. "I'll see what I can do." I knew he would too, he was a good friend.

We talked more about what I would be doing. I was part of the A group, we would be spending two weeks doing extensive classroom work then would start working with our Moroi fighting partners. The program would start next week when Z starts full time in school.

We finished, I got all my paperwork filled out and took my orientation packet so I could read it before next week. I did not have to start work until then, Egor allowing me this time to settle in.

I shook his hand and turned to leave. "Oh and Dimitri I almost forgot to tell you. You're old comrade in arms Jake Hale will be transferring here too. I couldn't sway him to do the OMP, but he agreed to become a Court Guardian. I'll be glad to have him. When he gets settled we'll have to get a beer together at the G Bar." The G Bar was the main bar at Court where Guardian's hung out, but Moroi were allowed and many did frequent it.

"Wow I haven't worked with Jake since…" I trailed off remembering. Jake was Vivian Zeklos' Guardian. She was Ivan's wife and they were killed together. Both Jake and I were off that week and we both blamed ourselves for their deaths. Egor nodded in understanding.

"He's been a Guardian at American Court this whole time. He didn't give me any details, but apparently Mr. Gigolo has found a steady woman." He shook his head. "I'd like to meet the women who got Jake to settle down, she must be some catch. Apparently he followed her here." He sounded as love sick about his girl as I was about Roza, only he was following his dream while my dream was dead. I knew where Jake landed since he was the Guardian Lissa and Christian always used when they came to visit, but no need to bother Egor with those details.

I took the scenic route back to my apartment. I needed to clear my head. I had so many reminders of the past after meeting with Egor. Ivan, Jake, Vivian, Tasha, and Roza. I ended up walking through the indoor mall at Court casually window shopping. I passed Victoria's Secret and remembered Rose and her obsession with lip glosses. She was so particular, her lip gloss had to be this brand or she wouldn't use it.

I smiled remembering our trip to the mall that day with her and the Princess, we both realized our feelings had grown to something beyond the typical student/teacher relationship. I loved to see her in the lip gloss I got her. She was such a natural beauty, just a little shiny lip gloss was all the makeup she needed to look like she just stepped off a bathing suit photo shoot. She was not tall, but had great legs and a body that could turn any man's head. She was truly a goddess.

Pulling me from my Roza fantasies, I saw something out of the corner of my eye. It was a girl with similar hair to Roza's. Could it be her? I guess it was possible; the Princess could be at European Court. I doubted Christian and the Princess would be this close to Zander and I and not come to see us, but I guess it was possible. If they had Rose with them they would avoid us, maybe that's why they couldn't make it this year for Christmas.

I started to get a knot in the pit of my stomach. Could it really be her? I had to know. I used my long strides to catch up to the girl. I tapped her on her shoulder; I spoke in English since if it was Rose she would not know my native language. "Excuse me miss do you have the time." She turned and gave me a sweet look. She was a Dhampir and was pretty, but was nothing compared to my gorgeous Roza. She answered me in English, but with a heavy native accent. She told me the time; I thanked her and walked away solemnly.

I stopped to have some coffee. I usually didn't allow myself this much time to dwell on Rose. I was feeling dejected and hopeless. This is why I kept Roza for my workouts, when I had the endorphins to offset the depression when I thought of my lost love. I needed to snap out of this funk. I am sure it was rubbing off on Z; Momma always says kids' moods are a reflection of their environment. I vowed to go home positive and be there for my Zander.

Momma and I were swinging Zander between our arms, a game he loved to play. We had just had breakfast and were on our way to drop Zander off for a few hours at his new school. You could really call it a child care center, official school did not start until he was 5 and in kindergarten.

We walked in the center and saw two blond women, one shorter than the other. The taller one came sauntering over to us. The other one was reading to the kids who all looked like they were interested in the story and having fun. "Hi I am Renatta welcome to the Court Childcare Center."

Zander frowned and looked between me and Momma. "You said this was school."

Renatta caught on and bent down to talk to Zander. "Hi honey, this is school. This is called pre-school." He nodded, but looked skeptical.

I shook her hand. "I am Guardian Belikov and will start work in the Offensive Magic Program next week. I am a single dad" I pointed to Momma. "My mother, Olena, will be here for three weeks to help with the transition, but after that it will be just be me brining in Zander."

She nodded intently explaining the school, but she was irritating me. She was talking to me and ignoring Zander, she was nice, but did not have the warmth I felt Zander needed for this transition.

Tanya, the shorter blond, seemed a little warmer, but still not enough to convince me this will go off without a hitch. Both women were nice and tried to get Zander involved, but he remained quiet throughout the visit. Momma and I decided to stay the entire time with Z and watch from the sidelines, we were worried he was not ready for us to leave him just yet.

The kids did a few worksheets, and then had free play time. As I watched them a realization came to me. It hit me, there were only the two workers, Guardians. Renatta noticed my mood change and came over. "Guardian Belikov is something wrong?"

"Renatta I just realized that there is no Guardian assigned to this facility. Am I missing something or is it just the two of you?"

She shrugged. "It's always just been us; we've never had a Guardian."

"I see." I would have to talk to Egor. There were both Dhampir and Moroi kids at the center and I am sure some of these Moroi were from Royal families, this facility needed to be protected.

I had Zander show me around the facility, this way he would take some ownership in his new school. We left right before lunch. Zander's mood was marginally better by this time.

The three of us had lunch. Now and then Zander would talk about one of the kids or something else from his school that excited him. But when he asked if he had to go back tomorrow, he had sad eyes from my answer and my heart ached.

"Yes Z, but Bobbi will stay with you as long as you'd like and you don't have to have lunch there or take a nap." He nodded and finished his sandwich. He was such a good boy. I decided only Momma would take him tomorrow. I was hoping if I didn't go it would be easier for him to let go and ease into the transition. Tomorrow I planned to ask Egor to spar with me for a few hours. I kept up my training, but hadn't come face to face with a Strigoi in a few years so I felt a little rusty.

I read Zander his two favorite stories; _Goodnight Moon_ and The Cookie Monster Book, _A Good Time to Eat Cookies_. He fell asleep before I finished the second book; he was emotionally drained and tired from the move.

I told Momma I was going to run an errand. I walked straight to Egor's office.

"Dimitri twice in one day, what's up?" Egor asked politely.

I paused for a few moments collecting my thoughts. "Egor I look to you as a friend. Can I speak as a friend and not as an employee right now?"

He nodded solemnly his eyes willing me to continue. "I spent the morning at the Court childcare facility with my son. When I start work he'll be spending his time there. I noticed no Guardian assigned to the facility. It worries me, with so many young Moroi, a lot of them Royal, it seems like an easy target."

He nodded deep in thought. "I see." He put a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "Look I've never had a Guardian stationed there and we've never had any issues or complaints." He paused and rubbed his chin. "But I will look into it. I promise I will consider putting someone there. I might not be able to swing someone full time, but maybe part time."

I thanked him and we made some polite conversation catching up a little more with each others lives. I walked away content that Egor would take care of the situation at Z's school.

After Momma made Z's favorite dinner of goulash and dumplings I gave him a bath and we spent some time alone in his room. He showed me all of his toys and how he had them organized. I was very impressed at how he had everything set up; sometimes I forgot he was only three. I read him a story and he went to bed without complaint. At least I knew he loved his room and falling asleep was easy for him.

After tucking Zander in I went to help Momma dry the dishes. "Dimka you seem stressed."

"It's just change, everyone has issues with it. I'll be fine."

She put her loving hand on my cheek. "I know Dimka, but I want my only son to be more than fine."

I hung my head shamed that I stressed her out. "I know Momma I will get better." She nodded and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"Tomorrow I will take Zander all day. You spend some time learning the ropes around here and leave the little tuchis to me. You could use some time to yourself to clear your head." She was right I needed to get my head straight.

We finished cleaning up and Momma went to bed. I went to check on Zander. I loved to sit and watch him sleep. Seeing him so peaceful and innocent was like watching a living miracle. I never really got the meaning of life until I met Rose and had Zander. I kissed his sweet little forehead and went to my room.

I took a shower and tried to relax by reading one of my new western novels my sister got me as a going away present. I read the same page over and over again until I realized it was useless. I went to my drawer and pulled out Roza's picture.

I decided to talk to her. Chatting with Roza came so natural to me. I decided she'd be there for me if I wanted to get some stuff off my chest. I told her all about my move, my new job, European Court and finally about Zander. How he was doing, about his new school, and how excited he was to have his own room.

I felt much better after a few hours of talking to my Roza; it was like she was here with me. I put her picture under my pillow so I could be close to her. I fell asleep peacefully for once thinking what it would be like to hold my Roza again in my arms while I drifted off to sleep.

**You guys know the drill (REVIEW PLEASE). Plus Zander is now wishing for an everyday Mom and for you to give this story a review. Do you really want to upset that poor little boy. Nah I didn't think so : )**

**AN: My sister is coming for a visit so who knows how much writing I'll get done, but I'll try my best to sneak off and get some done.**

**For those Kismet fans out there please don't hate me. I am working on Chapter 28 and toying with the right POV to give it that touch I am looking for since it's an important chapter. I promise I'll post it soon, but I need to get it right or it won't work in the overall story. Patience please it's coming soon : )**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Chapter 6**

**The reviews have been AMAZING, thank you thank you thank you!**

**Bonkerzrulez is my amazing beta that gives this story its extra special touch. I haven't quite finished chap 7, but wanted to post at least twice a week so here is ch. 7.**

**A lot people are impatient with me, but I swear to you Rose and Dimitri will meet again, it's a journey so enjoy. There is a special meeting in this chapter, so far this one is my favorite : )**

**I don't own Vampire Academy, its ideas, original characters or story line; unfortunately they belong to the amazing Richelle Mead. She's is wonderful though and allows people like me to play with them.**

**My Milaya – Chapter 6 Enjoy…**

**Rose POV**

Everyone was asleep around me, but I couldn't sleep. I felt a draw to him like I had never felt before, it was as if he was calling to me. I got goose bumps thinking about the draw I felt to him. I needed to get my head straight, I had Jake next to me and if he caught me like this he'd get suspicious.

I looked out the window, it was dark, but I knew we were close we'd be landing in about an hour. We had to be over Russian now. Oh my gosh that's it, Russia, Siberia, Baia…Dimitri. This must be why I felt close to him right now, this was his home. He often talked fondly of his homeland whilst I would trash it as a cold frozen wasteland.

I wonder what he was doing right this very minute? I needed to stop thinking about him since I knew no matter what he was doing right now didn't matter because he was with her. As much as I wanted to hate her she really was a nice person, but damn her to Hades for loving him, if it weren't for her he'd be the one sitting next to me. Granted he would be Lissa's other Guardian and we couldn't be _together_, but I'd still see him everyday, love him secretly, and take care of him as my Guarding partner. I would have to fight my feelings for him, but to have him close everyday I'd suffer in silence gladly.

I felt Jake stir next to me and I panicked. I had silent tears streaming down my face; he couldn't see me like this. I got up abruptly and went to use the restroom. I splashed some cold water on my face and composed myself.

I walked out and saw Jake smile at me, his smile faltered when he saw my red eyes. I sat down and he pulled me into a side hug and kissed my temple. "Rose honey what's wrong?"

I shook my head. "It's stupid."

He looked in my eyes. "Babe nothing you say or care about will ever be stupid to me." He traced my lips and ran the back of his hand over my cheek lovingly. "Tell me, I want to help."

I shook my head and hugged him. "I don't deserve you." I felt guilty thinking about Dimitri when I was with Jake. That is what ultimately led me to end it with Adrian, guilt.

He lightly chuckled. "No dear it's me who is unworthy." He gave me a sweet kiss and thankfully let the subject drop.

"Geez is that all you two ever do get a room." I pulled away from Jake's embrace and smirked at Pyro.

"You're just jealous." I gave Jake a passionate kiss while I heard Pyro walk off towards Liss and the girls mumbling complaints under his breath. Pyro is so fun to mess with.

We landed, it was dark, late and we were all exhausted. Jake knew the area so we helped Pyro, Liss, Eddie and the girls get to their rooms. Once we got them settled I was so exhausted I agreed to stay the night with lover boy in his room. We collapsed into bed and fell right into a deep sleep.

I woke up to Jake trailing his finger across my torso. I was wearing a small tank top and boy shorts. I knew what the little sneaker was doing; he wanted to see if I could beat my time. Even though I slept soundly since I was exhausted and jet lagged, I was determined to beat my last time, 3 minutes and 13 seconds, game on lover boy.

After his finger feather dusted my bare skin he decided to start peppering me with sweet tender kisses. Sorry gorgeous still too tired. "Hmmm Rose looks like you're going to force me to use some pretty harsh tactics. I need to get up and I promised myself the two of us would christen my room this morning, so wakey wakey baby cakey."

He pulled my boy shorts down a little exposing my tattoo, I froze. "This is such a cool design, I've always wondered what this meant, but by the time I see it I am so distracted by your gorgeous body I forget to ask." He traced it lightly with his finger, shit I didn't want to talk about this and hated him touching it. I felt his warm breath and right before I knew he was going to feather the tattoo with kisses I used my expert Guardian skills and flipped him over attacking him in a kiss.

He said around my feverish lips. "Wait babe let me stop my watch; don't you want to know your time?"

I kept kissing him and started taking what little clothes we had on off. He flipped me over and kissed me with passion, then pulled away and looked at me. "Screw it, who cares about your time." Jake got his wish we properly christened his room.

We walked hand in hand to my room. All my stuff was delivered so once we arrived we got busy putting all my stuff away. Earlier we ate breakfast at a small café. We were famished from our early morning christening activities and unpacking what few items Jake had.

My stuff was almost all put away when Jake had to leave to go check in with our new boss. I guess he was some guy named Egor that Jake knew from before. He gave me one of his famous goodbye kisses and left me to my belongings and thoughts. I had a nice room and a good view on the third floor. The area surrounding Court was beautiful, not the wasteland I imagined, but I guess this was not really considered Siberia. I made a mental note to ask Jake about that.

I finished and decided to go find Lissa. I showed up just in time for lunch, yummy!

After I finished lunch Lissa gave me the grand tour. They had a 3 bedroom apartment. Eddie and Brett would switch off staying with them and then would rotate that time and share a separate one bedroom apartment similar to mine. One week Brett would be in the room at Lissa's and then Eddie would be in their apartment and then they would rotate. Lissa insisted I have my own place, I was in a relationship and Court was secure so me being on my own was not really an issue.

The twins had a large room and Liss had a twin bed put in their room for me in case I needed to stay the night for any reason. She was always thoughtful thinking about me.

After lunch Lissa and I put the girls down for a nap, they were exhausted and very cranky so went down no problem even in there strange new home.

The four of sat around and chatted for a bit, I noticed Pyro playing with his phone. "Damn phone is not working in this country. I guess it's a paperweight now." He complained.

I pulled my phone and tried to text Jake, it didn't work. "Yeah mine's not working either."

"Christian you'll need to go over tomorrow and get us all new phones. I didn't realize our network didn't work here, and make sure Rose and I get matching phones." She went on with her honey do list for Pyro. Lissa and Christian were generous people and paid for their Guardian's phones.

"So Liss do you want Jake and me to babysit tonight?"

"Wow Rose really, that's generous of you."

I shrugged. "No problem. You guys can relax and check out one of the new restaurants. Maybe call Adrian and Emma." She gave me a suspicious look.

"Why do you want us to call them?"

I shrugged again. "I don't know I thought you like them, just suggesting."

"Yeah I guess." Wait she didn't like Emma I had to hear this.

"What's wrong, I thought you liked Emma?"

"I do, it's just, well I don't know." Wow Liss you don't actually like someone?

"What is it Liss, tell me." I rubbed my hands together waiting for the gossip. "Come on tell me I want all the gory details." I egged her on.

"I don't know, I just feel like she is pressuring Adrian too much. At the ball she was nagging him about a ring and a date and he just seemed stressed out and downed way too much scotch, even for Adrian. He's is like my brother and I feel protective of him. I like Emma, but it's about what Adrian wants." She trailed off letting me take what I wanted form her comment, which was negative coming from overly nice Lissa. If it were me I'd call her a conniving bitch that was out to trap my favorite green eyed guy.

I pursed my lips trying to decide if I should tell her about mine and Adrian's conversation. Realizing Eddie and Pyro were half watching some soccer game and half listening to us I decided to hold off and tell her later. A knock at the door stopped the Emma conversation.

I went to get it hoping it was Jake. I couldn't text him and wanted to see if he would babysit with me tonight. We could order in food and make some cookies with the girls.

I opened the door and he swooped me up in his arms. I heard Pyro and Eddie gagging, making comments how we needed to get a room. Just to piss Pyro off I pushed Jake up against the door, wrapped one leg around him, conformed my body to his and gave him a heavenly kiss.

"Ugh, Rosie seriously?" Pyro complained in a sarcastic tone.

I pulled away, Jake gave me one of his gorgeous smiles, and his ocean blue eyes sparkled with excitement. I turned to Pyro. "Stop calling me Rosie and we'll chill with the PDA around you." Eddie was busting up at our banter and Lissa looked annoyed with mine and Pyro's exchange.

Christian held up his hands in defeat. "Okay fine _Rose_ please keep the PDA to a minimum." He gave me his standard smart ass smirk. Oh Pyro.

Jake and I decided to head to the market to get stuff for cookies and just decided to pick up some food for dinner while Eddie, Pyro and Lissa got ready to go out.

While we shopped I noticed a lot of Dhampirs working in the store. Curious, at American Court most of the workers were lower class Moroi, but here it was about an even split between Moroi and Dhampir. When I asked Jake about it he said Europe was more progressive and Dhampirs were treated a little better and actually could hold pretty good jobs in the Moroi world.

This warmed my heart. I knew it was a bad idea, but his comment brought my thoughts to my Russian God and how he said he grew up in a Dhampir community. He explained it was not as bad as I thought it would be and there was a lot of love. Seeing all these Dhampirs working confirmed Europe was different from America and his little Dhampir community was probably not at all like I originally thought it to be.

I was randomly throwing things in our basket thinking about him in my own little world when I heard Jake's phone go off.

This was enough to pull me from thoughts of him, which was a good thing since I knew thoughts of him only led to heartache. I turned to Jake shocked. "Wait, your phone works here?"

He raised his eyebrows at me. "Yeah works great." Then he got a look of understanding. "Oh I see, Christian has you on that crappy network. He and Lissa have that trendy phone everyone raves about." He chuckled. "Well if the network sucks what's the point of the great phone?" He asked me, but his words were more like a statement.

I had a cheap phone not needing all the bells and whistles, which apparently were a trade off for a crappy network. I did not have a cell phone for years, but now that I had one I don't know how I lived without it.

"Ugh, Pyro is going to go tomorrow and get us new phones." I shook my head. "Sorry that's why I didn't text you earlier to tell you where I'd be.

By this point we were checking out. Jake gave me a small chaste kiss. "No worries babe I found you." He held my hand sweetly. Okay a little PDA was not a bad thing; we just needed to keep our passion in check.

Our Dhampir checker mumbled something in her native language; Jake chuckled and shook his head.

I tried my best to do the one eyebrow thing to him, but as normal I failed miserably. Regardless lover boy knew what my failed gesture meant; I was dying to know what she said that made him smile and laugh. He shook his head a little and mouthed 'later' to me. I nodded, but was dying to know what was going on.

To my surprise the checker spoke to me in English, I gave her my Lissa credit card. Liss gave me a shiny black card to use for food when Jake and I watched the girls. It was a fair trade; we watched the girls and she kept us satisfied with full bellies. I loved those munchkins so much that she could starve me and I'd still fight to watch them

She thanked us again in English and we left. "Wow, so I guess everyone here speaks English. That's a relief; I suck at learning new languages."

He chuckled again and shook his head at me. "Yes us American's can be pretty arrogant and expect everyone to learn our language."

I shrugged. "Hey it's their choice and I think it's just envy, they just all want to be cool like us. So want to fill me in lover boy?" I asked.

A look of remembrance crossed his face and he gave me his gorgeous smile, eyes sparkling. "Um it's a little embarrassing, but the gist of what she said was _'Damn he's hot. Too bad all the good ones are taken'_ and then she said a semi curse word at the end of her comment. She probably thought I was an ignorant American like you and didn't know her language so she felt comfortable talking about me." He smirked at me.

I swatted his arm. "Smartass" I mumbled.

Hmm his comment on knowing the language got me thinking. "Hey you said you used to work here, were you a Court Guardian then or someone's charge?" Jake and I never talked about our past; I never pushed it since I didn't want him asking about mine.

He stopped and turned towards me. He came super close like he was going in for a kiss and then at the last minute he was at my ear, his sweet cinnamon breath sent chills throughout my body. "Well gorgeous you tell me your story and I'll tell you mine." He kissed that sweet spot behind my ear lope that I loved so much and brushed over my tattoo.

Shit he knew it tied me to my past, he's so observant, but who was I kidding, he's a kick ass Guardian who is extremely observant, of course he knew. He pulled away and gave me a small kiss. I was in shock, frozen with wide saucer eyes and a red face. He smirked to lighten the mood and then grabbed my hand leading me towards Lissa's.

We had a great night with the girls. We made cinnamon sugar cookies that were called snicker doodles, they were Jake's favourite. What the hell kind of name was snicker doodles, weird? Even though it was the first time I made them they seemed to have turned out good, when he bit into one he gave me a sexy moan and thumbs up.

After dinner and baking Jake and I got down on the floor with the girls and played around. This was best since they were still crawling; they had not quite mastering the art of walking, although they were close. We did small tumbling acts with them and traded off who we played with so we each got equal time with them. They were getting warn out so we gave them a bath and put them to bed.

After putting them down we watched that vampire movie with the hot vampire that had hair like Jake and skin that sparkled in the sun. It made me laugh, if all those screaming teenagers only knew the truth. There were good and bad vampires' yes that was true, but no real vampires ever sparkled.

After our babysitting duty was up Jake walked me home and I could tell he was upset. I asked to be alone for the night, it was tough to say no to him, but I needed to stay true to my rules. They have kept me going for four years and I needed to stay true to them no matter how hard it was.

I woke up well rested happy to do my run and a workout. Eddie met me and we sparred. The workout facility and jogging track were really nice; so far I liked our new home.

I showered and got ready to meet my new boss and get my new work schedule. I was officially one of Lissa's Guardian's, but since we lived in a protected Moroi facility I would have regular Guardian shifts around Court. I was not going to be training in the OMP program at first. I was part of the B Group. Brett and I would be a backup for the Guardian assigned to Lissa and would provide cover and protect them while they offensively fought. Pretty genius if you ask me and a lot less for me to learn. I welcomed not being part of the A Group, I was so sick of school and this way I got to be involved without doing a lot of work. We wouldn't start training in the OMP for a few months and even we did it wouldn't be full time.

After getting ready I walked to the head Guardian's office. I saw a tall man built like my former mentor, but he had cropped dark hair with dark eyes, he looked very military. His office was immaculate; he was engrossed in his work and finished writing something before looking up. He gave me a small grin, but his eyes were judging and cautious.

"Hi Guardian Morozov I am Guardian Hathaway. I came by to meet you and get my schedule for next week."

He nodded and stood to shake my hand. He had a firm handshake and the few seconds I was around him I could tell he was serious and was a badass fighter. "Yes, the younger Guardian Hathaway, it's nice to put a face with the stories." Great he not only tied me to my mother, but he seemed to semi insult me, hinting I had a lot of gossip surrounding me.

How I ached for Alberta.

I nodded holding my tongue, I felt a smart ass Rose comment bubbling up my throat. "Guardian Hathaway, until the B group starts up I have a dual shift for you." He stopped to collect what I assumed was my schedule on his desk. "You will work part time inspecting perimeter wards and then part time Guarding the Court childcare centre." WTF?

I stared at him in shock not sure what to say, but I knew one thing I didn't like him. "Seriously or is this new Guardian hazing?" This had to be a joke, where's Ashton, I think I was being punked.

"Guardian Hathaway I think once you get to know me better you'll realize I am not one for jokes." What a stiff.

"So you give me, a proven field tested Guardian, a novice job of inspecting wards and being a nanny? W-O-W." I said in my sarcastic Rose tone.

Big mistake, mister serious pants did not like my tone. "Guardian Hathaway I am head Guardian here. I think I earned that title by my dedication to my job and my skills as a Guardian. Ensuring the safety of the Court Residents by inspecting wards is a not a novice's job and our children are our most precious gift, thus protecting them and ensuring their safety is a huge responsibility." I nodded biting my smart ass tongue.

"I believe your charge, Princess Dragomir, has some precious children of her own. I have no doubt they will soon frequent the Court daycare facility and by protecting it I figured you'd be thrilled to protect them." Shit he had me there. "Now, I am going to ignore your disrespectful tone and give you the benefit of the doubt because Guardian Petrov, who I think is the best around, raves about you." I nodded now feeling guilty.

"Let me see if I can remember her exact works 'to know Rose is to love her'. Let's start again, shall we? Guardian Hathaway, I am sure you respect my decision where to place you and will embrace your new shift with the professionalism it deserves." I felt two feet tall.

I put on my best Guardian mask. "Yes, Guardian Morozov, thank you." I put all the sincerity I had in my voice hopeful to turn our negative encounter into a positive one.

We engaged in a few more minutes of polite small talk and I think I left on a fairly good note. Well I hope anyway.

Needing to lick my wounds from my first encounter with my new boss I found my way to the indoor Court mall to find a coffee shop, hoping to get my hands on a nice warm cup of hot cocoa. It was cold out, but nothing too bad, similar to Montana and Pennsylvania, but enough to make me ache for some hot cocoa.

While waiting for my order I felt two little hands circle my leg, a tiny warm body molded itself to that same leg. The most adorable little boy I have ever seen looked up to me with troubled eyes. I knew those eyes, they were his eyes. I bet a lot of little Russian boys had those same kind brown eyes that melted me to my core. He had medium brown hair that was kind of curly and little long, but wasn't too long, the curls were under control so he didn't look like one of those little boys that had unruly hair his mother refused cut.

He started to speak to me in Russian and must have realized I didn't understand him so he switched to English. "Excuse me Miss I lost my Bobbi and I am scared can you help me?" I wonder if he knew I was a Guardian, my hair was down so he couldn't see my marks. Maybe I just looked trustworthy like an authority figure.

I bent down so I could be at his eye level, he smiled at me, man he was so adorable. He had a cute button nose, long swooping eye lashes, beautiful olive skin and the sweetest smile I have ever seen. "I would love to help you." Right when I said this my order came up. He eyed my cup. "I am going to have some hot cocoa would you like some?" I asked him.

He looked a little nervous like he shouldn't take things from strangers, but in the end agreed to have a cup of cocoa with me. I ordered him a kid's size and told the barista to make sure it was a nice lukewarm temperature. He was so damn cute the girl made his cocoa right away so we wouldn't have to wait.

I reached my hand out to him and he looked skeptical, but still took it. We sat down and he stared from me to his hot cocoa. "Honey is something wrong?"

He nodded and pointed it his cup. "You need to test it for me." I looked at him confused. "It might be too hot." He explained.

I snorted a little in understanding and pulled the lid off taking a small test sip. It seemed perfect for the little guy, not too hot. "It's perfect, try it." He nodded and took a cautious sip.

He made a cute little 'ah' sound after he finished his sip and gave me his gorgeous smile that warmed my heart.

"So little one, if I am going to help you find Bobbi I think I should know your name, don't you?"

He nodded taking big drink of his cocoa. "You can call me Z and I'll call you Milaya, but Laya for short. I give everyone I like short names." He smiled and took another big gulp of his drink. Z was a cute name I wonder if it was short for something? It didn't matter this kid was so damn cute; I'd call him anything he wanted me to.

I mused liking for once not to be known as Rose Hathaway who had a terrible rap. "I like Laya, thanks for the name." I gave him a big smile, he could call me jerkface and I wouldn't care, I was so taken with him.

"So do you know where you lost Bobbi?" He gave me a worried face remembering the predicament he was in, hot cocoa could only help so much.

I could tell he was fighting tears. "I saw some bubbles and went to look at them and then Bobbi was gone. I promise I didn't mean to get lost. I am new here and I don't know where to go?" Poor little guy he was new here too and now he's lost and scared.

I put my hand on his arm in a loving gesture, he smiled. "Don't worry we'll find her I'll help you."

He nodded. "Laya you're pretty." He said and batted his long curvy eye lashes at me. He's worse than the babies, what a heart breaker.

We finished our hot cocoa and started off in search of bubbles and Bobbi. "Z I remember passing a booth that had a bubble machine. Let's go back there and see if we can trace your steps." We walked off hand in hand on a mission.

We got to the booth where I had seen the bubbles, I could see how this would distract him, that bubble machine was so cool. I decided to get one for the babies, their first birthday was at the end of the month and they would love this. We looked around, just as I was about to ask him what Bobbi looked like I saw a women in her late forties or early fifties make a b-line for us.

She rattled something in Russian that of course I couldn't understand and hugged Z. She was with a Guardian, I am assuming this was his post, he had seen me earlier in Guardian Morozov's office and gave me a small nod, I returned his nod.

She let go of Z and started what I assumed was a thank you in Russian, but quickly switched to English, I am sure my confused look told her I didn't speak the native language.

"Bobbi this is Laya she helped me, she's my new friend and bought me hot cocoa."

"Oh Laya thank you so much for finding and helping my grandson." I shook her hand and smiled internally. I liked that these people didn't know I was Rose Hathaway, since according to my new boss I had a reputation here, and for some reason I didn't want Z and his grandma thinking bad of me.

"You're welcome Bobbi, Z is a doll I had a great time with him." I ruffled Z's hair and he gave me one of his heart warming smiles.

The Guardian said a few parting words leaving us now that Z was found and there was no need for his help. "I hate to run off, but we need to shop for dinner groceries." Booby explained and Z looked disappointed, but nodded to his grandma. I could tell he was a good boy and was well behaved.

I bent down to his level to say goodbye. He pulled me into a hug with his tiny vice grip arms. "Bye Laya, thank you." He pulled away and looked sad.

I caressed his little cheek. "You're welcome." I shook his little hand. "It was nice to meet you Z."

He got a curious look on his face and whispered in my ear. "Laya can you make cookies?"

I pulled away and reached into my gym bag retrieving some of the cookies I made with Jake and the babies last night. "You know what little man, yes, I can make cookies and I want you to have these. I made them last night with my nieces and a friend, but now I want you to have them." I handed him a bag of cookies.

He looked at me stunned and then got a huge smile on his face. He pulled me into another death grip hug, I got chills.

I looked to Bobbi to make sure it was okay to give him cookies; she gave a warm smile and nod. She thanked me again and said good bye.

He smiled at me as he walked away with Bobbi. Every few feet he would turn to wave and smile, he did this until he and Bobbi turned a corner and were out of sight.

I was sad to see him go and felt empty inside like I was missing a part of myself. I had just met Z and he already had a permanent place in my heart. I felt strange like I was meant to be near him and protect him. I wonder what his story was. I wonder if it was just him and Bobbi.

I had hope that European Court was small like American Court and I would run into him again. Maybe one day he can come over and play with the girls. When I give the girls the bubble machine I'd love to have him over and we could all make bubbles and cookies. I smiled thinking how the bubbles all over the apartment would piss off Pyro.

I walked towards Jake's place, deep in thought about my new buddy Z. Jake and I were going out to dinner and then lover boy mentioned how it was now time to christen my place. I had a roller coaster of a day, but it ended on a great note meeting Z. He was such a cute kid; I really hope I get to see him again soon.

**I love Z, he is so flippin cute. My inspiration is my neighbor, he's two, named Zander so so cute**.

**Please review and Rose will give you virtual cookies : )**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Chapter 7**

**I love love love your reviews. I suck at getting back at them, but try to answer any questions if they come up.**

**Bonkerzrulez is my amazing beta that gives this story its extra special touch.**

**I was on vacation and then at a work conference, sorry for the lateness of this chapter. I'm back so I am hoping to update a little more often**

**I know you guys are impatient and want Rose and Dimitri to meet again, but trust me it will happen soon. I have a surprise to go along with the chapter where they meet; I am convinced it will be worth the wait in the end.**

**I don't own Vampire Academy, its ideas, original characters or story line; unfortunately they belong to the amazing Richelle Mead. She's is wonderful though and allows people like me to play with them.**

**My Milaya – Chapter 7 Enjoy…**

**Dimtri POV**

After I took Roza's picture and talked to her and fell asleep to thoughts of her I felt much better. I finally had my head clear and felt I was ready to tackle life in our new home, but Zander not so much.

Momma had spent the entire day with Zander, being away from him caused reality to hit me hard. When work started next week it would be like this everyday five days a week for us. I had been off for a few weeks and had got used to being with him full time, this was going to be tough. Even if I was working in Baia he was with his Bobbi or his aunts. I was doubting my decision to move to Court, I think the adjustment time was going to be harder for us than I realized. I was anxious going home to see Z that he was going to be worse today being at school and I being gone, but like always the little guy surprised me.

I walked in, he ran to me and gave me one of his famous hugs, he was so happy and excited. I was elated maybe things wouldn't be so hard after all. After my shower we sat down to dinner and I found out why Z was so elated.

That's when it started. "Daddy I met a girl today and I call her Laya and she's so pretty and she makes cookies and she can be my new Everyday Mom. Please Daddy I really really like her and she saved me when I was lost chasing bubbles and she bought me hot cocoa and she blew on it so it didn't burn me. Please Daddy please." He rambled on not taking a settling breath in-between his thoughts.

I looked across the table at Momma and she was suppressing a laugh. I gave her a look like 'thanks a lot for the help'.

I chewed my food while Z stared at me in anticipation; he was waiting for me to answer. I looked to him with as much compassion I could muster. "Z I am sure this girl is very nice, but to be your Mommy she would have to be very special to both of us. Zander I cared deeply for your Mommy, Tasha, and it will be hard for me to meet someone new. I am sorry Zander, but things just aren't that simple." He looked like he was fighting tears. "But Zander I am your Daddy and I love you more than anything in this world. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you son, you are my life."

I tried to put all the love I had in my eyes and express to him what I felt for him. He looked furlong, but nodded his head and ate his dinner in silence.

I gave Z a bath and at first he was quiet and sullen, but then he turned into a chatter box. Asking me if someone was special to me does that mean she was my girlfriend. I answered him and asked where he learned about girlfriends. I should have realized Paul was coming of age and his hormones would be raging no matter how hard he tried to suppress them down. Paul favored me in physical appearance, but also in personality, I was just like him when I was that age.

Z kept up with his question asking, but shifted the topic of conversation to his Mom. He asked about her looks, which shocked me a little since he had a picture of her by his bed that he kissed every night in our bedtime routine.

I finally got the chatter box tucked into bed, I was able to read him one story around his constant barrage of questions. I recognized the look on his face. He looked calm almost serene. He had his sweet little hand clasped together and I could tell more questions were coming.

"So Daddy if Momma had dark hair and you and I have dark hair, Bobbi has dark hair and our whole family except for Aunt Lissa, Lexi and Annie, then you like dark hair right?"

"Of course I love dark hair Z" I ruffled his hair. "You have dark hair Z, so I love it." He got a huge smile on his face.

"Good Dadda cause Laya has dark hair like us." Shit I was never going to date anyone again with dark hair, too much like my Roza.

"Well Z I actually prefer blonds. It just happened that I found your Mom and she had dark hair, but I like blonds better." I am such a liar; I crossed my fingers behind my back.

He got suddenly depressed. "But I have dark hair."

"And I love your hair Z, but for a girlfriend I want her to have blond hair and light eyes. Yeah blue eyes like your Mom."

"Oh" He looked sad, but there were no tears thankfully.

I gave him a big hug, he put his little arms around my neck in a vice grip and snuggled into me. My heart melted, no matter if he was upset that I liked blonds he still loved me and gave me one of his best hugs. I had to fight tears. "I love you Z so much, from the stars to the moon and back."

He pulled away and smiled, he loved it when I said that to him.

He pointed out the window and then back to himself while he said. "To the moon and back to Z."

We finished with our goodnights then I went and plopped down on the couch. I put my head in my hands. Momma sat down next to me and rubbed my back.

"Dimka why so sad? Z is happy and healthy, I know you love being a Guardian, why the long face." I looked to her and she nodded in understanding.

"I see. Dimka I am your mother, I know you better than probably anyone and I love you so much." She pinched my check lovingly. "Why Dimka, why don't you look up Roza? The real reason not what you tell me and your sisters." She gave me a stern look. "The truth."

I sighed and looked away collecting my thoughts. I looked back to Momma and started. "The truth Momma is because I am scared."

She gave me a confused look and shook her head. "The Dimka I know is not afraid of anything."

I put my head in my hands, how do I tell her this? I looked towards her again. "Momma what if Roza hates Z because he is Tasha's son. I broke her, hurt her deeper than I could ever fathom, why would she want to be with me when I have Tasha's son.

She believes I left her only to have a family, a baby, something she could not give me. If I told her the truth, that I left her to protect her and her career she would never believe it. She would resent Z and I could never handle that. She would never believe me after seeing me with Z that I would have given up any chance of family if I could have her for just one more day. But now I have Z and things are different and I can't go to her, not now I just can't." I rubbed my eyes as if I was tired, but I was really hiding the tears threatening to come.

I felt Momma's hand on my back. "Oh Dimka do you really think that or is that just an excuse because you are afraid to fight for her?"

I abruptly pulled away. "No I am not afraid." I said harshly. "I just want to protect Z and if Roza rejected him it would kill me and I can't have him seeing me so distraught." I said through clenched teeth.

She held up her hands. "Okay Dimka sorry. I understand." She got a thoughtful look on her face. "But if not your Roza maybe it's time for someone new. You know that sweet Dhampir that helped Z today was so beautiful and – "

I cut her off and held up my hands. "Oh no not you too, Z gave me an earful already." I shook my head in disbelief. "You know you could have warned me."

She chuckled. "Yes as soon as she gave him cookies I saw the wheels spinning in his adorable little noggin. But seriously Dimka maybe if not this Laya beauty then someone else." She put her hand lovingly on my arm. "I know it hurts Dimka, but maybe it's time."

Her words shocked me a little. Could I do it, could I really date again? Would it be fair to the girl, all I would ever do was compare her to Roza, my perfect woman. I guess I need to listen to Momma maybe it is time. But no matter what she will have to be the complete opposite of Roza. Anyone that favored her looks wise would hurt too much.

I said my goodnights to Momma and went to bed; I was exhausted physically and mentally and for once fell asleep with ease.

I woke up went on a run, had breakfast with Z then went to the gym to abuse some dummies. When I had seriously thinking hitting dummies always helped the most. I chuckled to myself, thinking of Roza, she used to accuse me of breaking Alberta's gym budget with all the dummies I destroyed while I mentored her. If she only knew fighting my intense feelings for her was the demise of all those poor innocent dummies. Oh how I missed her.

I proceeded with an intense workout training my muscles to prep for the intense physicality of the OMP Guardian program I was to start Monday. Although the first few weeks would be book work, I knew after that the body conditioning would start and I wanted a head start.

I showered and needed a pick me up before I headed home to Z and his questions. Maybe he was off the Laya girl kick and would tell me about his day at school, which I hope went better.

I ran to the G bar, I wanted strong black coffee and Gus who ran the G bar always made the best coffee.

"Dimitri good to see you man, you want a brew?"

"No not today Gus, just some coffee, black please."

"You got it."

He gave me my coffee and I found a quiet corner table where I could sit and sulk with my thoughts of trying to date again.

I was sitting reading the Court paper, but not really reading it, just trying to look busy so I didn't run into anyone I knew. I needed some alone time.

"D is that you?"

I looked up to see my former guarding partner and good friend Jake Hale. He was someone I would always welcome with open arms no matter how sullen I felt. I stood and gave him the half hug half man-shake. "J good to see you man, Egor told me you would be transferring as a Court Guardian." He actually said he transferred to follow a woman, but I would not ask him details, I was not the nosey type.

He nodded. "Yes I did, but not because Europe has better food, I followed my girlfriend here. The famous single Jake Hale has found the perfect woman who will make an honest man out of me." Wow he was offering up information, this was unlike Jake, he really must love this one.

"I never thought I'd see you settle down J, she must be special."

He looked off to far away thoughts for a few seconds looking thoughtful with a sly grin on his face. "She is special, very special. I am whipped; I never thought it would happen to me." He smiled thinking of his girlfriend.

I nodded in understanding. "I also never thought it would happen to me either."

He looked up. "Oh yeah hey D sorry man, I didn't mean to stir up bad thoughts of Tasha." I didn't have the heart to dishonor Tasha's memory and tell him it wasn't Tasha who owned my heart.

I held up my hands like no offense was taken. "No worries. So tell me about this girl? I am sure she must be someone special to catch your eye, anyone I might know?"

He smiled to himself. "Nah she's American. She's a beauty, too beautiful I want to pound all men that look at her, she's dangerously beautiful actually, has a body that doesn't quit, but is sweet as can be."

"Nice, so what does she do here at Court?"

He smiled a devious smile; this was the Jake I knew. "Well she's a bit of Nanny these days, watching kids." He chuckled to himself.

I wasn't sure what was so funny, but before I could ask we got interrupted. The Badica sisters approached us. They were two Moroi that went to school with Jake and me. They were typical tall Moroi, blond, blue eyes. As much as they were complete opposite of Roza I was not really interested in dating a Moroi.

I wanted no more children unless of course they were with Roza, which was impossible and I didn't want to be put in that situation again. I was getting a little ahead of myself since the Badica sisters were what Viktoria would call 'loose' and I doubt having kids was on their agenda. They always chased Jake and me at the academy, but we were both too serious for partying. This is why we were paired with such important Moroi, in the end we both were on vacation and they were not protected.

I was pulled from my images of Vivian and Ivan by Beth the older sister. She sat on my lap while Iris sat on J's lap

She put her arm around me. "So Dimka I never caught you in school what are my chances now?" I got red and embarrassed which caused me to look away like a school boy. I was never a ladies' man; I was always too serious about being a Guardian.

As politely as I could I put her in the chair next to me so she wouldn't get the wrong idea. J seemed to be doing similar avoidance tactics with Iris. I am sure if word got back to his girl he'd be in a heap of trouble.

We chatted with the sisters and got caught up. I noticed a blond enter the bar and head to the bar to get a drink. I excused myself and went towards her.

I put some money down and motioned to Gus her drink was on me. She was the taller, less warm daycare worker at Z's school named Renatta. I was dying to know how Z's day was and if he was doing better.

She looked towards me stunned, but when she saw it was me she gave me a huge flirtatious smile. "Why thank you Guardian Belikov." She took a sip of her drink and motioned for me to join her.

We chatted for a bit about Z. She told me he was doing marginally better, but still I got the hint from her tone he was still not quite where he should be in his transition. She was very flirty and seemed interested, but could I really date her and put thoughts of Roza aside?

"So Guardian Belikov can I call you Dimitri?"

"Sure Renatta that's fine." I finished my second cup of coffee and realized I needed to get home to Z and Momma so I didn't miss dinner.

"Well I should be going, if you're here that means Z is at home and I haven't seen him since breakfast." I ordered and paid for her next drink feeling bad I had to take off.

"So Dimka" She used my Russian nick name. "I see you are a single Dad do you date?"

"Uh no I haven't since Z's mom's died."

"Oh I am so sorry to hear that, my sympathies." She gave a polite smile and thankfully didn't press for more information.

"Thank you." I got up to go.

She turned towards me. "So Dimka do you want to go out to dinner with me sometime?" I must have looked shocked since she started to back pedal. "I mean if you want we could just go as friends."

Shit shit shit! I hadn't made up my mind yet. But she was the complete opposite of Roza. Whatever, one date won't kill me. "Um yes sure that would be great. I start the OMP program next week so let's say Friday night? I will pick up you at the daycare center when my Momma gets Z, this way I can say goodnight to him before we head out."

She clapped her hands together in little feminine pats. "Oh Dimka that will be great we'll have a good time." She gave me a sexy smile and a wink. Despite her confidence I highly doubted I would have a good time, it was more like a necessary evil.

I said my good-byes and waved towards J. He seemed busy dodging the Badica sisters. He gave me a reluctant look and a small sarcastic smile. Like he was saying 'thanks for the help D'. I chuckled to myself as I left the bar. Poor J, he'll get me back for this, I am sure with a little sparing session where he doesn't hold back.

I got home and had a nice dinner with Momma and Z. I gave Z a bath, but asked Momma if she would put him to bed. I had a lot of aggression and I felt like going for a nice long run to help clear my head. I was not ready to tell Momma about my date, I had awhile so I'll tell her later.

Z was a tiny bit more positive about school as Renatta said; at least there was a little improvement. I had to stay positive. Although Z stopped trying to get me to date his new favourite person in the world he would not stop talking about her. I thought being only three, the longer he went without seeing her, the sooner he would forget. Boy was I was wrong.

Z was not your normal three year old. He was a little more advanced than most. I didn't want to sound like I was bragging, but he really was a bright boy.

Like tonight, he was trying to figure out how he could see Laya who had been so sweet to him a few days ago. "Dadda do you think if I go back to the same place at the same time I might see her again?" I chuckled at his logic; if it were me I would think the same way. Yes my boy was smart he was going to be a first class Guardian some day.

As I ran I gave myself this time to be with Roza. I remembered all the things that I loved and admired about her. She will forever be my one true love. But I know deep down in my heart because of Z, I can't be with her. She would never accept Z because he was Tasha's and represented everything bad; me leaving her, her not being able to give me a family, both of us being Guardians and not being able to be married.

I remembered the fire I got in my belly when she turned and faced me that first night in Oregon. As stupid as it was I admired her courage and bravery, to stand against me even though she knew in her weakened state she had no chance. Roza was a fighter, she would do whatever she could to protect the princess and do her duty. I remember the look in her eye, fear, but determination. I fell in love with the way her hair framed her beautiful face, how it swayed in the gentle fall breeze. I was in awe of her from the moment I laid my eyes on her.

But as I got to know her and mentor her that's when I knew she was my soul mate. I had never felt such a connection or bond with anyone before. It was the most natural feeling in the world to be with her. The fact that we could not be together proved to me that life was cruel.

As I ran I focused on the good memories of Roza, I needed to stay focused and positive for Z. I remembered all the great times Roza and I had, the moments that are more precious to me than any, those moments that will carry me through a lifetime.

As I finished my run I whispered 'I love you Roza, but we were not meant to be. I realize this now. You and only you will have my heart, but I must go on and live life, for Zander. Forgive me Roza my love.'

After my run I felt hollow, but determined. I had to stop living in the past and move forward, I had to do it for Z. I could date and have companionship; no one said I had to love again. Not that loving anyone other than Roza was a possibility. Tasha would have been the closest that I came to that and I only loved her as a friend, companion and mother of my child, not as my lover.

As I walked home I felt better, running and thinking of Roza was just what I needed. I realized I still hadn't contacted Christian and Lissa yet. I will call Christian soon so they can come visit us that is bound to cheer Z up. He loves all of them so much and feels so special when they come. A visit from them will get his mind off this Laya girl for sure.

**Reviews are appreciated : D**

**For those Kismet fans out there sorry to leave you with a cliffy, working on the next chapter so it should be up in a few days.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Chapter 8**

**Fifty reviews last chapter I am so verklempt!**

**Bonkerzrulez is my amazing beta, but is super busy so this chapter was not reviewed by her.**

**A lot of people have been asking about an update so I figured you'd rather have one chapter that is not beta'd than wait 4 more days for an update. Sorry about that, but we'll get back on track for chapter 9.**

**I don't own Vampire Academy, its ideas, original characters or story line; unfortunately they belong to the amazing Richelle Mead. She's is wonderful though and allows people like me to play with them.**

**My Milaya Chapter 8**

**Rose POV**

"Rose honey it's not that bad."

"Really Jake? I am assigned to inspect wards and then watch over the daycare center. Don't you think that's a little embarrassing for me? I am the lead guardian for the last Dragomir, a princess. I can't believe you don't think this is a big deal."

I was lying in bed next to Jake, we were in my apartment and I was venting to him about our new boss and my shitty assignment. He caressed my cheek. "Really, I think it's nothing to be ashamed of. Plus aren't Alexis and Annabel going to be there soon?"

I grimaced at his words, hating that he made sense. "Yeah I guess, but I just feel so demeaned. But seriously who names their kid Egor, isn't it like a name from the Munsters or something."

Jake chuckled and gave me a sweet little kiss. Hmm he was trying to distract me, I wonder why. I said around his lips. "So what, you're siding with him and not your girlfriend?" It was weird to consider myself belonging to him, but I really did.

He pulled away and gave me his sexy bedroom eyes. "Egor is a great guy and I know he doesn't think less of you. It's just a job."

I narrowed my eyes at him. He was not a very good liar, he knew something. "What aren't you telling me?"

He feigned innocence. "Rose, stop, I am not hiding anything."

"Uh huh." His only response was to give me a passionate kiss, and then he spent the next few hours reminding me why I wanted to belong to him. I knew he was hiding something from me, it might be small and innocent, but something was definitely there.

As much as I hated to admit it I was getting used to sleeping next to Jake. I hated making it a habit, but his warm body next to me at night kept the bad dreams and depressing thoughts at bay. But I refused to let myself break my rules so as much as I knew Lover Boy hated it tomorrow night we would sleep apart. I know he wasn't happy about not spending every night together, but he didn't bring it up knowing my resistance to talk about relationship stuff.

The next morning I begrudgingly went to work with a fake smile on my face. I finished walking the wards and I felt like a popsicle. I needed to get some better winter gear, Pennsylvania and Montana are cold, but Russia has a chill that cuts right to your bones. Stupid dumb ass assignment, I grumbled to myself as I entered the daycare center.

I noticed two female Dhampir workers. One was teaching the kids using some type of booklets, looked like school work to me. Poor little guys they weren't even in real school yet, but still had to do assignments, even childhood is not sacred anymore. I noticed the other worker approach me.

She was a Dhampir, tall, blond, she was cute and had a nice body, but once she saw me with my winter gear off she inspected me up and down and grimaced. She gave me a little snarl and asked if she could help me, her tone was snotty.

"Hi, I am Guardian Hathaway, I start work here today. From 9:30 to 3:30 I'll be guarding the center." She shook my hand, but never cracked a smile. I thought to myself, 'bitch don't hate me because I am beautiful.'

"Oh yes that's right, I remember now. I am Renatta, the kids call me Ms. Renatta." She pointed to the other girl who gave me a genuine smile; she seemed nicer than the devil in front of me. "And that's Tanya, Ms. Tanya." We both work here full time taking care of the kids.

There was some awkward silence as 'Ms. I think I am so beautiful' sized me up.

"Well I am going to do some rounds and safety inspections I'll be back in a bit." She gave me a fake little smile; I put on my Guardian mask, turned and left her to do my inspections. I didn't give another thought to her behavior; I'd spent my whole life dealing with petty people like her.

The building was basic and seemed secure. The church was close. I planned an escape route from the center to the church in the unlikely event the wards were broken and Strigoi were to get in. The center had both Moroi and Dhampir children, as much as I hated to admit it Egor was right, it would be a target. I was glad they decided to put some protection on it for the kids' sake; I just wish it wasn't me.

I went back in the center and noticed both workers talking while they watched the kids.

Tanya was much nicer to me than Renatta and I instantly liked her, she reminded me of Mia, blond, short, sweet, but fiery. Renatta kept up the act of staring me up and down, I just ignored her.

I noticed the kids were playing, Tanya explained they had just started free play and then after that they'd have lunch. I noticed one little dark haired boy with his back to us. Even from behind you could see his shoulders slumped like he was sad and didn't want to be here.

I heard Renatta gossiping about the little guy. Apparently his Dad was single and hot and Renatta had a date with him on Friday night. At some point I guess his mom died and they just moved to Court. From the conversation I gathered he was not adjusting well to the center. Poor kid I felt for him, we both didn't want to be here.

I thought how typical Renatta was, I wonder if she was a blood whore and thought if she landed this Moroi he would have kids with her like he did with the boy's mom. I had to respect this dad though; most Moroi would not raise their Dhampir children but give them over go an academy to raise and train them. I wonder if he had Moroi children as well. I decided I would go talk to the little guy, maybe I could cheer him up.

He was sitting at a table staring out the window into the snow that had just started falling. Great, inspecting wards in falling snow I couldn't wait until later. My life sucked.

I approached the little guy. "Do you like the snow?"

I heard him sigh; he didn't look towards me, but answered. "Sometimes."

I sat down next to him, he still wouldn't look at me, he just continued to stare outside.

"You know I am new here too."

He finally looked my way and I am sure his expression mirrored mine, shock, excitement and acknowledgement. "Laya." He launched himself at me, put his tiny arms around me, pulled me into a tight hug and muttered something about his wish coming true.

I couldn't believe my eyes, it was Z, the little boy who stole my heart last week. Every time I ventured out I'd been searching for him and now here he was. "Hey little man." He was still holding on to me like he never wanted to let go. My heart filled with love, I don't know what it was about this little guy, but I felt such a connection to him.

He pulled away. "You work here?" I nodded.

"Are you a teacher?" Pfft not likely, I hated school I would never force that on someone.

"Nope, I am a Guardian."

His eyes bugged open to the size of saucers. "Wow really?" I nodded.

He released me and ran around to get a look at my neck. I had my long hair up in a braided bun. "Wow you're really good." He felt him trace my marks and then he landed on my battle star.

"What's this?"

"Um, it's a special battle mark; I was in a big battle."

"How many bad guys did you have to kill to get this?"

"Lots." By this time all the kids were gathered around us to check out the new big person in the room. They were standing with Z looking at my neck in wonder. I felt so proud; maybe this wouldn't be such a bad assignment.

I saw Renatta grimace at me, biotch was jealous.

I started getting all types of questions from the kids. "Do you have a spear?...Have you cut off a Strigoi's head?…Is it true Strigoi smell funny?….How many Strigoi have you killed?" I was overwhelmed by a barrage of little people.

Tanya came to my rescue. "It's almost time for lunch everyone. Why don't we eat and then we can ask Guardian Hathaway questions one at a time." Everyone agreed and lunch was served.

It was good; we had corn, chicken nuggets, string cheese and pudding for dessert. It was kind of sad that I preferred the diet of a preschooler, rather than a gourmet meal. I remember when Adrian tried to get me to eat sweat bread, which was really pancreas, yuck.

During lunch I sat with Z and he proceeded to tell me all about his life. He had aunts and cousins, I laughed my ass off when he said one of his aunts he called Ikki. He was easy to talk to. I think I was seriously in love with this kid. I hated to admit it, but Jake was right, this assignment was not so bad.

After lunch I sat in a tiny chair, I had twenty plus little people staring at me, most everyone had their hand raised to ask a question. I called on them one at a time, they were surprisingly polite and patient, better than most adults I've encountered. Most of their questions were about being a Guardian and killing Strigoi. It was cool, I felt like a celebrity. Towards the end Z came and sat on my lap. I could tell he was getting tired he was leaning sleepily against my shoulder.

"Okay, I think we've had enough questions for today." Renatta announced while all the kids moaned and groaned.

One little boy in the back who had been quiet the whole time shyly held his hand up. I called on him, he seemed shy and the type of kid that was probably often over looked.

He looked excited, but reluctant at the same time. I gave him a look of encouragement. "Um, Ms. Guardian what should we call you?"

Z decided he was going to speak for me. "Her name is Laya, you can call her Laya." Z looked towards me silently asking if that was okay. I nodded and gave him a sideways hug.

Tanya corrected us. "Everyone please call her Ms. Laya."

The little boy gave me a shy smile. "So little one, if I am called Ms. Laya, what do we call you?" He seemed excited I was talking to him.

"My name is Eli." He said shyly.

"Hi Eli, it's nice to meet you."

"Will you be here every day with us?" He asked.

Z gave me a look of anticipation; I could tell he wanted me to say yes. I nodded towards Eli. "Yes I will be here everyday. I am your school's Guardian."

All the kids cheered.

Z snuggled into me. "Ms. Laya I am tired can you rub my back and lay with me until I fall asleep?"

I snuggled him back. "Okay."

He turned towards me and put his sweet little hand on my cheek. "I am happy you are here."

I put my hand over is and gave him a big smile. "I am happy too."

All the kids got their nap stuff together. I laid down next to Z and rubbed his back. He turned towards me and gave me a sleepy smile. He whispered. "Laya will you be here when I wake up?"

I brushed some hair off his sweet little forehead. "No honey I won't."

He gave me a tired little frown. "But you know what?" I whispered to him.

"What?" He played along with me.

"I have to go inspect the wards and make sure everyone at Court is safe. And I will be here tomorrow and the next day and next day and every other day…."

He gave me a sweet smile while he closed his eyes. "Okay Laya, I see you tomorrow."

I put my arm around his warm little body; he was wrapped in a blue train quilt. I admired him, he looked like an angel. "Yes Z I will see you tomorrow." I whispered to him.

I stayed until I felt his body relax and his breathing slow. I reluctantly dragged myself away from the little boy who had stolen my heart and got ready to brace the blowing snow to inspect the stupid wards.

After my shift I willed my cold tired body towards Jake's apartment, it was late and I was starving. Thankfully Lover Boy had soup, sandwiches and hot cocoa waiting for me.

He was so good to me. I stripped my clothes off and put on some of his warm sweats that had Cyrillic writing on them. We ate while my body slowing thawed.

After dinner Jake pulled me to the couch and held me. A shudder run through my body, he rubbed his hands on my arms trying to create some friction. "Babe lets get you into a bath you're still freezing."

In the bath I leaned into a naked Jake while he lovingly washed my body. "So babe how was work?"

I did a laugh without humor. "Well inspecting wards was not fun." I shrugged. "But Guarding the daycare center was fun."

"Really, you liked it?"

I turned towards him.

"Do you remember the cute little boy I told you about last week?" He nodded encouraging me to keep talking. "Well I saw him today, he goes to the Court daycare and he is so sweet." I described my day to Jake and couldn't keep the smile off my face talking about the kids and my little Z.

We got out of the tub and got dressed. I remembered what I wanted to ask him. "Hey Jake what does Milaya mean?"

"Why?" He got a strange look on his face.

"The little boy, Z, the one I am so attached to, he calls me that."

Jake chuckled. "It doesn't translate 100% into English like most Russian words, but it means _my sweet_ or _my sweetheart_."

I felt my heart swell.

After putting Jake's comfy sweets back on I walked to the window to see the weather, it was still snowing. "I should go before it gets worse." I sighed.

Jake turned me towards him and gave me a pleading look. "Babe come on, it's snowing like crazy out there and it's getting late, just stay." As much as I wanted to stay it would be two nights in a row.

I pulled away and studied him thinking about how cozy it would be to sleep next to his warm body all night long. I laid my forehead on his shoulder and rolled my head back and forth in an indecisive manner. "Come on just stay. Please." Now he was pouting, he was rather cute when he pouted.

I swear he's going to be the death of me. I didn't say yes or no, I just continued to let him hold me, after a few long moments he pulled me to bed and snuggled me in a spoon position.

"You know I'd love to meet this little boy and see my competition." I felt him smile. "Maybe you should invite him to make cookies with us and the babies. We could do it Saturday while Lissa and Christian have some adult time. I am sure they have lots to do since the babies first birthday is coming up in a few weeks."

I turned to him and looked at him lovingly while I rubbed his cheek. "I don't deserve you." He scoffed at me and ignored my comment. I snuggled back into his arms and felt warm for the first time today, we fell asleep holding each other.

I fell into a nice routine with my work schedule, I hated inspecting wards, but I loved working at the center with the kids. Z was a permanent fixture by my side. I sent a note home to Bobbi, his grandma, asking if he could come and make cookies with Jake, the girls and me on Saturday. I had yet to get a response back.

At lunch on Wednesday I asked Z about it. "Hey Z I gave a note to Renatta asking Bobbi if you could come make cookies with me, my nieces and my friend on Saturday. But I never asked you, would you like to come Saturday and make cookies with us?"

His eyes got huge and he looked shocked. "You mean you'll make cookies just for me?"

I playfully ruffled his hair. "No buddy we'll make them together."

He got more excited. "Cool." He got up and did the cutest happy dance I'd ever seen. The little guy sure could shake his booty.

After he calmed down and finished his booty dance I asked him about the note. "I sent a note home; did Bobbi ask you about it or talk about it all?"

He scrunched up his face. "No, does that mean I can't go." I looked toward Renatta, I had a strong suspicion she did not deliver my note.

"I don't know honey we have to ask. Who's picking you up today?"

"My Bobbi."

"Well okay then, I'll come here after my shift and talk to her and ask if you can come over on Saturday."

He got up to do an encore of his booty dance. "Yay yay I get to make cookies with Laya. Yay yay " He did his little happy dance and I couldn't help but join him. I wish I could bottle him up and take him home so when I was sad and lonely he could cheer me up.

After my shift I went back to the center and stayed with Z until Bobbi came to pick him up. She was such a sweet woman. She was happy to let Z come Saturday and said she just had to clear it with Z's Dad, but didn't think it would be an issue.

Thursday when I showed up Z was happy he'd be coming over on Saturday to make cookies, but something seemed to be off with him. I knew something was bothering him, but he didn't seem to want to talk about it. Bobbi had sent a note with Z stating that Z could come to my apartment Saturday and make cookies with us. His Dad was going to drop him off and I could meet him then. I am sure he wanted to meet me since I spent so much time with his son lately.

I helped Z build a block fortress during free play, he was uncharacteristically silent, yep something was definitely up with him.

While we sat and had lunch he decided to open up to me. "Laya do you like Renatta?"

"Um yeah sure, she's nice." Not.

"Oh" he answered, but didn't look towards me; he stayed busy eating his lunch.

"Why sweetie?"

He shrugged. "Cause my dad has a date with her and I don't really like her."

Poor little guy, my heart ached for him.

"You know Z I am sure if your dad likes her then she must be nice."

He shrugged again and we kept eating.

"Laya do you think you would ever want to date my dad?"

I looked at him and gave him a sweet smile. "Honey I am sure your Daddy is real nice, but I have a boyfriend."

He gave me a sad face. "Oh" He focused on finishing his food.

As I had done everyday I laid down with him and rubbed his back while he fell asleep. I thought he was on his way to sleepy land, but suddenly he turned towards me. His sweet little sleepy eyes gazed into mine. "Laya?"

"Yes sweetie."

"I love you." He whispered and then wrapped his strong little arms around my neck and snuggled into me.

"I love you too Z." He sighed and held me a little tighter. A few minutes later I felt him relax and his breathing slowed and evened out. He was out.

I carefully pulled him out of my arms and laid him down on his nap mat. I covered him with his cute little train quilt.

I walked toward the coat rack to bundle up before heading out into the frigid winter for part two of my shitty ward inspection.

Tanya approached me. "You know you're a natural. He was resistant to change and being part of the group, but since you started he's done a complete turn around."

I pulled my hair out of my coat. "Thanks. I am really fond of the little guy."

"Okay we'll see you tomorrow, its Friday." She did a little fist pump. I'd really gotten to like Tanya. I waved goodbye to Renatta. She gave me a smug smile. I headed into the frigid outdoors to do my ward inspection.

Just as I was getting to the ward boundary my cell phone went off. I had a text from Lover Boy.

_Hey gorgeous how's your day going?_

I smiled thinking about Z. _Good, yours?_

_Good. Hey let's go out tomorrow night?_

_Okay, where?_

_Drinks and Dinner. I want to introduce you to my old Guarding partner. He has a first date and wants a wingman. Is it cool if we double with them?_

Ugh seriously. _Sure gorgeous anything for you._

I really was not up for a double date with strangers, but I was dying to know more about Jake's past and probably the best way to get the dirt on him was from his old Guarding partner. Plus if Jake was so fond of this guy how bad could it be?

**The next two chapters I think you guys are really going to like I will get to them as soon as I can**.

**Reviews and feedback make my day! So if you have a few spare moments drop me a review please.**


	9. Chapter 9

**So this is the first new chapter and it's a biggy!**

**I just want to say thanks to all of you who supported me. I really appreciate it, the nice emails outweighed the negative ones. Thanks to everyone who sent kind words about my story, you're the reason I am going to continue it. And just a little word of caution to all the haters out there, Karma is a bitch.**

**And finally thanks to my fabulous Beta bonkerzrulez she rocks and got this chapter back to me really quick!**

**Richelle Mead is brilliant and created the world of Vampire Academy that my imagination visits often. She is a Rockstar and allows aspiring writers like myself to play with her story, plot lines and characters.**

**My Milaya Chapter 9…**

**Dimitri POV**

"Daddy guess what?" The second I walked in the door from my first day of work Zander was all smiles and greeted me with a huge smile.

"What Z?" I couldn't help but smile, his excitement was infectious. I had a tough first day, not only did I miss Z, but I was stuck in a room with my peer Guardians doing book work all day so I was thrilled to come home to a happy little boy for once.

"Daddy Laya is at school with me." He said in a sing song happy voice.

"She's a teacher?"

"No silly, she is like you, she's a Guardian." Wow this is weird, I must know her, I know most Guardians.

"So what is her name?"

"Laya"

"Is that her full name?"

He got a look of recognition on his face and giggled a little. "Oh her name is Ms. Laya."

"Okay son thanks." I gave him another hug and threw him over my shoulder carrying him towards the table; Momma had called us to come eat dinner. He giggled the whole way, I hadn't seen him this up beat since Christmas and his birthday, and it was so refreshing.

We ate dinner and the atmosphere was cherry and upbeat. The three of us chatted lightly and everyone had smiles on their faces.

"So Dimka Z told you about his Laya?"

I nodded, "Yes Momma he did." She gave me a knowing look and smiled.

I knew she wanted me to pursue this girl, but I had a date Friday which made me nervous as hell, not only for the date, but because I had yet to tell Momma. I would tell her soon enough, but not tonight, things were going so well I didn't want to disturb the happy bubble surrounding us.

The next morning I dropped Z off at school. He was happy to go which was a huge relief for me and it made our goodbye easier on both of us. I was anxious to meet this Guardian who had stolen my boy's heart and gotten my Momma to give me knowing looks.

Z ran off to play with a shy little boy; I think his name was Eli. I scanned the room looking for the Guardian, but I saw no one, maybe she was doing security rounds.

"Dimka is there a problem." Renatta walked up to me and gave me a sexy smile.

"No I was just looking for the new Guardian, Ms. Laya."

"Oh" Renatta grimaced a little. "Well she has a split shift, she comes in the mid morning and leaves after the kids go down for a nap, so she's only here part of the day.

"Oh I see. I wanted to thank her for spending time with Z; I guess I'll just catch her another time." I shifted on my feet a little awkwardly while Renatta stared my body up and down with a smile on her face. "Well I better get going I don't want to be late." I gave her a little wave, she waved back and smiled.

"Yeah see you soon Dimka." She trailed off behind me. I made a b-line to my classroom so I could avoid her creepy staring. She was nice, but looked at me like I was a piece of meat. If she thought I was going to be intimate with her she was in for a big surprise. I agreed to go on a friendly date with her, not be intimate; there was no way I was ready for that.

After work I was torn. I wanted to go see Egor to find out about this Guardian Laya, but I wanted to pick up Zander. Momma had got him yesterday and I wanted to do it today. I guess I'll just wait until tomorrow and go see Egor, Momma had planned on picking Z up on Wednesday so this would work much better.

Thankfully Renatta was busy with a group of little ones so Tanya was the one checking out the kids when I got to Zander's school. I spotted him and he ran for me. "Daddy" He charged and gave me one of his best hugs.

I chuckled. "Wow! Hi Z." He smiled and kissed my cheek.

I picked him up, put him on my hip and got his things together. Tanya smiled at us and wished us a goodnight. "Goodnight Z, glad to see your liking school." She said to Z as she beamed at us.

"Yes he seems so much better these days." I commented and she nodded agreeing with me.

"Yes Ms. Laya has a lot to do with that."

"Daddy Ms. Laya rubs my back until I fall asleep and she has a special star on her neck. How come you don't have one of those?" He scrunched up his face in confusion.

"She has a battle star?" I asked in disbelief.

Both Ms. Tanya and Z nodded. As I was about to ask more about it Renatta called to me and waved hi, I waved back, but left quickly not wanting to get involved in a conversation with her in front of Z.

With Z's new and improved attitude things at home were going smoothly. He never stopped talking about Laya, I was determined to check out her file and get to know this mysterious _beauty_ as my Momma called her. Olena Belikov had three beautiful Dhampir daughters and two beautiful Dhampir granddaughters, she did not throw this term around loosely so I had no doubt Laya was gorgeous. Not that it mattered, with just the little I heard of her she reminded me too much of Roza and there was no way I would look to her as any more than a friend. But still my family was so smitten with her I couldn't help to be curious, plus a battle star was not something achieved lightly. I was dying to get to know her and maybe even train with her.

After work on Wednesday I walked to Egor's office to see if I could get the dirt on Ms. Laya or I guess it would be Guardian Laya. I saw a young Guardian in his office, we'd seen each other before, but I was not about to ask him for some confidential information on a Guardian.

"Hi Guardian can I help you?"

"Yes I needed to speak to Guardian Morozov about a confidential matter; do you know when he will be back?"

He sighed. "He had a family emergency so not for a few weeks at the earliest. I am covering for now, but starting Friday we have a Guardian from American Court coming, she'll be filling in. I think her name is Guardian Alberta Petrov."

Wow Alberta, I hadn't seen her since she scolded me for leaving Roza. This was going to be interesting to see how she would act as my boss since our last encounter was a little tense. But I know Alberta was nothing but a true professional so I had no doubt that she will be fair and professional when we work together.

"Okay well it can wait; I used to work for Alberta so I will come by after she gets here." He nodded and turned back to his work.

I hurried home not wanting to miss dinner and the precious little time I get with Zander at night.

"I'm home." I walked into an eerily quiet apartment.

I noticed Momma in the kitchen cooking; she gave me a sad smile.

"What is it Momma, what's wrong?"

She sighed. "Z, he's not very happy with you right now."

"Why?"

"Well Laya was waiting to speak to me when I picked up Z. She really is such a sweet women." Momma smiled thinking about Laya. I gave her a look like don't keep me waiting. "Well she wants Z to come over Saturday and make cookies at her apartment. I guess she has some young nieces and will be watching them and wanted to invite Z over. By the way I need to ask you about that later if it's okay."

I nodded. "Well that sounds great, I'll get to finally meet her and Z will get to spend some time with her, why would he be upset about that?"

She frowned. "Well after we chatted with Laya that taller blond worker came over and introduced herself as your date for Friday. Z was devastated. I know you told him that you didn't want to date Laya, but I think deep down he wished for it to happen and knowing my grandson I am sure he had some grand plan about trying to connect you two on Saturday."

She shook her head in disbelief thinking about the conversation. She turned towards me; I must have looked extremely guilty, since that is how I felt. "Dimka, why didn't you tell us? It was not good to have him put on the spot like that. Renatta wouldn't stop raving about you and your date, Z is very upset."

I hung my head in shame. "Sorry Momma, I have been meaning to tell you both, but things have been so calm and happy around here I didn't want to disturb the peace we had. I am so sorry. I will deal with Zander." She rubbed my cheek lovingly and went to finish dinner.

I knew Momma, she would be there for me if I wanted to talk, but I know she wouldn't push me for information. When I had it in me I would talk through dating again with her, but tonight was not the time. Tonight was all about my sweet little boy who I let down.

I walked in his room and he was lying on his bed staring at the ceiling. "Hey Z how was your day?"

He didn't answer he only sighed and kept looking at the ceiling. I sat down on the bed next to him.

"I talked to Bobbi and I know you know about me going on a date with Renatta." He grimaced, but still wouldn't look towards me. "I am sorry I didn't tell you, but it's not a big deal just a friendly date. We might not even get along, who knows I may hate her or I might think she is the coolest person around."

He frowned and looked at me. "She's mean. Why don't you like Laya?" He whined.

"Z it doesn't work like that, you have to be attracted to someone and have a feeling you like them and you at least have to met them. I don't know Laya, but I hear you got an invite to make cookies so I guess I'll get to meet her when I drop you off?"

Just the mention of his cookie date put a huge smile on his face. "Yeah Dad I get to go to her house and she's not just making cookies for me, I get to help."

I couldn't help but smile at him when talked about her, his excitement was catching.

"That's really good Z. So I will write out a note and tell her you can go and I will drop you off Saturday and I will meet her then okay?"

"Okay, but do you think you might want to go on a date with her too?"

"Z, I don't think so, why don't you just let me meet her and then we'll go from there, okay?" There was no way I was going to commit to anything right now, but I doubted I would ever date this girl who reminded me so much of my Roza.

"Okay" He said somberly.

"Hey let's go eat I am sure Bobbi is about done with dinner."

I gave him a piggyback ride to the table and he ate in silence. Well I guess all nights can't be happy nights.

We all helped to clean up after dinner; I gave Z a bath and put him to bed. His mood was a little better, but not much.

I avoided Momma; I didn't need her guilt as well. The next day when I dropped off Z I also avoided Renatta, the drama of this whole first date was getting to me, I just wanted to head to work and be done with my day.

After a long day pouring over written work they let us go early so I decided to do a quick workout before I had to pick up Z. I really needed to blow off some steam. As I was walking into the gym Jake Hale was walking out.

"Hey D what's up?" I tried to put a smile on my stoic face.

"Not much just fitting in a quick workout before I pick up my son."

"Cool, you look a little down, are you okay?" J knew me so well.

"Well I have a date tomorrow and it's the first one since we lost Tasha and I am a little nervous."

He nodded in understanding. "Yeah I can see how that would be hard. I tell you what, why don't you let me and my girl double with you guys to ease your tension. I've been dying for you two to meet and then after dinner each couple can go their separate ways. If things are going good you can continue on with the date and if things are still hard for you then you can just head home."

I rubbed my chin listening to him, J was always such a scammer, but I loved his idea. I would get to meet his girl he raved about and I wouldn't have awkward silences with Renatta. "You know what J that would be great, thanks."

He nodded. "Okay cool, I got to run, let's say we meet at the G bar at 6:30 for drinks and go from there."

We said a few more parting words and then both headed off in our separate directions.

I finished my work out and then ran to get Z. I felt much better getting some stress out in my workout and I was excited to Z.

Renatta seemed to be looking for me; as soon as I walked in she sauntered over to me and gave me a coy smile. She brushed my arm in a soft manner and started. "So Dimka, I am excited for our date. What time are you picking me up?"

"Oh yeah, um, I needed to talk to you about that. My old guarding partner has been dying for me to meet his girlfriend so do you mind if we double with them for drinks and dinner and then we'll go off on our own from there?"

She seemed a little hesitant, but reluctantly agreed to the plan.

Z was in a better mood, but just marginally. I put him on my shoulders as we walked home and this seemed to cheer him up.

"Daddy do you think we could call Aunt Liss and Uncle C when we get home? I miss them and the babies and I want them to come see us?"

Oh yeah, I forgot I'd been so busy, I needed to contact the Princess and Christian and let them know where we were and see when they could come for a visit.

"Sure Z I'll call tonight, I've been meaning to do it, but just forgot, sorry I've been busy."

We pulled up to our apartment door and I pulled Z off my shoulders. "It's okay Daddy I know." He smiled at me and reached up to give me a big hug. I picked him up and he hugged me while we entered our home.

When I was putting Z to bed I could tell he had something on his mind. "Daddy can I tell you something?"

"Sure Z you can tell me anything."

"Daddy I love Laya and I told her I love her. Are you mad at me Daddy?'

My heart went out to him; he was so needy for a mother figure he connected to this Laya girl. "No Z, I am not mad. I am glad you are close to her."

He nodded. "Okay. She loves me too, she told me. I want her to be my everyday mom."

Oh great here we go again. "Z she's not going to be your mom, but she can be your good friend okay?"

He shrugged. "Okay as long as I can see her all the time and you aren't mad." He was so easy going I loved him so much I just wanted to squeeze him to death.

After putting Z to bed I tried calling Christian and the Princess' phone, but they were disconnected. I got a little worried, but I knew if something had happened to them I would find out since I was at European Court. I decided to email them instead hoping they checked their email often.

Satisfied with my email I sent it off and went to bed. I was getting up early so I could leave work early and do a workout before I went to pick up Renatta for our date. I was meeting Momma at the daycare so I could spend a little time with Z before he and Momma headed home for the night.

I was a little nervous and I had about forty-five minutes before I had to pick up Renatta so I decided to get some of that great coffee Gus had at the G Bar. I could use a little pick me up and I needed to relax a little before I faced my date.

I was sitting at the bar chatting with Gus when I heard him.

"Well well well if isn't the famous Guardian Belikov my favorite Russian." It was Lord Ivashkov. I hadn't seen him since I left St. Vlad's.

I nodded out of respect for his Royal status, but I had little respect for him. "Lord Ivashkov"

He slapped me on the back and snickered to himself. I could tell he had been drinking he was slurring his words a little bit. "Gus did you know we used to be in love with the same woman?"

I narrowed my eyes and glared at him. "What do you mean used to be?"

He looked at Gus and laughed. "Well you left her so I am obviously the only one who still loves her." He motioned his arm signifying the area around him. "Why the hell else would I put up with shitty European Court if it weren't for her. I care about her so I am here to protect her."

"What do you mean?"

He starting laughing so hard I thought he was going to fall down. "You mean you don't know?"

I raised my eyebrows at him like yeah I guess I don't know.

He snorted. "Rose, Lissa, Christian and their rug rats all just moved here for OMP. Rose is a here, she guards the daycare and hates it, but I guess she found a little boy she's attached to there so she's okay with it now."

I felt like I had left my body and I was watching this scene between Ivashkov and I play out as a stranger watching from the sidelines. I was in complete shock, Roza is here, she's the Guardian at daycare, and she's Laya. How could this be, how could I not know my Roza was here? Ivashkov kept rambling, but I wasn't listening to him. All I could think about was my Roza was here at Court with me, she watched over Z. What did this mean?

"Belikov did you hear me?" Ivashkov was shaking my shoulder.

He brought me back to reality. "What?"

"So I guess you really didn't know huh?"

I had no more time for him. I threw a few dollars on the bar and ran to the daycare. By the time I got there I was out of breath. Renatta greeted me. "Hi Dimka you're early, you must be as anxious for our date as I am." She winked at me and gave me that irritating sexy smile.

"Um yeah I…" I was at a loss for words looking around for Z and Roza.

Next thing I heard was someone calling my name from the entrance. "Dimitri." It was the Princess, Christian, Alexis and Annabel.

"Um Princess I just sent you an email I got an assignment; I am part of the OMP Guardians."

The Princess pulled me into a hug. "Yes we just got your email. Dimitri how many times do I have to tell you its Lissa please. Oh it's so good to see you. Where's Zander?"

"Aunt Liss, Uncle C, Lexi and Annie" Zander said with excitement while he ran over to all of us, the twins squealed in delight when they say him.

He ran right to Lissa's arms. "You came to see me?"

She chuckled. "No sweetie we live here now, we just moved here."

His eyes got huge. "You live here too?"

She nodded at him while he went into a rendition of his happy dance shaking his little booty. The twins loved watching him and clapped their sweet little hands squealing with delight.

Christian pulled us out of our happy reunion bubble. His face looked stressed and he had worry lines on his forehead. "Um Lissa what about…um Rose?"

She got a worried look on her face. "Um Dimitri I have to ask you to stay away from Rose. We'll need to figure out a schedule where we can see you and Zander, but it will not include Rose."

"Yeah…well..um I wanted to talk – " Just as I was about to ask her more about Roza she walked in the door.

My heart stopped, my throat went dry and I started to shake. All these years, all the memories I ran through my head, day after day. A memory could never do her justice, she was stunning. She was the epitome of beauty, seeing her in person made me realize all the memories couldn't compare to the real thing.

"Laya" Zander ran to her and launched himself in Roza's arms. She picked him up and spun him around. "I missed you Laya."

She chuckled. "I missed you too Z."

He put his little hand on her cheek, "I love you Laya"

She gazed into his eyes and rubbed his cheek, she had such a sweet peaceful look on her face. "And I love you."

Roza loves my boy.

I heard Lissa gasp, Christian was mumbling some expletives and the twins where squawking looking at Roza, they wanted her to pick them up and looked jealous that Roza was holding their cousin.

The twins got her attention and she looked towards us, Lissa, Christian and I were all frozen.

She gasps when she saw me. She looked from Lissa to me to Christian and then back to me. She looked like she just saw a ghost. Z got down and ran to me. He grabbed my and hand pulled me towards Roza.

"Laya this is my Daddy, Daddy this is my Laya." He was beaming.

She looked at him and scrunched her forehead. "Daddy?" She looked towards me and I could see all the pieces clicking into place.

I cleared my throat. "Roza how have you been?"

She narrowed her eyes at me and I knew that look, she was imagining all the ways she could stake me. "Fine." She spat.

She looked towards the Princess. "Um Lissa could I see you outside please?"

Renatta decided to make her appearance and walked up to me, great. "Dimka are you already for our date?"

Roza's head whipped around and she glared at Renatta. Just to make things really fun Ivashkov decided to show up and Alberta was right behind him. Great, a protect Rose St. Vlad's reunion was going to happen in the middle of my date. Shoot me now.

Ivashkov wrapped his arms around Roza from behind and whispered in her ear. I saw red; I couldn't handle seeing him touch her. She nodded and followed him outside. I was not sure what they were talking about, but I could not take my eyes off them. I noticed Alberta talking to Christian and the Princess, but I ignored them not wanting to miss anything that was going on between Ivashkov and my Roza.

He was talking to her and she looked like she was crying. He pulled her into a hug and rubbed her back. I clinched my fist and tried not to scream at the site. I felt Renatta's arm touch me tentatively. "In a minute Renatta, why don't you finish up and then we'll head out." I spoke before she got a chance, but I couldn't look at her. The love of my life was outside with the biggest lush Moroi and all I wanted to do was pick her up and run away with her. But that was not going to happen, this was proof my luck was horrible; instead I had to have a date. I am such an idiot. I tried to make my voice light when I spoke to Renatta and not reflect the murderous feelings coursing through my veins, but I am not sure how successful I was.

"Okay" she said softly as she walked away. I was faintly aware Zander was okay and playing with the babies, then to make this night so much more fun Momma walked in. She took one look at the murderous look on my face and ran up to me. "Dimka what's wrong."

"Nothing Momma, I am fine." I said through clenched teeth, she narrowed her eyes at me and nodded. She noticed the Princess, Christian and the twins and walked over to talk to them.

Ivashkov and Roza walked back in. She walked up to me. "Guardian Belikov" I winched at the cold formality of her voice calling me by my formal Guardian name. "I came by to give you my address so you could drop off Zander tomorrow. Ten o'clock is good for us." She had her Guardian mask on as she handed me a piece of paper with her address on it, I could tell she was holding in some serious feelings, but was not going to show them.

She looked towards the group behind me. "Liss we need to talk, but I have to go meet Lover Boy, so later?" I could tell Roza and the Princess were having a silent conversation. "Alberta we'll catch up tomorrow." Ivashkov was behind Roza smirking at me, jerk.

Renatta with her wonderful timing walked up next to me and held my arm territorially. "Dimka let's go, it's getting late and I'm starving."

I didn't look towards Renatta, but kept my eyes on Roza trying to convey to her the love I had for her. She smirked at me. "Yeah _Dimka_ have fun on your date."

She grabbed Ivashkov and stormed out. Zander ran after her. "Laya wait." She turned, smiled at him and picked him up. It was so natural and warm my heart melted, the two most important people in the world to me were before my eyes, sharing a tender moment. They said their good-byes then Rose and Ivashkov walked out hand in hand.

I saw Renatta giving me a speculative look. "One minute Renatta I need to say goodbye to Zander." She nodded, but looked annoyed.

Momma walked up to me. "Dimka, Laya is your Roza?"

"Yes." She gave me a concerned look knowing I was about to lose it. I just shook my head as if to tell her we'll talk about it later.

"Who's Roza?" Z asked.

"Nobody honey." I changed the subject and said goodbye to Z and Momma.

We made our way to the G bar and found J. The three of us got drinks and found a table. We made some small talk and J got a text. He explained his girlfriend got hung up and she'd be here soon. J thankfully kept the conversation going telling Renatta about some of our wild times back at St. Basil's Academy. I was in no mood to talk, but nodded and added small words when I had to.

I was in a state of shock. Roza was here, she was Zander's Laya, she loved him and he loved her and I am on a date with another women. How did this happen, how did I get her?

I noticed J watching the door, he stood up and waved to someone. My back was to the door so I turned and saw the most horrible site. My Roza smiling towards J giving him an adoring look of love, a look that I once used to be able to put on her face, fuck my life, Roza was J's girlfriend.

**So they finally saw each other, but what is Rose thinking? If you have time drop me a review and tell me what you think. Next chapter will be Rose POV and boy does she have a lot to say.**

**I have a one shot from some other characters perspective on the Rose and Dimka seeing each other again, it's with my beta and as soon as I get it I will post it under my profile as My Milaya Out Takes : )**


	10. Chapter 10

**O.M.G. your reviews are amazing…..thank you, thank you, thank you!**

**I try to get back to most, but if I missed yours sorry, I am kind of bad at it, but I am trying and I swear I read every one of them.**

**And finally thanks to my fabulous Beta bonkerzrulez she rocks!**

**Richelle Mead owns it all, I just play with some of her stuff.**

**My Milaya Chapter 10…**

**Rose POV**

I was so stoked; I got out of my ward inspection duty for the afternoon. Who knew that Guardian Morozov's replacement would be so nice and such a sucker for my flirtatious ways, hmmm maybe I can rearrange my whole schedule. I'll have to see how far I can push his ability to resist an experienced flirt.

I took advantage of the extra time to get ready for my date. I wanted to look my best for Lover Boy, I think he was trying to show me off to his old Guarding partner and I didn't want to disappoint my man. I snorted at the thought. Jake was really wearing me down and he was so sweet, I hope I get to stay with him tonight. I was lonely last night and sleeping next to his warm body was wonderful, I missed it.

I put on Adrian's favorite outfit, black skinny jeans, a tight red sweater that was a little revealing, but not slutty and my black high heeled boots. When I was with Adrian he used to like to dress me, but not Jake he was much easier, he never cared what I wore. He always said no matter what I had on I looked great.

I did my hair in soft waves wearing it down was a nice change; I had worn it up all week for work. I took one last look in the mirror and thought I looked pretty good, just needed some lip gloss and I would be ready to go.

Before I left I wrote out a note for Z's Dad, I wanted to make sure he had no excuse not to bring him to my apartment tomorrow. I don't know why I was nervous to meet him, maybe it was because if he didn't like me then he could keep Z from me and that would crush me. I had only known the little guy a short time, but I couldn't imagine not having him in my life. I did truly love him.

Thinking about Z put a smile on my face. I walked into the daycare and Z spotted me immediately.

"Laya" he ran and crashed into me. I couldn't resist him, I picked him up and spun him around.

I put him on my hip I loved holding him like this, like he belonged to me. "I missed you Laya."

I smiled and giggled like a little girl. "I missed you too Z."

He put his little hand on my cheek, god I loved it when he did that. "I love you Laya" he said sweetly.

I looked at him, rubbed his sweet little cheek, I swear I could feel my heart swell bigger every time I was with him. "And I love you."

Z had me so memorized in our mutual confession of admiration I barely noticed my surroundings, but I faintly heard my girls? I looked up and saw the twins with Lissa and Christian, what where they doing here? Lissa was whiter than normal and Christian was cursing under his breath, this was not good.

That's when I saw him. I swear my world stopped spinning on its axis. Dimitri?

His hair was down liked I loved it. I remember how soft it was the few times I got to touch it. I forgot how ominously godlike he was, he really was a Russian God. Tall, fit and stoic just as you would expect the perfect specimen to look. I couldn't wrap my brain around the fact that he was standing in front of me. I let out a gasp not being able to control my shock, not a very Guardian like move on my part.

I faintly realized Z wiggled down off me and ran to Dimitri and grabbed his hand? Oh my god Z…Dimitri…was Z's dad? Z pulled Dimitri towards me, but Dimitri looked hesitant. Shit he was not happy to see me and was trying to avoid me, I felt like an out of place ass.

"Laya this is my Daddy, Daddy this is my Laya." Z was beaming.

God this was not happening, Dimitri was Z's dad. "Daddy?" I looked toward Dimitri for some type of confirmation and he looked like he was in just as much shock to see me was I was to see him.

He cleared his throat. "Roza how have you been?"

Seriously that's what he has to say to me _how have I been_? How in the hell does he think I have been? "Fine." I spat at him, how dare he act like nothing was weird about this situation. He destroyed me and left me for Tasha and he wanted to sit and chit chat.

Wait Tasha. OH MY GOD TASHA is dead. And why didn't anyone tell me? I heard Lissa calling me; she must have sensed my train of thought.

_Rose please let me explain. I couldn't see you hurt again. Dimitri didn't want you to know Tasha died giving birth to Zander. Yes his name is Zander Christian, he's such a doll Rose, but you know that now. I hate to say this, but he didn't want to see you so he asked us not to tell you he was single and Tasha had passed. I am sorry I shouldn't have kept this from you, please Rose don't hate me. I swear I was just worried about you._

Oh god he didn't want me bothering him. My stomach was twisting in knots it's like all the rejection was hitting me all over again. I felt like such an idiot, someone kill me now please.

"Um Lissa could I see you outside please?"

Renatta strutted over to Dimitri and rubbed his arm lovingly. "Dimka are you already for our date?" I glared at her; I hated that name, _Dimka_, UGH! I was so wound tight I thought I might shatter from the tension in my body.

That's when I felt two warm familiar arms circle me, Adrian. I felt his breath on my neck and shivered a little. He whispered in my ear. "Hey gorgeous, let me get you out of here for a few minutes, I think you could use some fresh air to clear your head." Just having someone that I knew _did_ love me allowed me to relax a little.

He pulled me outside and held me. "Little Dhampir I am sorry but I had to get you out of there."

He held me while I took a few deep breaths and calmed down. I pulled away to look at him. "Thank you" I was pretty emotional and wanted to say more, but I tried to convey to him all the appreciation I had for him through our eye contact.

The more I was around his familiar scent the safer and calmer I got. "Thanks again, you're too good to me Adrian." He really was too kind.

He gave me his sexy smile I loved so much. "Love, for you I would walk through a bourbon factory and not have one drop." I couldn't help but laugh the visual he gave me was too much, oh Adrian.

I felt like I got some of my inner strength back. I resisted the urge to rub my tattoo I didn't want Adrian to be suspicious of what I was doing. "Okay I can do this, I need to go back in there and give him my address so he can bring his little boy over to my place." Adrian looked guilty; yeah he knew he was so busted for hiding Tasha's death and Zander's birth from me.

"Oh, and by the way my sexy Moroi I am not going to forget you were in on this big conspiracy to keep me in the dark about Tasha dying after Zander was born. I don't care that Belikov didn't want me to know, but you of all people should have told me." Yeah my sexy favorite Moroi you are busted along with your spirit welding cousin.

He gave me his panty melting love pout and rubbed my cheek. He so did not fight fair; he knew I couldn't resist his sexy pout. "I am sorry Little Dhampir I wanted to protect you from more pain and rejection. I know it was wrong, but I was only doing it because I love you." I couldn't blame him and Lissa they weren't the ones rejecting me _again_.

"I know" I told him. It was two small words but he knew me and that I didn't blame him. He was looking out for me like always.

Adrian's smirky self returned. "Okay so let's go torture Belikov. So what will it be, you telling him that I took your virginity or we make out in front of him?" Oh he was so funny, but as funny as it seemed I doubted the Russian God would even care.

"Oh Adrian let's not get ahead of ourselves, I doubt he'll care."

"You have no idea. His mouth tells you one thing, but I know that look Rose he still loves you. Trust me I should know." Poor Adrian, why couldn't I just love him back like he loved me? I know why, because that jerk inside ruined me for all men. Well maybe not all men, Lover boy was holding his own these days. Thinking of Jakey-pooh gave me strength to face my demons inside the daycare.

I pulled strength thinking of my support network, Lover Boy, Adrian and my friends and put my Guardian mask on, I could do this. "Guardian Belikov" He winced a little, was it so bad for me to talk to him? "I came by to give you my address so you could drop off Zander tomorrow. Ten o'clock is good for us." He gave me a blank stare, his Guardian mask reflecting right back at me.

I was blocking Liss I had no time for her. "Liss we need to talk, but I have to go meet Lover Boy, so later?" I let her know I was not ready to talk yet. "Alberta we'll catch up tomorrow." I couldn't even think about Alberta being here yet my head was spinning way too much already.

Renatta decided to make sure I knew Dimitri was hers, she must have sensed the tension in the room. "Dimka let's go, it's getting late and I'm starving."

Dimitri stared at me. I saw love and regret in his eyes, but I just couldn't fathom what I was seeing. Why would he say one thing and do the other. God I hated when people called him Dimka, it brought back all the memories of Tasha and that horrible winter trip to the lodge, ugh! "Yeah _Dimka_ have fun on your date." I was being a brat, but I couldn't resist.

I was so confused at the mixed messages he was sending me and I had so many conflicting emotions I had to get out of here. I grabbed my crutch, Adrian, and went to leave. That's when I heard those little feet, and all my frustrations and anger melted, he was like a calming bath. Ah Zander. I loved saying his full name. "Laya wait."

I picked him up and nuzzled him like he was meant to be in my arms. I got a little worried Dimitri would keep him away from me. If he didn't want me to know anything about him and Zander how was I going to keep seeing Z? Shit this was not good I may lose him and that would rip my crippled heart in two. I tried to push those horrible thoughts aside, I needed to stay positive and have hope that Z's Bobbi would help me out with Dimitri. She seemed to like me, maybe she could convince him that Z needed me and my friendship, I had to hope anyway.

I sadly said goodbye to the little boy who stole my heart, worried it may be the last time I would see him. I walked out with Adrian hand in hand needing his strength to keep me upright.

Adrian and I walked in silence back to my apartment. I lay on my bed and covered my head with a pillow while Adrian rubbed my back. "Rose honey didn't you have plans with that surfer boy tonight?" I snorted; Adrian could always make me laugh even when I was at my worst.

I smiled and nodded. "You want to talk about it?" He asked and gave me a compassionate smile.

"No not yet, maybe later, I need to _not_ think about it right now or I might unravel at the seams." What if I lose Zander now too? I was realizing that having Dimitri Belikov in my life was the best and worst thing that ever happened to me. And no matter how much pain I felt and no matter how much he didn't want me and rejected me I would never regret meeting him or his adorable son.

Adrian put me back together and gave me a drink that numbed me enough so I could get through the night. It was time to put my game face on and put Guardian Belikov behind me for tonight at least.

I walked into the G bar and saw my smiling Lover Boy and I couldn't help but return his smile. He really was a bright sun coming to warm me on a miserable cloudy day.

Oh shit he was with Dimitri and Renatta. Okay this was a sick joke, D is Dimitri.

I sat down and J started to introduce all of us. I stopped him. "Um J I know Guardian Belikov and Renatta, already."

"Really?" He gave me a questioning look?

Okay new strategy. Kill Dimitri and his date with kindness maybe then he'll let me keep my relationship with Zander. "Yes um I work with Renatta." I smiled at Renatta and she finally gave me a genuine smile, she must like that I was with Jake and not a threat for Dimitri's attention. "And um Guardian Belikov was for a very short time one of the instructors at St. Vlad's."

"Really?"

Dimitri cleared his throat. "Actually I mentored Rose for awhile." How dare he, this was my story to tell.

I tried not to shoot daggers at him, but I am not sure how much I could prevent it. "Well it was just for a few months, Alberta was my real mentor. Guardian Belikov left after a few months to start a family." I saw the hurt and sadness in his eyes, if he was going to tell a story then so was I.

"It's Dimitri."

"What?"

"You are my peer now, you can call me Dimitri." He gave me that you have to listen to me authoritative look. Hmmm some habits die hard.

"Well I guess I will always see you as Guardian Belikov, my instructor, you know kind of like Guardian Alto, it's hard for me to call him Stan." I knew it was a low blow, comparing him to Stan, but he deserved it.

Jake thankfully saved me from digging a bigger hole with my bitter behavior and brought us to some lighter conversation about his and Dimitri's days when they guarded and attended the academy together. It was awkward and hard and horrible, but I put a fake smile on my face and gave all my attention to Jake like a good girlfriend. But I was dying inside, I wanted to know what was up with Dimitri's schizophrenic behavior, one second he was giving me loving eyes and the next he was narrowing his eyes at me. I had emotional whip lash and needed a break.

I thankfully was able to run off to the restroom and Renatta not being my biggest fan didn't want to come with me. I squatted outside the ladies room against the wall and tried to take a few deep breaths to calm myself. I was an emotional wreck and I hated it. It was like 4 years ago when he left me.

"Roza" Shit shit shit I was not ready for this.

I scrambled to my feet. "Um Guardian Belikov sorry I was just on my way back."

I saw him flinch when I called him by his formal name.

"Please Roza its Dimitri. I am so – " I had to cut him off.

"Look no matter how you feel about me, I promise you I will not bother you, just please don't keep Zander from me. He's such a sweet boy and I will be so sad if I can't see him again."

His eyes softened and he took a step towards me making our space very intimate. He brushed some hair off my cheek. "I would never keep you two apart." His voice had a ring of conviction to it and his eyes told me he was being sincere. Thank god.

I had to look away from his gaze it was piercing right through me. "Thank you." It's all I could say, I felt like my throat was closing and I lost my voice to the emotion of having him touching me. His familiar smell of after shave and musky soap swirled around us. God he was so gorgeous memories did not do him justice.

I looked back and I saw love in his eyes, what did this mean? "Roza" he whispered while he pressed against me, I was literally between the wall and a rock hard Russian God. My head was spinning. Why was he doing this to me? I looked in his eyes and I saw the love and pain I felt reflected back to me from his warm brown eyes. Those eyes, Zander had his eyes, how could I be so dense and not see the connection. My breath caught at the intensity of our closeness.

"Renatta I think the bathroom is over here let me check on Rose." I heard Jake and Renatta coming around the corner. For one split second I looked at Dimitri and he gave me a look of fear and sadness. I shook my head and ran into the bathroom.

I took a few calming breaths and tried to get my hands to stop shaking. I walked out and tried to be normal. I saw Dimitri with his phone; he was probably pretending to be on the phone as his cover.

Jake came and put his arm around me; he kissed the side of my head. "There you are babe I was getting worried about you." He rubbed me lovingly.

I looked at Dimitri; Renatta had claimed him and held his arm territorially. "Oh sorry I got a call from Lissa."

Dimitri gave me a sad look as we went back to get our drinks and head to our table for dinner. I was lost in the world of a confused head, I was on auto pilot. It was like I was there, but not there. That embrace, Dimitri being pressed against me was making my insides melt. Why was he sending me mixed signals, why was he torturing me?

I had every intention of making him jealous with Jake, but I was a weak defeated woman. I just couldn't do it, instead I was polite and kind and tried to be the perfect girlfriend, but that façade was a deck of cards and I was a wreck. I kept rubbing my tattoo trying to calm myself. Toward the end of dinner Jake noticed and I told him I was not feeling well so we could have an out. This way I could run and hide in my apartment and try to get my head straight.

Finally dinner was over. I held onto Jake needing his closeness for security, I saw the sadness in Dimitri's eyes when I was hanging on Jake. "Okay you two have fun, but not too much fun." Jake gave them his million dollar smile and winked at them.

We said a polite good bye and were on our way.

"Babe what's wrong?"

"Uh nothing, just tired I guess."

"Really? I think you don't you like D?"

I shook my head. "It's not that I don't like him it's just weird that he's a peer, he was quite a hard ass on me you know." I looked at him and he nodded in understanding.

He didn't know that Dimitri was the one to come get me and Lissa, once I told him he understood my awkwardness. At some point I needed to tell him what the real issue was, but tonight was not the night for it.

Jake's phone went off, it was Dimitri thanking him for the night, he showed me the message. Then his phone went off again, this time it was Alberta.

"Shit Rose she needs me for the next three days to fill in for a sick Guardian." He gave me a remorseful look. "I am sorry babe."

I shook my head. "Hey don't worry about it Alberta wouldn't call on you unless it was an emergency she knows how much you hate leaving all of us." He agreed and we said a quick good bye.

I was sad to see him go, I loved sleeping next to his warm rock hard body, but I needed some time to sort my head. I would never tell him this but I welcomed that text. I wonder if Alberta knew I needed some space and sent him away. I'll have to ask her about that.

I took a shower and let the hot water run over my body until it ran cold. I got out, got dressed and braided my hair. This way it would be wavy and I could wear it in a pony tail, but it would look styled and wavy.

As I was walking to the kitchen to get some water I heard a knock at the door. "Who is it?"

"Roza its Dimitri can we talk." I moved to the door.

"Um…why? I think it's best if we don't go there right now Guardian Belikov."

I heard him moan. "Please call me Dimitri. I promise it will be just for a minute."

I could not face him right now tomorrow was going to be hard enough. "Um you can say whatever you have to through the door. Plus, why are you here, what if Jake was still here?"

"I saw him leave."

"Are you spying on me?"

"No" long pause, "I was just watching until you were alone."

"Semantics" I slid down with my back to the door and decided to hear him out, but I was not letting him in. "Okay…fine…shoot, I'll listen."

"Can I come in, please?" He was using his Russian accent more, he was either tired or knew it was my weakness to hear his accent, or a little of both. Damn him and his hotness.

"I don't think that would be a good idea." Because I am a weak women and a coward.

"Okay" He sounded defeated. "Roza I never meant to hurt you I swear. After Mason died I realized how close I was to losing you and I left to protect you." Well that made no sense.

"I knew if I stayed I wouldn't be able to stay away from you and I would hurt your chances at being the Princesses' Guardian. I knew I would make you lose focus as a Guardian. I could not risk your life like that; you were too precious to me. I love you Roza." Wait loved or love?

I kept silent waiting to see if there was more. "I was a coward and too weak to face you. When I went to Tasha I was a mess. I realized I could not be with her and I started drinking heavily." Dimitri drinking? I couldn't imagine it.

"I wouldn't open up to Tasha, it was killing her, I was like a hermit a recluse. One night she came to comfort me, I was really drunk and I was hallucinating. I thought she was you and I slept with her." What the hell.

"That's when we conceived Zander. I had to take responsibility for my actions so I stopped drinking and did right by Tasha. I was a mess, but we agreed to be partners and friends and raise the baby together. But I was never with Tasha, in my heart it was always you. At Christian's graduation I was planning to tell you everything, come clean, say goodbye, but you weren't there." I ran away to Israel to hide from him.

"Roza when Zander was born all I could think is that I wished he was yours, but he was not. I felt like such a horrible man thinking of you after Tasha died, but you're all I ever thought about. When I held Zander that first time I knew I had to think of someone besides myself for once. I vowed that day to never let him down. I thought you would hate him because he was Tasha's son. That's why I never found you and told everyone to keep my story from you." Was I such a horrible person that he thought I would hate his baby.

The stress of this situation was getting to me. Dimitri's voice was so soothing; it was like he was lulling me to sleep. I was so tired and emotionally overwhelmed I was not sure if I passed out or fell asleep from exhaustion. Next thing I knew I woke up and was cold and stiff. Wait, it was freezing outside, oh no Dimitri, shit.

I flung the door open and I saw him hunched over in a ball shivering and out of it. He was either asleep or unconscious?

My Guardian training kicked in. I pulled him inside and dragged him to my bed.

He was fully alert now and shaking violently from the cold. "Rrrrrozzzza….shhhhhowwwerrr" Was all he could get out.

"No, you'll go into shock!" I started undressing him leaving only his boxer briefs on him, his eyes got huge at my actions. I stripped down to my bra and booty shorts and his eyes got bigger. I tried not to look at his sexy body so I wouldn't get distracted. Looking at the clock I realized I was out over an hour, thank god I woke up before Zander lost his only living parent.

I pulled his shaking form into my bed and I thought I saw him smile. I got as much skin contact with him as possible to warm him and covered us up with the bed covers. "Thhhhannnnk you." He was barely able to speak he was shivering so badly.

I gave him my best smirk. "I am doing this for Zander, he needs you." I was snuggling into him and could feel his face on the top of my head and I could tell he was smiling. I loved his smile.

He was so much taller than me I was tucked into him, we had our arms wrapped around each other and our legs were tangled together. He was cold to the touch, but I still felt warm tangled together with him like this.

Both of us being exhausted we fell asleep before he was fully warmed up. I still felt a few convulsions ripple through him periodically before I lost my fight to stay awake. I tried my best not to fall asleep, but I was tired, tired of fighting, tired of being mad, so I pretended. I held onto my Russian God and I pretended that he was mine, that he never left me for Tasha, that Zander was our son, that there was no monsters and no magic and we could just be together. Ignorance was bliss.

I woke up and felt warm, too warm almost. I felt a warm calloused hand on my bare back and for one split second I thought it was Jake. Then I smelt his heavenly heady scent and all the memories came flooding back to me. I tried to pull away and out of bed, but he held me and mumbled, "Mmmmm Roza." Damn he was strong.

I finally weaseled my way out of his embrace and went to get dressed. I purposefully didn't look at his nearly naked body in my bed, the picture would haunt me, it would be best I didn't allow myself that visual.

I got dressed and heard him behind me, he was fully awake. My back was to him then he walked towards me. He rubbed where my tattoo was. Oh no, you don't mister. I turned abruptly and moved his hand. "What are you doing?"

He looked deep in my eyes like he was trying to hypnotize me. "It's new." He stated, I snorted at him.

"What?" He asked.

"A lot is new." He gave me a sad smile. I turned and finished getting ready trying to avoid looking at his bare godlike form. "I need to leave. You have to get dressed and go home to your son."

"Okay" He said softly. I heard him go into the restroom and then I noticed his clothes were missing. Huh, too shy to change in front of me was he?

I was in the kitchen making some coffee when I heard him. "You like coffee?"

"Um, yes, now I do." I still couldn't look at him. "Do you want some?"

"I'd love some."

I watched the coffee like it was the most fascinating TV show; I was trying to avoid him. "How do you take it?" I asked but still would not look at him.

"Black is fine." Can you say _small talk_ to avoid the purple elephant in the room?

Avoiding his gaze I handed him his coffee. He gently reached out to my retreating hand and held my wrist softly, he wanted me to look at him. "Thank you Roza."

I snorted a little. "It's just coffee."

"I am not talking about the coffee. Thank you for everything; listening to me, warming me up, it was the best night of my life." I blushed, only he could make me blush like this.

"I had to, you know for Zander." And for me I would die if anything happened to you

"Have you had time to think about what I told you?"

I nodded. "Um yeah I guess. It doesn't really matter now though does it?"

He frowned. "It can matter. We can work this out."

I only had to say one word. "Jake" He got an instant look of guilt on his face.

I nodded agreeing with his expression. We finished our coffee, comfortable silence surrounded us.

When he was done I took his cup. "Um, I am going for a run so yeah I guess I'll see you at ten when you drop Z off."

Hurt flashed in his eyes. "Okay" He put his jacket on and I collected my cell phone, sweatshirt and keys. He followed me out and the comfortable silence from before turned awkward.

"Okay well see ya." He nodded looking like he wanted to say something, but I turned and started to walk away.

"Roza wait." Great I had my chance to run and I blew it.

"What?" I said a little too harshly.

"Do you love him?" I stared at him in shock, not really knowing what to say.

He must have realized that he needed to elaborate. "Jake, do you love him?" I was still frozen.

"Roza if you do just tell me, and I will stop dreaming of you and I will leave you alone, but I need to know."

"Yes" It was true I did love him, but my love for Jake was like one tree in a forest compared to my love for Dimitri which was an entire forest.

"Okay" He looked crushed my heart quivered at the look on his face.

"Dimitri it's just – "He cut me off.

"I get it, I am too late, you've moved on. Jake is great at least it's with him and not Ivashkov." Now I looked guilty, if he only knew. "Can we be friends, for Zander and the others?" He asked.

Was he that quick to just write me off and give up? I knew his feelings for me paled in comparison to mine, but that was easy. As much as I wanted to rush into his arms and hug him and tell him I loved him more than anything, that he was my one true love, that I would do anything for him and his little boy, I couldn't get my body to react. It was like the physical pain of losing him before was so harsh my body remembered and would not follow my heart. It was a sign of self preservation.

I nodded. "Okay friends." I could do this, I could be his friend. I mean we were close before right? We could be civil and work this out for everyone's sake. "But Dimitri I need to tell Jake about what happened with us from before, on my terms in my way, okay?"

He nodded. "Sure Roza. I am just happy you stopped calling me Guardian Belikov." I smiled the biggest smile, I couldn't resist, he had such an effect over me.

"Thank you Roza for last night, listening to me, the coffee, helping Z, all of it." I nodded looking towards the forest thinking of my love analogy. "And Roza" He waited until I looked back to him. "I am sorry."

I nodded and I watched him give me a sad smile, turn and walk off. I stayed silent, but inside I said _yeah not as sorry as me_.

**Okay I feel like I have a lot to live up to since so many of you are following this story. I am hiding my face under Rose's bed covers, was it okay?**

**I have posted some My Milaya Out Takes for chapter 9, look at my profile to find them if you haven't checked them out yet : )**

**So I need some guidance, do we want Abe in this story? I have a whole plot line for him if you all want it let me know, I promise it won't over shadow our star crossed lovers.**

**And as you can all tell I am a boxer briefs girl, so what is it for you… boxers or briefs or a do you like a little of both like me?**

**Reviews are like being held by a Russian God while you sleep : D**

**A/N: So I just want to set the record straight. I pulled my story before since my name was out there and I was getting hate mail and people were searching out my story and they were not very nice. I have been in contact with the other author and she is really sorry and didn't mean any harm.**

**I think she's young and didn't realize and hey we all can relate to being young and not doing the smartest thing right. So it's all good. I have not had any hate mail and I hope she does not either.**

**Thanks for reading all my extra stuff I am windy tonight ; )**


	11. Chapter 11

**THANK YOU FOR YOUR REVIEWS! I have been better about getting back to them if they are signed.**

**Love goes out to my Beta bonkerzrulez she is awesome and makes this story so much better.**

**Richelle Mead owns it all, I just play with some of her stuff.**

**My Milaya Chapter 11…**

**Dimitri POV**

"Mmmm Roza I missed you so much."

"I know Comrade, me too now kiss me." I growled and attacked her lips. Her lips were sweet and soft and she tasted like cinnamon. She moaned in my mouth and a chill ran through my body, her touch was lighting me on fire.

She pulled away and searched my eyes. "Comrade" I loved it when she called me that. "I missed you so much please make me yours. I want to forget the past, the only thing that matters is that we are together with Zander, the three of us belong together." She gave me a small sweet kiss and whispered. "I love you" Then she kissed me passionately and now it was my turn to moan.

Abruptly she pulled away and gave me a sad look, she turned and walked away. "Roza wait." She looked back with sad eyes and shook her head at me. "I am sorry Comrade it's too late." Then she walked away. I dropped to me knees.

That's when I realized I was dreaming, but then I felt her, she was with me, her satin skin under my hand. "Mmmm Roza" I felt her pull away and my heart ached missing her immediately.

The events from last night came back to me, ugh Renatta. Without being a total jerk I was able to wrap up the date with her. The goodbye at her apartment door was awkward, but I was able to get away with a hug and small kiss on the cheek. She didn't seem happy, but I could care less.

I ran as fast as I could to Roza's apartment. I saw two shadows in the window and I knew Jake was with her. I bet he was staying the night. I found a comfortable spot to watch the apartment, biding my time to see if J left.

I ran the events of the night through my head, I couldn't believe I was on a double date with Roza. She was so attentive and loving to J. I felt guilty for my behavior, half the time I was giving her loving bedroom eyes and the other time I was give her death glares since she was all over Jake. I couldn't even look at Renatta resenting her for being with me and probably causing Roza stress.

When I had her pinned against the wall she looked like she was struggling with her feelings. Being that close to her I felt intoxicated by her presence, she had sad confused eyes that bore straight into my sole.

For once luck was on my side and J left Roza's apartment. I texted Momma and told her I wasn't sure when I would be home and not to wait up or worry.

I got to Roza's door and took a calming breath before I knocked. "Who is it?"

"Roza its Dimitri can we talk." I heard her move to the door.

"Um…why? I think it's best if we don't go there right now Guardian Belikov."

I groaned, I hated it when she called me that. "Please call me Dimitri. I promise it will be just for a minute."

There was few second pause my heart was hammering in my chest waiting for her reply, please Roza let me in. "Um you can say whatever you have to through the door. Plus, why are you here, what if Jake was still here?"

"I saw him leave."

"Are you spying on me?" Busted she knew I was watching her.

"No" What should I say? "I was just watching until you were alone."

"Semantics" I heard her slide down and lean against the door, but she was not opening it. "Okay…fine…shoot, I'll listen."

"Can I come in, please?" I was so tired and my brain hurt I just wanted to explain to her and hold her and tell her how much I loved her.

"I don't think that would be a good idea." I guess this is the best I am going to get.

"Okay" Please let her listen to me. "Roza I never meant to hurt you I swear. After Mason died I realized how close I was to losing you and I left to protect you."

"I knew if I stayed I wouldn't be able to stay away from you and I would hurt your chances at being the Princesses' Guardian. I knew I would make you lose focus as a Guardian. I could not risk your life like that; you were too precious to me. I love you Roza." Now please just open the door so I can hold you.

She stayed quiet so I took that as a sign to continue. "I was a coward and too weak to face you. When I went to Tasha I was a mess. I realized I could not be with her and I started drinking heavily." Still more silence and I was not sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing?

"I wouldn't open up to Tasha, it was killing her, and I was like a hermit a recluse. One night she came to comfort me, I was really drunk and I was hallucinating. I thought she was you and I slept with her." Yes I am an idiot.

"That's when we conceived Zander. I had to take responsibility for my actions so I stopped drinking and did right by Tasha. I was a mess, but we agreed to be partners and friends and raise the baby together. But I was never with Tasha, in my heart it was always you. At Christian's graduation I was planning to tell you everything, come clean, say goodbye, but you weren't there."

"Roza when Zander was born all I could think is that I wished he was yours, but he was not. I felt like such a horrible man thinking of you after Tasha died, but you're all I ever thought about. When I held Zander that first time I knew I had to think of someone besides myself for once. I vowed that day to never let him down. I thought you would hate him because he was Tasha's son. That's why I never found you and told everyone to keep my story from you."

She got even quieter and I soon realized from the change in her breathing she was now asleep. I tried to wake her up, but she was out. I was about to give up and go home when the door flung open.

She pulled me inside her place. I tried to look around to commit it to memory, but I was shivering too badly. We ended up by her bed and she started striping me down.

I often dreamed of her undressing me and my daydreams were nothing like this, this was all wrong.

"Rrrrrozzzza….shhhhhowwwerrr" I pleaded between convulsions, I needed to warm up so I could explain to her what she meant to me.

"No, you'll go into shock!" She striped mine and then took her clothes off. I felt like a kid in candy shop she had the body of a goddess. I tried to hide my surprise and smile, but I am sure I wasn't successful. I saw she had a tattoo on her bikini line I wanted to reach out and trace it, but I was shivering too badly. It looked like a symbol, some type of writing Asian, no maybe Hebrew. Hmmm I wonder what it meant?

She pulled me into her bed and connected our bodies, I knew it was to get as much skin on skin contact, but I was happy pretending that she wanted to hold me like this. "Thhhhannnnk you." I wanted to say more, but speaking was too difficult.

She gave me my favorite Roza smirk, I was so happy to see her personality surface. "I am doing this for Zander, he needs you." I couldn't help but smile, thank you Zander.

She was tucked into my body where she belonged, I felt whole for the first time in a long time. I tried staying awake so I would never forget this moment, but Roza's bed was so warm and having her wrapped around me smelling her coconut shampoo was so calming I succumbed a fell asleep.

After that horrible dream I woke up when she left the bed.

Her back was to me and she was getting dressed. I wanted to see her tattoo and memorize it so I could learn what it meant, I couldn't help myself I tried to touch it. In a ninja Guardian move she turned and moved my hand. "What are you doing?"

I looked deep in her eyes to show her I loved her. "It's new." She laughed a little.

"What?" Why was she laughing?

"A lot is new." I was sad; I missed out on so many things in her life. She turned away from me and finished putting her clothes on, it looked like she was putting on workout clothes. Maybe we could go to the gym together?

"I need to leave. You have to get dressed and go home to your son." Her tone was curt.

"Okay" Point taken I'll leave. So I wouldn't make her uncomfortable anymore I went into her restroom to get dressed and use her facilities.

I walked out to the kitchen after I got a good look at her room, I needed to commit her apartment to my memory not knowing if I would ever return and I needed the visual for my dreams. She was staring at a coffee pot watching it brew. "You like coffee?"

"Um, yes, now I do." She spoke but kept her back to me. "Do you want some?"

"I'd love some."

"How do you take it?" She kept her back to me, I hated having a conversation with her back, she must really be uncomfortable.

"Black is fine." I needed to see her face to see if she was okay.

As gently as I could I held her retreating hand and finally got her attention. "Thank you Roza."

She gave me her cute little laugh. "It's just coffee."

"I am not talking about the coffee. Thank you for everything; listening to me, warming me up, it was the best night of my life." She blushed which was a rarity for my cool confident Roza.

"I had to, you know for Zander." Her mouth was saying one thing, but her eyes were telling me something else. I saw love, hurt and regret in them, I recognized those emotions I shared them with her.

"Have you had time to think about what I told you?" I needed to talk about this, to know how she felt.

She gave me a hesitant nod. "Um yeah I guess. It doesn't really matter now though does it?"

"It can matter. We can work this out." She needed to see we belonged together.

"Jake" It was probably the most powerful word she could have said to me. Guilt seeped through me, she was Jake's and I was out of luck. I had my chance and I blew it.

We exchanged no more words and sipped our coffee in silence. The awkwardness from before seemed to be lifted and I enjoyed being in her presence.

She took my cup and then proceeded to tell me in so many words to leave. "Um, I am going for a run so yeah I guess I'll see you at ten when you drop Z off."

The thought of leaving her crushed my heart. "Okay"

I followed her out cherishing every second, I didn't know when I would get one on one time with her again. "Okay well see ya." I gave her a polite nod.

I needed to see if she loved J. If she did I would walk away out of my respect for him, but I would never stop loving her. "Roza wait."

"What?" I flinched a little at her harsh tone.

"Do you love him?" She stared at me frozen.

"Jake, do you love him?" Still nothing.

"Roza if you do just tell me, and I will stop dreaming of you and I will leave you alone, but I need to know." I will die loving you and only you.

"Yes" Regret and hurt was in her eyes, but I could tell she was being sincere.

"Okay" My heart squeezed with pain.

Dimitri it's just – " I had to cut her off I couldn't hear anymore I was devastated.

"I get it, I am too late, you've moved on. Jake is great, at least it's with him and not Ivashkov." She did a little grimace, wonder what that was about?

I will always love her, but maybe she would allow me to be her friend. This would be easier on everyone and she would still be in our lives, it would just not be what I really wanted. "Can we be friends, for Zander and the others?"

She looked a little wary, but agreed. "Okay friends." She looked a little nervous. "But Dimitri I need to tell Jake about what happened with us from before, on my terms in my way, okay?"

I nodded, I'd give her anything she wanted. "Sure Roza. I am just happy you stopped calling me Guardian Belikov." She gave me a beautiful smile. I lived for those smiles.

I needed to let her know how grateful I was for what she did for me. "Thank you Roza for last night, listening to me, the coffee, helping Z, all of it." She looked off in the distance deep in thought, but I needed to see her beautiful face "And Roza, I am sorry."

She gave me a sad smile. I walked off sullenly. I needed to get over myself pity. I had no one to blame for this situation, but myself. I knew this, but this fact did not make the sadness go away. I loved her and would always love her.

As I walked I thought of Roza and how wonderful it felt to hold her all night. I slept better than I had in years and could only wonder what it would be like to hold her every night like that.

I turned a corner towards my building and almost ran into Renatta.

Her eyes turned bright. "Dimka! I just dropped off some muffins for you and your family. I couldn't sleep and got up to bake them just for you."

"Thank you Renatta." I smiled at her, but her mood suddenly shifted.

"Why do you have the same clothes on as last night?" Okay none of her business.

I put on my stoic Guardian face. "Guardian business."

"What kind of business?"

"Well if I told you I'd have to kill you, it's top secret." We'll see if that shuts her up.

"Oh I am sorry I was just worried about you." That softened me a little.

"I'm sorry Renatta, but some stuff I just cannot share." She nodded looking a little sullen.

"Okay sure. Um do you think you'd want to come over tonight and watch a movie, I can cook for you?" Great.

"Um Renatta look I think you are sweet and very pretty, but right now is just not a good time for me to start a relationship."

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Is this about Ms. Laya, I mean Rose?"

"No, she's with J. He's my friend." I was not going to elaborate this was none of her business.

"Sure, right."

"It's about Zander. He's not ready for this and neither am I, I'm sorry. I tried, but I just can't go there right now." Because I love Rose and my son does not like you at all.

"Fine, you'll be sorry" She gestured towards her body. "This body deserves to be worshipped and it will be your loss." I really hated girls who were conceited. My Roza was confident, but still humble, and she was way hotter than Renatta.

We said a quick good bye, I was thankful to get that over with.

I hurried home, got Z and I ready, made him some food and then headed over to Roza's. Momma wanted to talk, but I told her later and not in front of Z. I could see her curiosity getting to her, I am sure she'll be calling Yeva to get more details since I was so short with her.

Z was bouncing he was so excited. We were right on time when we knocked on Roza's door.

She opened it and even though she looked casual she took my breath away. "Hey guys come in." Z wiggled out of my grip and jumped in Roza's arms, she chuckled at his enthusiasm.

The twins were playing in her living room; she had laid out a blanket and put a bunch of toys out. They looked happy and very comfortable; Rose seemed to be good with them. This was not surprising since she was so great with Z.

"You have no help, it's just you and the kids?" Please invite me to stay and help.

"Uh no Jake had to leave to cover a Guardian for a few days so it's just me and the kids today."

Z was half playing with the girls half listening to our exchange.

"Laya can my Daddy stay and help? I don't see him too much and he can watch the babies?" He gave Roza his famous pout, she seemed to be succumbing to him, I was in awe of his persuasive ways.

She bit her lip and looked a little unsure. "Okay fine, sure Dimitri you can stay and help if you want, I guess."

The biggest smile spread across my face. "I'd love to." She smiled back and my heart melted, her smiles were precious gifts to be cherished.

Z entertained the girls and we got the stuff ready. We were making sugar cookies so the kids could decorate them.

We brought the girls over and Z got up on the counter and dug right in helping Roza. They were so comfortable with each. I watched them and it was fascinating, they were amazing together.

I entertained the girls and got them involved when we could, they were a little grabby and messy and couldn't do too much. Zander was decorating his cookies and Roza and I were each helping the babies decorate a cookie. I looked over to her and saw her steal a glance at me. She gave me a sweet smile.

My heart swelled. I imagined that if we had a normal life and more kids this is what a typical Saturday would be for us. I think her thoughts were on my same wave length from the sweet smile she gave me.

We finished up and Roza made a quick lunch for everyone, I was surprised she could cook. I watched the kids while she got lunch ready.

We sat down to eat and the kids were well behaved during lunch, it was nice and quiet.

She smiled at me. "Well I guess I should thank you for staying I am not sure how successful this would have been with one adult."

"It was my pleasure Roza."

Z's head snapped up and looked at me. "Why do you call her Roza?"

She answered him. "Well my real name is Rose and your Dad used to train me and always called me by my Russian name Roza."

"You mean you knew her before I did?" Z asked me.

I nodded. "Yes son I knew Roza before you were born."

"Oh? Did you know my Mom?" He asked Roza.

Roza looked panicked. "Um not that well." Great.

"Hmmm" Z looked thoughtful, I knew my son his little wheels were spinning I was not looking forward to our conversation tonight and what questions he would pepper me with.

"Alexis seemed to be falling asleep drinking her bottle." Roza took her and put her down and came back for Annabel who was dozing like her sister. She explained that Christian set up their port-a-crib and the twins would sleep in her room.

She came back to a yawning Z who was stretching tiredly. "Z we should help clean up and go home, you look tired son."

He whined. "But I don't want to go! Laya rubs my back and she can lay with me and I can sleep here."

I must have looked weary since Roza answered my unspoken question. She rubbed his hair and picked him up. "Why don't I lay with you in my room, I will rub your back, you can sleep with your cousins and watch over them for me."

"Yay! Yay!" He cheered, hugged her and nestled into her neck, lucky kid.

I cleared my throat. "I'll clean up while you put him down." She nodded and walked off towards her bedroom.

As I cleaned I thought how things have changed in just one day, twenty four hours ago I didn't even know Roza was at European Court and now I am spending the day with her, Zander and the twins. Life sure was crazy, but I loved every minute of it.

I finished cleaning up and Roza had not come back out. I didn't want to invade her personal space, but I was a little worried. I hesitantly went to her room and saw the sweetest sight. Roza was asleep on her bed spooning Z who was conked out. I wanted to freeze time and keep her with us forever, but I knew she didn't belong to us.

I was tired myself and even though I rarely napped I wanted to lie with them. I slowly settled on Roza's bed and I put my hand over Z's body protectively. I was barely touching Roza, but I imagined that she was my wife and we were taking a family nap.

I woke up disoriented and forgot where I was. Z was staring down at me smiling. "Hi Daddy"

"Hey son good nap?" He nodded with his whole body while he sucked down a juice box.

"Where's everyone else?"

"Laya had to change the baby diapers they woke up smelly." He plugged his nose and made a groaning ew sound.

I got up to see if she needed help, giving Z a piggy ride out to the main room.

"Hey Prin- I mean Lissa, how are you?"

"Good Dimitri" she gave me a devious smile and ruffled Z's hair. He gave her a big hug then she went to get her stuff ready to head home. By the look on her face it seemed her and Roza had a chat and Lissa was all caught up with what has gone down the last 24 hours.

"Lissa do you need me to escort you home?"

"Thanks Dimitri that will be great."

Z looked at me and then to Roza. "Laya can I stay here with you til my dad gets back?"

She picked him up and spun him around. "Sure we'll decorate a few more cookies and you can take them home to Bobbi."

"Yay!" He cheered and did his classic Z happy dance while everyone clapped and laughed at him, he was such a ham.

As I walked the Princess home we chatted about Roza and how things were going.

I helped her get everything into her apartment and got her settled. Eddie was with Christian finishing up shopping, Brett had dropped Lissa off at Roza's and was going back to help them bring everything home. Even though this was Roza's weekend off she was going to walk Lissa and the girls home, I was glad I was at Roza's and happy to help escort the Princess home.

"Dimitri I wanted to ask you and Z to dinner tomorrow. I have some gifts for him and we wanted to catch up with you guys. Bring Olena too. Um I know you and Rose decided to be friends, but I don't want to push this too fast on her so I didn't want her to know." She was being cautious and I appreciated that, I felt bad getting in-between their relationship.

"I am sorry Lissa I don't want to put a strain on your relationship with Roza."

She shook her head. "It's okay and things with her are better than I thought they would be. Sure Rose is a little miffed at me, but Rose cannot hold a grudge." I nodded, agreeing with her, after everything I did to Roza she still agreed to be my friend she really was amazingly unselfish.

I was saying goodbye to Lissa, when Eddie Brett and Christian showed up.

I ran to Roza's excited to see her and Z. They just finished up and packed up cookies for Z to take home.

I started getting our things together. Z started to get fussy, he stomped his feet after I put his shoes on. "I. Don't. Want. To. Leave. Laya." He demanded and was in rare form.

"Z don't be rude we need to go home, Bobbi is making dinner and we don't want to wear out our welcome." I smiled at Roza, she gave me a sweet smile back.

His eyes got that calculating look. "Laya can you come to dinner at my house?" I sighed I was never getting him out of here without a fit I could feel it.

Roza bent down and smiled at Z, it calmed him a little. "Z thank you for the invite, but I have plans. Listen to your Daddy so he lets you come back and visit, if you're bad he won't let you come visit me again and that will make me sad. I will see you Monday okay?" Plans, plans with who? I guess not my concern, but I wish I could follow her and see what she was doing and who she would be with.

She completely calmed him down and he nodded in agreement. He pulled her into one of his death grips hugs. They rocked back and forth playfully; I was finally able to pry him out of her hands.

I picked him up and was ready to head out. I turned to Roza. "Thank you so much, he really had a great time." Z was leaning on my shoulder giving Roza his best pout and she looked sad to see him go.

"Oh I have something for you." She walked to the counter and got a bag of coffee.

"Um you said you really liked the coffee from this morning. I have some extra in my freezer, its Christmas blend, it's my favorite. Snickerdoodle is Jake's favorite, but I like the spice in this one. I thought your Mom would like it too, she has been so sweet to me and I wanted to give her something to go with the cookies."

Just the sound of J's name was like a bucket of ice dumped over my head, the little bubble I lived in today playing house with Roza was ending and I was going back to reality.

"Thank you." I wanted to reach out and touch her cheek, but I resisted not wanting to make her uncomfortable.

As Z and I walked home I was sad, I always felt like I was walking away from my love. One day I hope I get to stay and never leave her side and never have to walk away from her again.

~ 0 ~

**Reviews are as good as Christmas Blend and Snicker Doodle coffee : D Yes they really do exist.**

**I wanted to let you guys know what I've been reading in way of VA stories.**

_**Saving Grace and Burning Desire by Annika Taylor **_

_**Last Sacrafice: The Ultimate Choice by Steffy2106**_

_**Someone Like Me by rosebelikov26 (she uses the name Laya in her story, it's so cool!)**_

**All these stories and my other favorites can be found on my favorites list under my profile.**

**The best thing you can do for your favorite authors is send them some love in a review. So even if you don't review my story please send some love to your favorite author, you will make their day : DDD**

_**Kismet Update**_** – Okay so I've always known how this story would end before I wrote it, but I was at a loss how to get there from where I left it before my writing hiatus. But I had an epiphany this weekend and I think I know what I need to so I plan to write the next chapter this week. Sorry for the delay, but if I am not feeling a story I just cannot write.**

**Cheers!**


	12. Chapter 12

**I am loving your reviews! Thank you so much : DDDDD**

**Okay so to speed things up this chapter is not beta'd yet. I am posting it and when my beta finishes editing it I will replace it. So be nice my mad beta has not worked her magic on this chapter yet.**

**Richelle Mead owns it all, I just play with some of her stuff.**

**My Milaya Chapter 12**

**Rose POV**

I sat down on the couch and tried to catch my breath. I was sad to see them leave, but also relieved. Being around him was making my brain fuzzy; I can't believe just twenty-four hours ago I didn't even know anything about his life, what a difference a day makes.

I can't believe he thought I would reject Zander, that boy was so sweet how anyone could not love him was beyond me. I now see why I had such a connection to Z, he was a mini Dimitri. Seeing Dimitri as a dad was amazing, I always knew he'd be a great parent. He was right to leave me I was a genetic mute and could not give him a child, he was meant to be a father. Seeing him with Z and even the girls proved this to me. I was more depressed now than ever, I could never give him a child. I am sure he would have had more if Tasha had not died. I bet it's just a matter of time before one of these twenty or thirty something Moroi hags realize he's on the market and they offer to give him another child.

I shook my head I needed to let all of this shit go already. I was with Jake now and we were committed and I would never feel worthy enough to be with Dimitri knowing he would want more kids. I was unworthy of his love and could never give him the family he wanted. Friends…yes we could friends and he would let me keep seeing Zander so life was good, right? Ugh I need a drink.

As I walked to the restaurant I texted Alberta: _Going in a little early I need a drink meet me in the bar._

She got right back: _I am on my way a drink sounds good._

I ordered my drink with some chips and salsa and waited for Alberta, we were having dinner to catch up.

That's when I heard them behind me. "Oh I hope Dimitri comes out tonight I am dying to get my hands on him, he escaped me at the academy and I am bound and determined to have him."

I heard the other girl moan a little. "Yes he is hunky, but I'll take his buddy Jake, those blue bedroom eyes kept undressing me the other day when we had a drink with them."

WTF she had a drink with Jake. I had to check these girls out. They were Moroi, tall blonde, of course and they looked slutty, I guessed they were around Dimitri's and Jake's age.

"Can we help you Dhampir?" The one with shorter hair asked.

"Uh no."

"What are you staring at?" The other one asked.

I snorted little and rolled my eyes. "Not much."

"How dare you talk to us like that, we are Royals." I nodded and headed towards Alberta who I just saw enter the bar.

"Hey Rose by the looks on those girls faces seems like you're making friends tonight."

"Yeah you know me."

"Well watch it they are Royal, Badica sisters, local Moroi sluts." Alberta winked at me. She was so different towards all of us since we graduated the academy.

She pulled me into a hug. "It's so good to see you. Come on I got us a table let's eat."

We chatted and did some small talk and then ordered our food. I could tell she was chomping at the bit to ask me about Dimitri.

"So Rose how are you?"

I shrugged. "I guess as good as can be expected."

"So have you spoken to Belikov?"

"Yeah he spent the night last night and we spent the day together making cookies with the twins and his son." She sprayed her drink all over the table in shock. "What" She gave me the mother look and said. "Explain." Alberta was a woman of few words.

I explained everything to her, she listened intently and nodded and mmhmd every now and then.

"Huh" Yep a woman of few words. I shrugged.

"So friends? Is that possible, I've been around you two and the attraction was so apparent and that was when your love was forbidden, what will it be like now that you guys can actually be together and he not go to jail? And what are you going to tell Jake?"

"I am going to tell Jake, but not sure how or when, I think the sooner the better. And the rest I don't think will be a problem. He broke my heart once, whenever I get the urge to jump him I'll just remember all the tears I shed."

She gave me a skeptical look. "Well you are taking this better than I expected."

I shrugged. "There's not much I can do about it now so I decided not to stress out about it." I looked towards the Royal sluts in the bar area flirting with anyone they could make eye contact with. "So tell me about those two." I pointed towards the blond bimbos.

She proceeded to tell me Iris and Beth Badica and their surly reputations. My skin crawled a little bit remembering how they were talking about Jake and Dimitri like they were possessions to be had. They had such an elitist personality like they should be allowed to have these men if they wanted them just because they were Moroi.

I think what bothered me the most was that they were Moroi and not genetic defects like me. Those two could give the two men I loved something I never could and it made me hate them.

"Rose really they are nothing, just a couple of Moroi sluts who think they are better than they are because of their name. Trust me honey Jake is so head over heels for you he'll never stray, especially for those two."

I grimaced, I knew Jake loved me, but I just felt so futile. "Yes I know Lover Boy loves me, but I just feel I don't know, you know?"

"You know I was in love once."

"Really?"

"Yes his name was Henry he was a Guardian like us. We met at Court during some grand Moroi conference. I struggled with my feelings and my duty, I am sure you can relate."

I smiled and nodded for her to continue.

She took a calming breath. "Anyways after a few years into the relationship I felt very inadequate as well. It was hard, we were apart a lot, but when we were together we made it count. I loved him so much the thought of combining ourselves and creating a life was something I dreamed about. He didn't care though, but I still felt unworthy of his love. Our lifestyle didn't really accommodate us having a child and not being together full time, but still once I found my soul mate I wanted to have a family."

I nodded I knew exactly how she felt.

"What happened?"

"He was killed, his convoy was attacked by Strigoi, he protected a high level Moroi they were a target…" She trailed off.

My heart wrenched for her. "Alberta I am so sorry."

She shook her head. "It was a long time ago I miss him, but I made my peace. And I will see him again and he's with me in my heart.

After I lost him I didn't feel I was at the top of my game so I transferred to the academy and decided to make it my life's work to create the best Guardians around, superior Strigoi killing machines." She smiled and I knew our heavy conversation was over.

The rest of dinner was nice and we got caught up. Alberta loved me so she did me a great favor! Since she was in charge for now she got me out of ward inspection duty. I was so happy I did my own version of Z's happy dance.

I went home and got ready for bed. As I got in bed I pulled the pillow next to me and cuddled with it. It smelled like Dimitri and holding it smelling his heady scent made me think of what it was like in his arms, pretending we were together and a happy family. I fell asleep remembering the way it felt to be in his arms, secure, safe and loved. I was in trouble.

I felt like I was floating, it was a beach our beach. My heart wrenched a little, Adrian; he had to be here watching. He always liked to watch me at the beginning of our dreamwalks. It had been awhile and I almost forgot how stunning our beach was. We had plans to come to this beach right before I broke it off with him. Right before we were to leave for our trip to visit our beach I broke up with him, I had a sinking feeling he was going to propose. I know I broke his heart that night and I hated myself; I knew how horrible that felt. But I knew it was the right thing in the end and I had to do it since I could never be what he wanted and needed. Even though I knew this deep down it still hurt us both like hell.

Eventually he was able to be my friend again. Then he met Emma, I was so glad he moved on before I did. A few months later I started to really get to know Jake, we had taking up sparring together and he covered for Brett or Eddie, he was our choice stand in Guardian. He was a badass and we needed that to protect Lissa. He wanted more than friendship from me for so long and I never gave in, then one day I just relented.

Adrian's snickering pulled me out of my deep thoughts. I looked at him and he gave me his sexy smirk.

"What?"

"Oh you don't realize what you're wearing I guess?"

I had on a barely there bikini and my tattoo was conveniently missing, Adrian hated that tattoo. I never confirmed what it meant, but I know deep down he knew.

"Nice, Adrian if Jake saw this you'd be his punching bag for a day."

He came and sat down on my queen sized beach bed and pulled me into a full body hug. "Well good thing Jake is not here and our dreamwalks are just for us."

I pulled away and smirked at him. "Yes. And thanks for bringing me here, I've missed this place."

"You know we can still go here for real, it's not too late."

I gave him a sad look confirming it was too late. "Fine I'll let it go. I brought you here to see if you were okay. You know with the whole Belikov thing. Are you mad at all of us?"

I sighed and laid down pulling Adrian with me. We cuddled on the day bed, but it was friendly and we both knew it. "Um yeah I talked to Liss and Alberta and I understand I just feel sort of foolish for being in the dark and everyone having to treat me like a porcelain doll that's going to crack easily."

He rubbed small circles in my hand. "Little Dhampir we all just care so much about you and wanted to protect you."

I snorted. "Yeah the protector needs to be protected I guess."

He looked at me with his gorgeous emerald eyes that looked tired and sorry. "Sorry…"

I held onto his face. "Look it's over I am cool. I just want to move on with my life and forget all this."

I proceeded to tell him the events over the last two days and he snarled a little when I mentioned Dimitri spending the night. I explained to him how we were going to be friends and I was still with Jake.

He was the good friend like always and sat and listened, eventually I woke up and our time was over. I felt great after talking with Adrian I woke up feeling clear headed and knew what I needed to do.

I woke up and went on my run. I had a new resolve; I was not going to let Dimitri Belikov send my life into a tailspin. He'd done it once and scarred me bad; I was not giving him the power to do it again. I was happy with my life with Jake, Lissa, Christian and the twins, my job, my guarding partners. This was just another bump in the road and when Jake came home I was going to come clean so we could move on.

I had some laundry and cleaning to do, it was my weekend off and I wanted to get ready and make a nice dinner Monday night for Jake. I especially wanted to wash my sheets, I didn't want them smelling like Dimitri since I knew Jake would probably spend that first night back with me. I found Alexis' blanket and Annabel's favorite binky got left behind, I decided later I would drop them off with my stuff. I was staying at Lissa's Tuesday through Sunday and wanted to take my stuff over so I didn't have to take it to work with me.

Christian usually made Italian on Sunday nights so I was secretly hoping I would get there just in time for dinner and maybe get an invite to stay and eat. Of course I would never admit to him that I loved his cooking.

I walked right into Lissa's house since I never knocked and once I saw who was there I wished I had stayed at home. "Hey Liss I brought my stuff for next week and the girls - " I abruptly stopped seeing as I felt like a total moron.

Dimitri, his Mom Olena, Alberta, Brett, Eddie, Christian, Lissa, Zander and the girls were just sitting down to a big happy family dinner, without me. I felt unwelcome and a stranger in what I always thought of as my second home.

Lissa jumped up and came over to me. She was talking to me through our bond. _Oh my god Rose please don't be hurt or mad about this. I wanted to invite you I swear I thought about it, but I was just worried it was too much too soon for you. We've haven't seen them in awhile and we wanted to get caught up and we have Zander's Christmas and birthday gifits. I am so sorry. Are you mad?_

I hugged her and whispered. "No worries I am just going to dump this stuff in the closet and I'll be gone in two seconds." I was trying to hide my hurt, but Lissa knew me, she could see right through my façade.

Just then Zander and the girls spotted me. He ran towards me and practically knocked me down and at the same time the girls starting squawking like crazy. Brett jumped up to take my stuff and stow it away, we'd be switching spots on Tuesday.

"Laya I missed you." I pulled away and rubbed his hair a lovingly, I was sitting down now and he was on my lap.

"Silly, I saw you yesterday and I'll see you tomorrow."

He shrugged. "I still missed you." I gave him a sideways hug. Then the girls starting freaking, they were already in their high chairs eating strawberries.

I got up, held Zander's hand and pulled him along with me to go say hello to the little squirts. I gave them both a kiss on the forehead and said hello and goodbye.

"Okay well I just wanted to drop that stuff off, I have to go, bye." I tried to make a quick getaway, but everyone piped up at once asking me to stay, especially Z.

He stomped his feet and gave me a cute pout. "No you just got here you can't leave."

I squatted down to his level. "Hey little man I have to go, but I will see you early tomorrow morning. I got an in at the Guardian office and I don't have to do ward inspection anymore so I'll be with you all day." I winked at Alberta, she smiled, Z cheered while Dimitri seemed to be staring at me intently. It was a little creepy he didn't take his eyes off of me since I walked in the door.

I said a quick goodbye gave a few hugs and was out of there in record time. I thought I was free and clear until I heard someone come out the door to follow me. It was Dimitri I could smell him.

He cleared his throat. "Um Roza can I talk to you for a minute?"

I turned and tried to give him a genuine smile. "Sure what's up?"

He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, it was weird to see Dimitri nervous he was always so cool and collected. "I feel like I am kicking you out of your second home. I know Lissa didn't want to invite you since you might feel uncomfortable, but we decided to be friends for this exact reason. " He brushed some hair off my forehead and I shivered at his touch. "Please stay and have dinner with your family."

I was so taken aback at how quickly the air between us heated up, the warm feeling hummed between us, almost electric. I was so tongue tied all I could do was nod and follow him into the apartment.

We went back inside and had a nice dinner. Olena was very friendly, she asked me a lot of questions and I saw her giving me and Dimitri knowing looks like she knew a secret. I liked her a lot, but it was a little creepy. Z and the girls were the best. Lissa put him in a booster seat between the girls and when they got full and bored they decide to take their messy hands and rub them in Z's hair.

He shook his head. "Yuck babies…" He let out a frustrated sigh.

Olena laughed at him. "Oh don't worry your little tuches, we'll get you cleaned up."

I looked confused. Dimitri who was to my right whispered in my ear. "It means bottom or butt." I nodded and smiled at Z's distress over being messy and the babies getting him all yucked up.

"Lissa I can give the girls a bath and then Dimitri can give Zander one."

"Hey why can't you give me a bath too?" He huffed and crossed his arms in a frustrated manner.

I grimaced. "Well I don't know you're a boy and I am not a relative and I don't know is that okay – "

Dimitri cut me off. "Why don't Roza and I give the three kids a bath and then Momma can help clean up." Everyone agreed and we took the three little ones to the bathroom to get them cleaned up.

Since Dimitri was in the room I felt better about being around a naked Zander. I was new to this kid thing and was not sure all the rules were.

The kids were so cute in the bath; I took some pictures of them, but made sure that I didn't capture any of their private parts. I didn't want them hating me when they were older for showing off their naked pictures.

As we go the kids cleaned up I remembered I needed to talk to Dimitri. "Hey Dimitri do you think you could walk home with me, I need to speak to you about something?"

"Sure Roza, everything okay?"

I nodded. "Yes everything is fine."

He nodded and seemed to believe me, but I could see his wheels spinning.

Lissa thankfully had some new pajamas for Zander so we didn't have to put his dirty clothes back on him. Lissa helped me get the girls down to bed while Christian entertained their guests.

We came out and Zander was asleep on Dimitri's lap, he sipped coffee and rubbed Z's hair lovingly. He looked so cute holding his little mini-me, I mentally took a picture of them so I would never forget how adorable they looked.

"Momma do you think you can get Z home I need to walk Roza home we have some Guardian business to discuss." I wonder if he sensed what I wanted to talk about or just said that it was about Guardian business so not to embarrass me?

"I can walk Olena home and carry Zander." Eddie offered he was such a good guy.

Dimitri and I said a quick goodbye and we were off.

We walked in comfortable silence until he decided to start. "So Roza what did you need to speak to me about?"

I looked towards his worried face. "Well I know you are doing the OMP and I wanted to ask you if you would request to be assigned to Lissa?"

He looked thoughtful for a minute. "Yes you and are I are on the same page I want to be assigned to her as well. I don't trust anyone else with her safety, but I do have one issue?" Oh shit is it that he doesn't want to work with me?

Now I was the one that looked worried. "Okay, so um can I ask what your one issue is?"

"Ivashkov."

"Oh"

He only nodded. I knew Dimitri he was probably staying quiet knowing that he couldn't say anything nice about my sexy Royal Moroi and so it was best he stay silent.

"You know he's not so bad, really. Um after you um left if it wasn't for him I don't think I would have made it. I had Lissa, Christian, Eddie and Alberta, but Adrian was my rock. He seriously kept me afloat."

Dimitri looked sick to him stomach. "I am sorry I didn't mean to go there, but I just thought you should know."

"Thank you Roza. I will put my feelings for him aside for you and Lissa. But just so you know I still don't like him, no matter how great he was to you."

"Okay well that's all I can ask. So I guess this means we'll be working together after all."

"Yes Roza we will and I couldn't think of a better partner. " He gave me his beautiful smile; I felt my whole body warm.

We walked in silence again; we were almost to my apartment. "You know Roza since we are going to be working together again we should probably start training again, you know just so we can be more effective, for our Moroi's sake." I saw right through him he wanted to train with me again and I was torn. Part of me was dying to do it, but part of me was nervous. Could I be that close to him on a regular basis and keep my feelings in check.

As we walked up to my door I realized our time was over and Jake would be home soon. Thinking of Jake made me realize that yes I could train with Dimitri, having around Jake would keep us both in check.

We got my door. "Goodnight Roza."

I looked into his eyes and saw some of the old Dimitri and some of the new Dimitri and I liked what I saw, Dimitri my new friend. I pulled him into a hug and I heard him take in a shocked breath. "Thank you Comrade."

He pulled away and looked stunned. "You called me Comrade."

I nodded. "Yep if we are going to train then I guess that's going to be my name for you again. You know Z is not the only one who has nick names for people." He threw his head back and laughed bigger than I had ever seen.

It was nice to see him relaxed and laughing with me, maybe we really could be friends.

I hated to bring him down again, but I had to tell him so he could prepare. "Um yeah and there's one more thing. I am going to tell Jake sooner than later, but you know since nothing really happened between us there's not much to tell."

He looked like I had just staked him. "Okay Roza I understand I will be prepared."

"Goodnight Dimitri."

"Goodnight Roza."

He walked off looking sullen and sad. I hated to do that to him, but I had to remind him that Jake was a factor, he was my boyfriend and I had to tell him if I was going to be able to move on and have a real chance with Jake.

My little pep talk was supposed to make me feel better, but I felt like complete shit. I took a shower and cried myself to sleep.

For a second I thought I was in a dream. I woke up with Lover Boy playing our game, peppering me with kisses.

"Jake!" I yelped and wrapped my arms around him. "You're home."

He chuckled. "Well it's nice to see you too babe, but I have some bad news, that was your worst time ever."

I tackled him. "Why you." I kissed him passionately when I smelt roses and lavender on him.

I abruptly pulled away. "Why do you smell like Adrian's grandmother's garden?"

He looked a little sheepish, shit not a good sign. "Uh the charge I was with fell asleep on me on the plane and I didn't want to wake her and disturb her sleep."

I pushed him off me. "What?" He never had come home smelling like a charge, he must have gotten really close to her.

"Babe stop, it was nothing."

"It doesn't smell like nothing."

He tried to hug me, but I pushed him away. "No, either go shower or go home."

He was tired and I was being unreasonable and that was not good mix. He got up and started to walk out. "Where are you going?"

"I am going to go home to wash Soraya Mazur's smell off me and then I am going to bed until you calm down and can be the reasonable adult I know you are."

I was pissed. "Fine go. I hope the _wonderful Soraya Mazur_" I said her name nastily. "Keeps you warm at night."

He walked out without another word and I threw my pillow at him, jerk. He was already out of the room so didn't even get to see my pathetic display of 12 year oldness of throwing my feather soft pillow at him.

I looked at the clock and realized I didn't have to be at work for four more hours and even though I tried my best to go back to sleep I couldn't. I tossed and turned a little while longer and realized it was hopeless so I gave up and decided to go to the gym. I needed to let off some steam and beating the crap out of some dummies always did the trick.

I got to the gym and expected it to be deserted due to the early hour, but as soon as I walked in I saw him. "Dimitri what are you doing here?"

**So unless you want Roza to throw a virtual feather pillow at you then you better leave me some love in a review LOL…I loved that visual.**

**So what did you guys think of Jake's weekend assignment, Soraya Mazur?**

**Up next is the Russian God and he's much bolder now unlike he was at St. Vlad's ; ) I am sure you can all use your imagination of how his boldness might come out : )**


	13. Chapter 13

**Okay so I haven't been good about getting back to my reviews, but I swear I read and appreciate everyone one of them. If you a direct question you wanted answered please just PM me and I'll get back to you.**

**Thanks to my awesome beta bonkerzrulez I was able to actually get my act together and get this chapter in a decent time so she could review it : )**

**My Milaya Chapter 13…**

**Dimitri POV**

"Hi Roza, I couldn't sleep so I decided to get a workout in before work."

"Oh" She seemed a little shocked by this.

"So do you want to spar a little?" Please say yes, please say yes I did an internal prayer.

"Uh sure, but I need to run and do a quick warm up."

"Can I run with you?"

"Sure"

We ran in comfortable silence, each of us battling for dominance in our place between first or second. I felt lighter with her, not as responsible. One I was no longer her teacher, knowing if I didn't do a good job she and many others could die. Two now our love was not forbidden and I wouldn't go to jail for these feelings that coursed through my veins when I looked into her beautiful eyes, but there was still that forbidden fruit since she was not available but belonged to Jake. Both of us being competitive we pushed each other and at the end we sprinted, I probably could have really dug deep and won since I had been doing some serious conditioning, but I let her win by the slightest margin. What can I say love makes me soft.

"Let's see what you have learned in four years." She smirked at me and that only fueled me to be on my best game. Even though Roza was young she had a great reputation and I wanted to show her I was still the teacher and she needed to be schooled. Yes I was still cocky when it came to fighting even with the one I love.

We circled each other each of us testing the waters. We both got in a few good blows but none of them connected solidly. Each time she got a shot I smiled hugely with pride, she was good, but I was better. I went to do a move that I never got to in my teaching with her, but she skillfully blocked it. As I was setting up my next moved a jab and roundhouse kick combination finished off by an elbow she shocked me. She ducked and blocked my jab and then when I went to kick her she lifted my leg causing me to lose my balance, I fell and she pinned me with lighting fast speed. She was smiling down at me as cocky as ever, she looked so sexy it took every ounce of will power not to rip her clothes off and make her mine.

"So Comrade what do you think I have learned in four years?" She winked at me and as always the sexual tension between was winding up, we were both panting from our sparring session and I could see her eyes mirror mine with lust.

"I think you've learned a lot and I would like to learn more." I said in horse voice that was strained from my imminent attractiveness to the goddess who had me pinned by her curvy beautiful body. She had on track capris and a work out bra so we had enough skin contact to make both of us want more.

I held her eyes trying to convey to her the love and extreme lust I felt for her. I was not the same man and she was no longer the forbidden seventeen year old and I wanted her more than I have ever wanted anything. She shook her head as if to shake off the spell of the natural attraction that hummed between us. "Sorry I'll let you up." I had lost her.

She helped me up and the warmth of her hand spread through my entire body. "That was some move, who taught you that?"

She cleared her throat, the mutual lust making both of our voices a little husky. "Master Cohen in Israel, it's a Krav Maga move."

I did an acknowledging grunt. I had read about Krav Maga, but it wasn't as big in Russia so I hadn't had a chance to practice it. I wanted to learn it once I got to the states, but Montana being isolated there weren't any Krav studios.

"You've been to Israel?" So much I have missed.

"Um yeah, instead of going through my graduation ceremony I went there to learn some new fighting techniques to take home to Alberta at Court. Kind of like a train the trainer type thing." So that's where she had been. She snorted. "Alberta called it a fighting sabbatical, but I think she just didn't want to see me go through a mental break down seeing you and – " She gasp and cut herself off.

"Comrade I am so sorry, I didn't mean to bring that up, I – " It was my turn to cut her off.

I held up my hands in a calming way and said. "No worries, it's fine. I am just glad to learn a little about what you did over the last four years. Obviously you advanced your training."

She blushed a little and nodded, I loved being able to get this reaction out of her.

"So would you consider training me?"

She looked stunned; she got that playful look in her eye I loved so much. "Guardian Belikov are you actually asking me, your once incompetent student, to train the big bad Guardian who makes Strigoi fear going out in the dark?"

I laughed at her playfulness, I loved this side of her and I hadn't seen enough of it since our reunion. I smiled playfully back. "Yes Guardian Hathaway I am begging you to show me some moves." Take that my little temptress.

She nodded and gave me a sexy smile. "Moves eh?"

I sneaked up on her right when her guard was down being the sexy temptress she was and tripped her and now I had her pinned. I smirked at her waiting for her witty come back that didn't come. Instead the same sexual tension and heat from before hummed between us. I wanted to say something witty or funny or smart, but I didn't want to snap the connection that existed between us. I partially released her right hand and brushed her cheek, it was like heaven. I trailed my hand down and wrapped a strand of her silky hair from her ponytail around my finger. I missed her hair, I loved her hair.

"Roza" I whispered, she inhaled a ragged breath. I leaned in and her eyes widened just a hair, but she didn't stop me. I remember this feeling, her beneath me, the pull I felt towards her, the forbidden indecision now not coming from me, but now from her. I leaned in further just inches from her lips, I could feel the heat coming off her and her sexy smell of vanilla combined with her workout sweat was enough to drive me insane. I closed my eyes and my body shook with anticipation, just then the doors slammed open. We both pulled away with lightening speed, being pulled from our sexual trance again.

"Hey Rose, hey Dimitri. Rose are you showing him what a badass you've become over the last four years?" Rose nodded nervously, my guilty expression mirrored hers. Alberta gave us a knowing smirk and walked towards her office. Just as she was about to open the door that led to the corridor to her office she turned. "Hey Dimtri when you are done can I see you a minute?"

"Sure Alberta" She turned and walked towards her office. We were alone once again, but our sexual tension now turned to awkwardness.

"So yeah it's getting late anyway I better go." She turned to leave.

Curiosity got to me. "Hey Roza, I told you why I was here so early, what's your story?"

She grimaced. "Jake came home smelling like his charge, they had to have some pretty close contact for that to happen and we got into a bit of a fight, I needed to blow off some steam. I thought I'd abuse some dummies, but instead you were available." And just like my temptress was back, she shrugged and smiled her gorgeous smile at me. She smirked at my stunned expression and turned to leave. She grabbed her gym bag and before she walked out she turned and gave me a gorgeous smile. "See you Comrade. Let me know when you're available to be schooled." She turned and walked leaving me stunned and gaping behind her.

I called Momma real quick and asked her to take Z to school so I could talk to Alberta and not have to worry about rushing.

I walked into Alberta/Egor's office. "Hey Alberta you needed to speak to me."

She gave me a smug look and started. "Dimitri I just wanted to remind you of a few things." I nodded for her to continue.

"Just a reminder if you hurt Rose again this time I won't be so easy on you." I tried to interrupt her and tell her I would never hurt Roza again, but she didn't let me get a word in. "And she is with Jake and I know you and Jake are very close and just a reminder what it would do to both of them if you came between them."

"Alberta I – " She cut me off.

"I don't want to hear it. I had dinner with Rose on Saturday and she told me the whole story." So that's who her plans were with. "And I get it, but just be warned."

I figured it best just to agree and be done with this so we could move on. "Okay Alberta point taken."

She nodded satisfied. "Now onto lighter topics, I got your request here to be assigned to Lissa and I think its great idea. I've approved it and you'll start working with her tomorrow."

"Great"

"I also spoke to Egor about Viktoria wanting to transfer here and I think with the increased need that we could work something out."

"Wow Alberta, thank you so much for both."

"No thanks necessary, Dimitri just don't ever hurt Rose again." She gave me a threatening glare that sent a chill down my back, Alberta was not anyone I ever wanted to cross.

The next few days flew by. Each day I met Roza in the gym and we worked out and she showed me some Krav moves. Our workouts never got as heated as that first morning though. For one we met at a later hour, after work she came to escort Lissa home and while her and Adrian finished up OMP spirit work Roza and I worked out. Wednesday she brought Z from daycare and he watched while he cheered us both on. My little man loved us both and I don't think he could pick sides. Secondly, Roza seemed a little down, I assumed it had to do with Jake, but I didn't want to ask her about that that topic feeling like I was probably the last person she wanted to confide in.

She was teaching me a lot of new techniques and much to my ego's delight I was still able to teach her some things we never got to or things I'd picked up since we used to train together. It was good we were getting to know each other's styles again; we would be protecting the princess and working together a lot during the OMP field tests. We finished up and as I was walking home I saw J looking very sullen. I knew that look he was brooding. Zander fell asleep on my shoulder so I figured no rush to get home so I cut across the road to talk to him.

"Hey J man how are you, haven't seen you for a few days?"

"Oh hey D, yeah I've been sulking, Rose and I are arguing. It really sucks we've never fought and we've been together almost a year. I am not really a pro at this relationship stuff so I am not sure what to do?"

"Hey listen why don't I go drop off my little man with my mom and we can meet at the G bar and grab some food and a drink and then we can try and figure this out."

He got a hopeful look. "Thanks D, I'll see you in a few."

I dropped Z off and headed over to meet Jake. I spotted him sitting at a corner table I think he was hiding from Iris and Beth who seemed to be flirting with the whole bar.

"Hey D. I ordered you a Heff with some lemon." I looked at the beer and wondered if I should even go there. When I was depressed over Roza vodka was my poison. I had a beer from time to time, but never more than one. I decided to just have the one beer with Jake, but I was not going to have more than that. "Thanks."

We ordered some food and he proceeded to tell me what happened. I listened intently letting him get it all out. So after I saw Roza that first morning I guess they exchanged a few texts and it seemed to get worse not better, Roza was not only suspicious over this charge he Guarded, but I guess she heard some gossip of when we had a drink with the Badica sisters.

"I don't get why she is insecure, I mean look at her, any guy would kill to be with her." I nodded; he had no idea how much I agreed with that.

"Maybe she got hurt in the past?" I wanted to see what he knew.

"Yeah and that's another thing, I guess she did get hurt, but I know nothing about it. She won't get close to me, she won't say she loves me, she won't spend consecutive nights with me. This bastard really did a number on her, if I ever find out who the hell this asshole is that hurt such a young, innocent sweet girl I swear I'll rip his limbs off." I gulped a little, well I guess they haven't had the talk yet.

"And then there's Ivashkov, I mean he molests her right in front of me and I can't get jealous, it's just not fair." I clinched my fists at his name; I had to find out if Roza and Ivashkov had a past.

"Listen J this is what I think. You're both wrong, and you both are stubborn, trust me I know both of you too well." I said dryly. "Do you love her?"

"More than you can imagine." Oh you'd be surprised by that one J, I cringed inwardly. "That's why I did this stupid gig and want to do more of them; I get paid on top of doing my duty. I wanted to buy her something nice or take somewhere tropical or some shit like that." He shook his head and let out a frustrated sigh. "Maybe save for our future or buy a ring even." He gave me the 'yeah man I love her than much' look.

I knew at that moment I had to fix this with them. He loved her, she told me she loved him and even though she had yet to tell him I know she would not lie to me about that. Plus I felt like a complete pile of donkey shit, I am the one that caused her to be this way, it was my fault. I had to fix it.

"Look, you need to do something grand. Buy her flowers or make her dinner, something that shows her you care and I guarantee you it will pass. Then once you guys have made up you can talk and work things out."

"Do you really think that will work?"

"Yeah I do. Remember I know you both so I am kind of an expert."

He smiled and looked hopeful for the first time tonight. "Okay I am going to bounce and go plan. Thanks D you're the best." He gave me a bro hug and was off.

I sat back down needing a minute with my thoughts. Shit I forgot to ask him about Rose and Ivashkov, I have a feeling there's more to the story of what went on between them. The thought of him and Roza together makes me see red. Anyone, anyone, but him, believe it or not I was actually thankful for her and Jake's relationship, it kept that Ivashkov away from my Roza.

"That was a nice thing you just did." Creepy, it was Ivashkov behind me, like he knew what I was thinking.

I turned and looked at him, he had some hard liquor in his hand and a smirk on his face. I guess I better get along with him since we'll be working a lot together. "Yeah well it was the _righ_t thing to do."

"But I thought you loved her."

"I do love her, I will always love her, but it was the right thing to do, because I love her."

He studied me and gave me a knowing look. "Huh maybe you aren't the antichrist after all Russian." He gave me smirky smile.

"Thanks." I saw the Badica sisters spot me talking to Ivashkov and I knew it was my queue to leave and go home to my boy. "If you'll excuse me I need to be off, I'll see you tomorrow." He nodded and watched me walk out of the bar, I hurried before Beth and Iris could grab me.

"Daddy you home." Z attacked me, he was in his dinosaur pajamas, he smelt clean Momma had already given him a bath. "Hey little man you ready for reading and bed?"

He nodded his head up and down enthusiastically. I had a feeling since he had fallen asleep earlier this was going to be a later night for us. I was right, we got through three books when he decided he wanted to talk, I always knew when the questions were coming his demeanor would change.

"Daddy are you going to die like my mom?"

I dreaded this question. "Z at some point we all die, but no I am not going to die until I am very old and you are grown and have a family of your own." He smiled, his eyes twinkling.

"Is Laya going to die?"

"Well she will someday, like all of us, but not for a long long time. Okay?"

"Good cause I love her." Yeah, me too Z, me too.

"Why are you worried about this son?"

"Cause Ben said Guardians always die, the white monsters with red eyes eat them." Oh you got to love daycare.

"Zander you know those monster are called Strigoi and we kill them with our magic stakes."

"But do they kill Guardians?"

"They kill everyone, they're evil, and they've lost their souls. But you've seen how Roza and I train so hard so we can protect the ones we love from the monsters. We are Dhampirs and have special skills to be protectors."

"So you train so you won't die?"

"Yes and Z don't worry. I am not going anywhere okay."

"What about my Laya?"

"Well she is Aunt Lissa's protector so we will always see her."

Oh no I set the hamster in his head spinning. "So how come we just met her, if she protects Aunt Lissa shouldn't we have met her before?"

Me and my big mouth. "She was learning new ways to fight, but she's all done now so we'll see her from now on okay?"

"Okay cause I love her." He gave me a big happy smile.

"I think you said that once or twice or a hundred times before."

"You're silly Daddy."

I tickled him. "Not as silly as you little man." He giggled. I had to tell him a funny story about his aunt Ikki before he calmed down and was sleepy enough for bed.

I walked out to find Momma waiting for me. "You know Dimka I love being here with you two."

I sighed, I was dreading this day. "I know Momma, but you need to get home."

"Yes Dimka, but I'll be back soon and I got the news form Viktoria she will be here soon, so you and Z won't be alone. And I won't leave until after the twin's first birthday next weekend." She smirked.

"What is it Momma?"

"Just thinking that maybe once I am gone and after Z goes to bed, you'll have some privacy, you could have Laya, I mean your Roza over." She tilted her head and gave me a suggestive smirk.

I sighed. "Momma you know that she is with Jake and I would never get in the way of that. I love her too much; I will never hurt her again. We are just friends Momma, it's not my ideal situation, but it's better than before and I am not complaining."

"Okay Dimka if you say so." She acted like she knew some secret, I'd bet she and Yeva have been gossiping on the phone. They were such yentas.

I shook my head at her and went to shower and drop into bed.

The next day at lunch I realized that I had some free time and Lissa told me I could use her computer to do some research. She'd had food delivered and was spending some quiet time with Christian in one of the lounges. After Roza told me about Israel I realized her tattoo was for sure a Hebrew symbol. I found some similar symbols on the internet, but nothing was an exact match.

Then I found a link on ancient Hebrew and sure enough I found it. It was the ancient Hebrew symbol for love and it had a circle around it, which signified eternal love. Could this be for me, or someone else, Ivashkov, J? Hmm I wonder what it meant to her and why she had it and why on her bikini line? So many questions that will for sure keep me up at night.

I traced it just hovering over the laptop screen not wanting to leave smudges on the Princess' laptop. "Huh so you figured out what Rose's tattoo means, good job Belikov, you are quite resourceful." I saw red, my fists clenched and I was murderous. I pinched the bridge of my nose and put the visual in my head of Roza holding Zander while sleeping in her bed.

I took a few deep breaths and with the help of the visual of my loved ones I was able to calm down enough so I wouldn't turn and kill him. I turned and looked towards Ivashkov, he had a lazy smartass smirk, I was ready to smack it off his face. "How do you know what Roza's tattoo looks like?"

He laughed. "How do you think I know what it looks like?" He crossed his arms over this chest defensively. "I am sure you could use your imagination, but it's not my story to tell you need to speak to My Little Dhampir."

I clinched my teeth and fists, trying to contain my anger. "She's not yours."

He rubbed his chin. "Hmm last time I checked she wasn't yours either."

"You better watch yourself Ivashkov."

"Is that a threat?"

I still had respect for Moroi, especially Royals and I was not going to answer him. Just then Eddie, Christina and Lissa walked in. They looked a little panicked.

Lissa cleared her throat in an authoritative manner. "Is there a problem here, Adrian, Dimitri?"

"No Lissa" We said at the same time sounding like second graders.

"Good, let's get to work; I want to work on super compulsion and distraction tactics." I admired the Princess' work ethic, but I was in a horrible mood thanks to Ivashkov and as much as I hated to wish time away I counted the seconds until I could get to the gym and train with Roza. This daily routine was quickly becoming the highlight of my day. We finished up and I scurried to the gym. Just as I was entering my phone went off.

_Hey Comrade I need a rain check on our training today we'll catch up later okay._

Roza texted me, I felt like I just got my first kiss.

_Sure Roza you okay?_

_Yeah thanks. Have a good night._

_You too , good night._

I was sad I was not going to train with her tonight, but I was thrilled I had her cell phone number. At least I progressed today from second grade to Junior High.

As I walked to get Z my mood was marginally better, I was still stewing on what Ivashkov had told me though. I needed to figure out how I could ask Roza about it. We were friends, I could ask her, that's what friends do, right? I was deep in thought when I noticed a couple in an intense make out session outside the daycare. My heart dropped, it was Jake and Roza. She was holding flowers and he was holding her.

He took my advice and must have done a grand gesture, Roses, nice touch, but I would have gotten her Lilies, they were more unique like her. I walked by and Jake spotted me. Roza noticed me and looked shyly at the ground. "Hey D it worked, thanks for the advice man." He winked at me, while Roza looked up and gaped between Jake and I, she seemed to be in shock.

I winked back. "Good glad to hear it. Goodnight love birds." I smiled and walked away from a stunned Roza and an ecstatic Jake.

**Awww isn't Dimitri so sweet how he did that for Rose and Jake : ) I loved the banter back and forth in this chapter, but it was a little bit of a filler for my story which has quite a bit to go.**

**Leave me some sugar and tell me what you thought….please. Reviews are like getting lilies from a Russian god : DDDDD**

**A/N: A lot of you want faster updates. I swear I am trying; I have a full time job, two kids, two dogs, a husband who is like a third kid, a house and I try to work out sometimes. Plus my coworker had a baby so I am covering for her from July 26****th**** to October 26****th**** so it's like I am doing two jobs right now. But I am almost done YAHOOOO! I write as fast as I can and sometimes write instead of sleep, it really is my stress relief. Okay just wanted you guys to know I am trying. Take Care!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Thank you for all the wonderful reviews! I can't get back to all of them, but I swear I read everyone and they make my day when I get them.**

**Sorry for the delay. My beta is busy and has had this since Thursday, but I know you guys don't want to wait so I am yet putting up another unbeta'd chapter, SORRY. As soon as she corrects my badness I will repost.**

**Since you guys had to wait I did a short one shot to go along with this chapter, but read the chapter first, it will not make sense until you read the chapter. Enjoy….**

**My Milaya Chapter 14**

**Rose POV**

"Rose are you listening to me?"

"Uh yeah of course." No not really you aren't shutting up today so I am drowning you out.

"Okay so what did I say?"

"That I need to go with you to the ball and wear the red dress you got me last year for Christmas." I stuck my tongue out at her and she mimicked my immature move.

"Fine, so you are kind of listening." Alexis pulled on my leg for me to pick her up. I scooped her up and she snuggled into my side and let me give her some Auntie love. As usual Annabel was jealous, but Lissa picked her up and let her play with her spoon so she was momentarily appeased.

Christian piped in from the front room. "I am just glad I don't have to go." I turned around and stuck my tongue out at him. He made a face back at me and Eddie laughed at our exchange. He was just happy Christian got out of the ball so that meant he didn't have to go either. I would be attending with Lissa and Brett would be guarding.

Jake was going, but he would be on duty as a Court Guard. At least I got to go home after the ball and spend the next week at home until I rotated out again. Lover Boy and I were still arguing exchanging a few texts, but we never really resolved anything. I think I was being a little extra bitchy probably because Lissa was practicing more magic than normal and I was taking more darkness from her. I increased my workouts, but there was only so much that could do. I was starting to think me being a permanent bitch was going to be a normal thing.

I needed to talk to Jake soon and makeup, but it could wait until tomorrow so I decided to head to bed early and do an extra long workout tomorrow and then try and catch up with Lover Boy.

I got to school and Z looked a little sad. I picked him up and held him; I apparently just missed Dimitri since Z had just got here. This made me a little sad, but we had been training at night so I got to see him daily. It scared me a little that I looked forward to our sparring time, but I was sure it was just because I missed Comrade my friend right? "Hey little man what's wrong?"

He shrugged and cuddled into my side. I kept him on my lap while he ate his morning snack he was extra clingy and quiet today and I was a little worried about him. Eventually he warmed up and was off playing blocks with Eli, they had finished a lesson and the kids got some free play before lunch.

All of a sudden I heard a scuffle. "You shut up Laya is not going to die my Daddy said so."

"Nuh uhn all Guardians die that's why we breed them." Man they start the Moroi social brainwashing a little young around here.

Both Tanya and I ran over and pulled the boys apart who were pushing each other and fighting.

"What is going on here?" Tanya asked.

Zander pointed to Ben. "He said my Laya was going to die now not later like my Daddy said." Both Tanya and I sighed. We made the boys talk it out and they eventually and reluctantly made up.

I suggested Ben eat lunch with me, Eli and Ben so I could get his story and see if I had to keep my eye on him for upsetting my Zander.

We sat down to a meal of macaroni and cheese, green beans, milk and graham crackers. "So Ben what's your last name."

"Zeklos" Figures.

"I am a Royal and my uncle says that he knows you and you are not nice."

"Huh. Do you think that?"

"Well you seem nice, but he's an adult so I am supposed to listen to him."

"Well do you think adults are right all the time?"

He shrugged. "Um I don't know."

"Well I try to be nice and I promise I will be nice to all you kids. But I am not nice when I am killing Strigoi who might hurt you. I am your protector so I have to be mean sometimes, but only to bad people and evil monsters."

All three boys had big eyes by what I said. Ben gulped. "So you mean the white monsters with red eyes who eat Moroi?"

I nodded while chewing my food. "So maybe I am not nice to them, but I promise I will be nice to you and your friends at school okay?"

He smiled. "Okay Ms. Laya. You are my friend, you are nice." He gave me a hug. I was so hoping the next time he saw his smart ass uncle he would tell him that I was nice. I am sure that will go over like a fart in church with Jesse Zeklos.

I slept by all three boys and rubbed Z's back until he went to sleep. While the kids slept I did an inspection and while I was out I got a text.

_Jake: Hey gorgeous, sorry…_

_Rose: I am sorry too_

_Jake: Can I come see you?_

_Rose: Yes I get off at 5_

_Jake: Okay I'll meet you at the daycare_

_Rose: K Lover Boy_

_Jake: God I love it when you call me that_

_Rose: Really?_

_Jake: Yes. I miss you_

_Rose: I miss you too_

_Jake: See you soon Babe_

_Rose: K_

_Jake: Why do you always have to get the last word in?_

_Rose: Because I am me don't you know me at all?_

_Jake: LOL_

_Rose: Yep_

_Jake: Love you last word girl_

_Rose: K_

_Jake: ARRRRGGGGHHHH_

_Rose: K_

He didn't get back since he probably knew he would just get another of my 'K' texts.

The afternoon portion of the school day went much smoother. Z was in a better mood since he now believed I was not dying tomorrow. Poor kid, I guess his mom dying did a number on him. I still am not sure how I felt about Tasha's death. I decided there was nothing I could do about it so I let the thought go.

It was five so I said a quick goodbye to Z and went outside to wait for Lover Boy. I had texted Dimitri that I would not be able to spar tonight since I was having dinner with Jake

When I got outside I hid and when I saw him walk up he had white roses for me. Aw what a sweetie. I snuck up behind him and he pinned me against the wall. At first I think he thought I was a threat, but when he saw it was me his actions became more erotic.

He had me pressed against the daycare wall. "God I missed you. Babe I am so sorry. Forgive me, please?" He handed me the flowers.

I nodded. "Yeah and I am sorry to Jake. I've been a little bitchy because of Lissa and all her magic." He noticed my stress while I looked down worrying about the magic situation.

He pulled my chin up to look at me. "I love you." He kissed me passionately. I moaned into his mouth, he was such a good kisser. He whispered in my ear. "I would never ever betray you."

I pulled away, but he rested our foreheads together and rubbed my cheek. "Do you believe me?"

"Yes" I did, but I was still insecure. The whole Dimitri and Tasha thing made me very insecure and suspicious. Dimitri loved me I never doubted that and he still left me, what would make Jake different?

"Good." He kissed me again and this one he made count. I wonder if Lissa would let me off tonight for a few hours, make up sex just seemed like such a good idea right now.

Feeling a little frisky I reversed our positions where I now had him pinned against the wall while we made out. I pulled away for a breather and snuggled into him. He was caressing my back saying sweet things to me giving me little kisses all over my face. He made me feel very loved. I felt his change in demeanor immediately when I heard someone approach.

Shit it was Dimitri. "Hey D it worked, thanks for the advice man." WTF. Dimitri was giving Jake advice about us. They talked about us? Okay weird.

Dimitri winked back at Jake and ignored me. I swear that man gave me whiplash with his treatment towards me. Sometimes I thought he loved me to death and other times I felt like he could care less, maybe he has a twin and that's who almost kissed me a few days ago. "Good glad to hear it. Goodnight love birds." He smiled and walked away.

I glared at Jake. "Was this your idea or his?" I held up the roses so it was clear what I was referring to.

Jake looked really nervous. "Well uh both our idea, he helped me some, but I made the decision what to do and Saturday night after the ball will be all me I swear. I am just relationship dumb and he's had Tasha and Marie so yeah he's had two serious relationships, so I went to him for advice." He gave me pleading eyes worried I was about to flip out.

My annoyance at Jake was overshadowed by what he said about Dimitri and two serious relationships. Marie, who the fuck is Marie? "Marie?"

"Uh yeah D and her were real serious at the academy. I thought he might give up guarding for her, but then she ran off with a Moroi after we graduated. D was a wreck, but thankfully he did not quit being a Guardian and had a great charge like Ivan."

"Oh"

"Are you mad at me? I swear I was just trying to do this right. I miss you." His words softened me. I know I should be mad or irritated at him, but I was just hollow. I clung onto him for support feeling like if I let go and got one more shocking piece of news I might crumple into pieces.

Jake came and had dinner with us and he stayed until everyone went to bed. We watched a movie and he just held me. I think he sensed I needed to be comforted and he filled the bill being there for me as usual. The last week was an emotional roller coaster between finding out about Dimitri, to the fight with Jake and all the darkness that consumed and weighed me down, I was a wreck.

Jake reluctantly left and I went to bed. We agreed to spend Saturday night together after the ball he said he wanted to surprise me.

I woke up Saturday morning and decided not to let things consume me and enjoy myself tonight. First I had the ball then Jake was making me a late night dinner and he promised me the best makeup sex a girl could ask for.

Lissa and I were getting ready for the stupid ball. "Why are we going to this again?"

"Because I am Royal and it's what we do, duty and all that."

"Huh. And why are they having this ball?"

"Oh Magistrate Ivashkov has procured two pieces of the Berlin wall that will be on display at the European Court Offices."

"That's the excuse to have a ball?"

Lissa nodded while she fixed my hair, she said I didn't make it curly enough. When we were done we walked out to the boys. Jake could not keep his eyes off me and Christian was the same with Lissa. Bastard if he would just go with his wife tonight then I could be in sweats eating chocolate in front of the TV with Jake.

Jake gave me a hug and whispered in my ear. "Where do you hide your stake in that dress?"

I smirked at him and seductively whispered. "I'll show you later." He sucked in a ragged breath. It had been over a week since we were intimate and I knew Jake was dying right now, it was nice to see him squirm a little.

At the ball Liss and guest (me) was announced and I felt like an out of place fool, but I spotted Adrian so I ran to him and avoided Lissa and her entourage of suck up followers.

"Adrian you look dashing as usual."

He shrugged while he downed his drink looking sullen. "What's up, who stole your puppy?"

He smiled at me, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I am solo tonight Emma is sick."

"Sick or faking?"

He shrugged again and downed the rest of his drink. "I think faking since she says she can't be seen with me in public and a save face until she has a rock on her finger." He mocked drama imitating her, I laughed so hard I chocked on my champagne.

"Well I better go find my table and claim our seats." I held my arm out to him. "Escort me Lord Ivashkov?"

"I'd be honored Ms. Hathaway. But I need another drink Belikov's jealous aura is getting to me."

"What?"

"Well he's Guarding tonight and when he saw us talking he lit up like a Christmas tree. As entertaining as it is it annoys the hell out of so I need to drown him out."

"Dimitri is jealous?"

"Rose you can be so aloof some times." I shrugged and we headed to the bar so Adrian could get a drink.

I noticed those two blond Moroi bimbos headed our way. In nasally voices they asked Adrian. "Why Adrian who's your date, she's so" the one talking paused while she inspected me "exquisite." It was a nice word, but I could tell she was being sarcastic.

"Guardian Rose Hathaway, meet the infamous Badica sisters, Iris and Beth." He lazily pointed out each snarling sister.

"So you two are an item eh?"

Adrian looked annoyed by them. "Rose is a good friend; she's here with her charge, Princess Dragomir."

"Mmmhmmm" The other sister hummed.

I tickled Adrian's arm seductively. "Yes we are good friends." I said it in a suggestive manner and heard Adrian gulp.

He caught on quickly and gave me a kiss on the cheek and pulled me in close. We made some more small talk with the sisters and did a few suggestive things to make them sieve with jealousy. Every Moroi single girl wanted Adrian, he had it all, charm, good looks, money, power. Those two thought I was sleeping with Adrian and I could tell it was driving them mad, okay so maybe coming tonight wouldn't be so bad. They walked away and Adrian laughed.

"Oh Rose how I miss you. Maybe when we see my uncle the Magistrate we could put on a similar show?"

"Let's not push our luck Jake is patient and understanding about our relationship, but I am not sure he's that patient and understanding." I smirked at him.

"I need to use the restroom. I'll catch up with your later okay?"

He gave me his sexy smile I loved so much. "Sure Little Dhampir." I saw the hurt in his eyes, but I was not going to give his uncle the impression we were back together, I was not going there again with Adrian's family.

I checked on Lissa through the bond. She was feeling cool and confident as she touted the part line on the OMP program. I smiled at her confidence; she was such a natural politician and leader I was in awe of her graciousness and poise. I would never be that way; I was a fighter through and through, but I was okay with that.

I felt myself being pushed up against a wall and I was pinned before I could get to my stake. "What was with the show you and Ivashkov put on for the Badica sisters?"

Jake asked me and I grimaced at him. "Well after you and Dimitri had a drink with them last week you guys are their newest conquests so I got into a bit of a spat with them at the G Bar last Saturday when I met Alberta for dinner."

He looked instantly guilty. "Rose I swear it was nothing, I was with D and they just showed up with drinks, it was innocent I swear."

"I figured as much." I really wasn't mad at him about those sluts, just a little irritated.

"So why didn't you say something?"

"Well I thought we were going to talk through things in detail on Sunday so I thought I'd bring it up then."

"Oh" He searched my eyes I am not sure what for, but whatever he saw he liked it since he kissed me passionately.

I heard someone coming so I pulled away. We were Dhampirs and Jake was on duty I didn't want either of us getting into trouble. It was Dimitri, great.

I was not ready for Jake PDA in front of Dimitri. "Jake stop" I mumbled as he attacked my lips again.

"It's just D."

"It's rude."

He rubbed my cheek and chuckled. "Sorry I just can't keep my hands off you in that dress."

"Rose, Jake" He said to us in a formal voice.

I nodded sheepishly and Jake said. "Hey D what's up?"

"Soraya Mazur is looking for you. She said you owe her a dance."

He hung his head and then looked at me. "Rose I am sorry I won't if you – "

I cut him off. "Just go they come first remember?"

He begrudgingly nodded and headed off to find his substitute charge.

I was torn between following him inside to find Lissa and talking to Dimitri, he made the decision for me.

"You look beautiful tonight Roza." I blushed, I hated and loved that he could cause this physical reaction in me.

"Thanks Dimitri. You look handsome in your formal Guardian wear."

"Thanks" Things seemed awkward with us.

"Well I better go find Lissa it's almost time for dinner to be served."

I almost escaped when he called me. "Roza?"

I turned and saw a tortured expression on his face. "Have you told him?"

"Um no, tomorrow we are going to talk and I am coming clean."

He nodded and sucked in a ragged breath. "Okay thanks for the heads up. And Roza you really are the most beautiful woman in the room, as always."

"Thank you Dimitri." I turned and left before he could see my traitor blush.

I sat with Lissa who had just got settled into our table. She pointed out Jake dancing and I grimaced telling her who it was.

"Rose are you okay?"

I shrugged trying not to look like the jealous green monster I was. "They come first right." She sent me sympathy and reassuring thoughts through our bond. "Thanks Liss."

I felt a tap on my shoulder. "Hi Rose I wanted to introduce you to Soraya Mazur."

Lissa and I rose while Jake introduced us and we exchanged superficial pleasantries with the pretty brunette Moroi. She seemed foreign and had a small accent, but definitely not Russian, it was annoying and I was bored, but Jake seemed happy I was being nice.

Jake ran back to his post, after he had left Soraya started. She turned to me. "You know he really does love you, you know that right?"

I nodded to her. "Yes I do, thanks."

She said a polite goodbye and went to her table. I saw her kiss a large Moroi who wore the gaudiest jewelry and scarf I had ever seen. Lissa noticed me inspecting him. "That's Abe Mazur. He's a powerful non-Royal Moroi. Some of his businesses are questionable, but he's never been in trouble with the law he just skirts it. He's very wealthy and very powerful."

I continued looking at them. He caught me staring and cocked his head and smiled, he acted like he knew me from somewhere. He was familiar, but I don't remember ever meeting him. Maybe he was at one of the parties at the Dragomirs' and I remember him from when I was kid.

"It's rumored he used to date the queen, but that he broke her heart along with several others." Lissa whispered to me she seemed giddy sharing Court/Moroi gossip. "Soraya Mazur who we just met is his only child, but he's not with her Mom, not sure he ever really was."

"Huh, why do you know so much about him?"

She shrugged. "Just Court hallway talk." I nodded and kept looking at them, but tried not to be so obvious.

We finished dinner and then I noticed Abe Mazur headed to our table with two guardians shadowing him. "Princess I haven't formally introduced myself, I am Abe Mazur." He graciously kissed Lissa's hand. They exchanged pleasantries. "And who is this beautiful woman who accompanies you this evening?"

"Abe Mazur this is my lead Guardian and best friend Rose Hathaway."

"Rosemarie it's wonderful to meet your acquaintance." How did he know my full name? He kissed my hand and I felt special for some reason by his action, whereas normally I would be annoyed by anyone kissing my hand.

"It's Rose, please."

"Sorry, Rose, would you please honor me with a dance?" I looked at Lissa and she gave me a small nod and sent encouraging thoughts through the bond.

We went to the dance floor and he started gracefully leading me in a dance, he was light on his feet for being so big. "So Rose you have created quite a name for yourself."

I blushed; I was doing that a lot later. "I hope you have only heard good things?"

"Yes it's all been good, you are a very impressive Guardian, the Princess is lucky." Weird he would think that, Moroi were rarely grateful to their Guardians they normally thought we were just doing our duty.

"I am the lucky one, she is a great charge, and she takes good care of me."

"So I guess you would never consider leaving and coming to work for me?"

I looked at the various Guardians he had around him, his daughter and his table. "I don't think the council will allow you anymore Guardians, it looks like you have your fair share."

He threw his head back and laughed, he had a booming infectious laugh. "Oh Rose it is so refreshing to see the world through your innocent eyes. I pay my Guardians very well and for that they are very loyal. Although I am not incompetent I can take care of myself, I do enjoy the peace of mind of a lot of protection." I nodding agreeing with him, he did seem very fierce for a Moroi.

I thought about what he had just told me. Was Jake getting paid when he Guarded his daughter? "Huh. So what element did you specialize in if you don't mind me asking?"

"Fire" He said it menacingly and I had no doubt he was all for the OMP program and probably used fire as a protection tactic, I also had the feeling no one would dare press charges against him. He had that 'I don't ever get touched by the authorities' thing going on.

The music ended and I pulled out of his embrace. "Well I better get back to the Princess now."

"You never answered my question."

"No"

"_No_ is not something I hear often." He gave me a threatening look, I was not intimidated though, he actually seemed kind of like a softy to me, but I would never tell him this.

"The Princess and her family are my family and I would never leave them, _ever_." Now it was my turn to be menacing.

He threw his head back and laughed again. "Oh Rose you are a brave one." He kissed my hand. "It was beyond a pleasure meeting you. I _will_ see you again." And with that he walked away.

I felt someone's eyes on me. I looked over and saw Dimitri, he had a concerned look on his face. _**What**_I mouthed to him and he shook his head and mouthed _**later**_. I shrugged and went off to find Lissa.

We finished the night without incident. I made sure Lissa and Brett were home safe and got my stuff and headed to Jake's per his instructions.

I saw a note on the door. _**Hey gorgeous there are clothes for you in bathroom put them on and meet me in my room.**_I grabbed the note and headed off towards his bathroom.

His house was dark, but lit up with candles and it smelled fragrant, he had a few bouquets of flowers out. In the bathroom I found a sexy black nightie that really enhanced my cleavage, it had matching thong underwear.

I changed and went into his room. He had the lights dimmed, candles everywhere and petals all over the bed, it looked and smelled amazing. He was in my favorite boxer briefs and was sitting on the bed with his arms open waiting for me with his famous sexy smile on his face.

I smiled back and crawled in his arms. "Hi" I whispered.

He whispered Hi back.

"Mmmm this is nice."

"Mmmhmmm" He said as he started feeding me some grapes and cheese.

It was nice and calm and I was very turned on by his display and effort he made for us. We talked for a bit about everything while Jake rubbed my feet, arms, back, legs, it was like heaven. He could have told me that he hated me and was leaving me for Soraya the way he was rubbing me was so wonderfully distracting and I wouldn't have cared.

"But seriously Rose nothing went on, you believe me right? I actually feel a little sorry for her."

I laughed without humor. "You feel sorry for her? She's a rich spoiled only child, why do you feel sorry for her?"

"Well she tries very hard to please her dad and he doesn't ever seem to be impressed. I guess Mr. Mazur and Soraya's mom did not end well and he resents Soraya's Mom. She didn't go into specifics but I guess she feels like that resentment extends to her. She never feels good enough for him."

I grimaced as he rubbed my feet like a true pro. "Well I can relate to that, but still I don't think her life is too hard. It could be a lot worse for her. So did they pay you?"

He gaped at me. "What?"

"Abe told me tonight he pays his Guardians; he actually offered me a job."

He ignored the comment about Abe offering me a job knowing I would never leave Lissa and addressed my question. "Well yes they paid me a little, but not the full amount since I was also loaned to them by the Court Guardian Office. Actually they offered to hire me for the week after the twin's birthday."

"Really?"

"So can I go?"

I laughed at him. "Jake I am not your keeper of course you can go."

"Babe I just want you and us to be okay."

I gave him a small kiss. "Yes we will be okay, I trust you, really. So what are you doing with all that money?"

He gave me a devious smile. "You'll just have to wait and find out won't you?" In a ninja moved he put me on my tummy and started rubbing my back.

"Mmmm that feels so good. Actually I have to talk to you about something too."

He started kissing a trail down my back. "Is it urgent? Can it wait because I am getting impatient seeing you in this outfit? As much as I like it on you I think it would look better on the floor."

I turned and kissed him. "No it's not urgent, it can wait. We'll be together all day tomorrow so we can talk then." With that he fully flipped me over, attacked me and showed me how much he loved me.

I slept really well and woke feeling rested, but sad I was alone in Lover Boy's bed. I saw a note and a rose on his pillow. _**Coffee and breakfast be back soon. Love you**_. I smiled, stretched and went back to sleep waiting for my sexy Lover Boy to return.

I woke up when he slipped his arms around me in bed and it felt later than it should. "Where were you?"

"Well I ran into Adrian at the coffee shop and he accidentally told me Dimitri was the one that broke your heart and I found Dimitri in the gym and we got into a fight."

I jumped up and turned to look at him. He had a small cut on his lip and a bruise forming on his left cheek. I rubbed his cheek and lip lightly. "What happened!" He grabbed my hand that was lightly inspecting his injuries and put a kiss into my palm.

"I'm okay don't worry and he looks just as bad. Is that what you had to talk to me about?"

Shit was Dimitri okay? "Um yeah actually it was. I've been meaning to tell you since that first night, but then you left, then we fought and then we made up and there was never a right time."

He rubbed my cheek. "Don't worry he's okay and it's okay."

He was eerily calm. "It is?"

"Yes, he told me everything." Oh shit.

"So what exactly do you mean by everything?"

**So what did you guys think? I would love to know in a review, please. So we met Abe and Soraya and who the hell is Marie? Well you'll all just have to wait to find out about her.**

**Oh and go read the outtake, you can find it under my profile. It will really make the chapter complete, we actually get to hear from Lover Boy for the first time and all of you that worship the sexy, drunken, green eyed, spirit yielding Moroi there's a short little Adrian POV as well.**

**Dimitri is up in the next chapter and it's the twin's Bday. Okay the next chapter is really going to be good, not that I am bragging, but it's one I've been dying to write so I am so happy to be at this point in the story.**

**I am halfway done with Chapter 30 for Kismet so it should be out shortly for all of you that read that story as well.**

**Cheers!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Thank you for all the wonderful reviews! I tried to get back to ones that were signed.**

**RL is crazy sorry this took so long. See extended AN at the bottom**

**Richelle Mead owns it all, I just play with some of her stuff.**

**My Milaya Chapter 15**

**Dimitri POV**

I woke up, but it was too early to get out of bed, I didn't want to make noise and disturb Momma and Zander. I had drifted in and out of sleep all night thinking of her.

That damn dress, she looked gorgeous in that dress. I hadn't seen her wear anything that revealing since the night of lust charm. Ugh the lust charm, we came so close to breaking through all our barriers, she would have been mine that night and forever I would have had a stake on her. A woman never forgets her first lover, ever, I know this I have three sisters and I hear way more than I'd like about this topic.

That got me thinking, I wonder who her first was. Jake and Roza had only been dating about a year and I'd been gone four years. I tossed and turned a few more times thinking about who got the gift of Roza's virginity, I finally gave up. As quietly as I could I put on my workout cloths, left my family a note and headed off for a run and a workout.

Seeing her day in and day out and training with her, the contact had me so sexually frustrated I was about to pop. I'll deal with it as I did when I was a hormonal teenager; get all my aggression out through working out.

I did a five mile run and still felt the pent up frustration bubbling up my throat so I headed to the gym. I decided to do a quick weight workout and then I hit the dummies. Pounding dummies was always my favorite, I named each one Adrian or Ivashkov and I felt much better. I was at the tail end of my workout when I heard someone come into the gym. It was a decent hour by now and assumed it was another Guardian there for a workout so I didn't bother to turn and look who it was.

I felt someone tap on my shoulder I turned to a stoic faced J. "Hey man what's wrong?" I panicked a little knowing Roza was going to have the conversation with him, but I figured to play it cool and calm. One thing I have learned over my twenty eight years is that being calm and collected was the best way to ease situations.

At lighting fast speed he threw a punch and snarled. "You asshole!"

I was able to mostly dunk his punch, but he caught the side of my chin which caused me to stumble back.

Instantly he tackled me and we exchanged a few punches and kicks, I tried my best to hold back and not hurt him and tried to block what he threw at me. "Dude you need to calm down. She's with you now."

I saw the rage flash through his eyes. "I know she'll never be with me, not fully because you broke her so she closed her heart off." He started choking me and smacked me with an elbow. That was going to leave a mark.

I flipped him so he was now on bottom and I had him in a side guard restraint hold. I held him until I knew he couldn't get out. His anger caused him to make mistakes so I was able to get the upper hand. "Dude she loves you, she told me. You need to talk to her, work this out. Don't make the same mistakes I made. Then you'll end up like me alone on a Sunday morning getting up at the butt ass crack of dawn instead of in a warm bed holding Roza." I felt him soften and saw he was starting to relax.

"I am calm now, you can let me up." I helped him up and inspected his wounds, he'd live.

I felt blood trickle down my face and tasted it in my mouth, my lip and eyebrow were both bleeding and my faced ached a little along with a few spots on my body. I'd had worse so I wasn't too concerned.

"What do you mean she loves me, she told you that?"

"Yes she did. When I saw her again I had to know if it was too late, if she'd really moved on. She loves you man." I gave what I thought was an encouraging smile, but J knew me, he didn't buy it.

"Why did you do it?" I didn't really have it in me to tell him why I left Roza, but I explained the whole thing to him.

After I finished he was fully calm and I could tell processing all what I had told him. "Look J, you really need to talk to Roza, work this out."

"Yeah I will, thanks D for telling me, I could tell it was hard for you."

I nodded. "Yeah, I better get back to my family, see you around J."

I turned to leave, I felt like I was suffocating, the thought of him and Roza together forever hit me hard and I needed to see my son, he always made me feel better.

"D" Jake called and I turned to look at him. "Do you still love her?" I looked away trying to decide if I should tell him this.

I looked him right in the eye. "Yes I do and each day I regret my actions and realize now I let go the only women I will ever love." He frowned at me. "Don't hurt her man." I said through clinched teeth in my most threatening tone so he'd know I was dead serious.

"I won't D, I promise." I nodded to him and walked off.

I went home and Momma went shopping while I got Z down for a nap. I made Momma's black bread I loved so much. I was reading one of my western novels enjoying the peace and quiet that was so rare in the house.

I heard a quiet knock on the door and opened it. "Roza what are you doing here?"

She gave me a hesitant smile. "I talked to Jake and I just wanted to check on you, are you okay?"

I realized I was looking at her and not answering her question. "Dimitri are you okay?"

I shook my head. "Yeah sorry Roza I'm fine, do you want to come in for a minute?" Please say yes.

"Sure." She came in and curiously looked around.

"Wow you have a big place, it's nice."

She turned and looked at me and gave me that smile that I loved. "Thank you, we're comfortable here."

"Is it three bedrooms, two baths?" She looked a little sad again.

"Yes it is, it's nice when my family comes to stay they don't have to share a bedroom and bathroom." She nodded and looked towards the kitchen, I am sure she smelt the bread it always made the house smell so wonderful.

"I just made Olena Belikov's favorite black bread would you like some?"

She shrugged. "Sure."

"Sit I'll get you some, coffee?" She smiled and nodded and headed towards the couch.

I came back in and she was looking at my book reading the summary on the back. She looked up at me and snickered. "You still read these Comrade?" I loved it when she called me that.

I handed her the bread and coffee she took a big bite. "Mmmm that is so good." She moaned her mumbled approval still having food in her mouth. Her moan was something I tried not to dwell on being as I was already sexually frustrated.

She took a quick drink and smiled.

"What?"

"You used the coffee I gave you, it's nice." She mused. I could tell she was using small talk to avoid the elephant in the room.

"Yes it's nice. So Roza let's have it what's on your mind?"

She looked at me shocked. "How do you know that?"

"I observe that's what I do; I know when you have a something on your mind."

"Well it has been four years." She said evenly.

"Roza I remember everything about you." She instantly blushed.

I couldn't help it I rubbed her cheek, I heard her let out a small sigh. "Why are you embarrassed?" She looked down at her hands she was moving nervously.

"Well I talked to Jake and…" She trailed off; I nodded for her to continue. "I was wondering why you didn't tell him all the details…"

"Like." I prompted her.

"Um like the lust charm."

"Ah" I realized now why she was blushing.

"Well?"

"I thought it would hurt him and I figured by me saying we had a few intimate moments, brushing over it was the best option."

"Oh" She looked forlorn.

"What's wrong?"

"I thought you forgot or were…um…." I nodded begging her to continue. "I thought maybe you were embarrassed to tell him." She looked down and was whispering at the end of her sentence.

I put my finger under her chin and pulled her face up so I could look her in the eye. I started in a serious, yet calm voice. "Roza I could never forget that night, it was….well it was unforgettable." She gushed. "And I didn't want to give him details since I didn't want to set him off again and I didn't want to upset you so I was vague."

She gave me a small smile. "Okay I see."

I heard him before I saw him. He came walking out woozily rubbing the sleep from his eye with one hand and with the other holding his blanket. "Laya." He dropped his beloved blanket and tumbled into her arms.

"Hey little man good nap?"

He did my favorite full body head bob while he sat on her lap and clung to her. "Yeah, but it was so hard to fall asleep since you weren't here to rub my back."

She gave him the sweetest look; I felt my throat tighten a little at their tender interaction. "I know baby, but I can't always be with you when you sleep so I'll have to get you something to remind you of me when I can't rub your back, okay?"

He cheered throwing his arms up in the air jumped off her lap and did his famous happy dance. At the end he did his little booty shake and Roza was laughing and clapping her hands egging Mr. Ham on.

Then he spotted the remainder of Roza's black break. "Yummm B bread."

"What?"

"B bread." He mumbled through chewing.

She looked at me raising her eyebrows, not really sure what he was talking about.

"Well as you might have gathered Z likes to give nick names for stuff, people, etc. So he calls the black bread, B bread."

She chuckled and tackled him on the couch tickling him like crazy.

"Stop – giggle – Laya – giggle – I got to pee – giggle."

She released him and he ran off to take care of business. I had a huge smile on my face, my cheeks hurt.

"What?" She asked.

I shook my head a little to come out of my happiness coma. "You are just so good with him…so, um natural."

She looked a little shy again. "Thanks, we just click, it's like we have a connection." She was looking at me talking about Z, but I felt like she was also talking about her and me.

"Laya come see my room." Z dragged her off to show her everything, interrupting our intense moment.

I tried not to hover over them, but listened intently at what they talked about and how they interacted. He showed her everything, explaining it in detail. She was attentive and caring and I could tell Z ate it up. He continued to give her a tour of the rest of the apartment and I noticed her really studying my room, I smiled inside.

Momma came home and insisted Roza stay for dinner, but she said she had plans and couldn't. Once again my wild imagination drove me nuts trying to figure out who here plans were with and what she would be doing. I know I had no right, but I loved having her here and the thought of her leaving left a pang in my stomach.

She left and the house was quiet the rest of the night. I fell asleep that night wondering what it would be like to have Roza with us each night; we all have our dreams that get us through our mundane lives.

I talked to J later in the week when he came one night to pick up Roza. He apologized again, I guess Roza read him the riot act since Zander could have been traumatized by my injuries, explaining he'd lost one parent and had a fear of losing the other. He felt horrible, I reassured him that Z was a little worried when I first came home, but then he was fine once I explained it was just injuries from training. I convinced him the harder I trained the better prepared I would be for the Strigoi monsters.

Roza and I fell into a routine of training at least 4 or 5 times a week and these sessions were the highlight of my day. She would bring Z from daycare and then he would cheer us on while eating raisins and gold fish. Z cracked me up since he cheered for both of us; he said he couldn't pick sides.

I could tell both our training was improving and sometimes Jake and/or Eddie would join in and we go over scenarios. Adrian was there most nights I swear he just showed up to annoy me. A couple of times the twins showed up and Z entertained them, teaching him the Z Happy Dance.

Thursday I couldn't sleep, shocker, and I went to the gym for a late night work out and found Roza. She was beating the crap out of some dummies and by the looks of her ragged appearance she'd been there a while.

I tried to get her attention, but she just ignored me and kept going at it. Her hands were taped, but they were bleeding, she needed to stop before she really hurt herself.

"Roza you have to stop." I pushed her away from her inanimate enemy and she started to attack me.

I finally pinned her, she was raging mad and had crazy eyes. "Roza stop."

"No let me up I have to get this out, I am going crazy." She clinched her teeth and snarled at me.

I held her down and pinned her so she couldn't hurt either of us and chanted calming words to her. Slowly I felt her body relax and finally she was relaxed in my arms so I loosened my grip. She started balling, I immediately picked her, comforted her and walked towards her apartment.

She clung to me and quietly sobbed as I gently set her on the couch. I cleaned up her hands and she watched my every move with sad eyes. I was so happy to see that crazy look was gone; it was unnerving to see my Roza that way.

I finished wrapping her hands and she hadn't said a word. "Roza can I get you some water or hot tea?"

"Can you make me some of your famous hot cocoa?"

I couldn't help but smile, she remembered.

I covered her up with a blanket and went to make her hot cocoa. She watched me intently, but still was not talking. I could see it in her eyes she was scared and confused and I was worried about her.

I sat down and handed her the cocoa. "Thank you Comrade." I gave her a small smile.

She drank for a little and snuggled into the blanket it was cold in her place and went to turn up the heat.

My back was to her when she decided she wanted to talk. "You must think I am crazy?"

I sat down next to her. "No I don't think that I am worried about you, what was that in there." I looked at my watch it was almost time to for Z to get up.

"You've been gone a while you should get home." She gave me a guilty smile.

"No I am going to text Alberta and my Mom, she can watch Zander and I can go in a little late. And you are staying home today."

"But – "I cut her off and held up my hands to stop her.

"No Roza you need to rest. Do you want me to call Jake?"

"Fine I'll stay home, but don't worry Jake. I'll see him tonight he's working until mid morning and then he's going to take a nap before we have dinner." I felt a little jealous; he got to see her tonight and was probably staying at her place.

"Now what happened in there?"

She shook her head. "I don't know, I mean I take Lissa's darkness as you know." I nodded for her to continue. "But it's never been that bad. She's doing magic daily in the OMP training and I don't know how I am going to handle it. I got into an argument with my mother and it set me off."

"But you are fine now?"

"Yeah it's weird you were able to pull me out of it, but what if you weren't there, what if I hurt someone? Adrian has noticed my aura has been darker and more intense I think that's why he's been watching our trainings, he's waiting for me to snap." She grimaced and sipped her cocoa.

"Huh" Was all I could say, but I felt the need to help her since I knew the OMP magic was not going to subside and I was worried Roza would only get worse, I needed Yeva.

"What?"

"Just thinking. Do you want me to make you some breakfast?"

"You don't have to do that."

"I know I don't, but I want to."

She looked defeated and agreed. I called Momma and Alberta and then went to make Roza breakfast.

"Yum thanks Dimitri that was great, I might get used to someone waiting on me."

"I'll make you breakfast anytime you want." She gushed and looked away.

"Can I ask you something, it's kind of personal?"

Interesting this might work in my favor maybe I could get the story on Ivashkov. "Only if I am allowed to ask you something as equally personal in return." She narrowed her eyes a little, her mouth was in a thin and she reluctantly nodded.

"Tell me about Marie?"

"How did you hear about her?"

"Well Jake said you'd had two serious relationships so he went to you for advice on what to do when we were fighting."

"Ah, I see."

"Well."

"There's not much to tell she was my girlfriend my last few years at the academy and the first year I Guarded."

She raised her eyebrows. "And"

I cleared my throat a little nervous. "She ran off with a rich Moroi and broke my heart, I thought I was in love, but I was young and naïve."

"What do you mean you _thought _you were in love?"

"Well I realize now it was what you call in America puppy love. Now I know what real love is." I gave her a serious look. Yes Roza I did not know what real love was until you came along.

"I see." I think she realized what I was trying to convey to her. "Jake said you were pretty bad off?"

"Yes I was devastated I almost left Guarding to chase her, but Jake was my voice of reason, I owe him. And Tasha was a real help as well."

She gave me a shocked expression. "Tasha?" It's weird I hadn't talked to Roza about Tasha.

"Yes I went home for a few weeks to clear my head and Tasha was in Baia visiting her aunt. She'd always been my friend and we spent a lot of time together those two weeks, she helped me realize Marie was not worth it. We were close friends after that, when I saw her at St. Vlad's I hadn't seen her in a few years."

Roza gave me a blank expression; she was making it hard for me to read her.

"Are you okay?" I asked her concerned.

She cleared her throat. "Yes it's just strange talking about all of this, I am fine."

"But Roza that's all I ever saw Tasha as, a friend."

She nodded, but her eyes were sad. I could tell she wanted to ask me a question; she was chewing on her lip nervously.

I wanted to change the subject; the air was awkward between us. "So now my question?"

She grimaced a little and nodded for me to continue. "Did you sleep with Ivashkov?"

She gaped at me. "Did you sleep with Tasha before Zander was conceived?"

I waggled my finger at Roza playfully. "Nuh huh missy you answer my question first."

"So you'll answer mine if I answer yours." She said playfully and all the awkwardness was gone.

I nodded and encouraged her.

"Yes." She said plainly.

I was speechless. "You and him, were you a couple?" My fists were clinched as well as my jaw, but I tried my best to conceal the anger raging through me. I had no one to blame, but myself, still I was pissed. That damn Ivashkov.

"Yes about a year after you left we were together for awhile. But I ended it knowing I couldn't give him what he wanted."

I was hurt and angry, but kept my feelings inside using my Guardian mask skills to contain my composure. "And what did he want?"

She sighed and looked away. I needed to see her eyes so I put my finger under her chin and moved her eyes to face me. "You can tell me."

"He wanted my heart and my love, but I'd already given it away." The sadness in her eyes and the longing in her voice broke my heart. I hated that I hurt her, I wonder if I'll ever be able to forgive myself.

Her phone went off. It was a text from Jake saying he was off early and was going to sleep and would come by her place later.

I realized it was getting late and I needed to get to work. "I better go."

She grabbed my hand. "No you don't mister. You promised."

"No."

"Really?"

"Yes, Tasha tried, but like I said before I never saw her as more than a good friend."

"Huh. So your number is 2?" She held up two fingers to me.

I nodded. "What about you?"

"Two, too." She squeaked, seeming a little embarrassed.

The conversation was rather intimate for friends, but it was not awkward at all. It was almost refreshing to clear the air. Maybe this would help me squash some of my curiosity and allow me to be a better friend to her. I would always want more, but I would always be there for her when and if she needed me.

"Roza I have an idea." She looked at me interested.

"Remember what I told you about Yeva my grandmother, having abilities?" She nodded. "Well Yeva has some friends that live in Baia and from what I've learned they seem like a spirit user that has a bond with her Dhampir husband and I was wondering if maybe next weekend after the twins birthday you and Lissa would like to come to see if maybe they can help with the darkness?"

"Really, you think they could help?"

"I do actually, I am worried about you and what I saw today and it's only going to get worse."

"Okay let me talk to Lissa and see if it will work for her. Um… Dimitri? Adrian will need to go, are you okay with that?"

She gave me a grim look. "Sure as long as he behaves himself, this is my home town."

"Okay I'll watch over him. Let me talk to Lissa, Christian, Adrian and Jake and we'll get it figured out." Yeah I guess that means Jake will need to come, great. You owe him Dimitri and this is your fault, I said to myself.

"I'll see you tomorrow at the twin's party I guess?"

"Of course. " She gave me a serious look. "And Dimitri thank you, if it wasn't for you today I don't know what I would have done." She pulled me into a hug.

This is where I belonged, our embrace felt so right to me. "Anytime Roza."

**Okay so I got a little carried away with this chapter that I didn't get to the twins party, but it's coming I promise. Hope you guys liked it, I'd love to hear what you thought my beta loved it!**

**Your comments really do help this story. Example – I didn't even think about how Z would look at Dimitri with his injuries from the fight so that made me realize I needed to put that into the storyline. See so reviews and questions matter they make an author think, please keep them coming : D**

**PICTURES: I put on my profile some pics of some actors that I thought kind of reminded me of how I saw the characters in this story. The Dimitri is probably a little hotter than the pic I have up, Adrian and Lissa have green eyes these pics show blue, Z is about a year older than the pic I have up, Christian has blue eyes, but everything else is pretty much is how I see them in this story. Hope you enjoy the visuals to go along with the words.**

**Hats off to my beta she really does make these chapters that much better!**


	16. Chapter 16

**I have the best readers ever. So many volunteered to help me out, THANK YOU for helping me guide this story!**

**Also listen to these numbers: 56 reviews last chapter (I'd love to beat it this time out), 149 people have made this story one of their favorites and 110 have this story alerted! That is so awesome, I can't tell you much that inspires me : )**

**This chapter was a challenge to write. There's a lot of emotion in this one and I tried to convey it, I hope I hit the mark : D**

**My Milaya Chapter 16**

**Rose POV**

I felt like I had been asleep for a long time, but it was only lunch time. My stomach ached for some nourishment and I wanted to be able to sleep tonight so I decided to get up. I took a quick shower trying my best not to disturb my bandages Dimitri had expertly put on my torn up knuckles.

Showers were like little gifts from god, they always made me feel so much better. My head was clear and I was able to process all that happened in the last few days. Jake finding out, spending time with Dimitri and Z in their apartment, Dimitri finding me in my crazy fit of rage. I am so mortified he saw me like that.

Seeing Dimitri's apartment convinced me he wanted to find a nice young Moroi and have more kids. I was stupid to think he would be happy with just Z, his place was the same size as Lissa's, he was read y for more kids, a family.

I can't believe that stupid Dhampir Marie let him go, if he ever wanted me like I wanted him back at St. Vlad's I would have never let him go. She was crazy. What killed me is that Tasha got him, as much as he said they were just friends he still left me for her and it stung all over again.

I lay on my couch staring at the ceiling rubbing my tattoo fighting the tears I swore I would never shed for Dimitri Belikov again. Damn him.

Ice cream always made me feel better; I was drowning my sorrows in some chunky monkey when I heard a hesitant knock at the door. It was not Jake that's for sure he let me know when he was at my door with his manly knock.

I opened it to a smirky smiling Adrian. I instantly tired to slam the door in his face, but he must have anticipated this since his foot was ready as a door stop and he pushed his way in. He had beautiful lilies; he knew what melted me.

"What do you want?" I snarled at him, I was still pissed.

He pushed past me bumping my shoulder playfully as he barged in.

"You're My Little Dhampir, I didn't realized I needed a reason to come see your beautiful face."

I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him giving him my best bitch brow.

"Oh come on Rose don't be like that. The last time I saw the bitch brow so strong was when I took you to brunch at my great aunt's mansion." I spent years memorizing the one raised bitch eyebrow.

"Well you deserve it now and you deserved it back then."

"Look I screwed up. I brought you Lilies and chocolate as a peace offering."

"Chocolate" He so didn't fight fair.

He pulled out my favorite truffles from his jacket pocket. I hastily snatched one and popped it in my mouth. He had opened the box to show me the proof of his peace offering.

"Why the hell did you tell Jake?"

He explained the whole episode to me and how it was a mistake. I sympathized, but was still a little pissed.

"Really Adrian this was a big deal. I needed to be the one to tell Jake. He was so pissed, thankfully Dimitri calmed him down."

Adrian snickered. "Yeah Jakey-pooh was pissed." He gave me his classic smirk clearly satisfied with himself.

I pushed on his chest a little and pushed him down onto the couch. "Jerk! You should have stopped Jake. That was not cool, he could have really hurt Dimitri."

Adrian raised one eyebrow giving me a suspicious look and I could tell he was reading my aura.

I sighed. "What?"

"Well your aura always concerns me, but lately it just seems worse. Secondly, you don't seem too worried about Dimitri hurting Jake. It's very," He tapped his finger to his chin. "Hmmm let me see what's the word I am looking for?" He got a fake look of realization on his face. "Oh let's just say it's suspicious." He gave me his devilish smile.

I tackled him on the couch, mostly being playful. I pinned him down and stared in his eyes giving him the bitch brow.

He waggled his eyebrows at me. "You know we can forget those two other jerks and leave tonight for our beach. It's sitting there in its pristine setting just waiting for us." He whispered at the end and looked suddenly sad.

The last of my fury melted. I sat up and helped him up. He pulled me into a hug.

"I am sorry Little Dhampir."

"I know."

He pulled away and gave me that look again like I was his aura science project. "Now let's talk about this aura." And like that our fight was over.

"Okay. Dimitri has some ideas."

He rolled his eyes. "Oh goody what does the stupid Russian say?"

I explained everything to Adrian who he had a scowl on his face pretty much the whole time.

He sighed and hung his head and pinched the bridge of his nose in a frustrated manor. "And you think they can help, this woman and her husband?"

I nodded. Dimitri and I might have been at odds and he might have hurt me by leaving me for Tasha, but I had no doubt he still cared for me and Lissa and truly wanted to help.

He searched my face for a few minutes, I am not sure what he was looking for, but he must have found it since he seemed to relax in defeat. "Fine I'll go, but I am not staying in that house, they seem like the type to get up way too early for my taste."

He looked down at his watch. "Hey look at that its 5 o'clock somewhere, what do you have to drink?" I got my favorite Adrian smile and all the heaviness was gone between us.

Adrian stayed until Jake came and as soon as lover boy showed up he left.

Jake took off his coat. "Hey babe I hope I didn't run Adrian off?"

"Nah don't worry he'd been here awhile, he came to apologize."

"Ah, I see." He gave me a guilty smile.

"Hey enough with that it's over, let's drop it, okay?" He nodded and gave me his best smile. "But I do need to talk you about something."

I told him a short version of what happened in the gym, he was pissed I didn't have Dimitri call him, but I shrugged it off as no big deal.

"Dimitri wants us to go to Baia to see some Spirit User and her husband who is shadow kissed like me."

"Mark and Oksana?

I shrugged. "I don't know, you know them?"

He nodded and held his chin in his hand, deep in thought.

"What is it Jake what's wrong?"

He looked at me and his eyes were so sad. "I promised I would work for the Mazur's starting Monday and I won't be back until the following Monday."

"Oh" I must have looked stressed.

He caressed my cheek and gave me a huge smile. "I'll just cancel."

I was very torn, but I felt bad he was saving money for something and I didn't want to be the one in the way of him and whatever he wanted. "No it's okay; it's probably too late to find a replacement, just go."

He pulled me into a hug and whispered into my hair. "I am going to miss you."

I pulled way and playfully touched his nose. "Well then you'll need to spend a lot of time with me before you go now won't you." I gave him my man eater smile. We spent the rest of the night wrapped around each other confirming our feelings for one another.

Ooo ooO === Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO

"Hurry Jake I feel Lissa she's freaking out, I have to get there to help her."

"We have seven hours before the party starts." He was wrapping the twin's gifts.

"I know, but you know Lissa. She wants me to make three types of cookies and wanted them freshly made so I just want to make sure I have plenty of time."

He sighed. "Okay I am done let me put these into a bag and then we can go."

We showed up and the atmosphere at Lissa's was intense. Eddie and Brett were frantically filling Lissa's many demands, while Pyro cooked and Lissa was watching the babies. Jake helped his Guardian buddies while I decided to bug Pyro in the kitchen and start the cookies.

"Rose you have plenty of time let me get this stuff finished before you make the place a mess." He flicked some sauce at me playfully.

"Not a chance Pyro make some room for me and my mess. Your crazy wife wants three types of cookies and I need to get to it or I'll never make our 3pm deadline."

"Fine, but I hope you brought extra clothes we got a lot to do and I can't be responsible for all the food I get on you." He gave me a sideways glance while he flicked some more sauce onto me.

I patted both his cheeks with flour and made him look even whiter. "Sure no problem Pyro." I said super sweet.

Lissa walked in pointing at us and said as menacingly as Lissa could through clenched teeth. "Look you two enough of this nonsense. Get your shit together and get along or I am going to lose it."

She really was not lying; I could feel she was a pot ready to boil over. Christian saluted her and I gave her a quick nod. She walked out satisfied she was in command of our shenanigans. Christian and I started busting up as soon as she was out of sight. I was laughing so hard I had tears running down my eyes.

"I can hear you." Lissa called in from the other room which started a whole new round of the giggles.

Pyro and I finally calmed down and got busy, we really did have a lot to do.

The twins were taking a nap while the five of us finished everything up when I heard the doorbell. "Shit" I looked at Lissa.

"Oh I am sure it's just Dimitri, Zander wanted to come early and help." She gave me an apologetic smile. I shrugged and gave her a reassuring smile.

"Laya" Z ran to me and we did our swing, hug, Eskimo-butterfly kiss, cuddle greeting that was now our _thing_. Dimitri stood on one side of us and Jake on the other, both looking at the two of us with pure adoration on their faces, Jake for me and Dimitri for Zander. Z noticed Jake. "Who are you?"

"I am Jake, I met you before when I was Guarding for your Aunt Lissa, I went to school with your Daddy and we are good friends."

"Oh" He looked between me and Jake. "Why are you looking at my Laya like that?"

Jake wrapped his arms around me and nuzzled my neck, it was a bit awkward since I was still holding Z and I was a little embarrassed by his PDA. "Well this is my Rose, she's my girlfriend."

Z narrowed his eyes at Jake. "She's my Laya."

Jake held his hands up in defeat. "Okay little man sorry."

"Only Laya can call me that."

"Zander Christian" Dimitri scolded him and his jealous antics.

He looked at Dimitri who was giving him _the don't you even think about it mister look_. "Sorry Daddy."

He walked up to Jake and took out his hand. "Sorry Jake, it's very nice to meet you." Jake smiled and shook Z's hand.

That was it, Jake was wrapped around Zander's finger from that point on and they were instant friends. While we finished getting ready Olena and Zander decorated some sugar cookies I kept aside for Z. Jake would tell Zander stories of him and Dimitri I am sure embellishing a lot since I saw Dimitri shake his head playfully a few times at Jake.

The guests arrived and the party flowed well. Lissa made sure everything was perfect and she just about flipped her lid when I put the babies in my t-shirts and gave them each their own small cake with their names on it. They dug in with their hands and literally had cake from head to toe. They had a blast, but Lissa and Christian cringed seeing her daughters covered in cake and frosting. We cleaned them up and let them finish playing with their friends. Eli and Ben came for Z to play with and all the kids had a great time. When it came time for presents I was thrilled.

"Mine first." I gave Christian a big smirk as I got the gift for the girls to rip into it.

"Yay yay a bubble machine." Z cheered and the other kids followed. Jake and Dimitri set the machine up and bubbles were everywhere. Christian was such a neat freak he was pissed, the girls and Z were thrilled and Lissa was happy she could take pictures of all the kids dancing around with the bubbles. I sat back smiling, watching the kid's play and Christian fretting, mission accomplished.

"Good job babe they love it." Jake nudged me playfully.

"Yeah look how freaked out Christian is, it's perfect!"

Jake wrapped his arms around me. "Oh you are so evil, it really turns me on." He was being extra clingy and the PDA was a tad over the top.

He started kissing me and I'd had it, I swear he was just doing it because Dimitri was here. I was pissed, I pushed him away. "Jake stop it's not the time or place." I crossed my arms over my chest and gave him a stern look.

"Sorry beautiful I just can't resist myself." He pulled me into a side hug and I noticed Dimitri watching us with solemn eyes. I gave him an apologetic smile, which he returned then he looked away talking to Eddie.

Everyone cleaned up and I volunteered for bath time duty with the girls and Z. I didn't want to hear Christian whine how wet and soapy the carpet was. He was already cleaning the carpet with his personal carpet cleaner, he was such a neat freak.

I looked at the three soaped up munchkins in the tub. "You know girls your Daddy is a neat freak."

They squealed and laughed at me, they unlike their mother appreciated a good joke about their dad.

"How come you fight with Uncle Christian? You don't like him?" Z asked.

I smiled at Z and splashed a little water on him. "No honey I like your uncle it's just fun to tease him."

He yawned and stretched, the three kids were exhausted coming down from their sugar high. "Okay good cause I like him."

"I know you do buddy."

I smelt his heady scent before I heard him; damn he was so quiet he could sneak up on a Strigoi I swear. "I'll help you get the kids out."

"Thanks."

"How's crazy doing?"

Dimitri chuckled, a sound I loved, but still was not used to. "He's better, we're all done cleaning up. Eddie's making tea and hot cocoa for everyone."

"Can I have some Daddy?"

"Sure son, I'll get you some."

"Thanks Daddy."

He smiled while we got the kids dressed, he looked so happy smiling at Z; he really was a good Dad. We got the kids in their PJ's, I held Annabel while Olena held Alexis as they sucked down their night time bottles. The adults chilled, everyone needed some down time. Z finished his hot cocoa and came to lie in my lap.

He snuggled up to me, held on to his blankie with one hand and with the other he held his cousin's hand while she drifted off to sleep. It was the sweetest thing I'd ever seen. Lissa snapped a picture, that one was a keeper I couldn't wait to see it. The girls were out so Christian and Liss put them in their cribs. Z fell asleep on my lap while I rubbed his hair sipping my hot cocoa. He was making small little man snores while snuggled on my lap, he was almost purring when I started rubbing his hair, adorable.

Adrian was drinking a lot today, being around so many people and their aura's was tough for him. He was getting a little loud. "Adrian keep it down the kids are out."

"Don't worry Roza Zander sleeps like the dead its fine." Dimitri said politely.

"See Roza the Russian says its fine."

"You can call me Guardian Belikov."

Adrian puffed out his chest like a drunken peacock spreading his feathers territorially. "And you Guardian Belikov can call me Lord Ivashkov." Adrian slurred.

Dimitri glared at him.

"Adrian you're drunk why don't you have your Guardian get you home."

"Come on Rose this is fun, all of us friends. I know, let's remember the night the twins were born, it seems like yesterday, but it was one year ago."

Lissa clapped her hands and pulled out a photo album and started showing everyone.

Adrian put his attention on Jake. "Hey Jakey-pooh do you know what I remember about that night?"

Jake had been really quiet, a little too quiet, but when I asked him he always said he was fine. I don't know about you, but when people say they are _fine_, they never really seem _fine_.

He looked at Adrian. "Oh yeah what?"

"Well that was the night you finally convinced My Little Dhampir to be yours." He said it to Jake, but glared at Dimitri. "Come one tell us the story it's so _sweet_." Then he looked at Olena being sugary sweet. "Oh it was so cute. You have to hear the story."

I glared at Adrian. "Lord Ivashkov no one wants to hear this, now I think it's time your Guardian's took you home, you need to sleep it off."

He looked at me shocked. "What's wrong you don't want everyone to know when you gave in and decided to be with Jake? See I always thought you didn't want a relationship after being hurt so bad by the Russian, but then I realized you just didn't want a relationship with _me_."

"Enough" Dimitri said sternly. He looked at Adrian's Guardians. "Get him home before I hurt him."

Adrian snorted. "Like you would, you're too afraid to break the _rules_." He looked at me and then to Dimitri. "Remember." He said implying Dimitri left me to follow the rules.

Dimitri jumped up and at first I thought he was going after my drunken obnoxious friend, but then he stormed outside, I am sure to cool down. Adrian's Guardian dragged him outside. I slipped Z off my lap, he was now in a position on his tummy sleeping with his butt up in the air and had his blanket snuggled around his head. He looked like a little frog. I motioned for Lissa to take a picture of him while I went outside to find Dimitri. I walked out just in time to see Dimitri glaring at Adrian as he walked by, Adrian snickered at him. Maybe Adrian was trying for suicide by Guardian, what an idiot.

I put my arm softly on Dimitri's. "Comrade are you okay?"

He gave me a small smile. "Yes Roza he's drunk and obnoxious I can deal with him, he's not worth me losing my temper."

"His hurting, he just broke up with his girlfriend." I made excuses for him.

He gave me a small nod. "How are you, better?"

I looked at my bandaged knuckles and grimaced. "Um…yeah I am better. We decided to go to Baia, did Lissa tell you?"

"Yes she did. I am glad Roza I hope it will help." The air around us was crackling with intensity, it was too intimate. How was I going to deal with staying in his home? I rubbed my tattoo and it made me remember all the hurt and rejection and I was pulled out of my Dimitri spell.

"We better get back inside."

He looked sad when I said this, but agreed and followed me inside. Unfortunately when we went back inside Jake was just starting to tell Olena the story how we got together.

I looked at Dimitri and he gave me a small forced smile. "Jake no one wants to hear this story."

"Oh okay." He looked defeated.

"No Roza I'd like to hear it." Dimitri said softly, I guess he really was ready to move on and accept Jake and I being together.

Jake started in with a proud smile. "Well I was quite a player at Court, I didn't think I'd ever get hit by the love bug. Then a beautiful new Guardian moved in and her and her Charge were the talk of Court." He smiled at Lissa. "I tried to talk to her and be friends, but she never gave me the time of day. Then I found out she was doing some training for the Guardians.

I knew that this was my chance to prove to her I was worthy. I wanted to go to her seminar and show her what a good fighter I was. You know since me and my old partner we're the best fighters in our class." He smiled at Dimitri. "Anyway long story short I volunteered to be her subject and she kicked my butt embarrassing me in front of everyone." He sulked a little.

"But then I turned that negative into a positive and begged her to teach me this new fighting technique. We became good friends and she even took me to Israel to meet Master Cohen. But she never would date me ever, I finally gave up. When the twins were born she was very emotional and when we hugged one thing led to another and I got my first kiss." He nudged me lovingly, but I was mortified he was telling this story to Olena and Dimitri. "Anyway that night was when we first got together so it's been one year." Jake beamed at me with pride.

Lissa had a tear running down her face and wiped it away embarrassed. Christian saved me, he sensed my unease. "Yeah sure ruin my daughter's birthday with that image, thanks." He said dryly and the tense air around us thankfully cleared.

Jake's phone went off; he excused himself to make a call, not sure who would be calling him since all our friend's were here.

I was sitting next to Zander and Dimitri came over to check on him. I gave him an apologetic smile. "Sorry about that."

He shook his head lightly. "No worries it's a nice story, you both seem very happy."

"Thanks."

Jake came back in with a worried expression. "Rose can I talk to you?"

"Sure." I got up and followed him outside.

"What's up?"

"Well we have to leave now, Mr. Mazur has urgent business and the jet is leaving in an hour."

"Oh"

He rubbed my cheek and looked at me with so much adoration my heart raced. "I am sorry, I won't go if you don't want me to."

I couldn't believe he would really do that for me. "Really?"

He nodded and gave me a chaste kiss. "Really"

I shook my head. "That's sweet Jake, but go, you'll get in trouble and Alberta will kill us. They are counting on you, go, I am fine."

"Rose are you sure, I am worried about you?"

"You were leaving early this morning anyways; it's just a few extra hours. Go, I'm good don't worry. I'll just stay here at Lissa's tonight, my stuff is here and I'll be here tomorrow anyway."

He looked distraught. "I don't want you to go to Baia without me."

I laughed nervously. "Well it's a little late for that isn't it? We already decided on this, now you're dropping this bomb on me?"

"I'll admit I am jealous. It's not that I don't trust you or D, but I'm human and I love you."

I wanted to return his words, but I was scared. He loved me and I did love him, I needed to tell him. What if something happened to one of us and he didn't know how I felt. I looked at him and searched his expression; he loved me, there was no doubt in my mind. Here goes nothing. "I love you too."

He sucked in a ragged breath and pulled me into a death grip hug. "Jake can't breathe."

He pulled away and kissed me, it was a kiss that I would never forget, the love and passion flowed between us. He peppered my face with kisses. "I – _kiss_ – can't – _kiss_ – believe – _kiss_ – that – _kiss_ – you – _kiss_ – love –_kiss_ – me –_kiss_." His beautiful blue eyes were sparkling with excitement.

"You are such a nut, go before I change my mind."

We shared a few more kisses and he begrudgingly left. My mind was racing, I really did love Jake, but my heart was still closed off, destroyed by the nuclear accident called Dimitri Belikov. But Jake was real, he loved me, I knew without a doubt. He never left me like Dimitri did, I needed to see what was right in front of me and stop holding onto hope from the past. If Dimitri really loved me like he says he did and I guess says he _still _does he never would have left, I just couldn't believe what he was saying is true. I think he's just trying to reassure me and make what happened not so surreal for me, help with my rejection issues. From what Jake tells me Marie was the love of his life and I think he closed his heart off after that.

I stayed out on the porch for awhile letting the cool air clear my head. I was in such a trance I didn't even hear my stealthy friend.

"Roza are you okay?"

I shook my head to clear my thoughts. "Um yeah just thinking."

"Jake texted me saying he was leaving and to watch over you in Baia so I knew he was gone. I got worried so decided to check on you, I swear I wasn't going to interrupt you two."

"Oh no, it's fine. I am fine." I looked at the perfect man in front of me. "I am sorry about earlier, the story; it's kind of embarrassing…" I trailed off.

"Its fine, he loves you, he wants to share with the world how he feels. I don't blame him." There's a lot of that word going around, _fine_, ugh.

I wanted to change the subject. "So is Baia's weather worse than here, I need to know what to pack." Saved by the weather.

He chuckled lightly, knowing what I was doing. I still looked at him in awe every time he laughed; it was so rare for him to be so light around me.

He noticed me staring at him and looked self conscious. "What?"

"I can't get used to you being so light around me, laughing. You were always so serious before."

"I had to be, I was your mentor, and it was my job." He turned serious. "I wanted to make sure you were trained properly and protected." He looked so sad and far away.

"You did a great job Dimitri, you did prepare me. Thank you. I never got a chance to thank you properly."

He looked thick with emotion. "I never gave you the chance."

I hated this heavy mood between us; I had to lighten the air. "Well maybe in Baia we can go to the gym, I can show all your local comrade's how I can now kick my mentor's ass. You game Comrade?"

I smiled at him, and he returned it two fold with a smirk laced around his breathtaking smile. "Game on Roza, it's a date." And like that the heaviness was gone.

**Hats off to my beta she really does make these chapters that much better!**

**Okay I have to put some stuff out there. 1) Is Rose in denial? 2) Did Mr. Mazur really need to leave early? 3) Will anything happen in Baia between Rose and Dimitri? 4) Will Adrian ever find love? 5) Do you trust Soraya and/or Jake?**

**I'd love to hear what you guys think so give me some of your thoughts it helps me write I swear.**


	17. Chapter 17

**YOU – GUYS – ARE – AWESOME! I got 66 review last chapter WOOHOO – Thank you so much!**

**I am begging you guys to read my AN at the end of the chapter, please…**

**My Milaya Chapter 17**

**Dimitri POV**

"We're moving, we're moving." Zander bounced excitedly in his seat.

The train had sections of four seats, two on each side facing one another. Zander, Roza and I were in one. Adrian occupied one, Lissa, Christian and the girls had one, Eddie, Brett and Adrian's Guardian spread out in two more. We had the Moroi's in the middle just in case the train got attacked, but it was rare for Strigoi to go on a train so the threat was minimal. Regardless we were always on alert.

Roza squeezed Z's shoulders excitedly. "I know, isn't it fun?"

He nodded and ate one of the cookies she had brought him she liked to spoil him.

"You know at some point he's going to turn into a big cookie." I said cheekily to Roza.

"Nuh huh Daddy, I not a cookie." Z said defensively to me.

Like usual he made me chuckle. "I know son, I am just teasing you."

He shrugged, smiled, bounced and ate. "Does he normally sleep on the train?" Roza asked.

"Yes once the initial excitement wears off."

"Laya, Woody likes you, he says you're his girlfriend." Roza had bought Z a Woody character figure from the movie Toy Story. She had promised to get him something when she was not with him. He loved this figure so much, I heard him talking to it at night before he went to bed. He told Woody how he wanted Roza to be his everyday Mom.

She smiled at Z and touched his nose lovingly. "Oh really well I hope Woody can take Jake." She smiled at Z. I mused to myself, _if that's all that had to be done to get Roza to be your girlfriend then I would go find Jake now_. Unfortunately I think she was embellishing a little.

"Laya can you rub my hair?" Z asked giving her his best puppy dog eyes.

"Sure." He laid in Roza's lap, lucky little guy. He sighed contently and did the Zander purr.

Z fell asleep, and I couldn't help but admire his peaceful form. Roza was looking down at Z with such adoration and love, she looked the most beautiful when she admired him this way. My heart quivered.

"You spoil him."

Roza looked up and I could tell she was trying to read if I was being negative or positive. "Sorry I can't help it. He's so sweet. Would you rather I not?" She asked sheepishly.

I shook my head. "No it's good for him. I never thought you could give a child enough love. The more people that love them the better they turn out." I smiled at her.

"You are so good with him. Do you want more kids?" Roza asked.

I wasn't sure how to answer. I would love more kids, but only if I could have them with Roza, and this was not a possibility. I needed to be careful how I answer this. "I am content with one." This was not a lie, but not the whole truth.

She was studying me - what I would do to get into her head for one day. She looked out the window not saying anything else - I took this as a sign the conversation was over. She looked a little sad, but maybe I was just imagining it.

She turned back to me. "So are we going to be on human or Moroi time when we are there?" It was our Thursday day, which was the human Thursday night.

"Half, half if that's okay. Baia runs mostly on human time, but there is a nightlife that accommodates the Moroi. I figured shadowing both would be best."

"Okay." She nodded and looked down at Z. "He's so peaceful when he sleeps."

I smiled. "Sometimes I just watch him sleep at night it calms me down."

She got a guilty look on her face. "Yeah me too - at the center when he falls asleep I watch him, it is relaxing."

I couldn't get over how close she was to Z – I never imagined anyone could love him like his mother would have, but I had no doubt that Roza loved him just as much as Tasha would have. The way she looked at him, it was like he was her son. I know it was mutual.

Roza fell asleep, I couldn't resist and took a picture of them; thankfully she didn't wake up, but Eddie saw me. He winked giving me a knowing look.

We arrived and there were two SUV's with blacked out windows waiting for us. I have to say traveling with powerful Royals got you the best of everything. One convoy went to the hotel, it had Ivashkov and his Guardians. He grumbled the entire time; I think he just complained for the sake of complaining. The rest of us piled into the other; thankfully it fit 9 since we were at capacity.

We pulled up to the house and Momma came running out. Karolina and Sonya were both at work so just Momma, Yeva, Zoya, and Sophie were at the house. Mommy kissed and hugged everyone while Brett, Eddie and I brought all the bags in.

"Okay everyone it will be tight, but we have set everyone up with a space to sleep." Momma informed our group.

Eddie & Brett would be in the den (it had a door so they could have some privacy from the rest of the house and Momma had set a bed up for each of them) and Roza got Viki's room since she was at the field office waiting for her transfer to go through. Sophie, Zoya, Z and I would sleep in the kid's room, it was the largest and had four beds so we would each have a bed. Christian and Lissa got my room - it was big enough to fit the twins port-a-cribs and they would have their own bathroom.

Since the house was so full at this point with the whole family, Yeva and Momma had already shared a room and we had added on the kids room and a bathroom when our brood grew.

You had your own bathroom?" Roza asked me shocked.

I nodded yes. "Momma didn't want me to have to share with my sisters." I shrugged. I could admit that being the only son had its perks.

Momma had made enough food for an army and the house smelled fantastic. "Thank you Olena, you are very accommodating. We don't mean to be rude, but it's the girl's bedtime so we are going to eat, get the them bathed and into bed."

Momma kissed Lissa. "Of course dear, we are so happy to have you all." She was very welcoming and I could tell Roza felt comfortable here.

Yeva was quiet while we ate, but I heard her mumbling. I gave her warning looks since I saw her stealing glances at Roza. Roza, Zander and I watched Toy Story until Z fell asleep. I carried him up to bed while Roza went into the kitchen to start hot cocoa for us.

Everyone seemed to give us privacy. My sisters came home and met Roza, but left us alone which was rare, even the kids were holed up in there room not bugging us. I had a strong suspicion this was on purpose - what as my family up to?

Ooo ooO === Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO

I woke up early and when Zander was nowhere to be found, I panicked. I finally peeked in Roza's room. Sure enough Z was wrapped around Roza, they were a big tangle of arms, legs and blankets - it was a beautiful site. I opened Roza's door to get a better look at them and it squeaked. She stirred and looked up at me, giving me a sleepy smile.

"Hey," she whispered.

"Sorry I didn't mean to disturb you, but I couldn't find Z and I got worried."

She snuggled Z. "He came in last night scared. You were sleeping so soundly so I let him sleep in here with me, I hope that was okay?"

"Of course."

"Are you going running?" She noticed I was dressed for a workout.

"Yes I like to run in the woods here."

"Can I come?"

"Of course." I smiled at her. "I'll meet you down stairs."

Roza got ready quickly and met me downstairs. I took her on a nice run through the woods pointing out my homeland to her. She seemed fascinated by the scenery.

We finished our run and found my family eating around the table. Eddie and Brett were up, but Lissa, Christian and the girls were still sleeping.

"Laya you left me in bed all by myself." Z pouted as Roza picked him up. They did their cute little greeting dance, which earned chuckles from my family.

Z dragged Roza to the table saving a seat for her and force fed her Momma's bellini's. "Wow these are really great." Roza complimented Momma.

"Thank you Roza."

"Dimitri can you run to the market for me later? I need a few things."

Z looked up at me. "Can I go?"

"Yes you may go." He shoved the last of his bellini's in his mouth.

"Can Laya go?" Roza looked at me along with Z waiting for an answer.

I tried to pretend like I didn't care. "If she'd like."

Roza cleared her throat. "Olena if I buy the ingredients will you teach me how to make the black bread?"

"Sure Roza I can show you, but you know Dimka actually makes it better than me." Momma winked at me.

Roza looked at me. "Oh, then will you show me Comrade?"

"I'd love to." I smiled at her. My whole family was staring at the two of us, it creeped me out a little and I think Roza felt the same way.

"Let me shower real quick and then I'll be ready." She looked at Momma. "Just wanted to warn you that Christian, Lissa and the girls are up so get ready for them because they are about to bombard you. Christian smells the bellini's and he's starving."

Everyone looked at Roza shocked. "Wow it's like Yeva." Karolina observed.

She shrugged. "It's only with Lissa; from what Dimitri tells me Yeva can sense everything."

Yeva gave Roza a serious look. "I know a lot of things, but have learned it's not the best idea to share. Sometimes it's best to let things work out on their own." Yeva winked at me I knew she was up to something.

Roza and Yeva seemed to size each other up, I'll have to ask Roza about that later. She finally looked at me. "So I'll shower then we'll go?"

"Yes Roza."

I heard the twins babbling. "Good morning." Lissa said cheerily.

Roza went to shower and I made plans with Lissa. When the kids go down for a nap, Roza, Lissa and I will head out, pick up Ivashkov and we will caravan to Mark and Oksana's.

I really hope they will be able to help Roza. I hate what this darkness does to her, she is too precious to be put through this. I know she would do anything for Lissa, but I was not ready to let her sacrifice her sanity. I know Moroi were supposed to come first, but after I lost Tasha and had Zander I realized I had other priorities in life.

Roza, Zander and I walked into the local Baia Market. A lot of people were greeting me and Roza looked at me for an explanation. "I worked here the last three years."

"Really?" She asked shocked.

"Yes. I came back to Guarding so I could be close to Zander while he's in school. I needed a change, but I lived in the human world and I found it easier than I realized."

She looked a million miles away.

"What?" I had to know what she thought of this. I often daydreamed what it would have been like to have Roza with me, our own house, normal lives. I wonder what she thought about this.

"I was just imagining you in the human world. I guess I never imagined you doing this since I saw you last. I thought you would have two or three kids by now and be married to Tasha." She didn't look mad or upset just truly curious.

I can't imagine what would have happened if Tasha had lived. I felt horrible since I would not be with Roza now and the thought of that killed me. Even though we were only friends having her back in my life was so wonderful and that would not have happened if Tasha lived. I looked at Z and thought about Tasha and what I did to Roza and guilt churned in my stomach.

Roza looked at me concerned. "I am sorry I didn't mean to bring that up. My big mouth can be a brat, sorry." She gave me an apologetic smile.

"No I am fine." She frowned not seeming to believe me. So I whispered in her ear. "I promise I am okay." I felt her shiver, the market was always cold, but I had hope that maybe my presence gave her that reaction.

I glanced at Zander. He was playing with his Woody and was not really paying attention which made me relieved, he didn't need to hear what we were talking about or see me so affected by being this close to Roza.

Needing a distraction I ordered my meat from Sasha. He thankfully was talking to me in my native language and Roza couldn't understand what he was saying since he was commenting on how hot she was. He asked if she was single and my warning glare gave him his answer. He laughed at me and told me I was too ugly to get such beautiful women, he knew Marie and Tasha. We bantered back and forth when I noticed Roza out of the corner of my eye about to approach someone.

I got concerned and half turned into a woman's embrace.

"Oh my God Dimka it's you, it's really you. I can't believe you're here." Marie hugged her body to me.

"Marie?" Fuck my life. Why is Marie here this weekend of all weekends?

"Wow Dimka you look great." She smiled and looked at Roza and Zander. "And who are these two, neighbors?"

"Marie this is my son Zander and our friend Guardian Rose Hathaway." Z and Roza both frowned.

"Mommy I want that Woody doll." A little boy a few years older than Z pointed to Zander's Woody. Z turned away into Roza's embrace and hid Woody.

"Zac that is not your doll, but I am sure that Dimka's son will share."

Z looked at me with sad eyes. I cleared my throat. "And who might this be?"

"Oh Dimitri this is my son Zac. And he likes to play." She turned to Z. "Zander would you like to play with Zac?" She smiled at me. "Oh it's so cute how both their names start with a Z, isn't it?"

I saw Roza glare at Marie who was acting like she had just seen me yesterday. Z reluctantly got out of the basket to meet and talk to Zac.

Marie started filling me in on her life and I tried as politely as I could to listen and not ignore Roza, but Marie was used to my undivided attention and I could tell Roza was not liking it. I am not sure if she was jealous or just curious about Marie. It was so frustrating I wish I could get into her head.

"I am going to take the boys out front to ride on the toy while you two catch up." She walked away with the boys before I could say a word.

Marie snorted. "Well she got the hint."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh Dimka that girl is interested in you and my presence, I think, made her jealous. Anyway enough about her, when can we get together to catch up?" Marie's tone towards the end of her sentence seemed sexually suggestive.

"Well I am booked the whole time I am here, working and all, but tomorrow morning after my run maybe Rose, Zander and I could meet and you and your son at the park for a play date." I didn't really want to see Marie, but our families were friends and I couldn't completely blow her off.

"Dimka I was thinking something between just you and I would be nicer?" She touched my arm seductively.

I cleared my throat. "Well I have Zander and Rose is my guest so it's this or nothing."

She pouted, but I was no longer falling for her pout. Then I heard Zander crying and the cry was coming closer. I turned to see Roza holding a crying Zander and Zac trailing behind them.

"What happened?"

Zander was laying his head on Roza's shoulder holding an injured Woody. "Um that boy." Roza pointed to Marie's son Zac who was trying to look like an angel. "Pulled Zander's Woody away from him and it got ripped." Zander was nodding along with Roza as crying aftershocks rocked through his little body.

I gently took him out of Roza's embrace. "I am sorry son I'll have Bobbie sew it and he'll be as good as new, okay?" Z nodded and hugged me.

"Oh Dimka Zac is so well behaved I am sure it was an accident, I'll gladly buy your sweet boy a new toy." She looked at Zander and rubbed his cheek, he pulled away from her touch. "I am sorry baby do you want me to buy you a new doll?"

"It's not a doll it's a Woody and I want this one my Laya gave it to me."

"Who's Laya?" Marie looked confused.

Zander reached for Roza and she gladly took him. He laid his head back on her shoulder. "This is my Laya, she's my every day Mom." Oh shit.

Ooo ooO === Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO

We pulled up to the house and the silence around us was awkward. Z had fallen asleep so I took him and laid him in his bed.

I came down to the kitchen to find Roza silently putting the groceries away. Momma and everyone was gathered and eating lunch and they all looked to me for answers.

"What did you do to my sweet grandson?" Momma asked, half curious, half trying to be light and dispel the tense air around us.

I told the story and I saw Roza shake her head at a few points, I don't think she would have painted the 'incident' in such a favorable light towards Marie and her son. But Momma and Marie's mother were good friends and I didn't want things to be weird between them.

"Oh dear, poor Zander, I hope he's alright."

"He's fine he just needs sleep."

"Where's Lissa, Christian and the girls?" Roza asked.

"They are all down for a nap and there is a change of plans, Mark and Oksana will come here. Lissa said your friend Adrian will come here with his Guardians in a few hours." Momma explained.

Roza nodded and she seemed upset. I am not sure if it's because Z called her his everyday Mom or if it was the incident with Marie and her son, but I knew something was bothering Roza.

"Roza we have a few hours, do you want me to show you how to make the black bread?" I said cheerily hoping to clear the tense air between us.

She shrugged. "Sure." True to form for this weekend my family suddenly all had other things to do and the kitchen and adjacent table cleared. I knew what they were up to and normally I would welcome it, but Roza was upset so I was wishing we had others to act as a buffer.

"So Comrade you going to stare off into la la land all day or are we going to make bread?"

"Oh sorry, yeah let's get busy." She gave me a small smile, okay maybe she was not so upset anymore.

I was a very methodical cook. I got everything ready, measured, and lined up so we could make the bread in an organized fashion.

Roza watched and listened and when I had everything ready, she snorted a little.

"What?"

She shook her head. "Well I now see where Z gets it." I guess he was like me in this way, Tasha was a slob and type "B" personality.

We dug in and decided to make four loafs. We had step one ready and the dough had to rise for a half hour. "Do you want some hot cocoa while we wait?"

"Sure."

We sipped our cocoa in comfortable silence while sitting on the porch watching the scenery around us. "It's greener here than I expected." Roza mused.

"It is beautiful."

"I imagined it different, sparser, more like a wasteland." She looked at me and had an intense look in her eye.

"Things aren't always as you imagine them." I mirrored her intense look, the double meaning in my words hung in the air.

My timer on my watch went off breaking our heavy moment and bringing me back to reality.

"Shall we?" I rose and gestured for Roza to enter the house. "We need to knead the bread." She laughed lightly at the double need, knead, getting my dumb joke.

I got two bowls so we could each knead some and speed up the process since we needed to finish before our company arrived.

One thing I could do well was make the black bread. Roza was not kneading the dough forceful enough to get the air out, the denser the bread the better it was. "No Roza like this." I said frustrated.

Without thinking how our intimate closeness would affect me I got right behind her and put my arms and hands over hers and showed her how to really work the dough and get the air out of it.

"Is this better?" She asked her voice had gotten a little husky and I suddenly realized our closeness.

Her scent of vanilla and cinnamon swirled around me making my head fuzzy with need. I fought the tense giggle from another stupid need joke.

I bent a little to get close to her ear, not wanting to pass up this chance to be like this with her. "Yes Roza this is much better. You are very skilled with your hands." I whispered huskily in her ear.

"Thanks!" she squeaked.

I kept my intimate stance getting even closer - this was going to be best kneaded bread in Siberia.

"You have to really work the dough, it needs attention and love, it tastes better this way." I felt silly with another need reference and brazen with our closeness, but I couldn't help myself.

I grazed my lips on her ear as I led her to knead harder. "Yes like that, harder, it will be worth it when you taste the bread." I pressed my partial erection into her lower back wanting her to know exactly what her close presence did to me.

She closed her eyes as we kept kneading - she blew out a shaky breath she was holding in.

I grazed her ear again, this time her lobe and the spot just under it, she sucked in a small gasp. "Yes Roza just like that…" I pressed myself closer to her, fully aroused now, almost of the brink of losing full control.

We both had our eyes closed and kneaded the bread erotically, neither of us showing any sign of giving this poor bread dough a break.

"Hey guys whatcha doin?" Z asked standing on Yeva's kitchen step stool next to us, he was bend over and leaning on his fists with his elbows resting on the counter staring at us.

Both Roza and I jumped apart; we were more than surprised and startled by our three foot visitor. I turned to hide my semi-erection that was thankfully falling quickly.

Roza cleared her throat nervously. "Z you are so much like your Dad, how can you sneak up on me like that?"

He shrugged and smiled at her.

She wiped her hands, picked him up and hugged him. "Oh Zander what am I going to do with you?"

She tickled him and he giggled. "Make me cookies and love me." I saw tears pool in Roza eyes - they mirrored mine.

**Extended AN:**

**First - I have a confession - I am old – I am in my late thirties. But I am young at heart : D My oldest daughter is an aspiring performer and I need you guys to help us. She just made a video and needs hits. The more hits she gets the more attention she gets from agents, labels and industry people. PLEASE even if you hate the music and mute it just watch her video and send it to all your friends to watch. Who doesn't want a 15 year old to have her dreams come true? On the link below you have to replace the (dot) with . – OR – you can go to my profile and click on the link there – OR – You can do a search for _Britt Rutter _on youtube and it will come up. Plus if she makes it big I get to quit my corporate job and chaperone her since she's under 18. AND that means I'll get to write SO MUCH MORE and bring you guys awesome stories….so watch it.…PLEASE.**

**www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=RsiRwvGQn_M**

**Next - My normal beta had family in town so I had one of my pre-readers helping out. Thank you to **rosebelikov26**, she really helped my bad grammar. She has a good story called Someone Like Me, you can find it on my favorites. Check it out, get everyone reading.**

**Almost there - I am so sorry for the delay with this chapter. Family invaded for the American Thanksgiving Holiday and can you believe they thought it was rude when I would ignore them and write so yeah caused a delay with this chapter.**

**Lastly - I am a review addict so leave me some sugar and I promise I'll reward with a great next chapter.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Sorry for the delay - holidays, family, work, real life…UGH.**

**THANK YOU TO EVERYONE FOR YOUR REVIEWS, I LOVE THEM. I try to get back to them, but if they aren't signed I can't return them, sorry.**

**This chapter has not been through the talents of my beta. I didn't want to keep you waiting any longer so you know the drill, I will post an updated edited version when I can.**

**Richelle Mead owns it all, I just play with some of her stuff.**

**Chapter 18 My Milaya**

**Rose POV**

I lay on Dimitri's bed mortified of what I almost allowed to happen. When Zander casually interrupted us it didn't seem to phase him, it was like he'd seen us like that every day, which shows me I am way too close to Dimitri. Gah I am so stupid. How could I let myself get into this situation?

One thing I know I need to stay away from one-on-one time with the Russian God. He oozes sex appeal and my girly instincts aren't strong enough to fight him off. I cannot cheat on Jake it would kill him and it would be so unfair to him. I told him I was over Dimitri and the crush I had on him at the academy, I could not and would not go there.

There are enough people in this house I am sure I can avoid being alone with him the rest of the trip.

I hear a tentative knock at the door.

"Come in its open." I call to the shut door.

It was him and of course he was alone, ugh. "Roza, Mark just texted me they should be her in a few minutes."

"Okay thanks." I pretend like I have to find something in my suitcase so I can avoid direct eye contact with him.

"The bread is ready if you'd like some before they get here."

Still avoiding looking directly at him. "No I am good." I say quietly.

"Tomorrow I am going on a run and then I am taking Zander to the park to play with Zac and catch up with Marie. Will you go with me?"

I whip my head around to glare at him. Was he freaking serious. "What?"

"Tomorrow I am going – " He stupidly thought I didn't hear him and was repeating what he'd just told me.

"No I heard you. I am just shocked. That kid Zac is pure evil and Z doesn't like him. Marie just wants to get into your pants and I don't think it's fair to subject Zander to that. Why don't you just leave him with me and I'll take him out and to a different park to play and you and Marie can go off on your date. There's no need to torture Z or Woody." Olena had fixed Z's Woody's doll, but who knows what that boy will do to him this time.

"Roza this is not a date. I don't _like_ Marie, it's just to catch up."

Liar. "Dimitri it's really none of my business who or what you do, but please Z does not like that little boy and I don't think he should have to go." I was in a pissy mood and was not being very nice, my tone harsh.

He holds up his hands as if to surrender to my bitchiness. "Look you don't have to go I just thought you might like to. I am sorry I mentioned it, but Z and I are going. Marie is a family friend and he needs to get along with people even if they are difficult, it will help him adjust to the real world."

Ugh how irritating he sounds just like my mother. "Fine. But you should just go and spend time with the wonderful Marie, don't torture Z, it's not fair."

"You said that already and I said he's going. Why are you so mad about this, are you jealous?"

Hah right, I spin to glare at him. "Look Dimitri I could care less about your love life, but I love your son and care about him and I don't think he should go." I was really being bitchy. I am not sure if it was because I didn't want to get along with him and risk a scene like we just had in the kitchen or if the darkness was getting to me, but I was being a bitch and I really didn't care.

He studies me for a few minutes trying to figure something out. "Well we are going and its final, I appreciate your concern, but you don't need to worry." He was being nice now, but firm.

"Fine go, but I can't wait to say 'told you so' when Marie's devil spawn does something to upset Z." I cross my arms over my chest and give him my smug sassy look, the one my mom hates.

"Well since Zander is _my son_ maybe I should worry about what's good for him. It's none of your concern so I am not sure why you are so worried about it." He says back to me just as sassy with his arms also crossed over his chest.

That hurt. It was like a slap, a reminder I had no ties to Z and that he was Tasha's son and I had no claim to him. I was instantly depressed realizing Dimitri could take Z away from me at any time and I better shape up my attitude if I wanted to keep seeing my sweet boy. "I am sorry you are right. He's not my son and it's not my concern, sorry again." I look down and away, I am defeated, my voice shakey, I was fighting tears.

I see sadness and regret in his eyes. He steps forward to pull me into a hug, but I push him away. "I am sorry I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, you were just being so defensive and snippy."

"No it's fine you made it clear to me that Z is _your_ _son_ and I shouldn't concern myself. Point taken Comrade." I say in the nicest tone I can, but don't look directly at him. I walk out of the room suddenly feeling like I am going to suffocate.

"Roza stop. I am sorry." I hear him following me, but hurry to the main room were Mark and Oksana have just arrived. Adrian and his Guardians get here at the same time and the house is suddenly much fuller, which is good, more people to add as a buffer between me and the good smelling Russian God I am trying to avoid.

Both Mark and Oksana have fair eyes and hair. They are both polite and kind and I can tell even with their age difference they are a good match.

Oksana's has her half sister Annika staying with them so she came along too. Annika is younger, about mine and Lissa's age, she and Oksana have the same Mom, but different Dad's. Annika iss not a spirit user, but she does have a fiery personality. She has auburn hair and hazel eyes, she is pretty and sassy and I like her.

We all talk and I see Dimitri hovering protectively, but I ignore him. I feel hurt and irritated from our conversation earlier and just want to ignore him and pretend he is not around. The Belikov's make themselves scarce and that includes Z. I miss him, but Mark and Oksana are helping us all so much so I push my concerns about Dimitri and Zander aside and focus on the task at hand.

Mark works with me and Oksana works with Adrian and Lissa. They show us exercises to help, give us healing jewelry and some good coping techniques. Dimitri was right this is going to help all of us. I feel better already and Adrian said my darkness wasn't as dark, whatever that means.

I could tell Annika was annoying Adrian. Whenever she would talk he would roll his eyes, I think she was the female version of him and he had a hard time dealing with her. It was pretty funny. Since living with Oksana she has some insight how to help as well, but Adrian I could tell dismissed her knowledge. It was pretty funny to watch the two of them. Being in a better lighter mood I decide it was time to stir the pot.

"So Annika do you have a boyfriend?" I ask her, but stare at Adrian, he glares back at me.

"No not anymore, I had one, but I left him back in Brazil with his crazy family." She grimaces.

"Hmmm. So you should come visit us at Court with Mark and Oksana, we'll go to the Cantina, it will be the closest you get to South America. It will be fun." She had lived in Brazil before coming to Russia to live with Mark and Oksana.

"Oh yes you must all come. Mark and Oksana can work with us on the OMP." Lissa begged, I could tell she was already attached to Oksana and wanted her around to help out.

Mark and Oksana look at each other hesitantly. "That is a generous offer, but I am not sure if a Dhampir/Moroi couple like us would be welcomed at European Court." Oksana states in her kind voice.

Adrian clears his throat. "I will personally vouch for your safety and comfort at Court. My uncle is the Magistrate and things have gotten a lot better. Europe is more advanced and open to these marriages. It would be an honor if you'd come and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at the progressive pace our World is changing."

Adrian's words ring through my body. I look at Dimitri and he is staring at me with a longing look in his eyes. I am dying to know what he is thinking. Is he thinking about Tasha? If she had lived would he be happy their marriage might actually be accepted. Maybe he is thinking about a future Moroi wife and more kids he could have. He isn't even thirty and has so much to offer.

I shake away the depressing thoughts since I know I can never have a family and kids and focus back on Mark. We go for a walk and he tells me more about healing rings, and working with Lissa and trading off darkness and healing each other. I am amazed and so hopeful that this might work for us. He and Oksana have come so far.

Mark was her Guardian and they had fallen in love. Oksana's Moroi family frowned on a relationship with a Dhmapir so they fought their love. They were both miserable as Oskana's parents paraded eligible Moroi in one after another to court Oksana. Mark followed dutiful on each date Guarding Okana ensuring the love of his life was safe. One day their convoy was attacked by three Strigoi. Oksana watched in horror as everyone was killed, she was so devastated over Mark's death she used Spirit to revive him. Once they became bonded and Oksana refused to be with anyone else her family relented and allowed them to marry. But the family shunned them, Annika was the only family that stayed in touch with them.

Oksana always knew she was different, but bringing Mark back to the world of the living showed her that she was _special_. Thankfully she and Mark met another Spirit User and have been able to live and cope with this disabling gift. I listen to Mark's story with awe. They overcame so much, it is a true love story.

It was late and Mark, Oksana and Annika leave. I find myself out on the porch with Adrian. I lay in his lap while he smokes cloves.

"Oksana and Mark were supposed to help, what's with the cloves?" I hate that he still seems so stressed. I feel very calm and relaxed by their visit.

He shrugs. "I don't know – it was good, but intense I feel like I need to unwind and I don't want to drink until I get back to the hotel. That way I can collapse into bed."

"So why don't you go?"

He looks down and rubs my cheek. "I felt like you could use a friend."

He knows me so well; I sigh and look at him sadly.

"Yeah thought so, what's up?"

"I got into a fight with Dimtri after we had an intense moment making bread." I explain the gory details, he listens quietly even though he grimaces in a few areas.

"Well that's interesting." He states dryly.

"It was stupid. It was like the pottery wheel scene out of Ghost." I pound my fists against my face. "I am such an idiot. And then I was such a bitch to him he probably hates me."

Adrian chuckles. I pull my hands away and study him, something else is bothering him, I know him well. "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Annika, she's pretty hot and feisty I like her. I might just approve of you two together."

He shakes his head. "That girl drives me nuts."

I sit up and cross my arms over my chest and stare him down.

"What?"

"You like her?"

He laughs without humor. "What – are you jealous?" He raises one eyebrow at me.

"Not in the way that you'd think. I mean I do love you and you will always own a part of my heart, but I know once you find that special someone we won't have this." I gesture between our current intimate position on the love seat. "I will miss having you always there for me." I look down guiltily. "I am selfish that's all."

He gives me a sweet smile and rubs my check. "Don't be silly Little Dhampir I'll always be here for you."

I cover his hand. "Thanks Adrian."

I hear someone clear their throat, it is Dimitri. Adrian and I pull away. He goes to get up, but I hold him tight and anchor him to me. I give him a look to tell him I need him to stay.

"Roza I just wanted to say goodnight. Everyone went to bed I was just locking up."

"Oh we'll be just a bit longer I'll lock up after Adrian leaves."

He searches my eyes almost challenging me, but doesn't say anything. "Good night Dimitri." I say trying to give him a hint I want him to leave me and Adrian alone.

He sighs. "Good night." He spins on his heel in record speed and leaves us.

Adrian chuckles. "Wow he hates me right now. I think he wanted to talk to you."

I shake my head. "I don't want to be alone with him. I'll end up seducing him or fighting with him, we need the buffer."

"Do you want me to stay?"

"Just for a few more minutes until he falls asleep."

Adrian nods and lets me lean into him for support. "I think you should call her."

He chuckles. "Maybe. We'll see." We share comfortable silence enjoying the quiet until he leaves with his Guardians to go to his hotel.

Wanting to avoid Dimitri, Adrian says I can run to his hotel in the morning and order us some room service – well as long as I don't wake him up too early. I agree needing the distraction from my Russian God who clouds my head.

I fall asleep fast being emotionally exhausted, Z must have been just as tired since he didn't come to my bed that night.

Ooo ooO === Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO

I run up to Adrian's hotel after sneaking out. Olena was up so I told her I was going for a run and having breakfast with Adrian. She was polite, but I could tell she wondered why I was running off. Yeva mumbled something to her after I walked out of the kitchen, I couldn't tell what she had said and I am not sure I want to know. She is a nice old lady, but she kind of gives me the creeps.

I walk into the hotel lobby, it is nice, probably the nicest hotel in Baia I am sure that's why Adrian is staying here. I notice a familiar Moroi reading the paper. It is Abe Mazur clad in a vibrant turquoise scarf, gold jewelry and an impeccable gray suit that I am sure is the finest Italy has to offer.

I search his Guardians and don't notice Jake and Soraya is nowhere to be found. Could Jake be in Baia? "He's not here." Abe clarifies as if he is reading my mind.

I turn to look at him. He is folding his paper and gestures to the seat next to him, implying I should sit. I give him a stiff nod put on my best Guardian mask and sit.

"Who's not here?" I play dumb.

"Well your boyfriend of course."

I study him and I can tell he is sizing me up. "Is he in Russia?"

"You really don't know?"

I grimace at him, I guess I should know. "No he left early, I guess you had urgent business, so I didn't get a chance to talk to him and he normally won't call when he's away Guarding."

Abe nods. "Well I didn't need to leave it was my daughter." He gets a disgusted look. "Her mother needed her home for some soiree or ball or something." He sounds disgusted, I guess he isn't too fond of his baby momma.

"And where is her home?"

"London" Hmmm interesting Jake is in London, I wonder if he'll tell me about any of this?

I don't know what to say so I compliment him on his flashy scarf, I can tell it is uber soft and probably worth more than I make in a week. "I like your scarf." I blurt.

"Thank you." Awkward silence.

"So – have you thought about my offer?"

"No?"

"No, you haven't thought about it or no you won't come work for me?"

"Both." I figure one word short answers are the best way to deal with this nonsense. Like I would ever work for him and leave Liss, as if. I look away calculating how I can escape without being rude.

"So how is your mother Janine?"

I whip around and look at him, now he has my attention. Everyone knows of my Mom, but by calling her Janine and not Guardian Hathaway he is implying he knows her well. "You know her?"

"I know her well." I can tell by his tone he is not going to elaborate on that.

"Huh. Well she's fine I guess I don't talk to her much. I've never really been her _focus_." I fight my natural grimace.

"Your mother loves you more than you'll ever know?"

WTF? "How do you know and why do you care?" I demand from him.

"Easy Rosemarie."

"It's _Rose_."

"Look _Rose_. I knew your Mom; she sacrificed a lot for you. I know you may fault her for not being a traditional mother figure." I could tell he is struggling to find the right wording. "But never doubt her love."

I didn't want to talk to this man anymore who gave me riddles instead of answers. "I need to go my friend is waiting for me."

He chuckles. "Yes I am sure Lord Ivashkov is wide awake with no hang over and pacing for your presence." I was so irritated he knew so much about me, but I knew nothing about him.

"How do you…" I trail off.

"It's my job to know." We size each other up.

I get up to go and put out my hand for a good-bye handshake, I know I have to be somewhat polite. "Good bye Mr. Mazur."

Abe stands and bellows out his boisterous laugh. He takes my hand and kisses it sweetly. Then he takes his scarf and puts it around my neck. I gape at him.

"Something to remember me by and it's _Abe_." He mimicks my tone when I told him to call me Rose.

"Like I could forget you." I blurt out.

He throws his head back and laughs. "Until next time _Rose_, I'll be counting the minutes." Okay he's back to riddles again, how irritating.

"Good-bye" He stands and waves to me as I walk away. What a weird guy, but I kind of like him. There is something in his eyes, they seem sort of familiar.

As I make my way to Adrian's room I admire the scarf. It is as soft as it seems and it smells of him. It is not as heavenly as Dimitri's smell, but still masculine and nice. It is homey and comforting. I like my new scarf.

One of Adrian's Guardians lets me in. I order room service and go to see if he is stirring. He has on his standard black silk boxers, he is sexy as hell, especially for a Moroi. His face is unshaven, I like it like this, but I know he is just being lazy. His hand is over his face, I can tell he hasn't had enough sleep, but I am feeling kind of playful so I jump on the bed.

I keep jumping and singing. "It's time to get, it's time to get up, it's time to get up in the mornin'"

He groans and pulls the covers over his head. "Go away" He mumbles and rolls onto his belly.

I squeeze his ass playfully which elicites a different kind of moan. "Don't start something you're not willing to finish."

Realizing I am not being appropriate I pull my hand away. "Sorry – but I am bored so get up and eat with me – please." I give him my best pouty face.

He rolls over and looks at me. "Did you get me coffee?"

On queue there is a knock at the door…ah room service. I smile and nod as I get up to get the food.

We eat in silence after Adrian puts on more appropriate attire. We don't want to give my peer Guardians any reason to think there is more going on than standard friendship, it would make trouble for both of us.

As we eat we watch weird Russian cartoons. No wonder Zander likes Sponge Bob, these things are ridiculous.

There is a knock at the door. I look at Adrian; he shrugs like he doesn't know who the hell it could be. I get the door and it is Annika!

"Hello Rose." Her tone is pleasant, but she seems surprised to see me.

I don't want to give her the wrong idea. "Hey Annika. I was just stealing some free room service." I smirk at her. "But I am done now and need to get going."

"Don't run off on my account. Mark and Oksana are shopping so they dropped me off. I thought I'd bring Adrian some Russian pastries." She smiles shyly at Adrian and gestures towards the bag in her hand.

"Aw that is sweet." I smile between the two of them and exit with a quick good-bye suddenly feeling like a third wheel.

Ooo ooO === Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO

"Laya you smell good." Zander hugs me as I pick him up. I missed his warm little body.

When I got home he and Dimitri were still out so I showered, played with the girls, caught Lissa up on the Annika and Adrian gossip and harassed Pyro until he whined like a the little girl he is.

When Dimitri came home Zander wss asleep so he put him right down for a nap. Dimitri spent time with his family while I hid away with Lissa's brood.

I snuggle Z to me. "I missed you, how was the park?" He gives me a sour lemon face.

"It was okay. Woody stayed home so Zac could not hurt him. Zac was kinda nice." He shrugs. "Marie kept pinching my cheeks, I don't like her, she smells funny." He made the sour lemon face again.

"Zander that is not nice." She scolds him.

He shrugs and we share a quiet giggle. "We had a nice time. You seemed to have fun Zander, didn't you?" Dimitri asks Zander, but stares at me as if to say 'see he was fine, I know what's best for my son.'

Z mumbles a little acceptance and drags me into the family room to play Candy Land with Sophie. Just as we are finishing up the game Adrian and Anni show up, it seems they spent the entire day together. I give him a suspicious look and he gives me a knowing look back. I am happy for him, they seem cute together and she will keep him in line.

After Mark and Oksana show up we all do some more work and then everyone has a nice dinner courtesy of Olena. It's some kind of roast and really good, she served some red wine with it. Normally I am not a big wine drinker, but with this meal it was a perfect pairing so I had probably more than I should.

All in all it was a successful weekend. We got a lot done, learned a lot and I was feeling lighter already. With my jewelry, new found exercises and techniques to work with Lissa it would keep both of us on the right path. Tomorrow we would head home and as much as I loved the Belikov's I missed my little apartment. I was anxious to see Jake, it seemed like it had been ages since I'd talked to him.

Adrian and Anni leave first, I think wanting some alone time at the hotel. The girls are tired so Lissa and Pyro put them to bed and are going to watch a movie in their room. Mark and Oksana leave soon after that. Dimitri and I help Olena clean up, Sonya is at work so Karolina is doing the night time routine with the little Belikov people.

Z pouts, he wants me to give him a bath and put him to bed, but I convince him his Bobbi needs my help and I can bath him another time. He doesn't get to see his aunt that often so he reluctantly agrees. He drags his feet and Woody the whole way up the stairs to enhance his dramatics. I can tell it annoys Dimitri, but I think it's cute.

Olena, Dimitri and I work in silence; it is like we clean up this same kitchen every night. It is comfortable and disturbing all at the same time. Comfortable since I feel so at home with them, but disturbing since I will never belong with them and this will never be my home. I am happy and sad.

"You okay Roza you seem far away?" Olena asks concerned. Dimitri studies me carefully.

I shake my head and finish drying the dishes. "No I am fine. I was just thinking how comfortable you have made me feel, well all of us feel. Thank you so much Olena for opening your home and your heart to us."

She hugs me and whispers in my ear. "I already see you as family." She pulls away and winks at me. "I am tired Dimka will you finish and lock up for me?"

"Sure Momma" He hugs her and she heads off to bed.

I help him put the dried dishes away, it is crazy how in only a few days I already know were everything belongs, it is like I've lived here for years.

"You know she really likes you."

"She's a wonderful woman."

He hums his agreement. The silence between us is awkward, which is unusual for us. I need to clear the air.

We both speak at the same time.

"Roza can we talk – "

"Comrade I am sorry – "

"Sorry Roza you go first."

"I just wanted to tell you I was sorry. I was out of line and a little bitchy. You are right, he's your son and you know best. And it seems you had a nice time with your friends." I smile sweetly at him truly feeling sorry for my bitchiness and my harsh words. I feel ten pounds lighter, I think these rings are really helping my mood.

He shakes his head. "No Roza it is me who was out of line. You were just concerned about Zander and I made you feel insignificant. I am sorry for that."

"Thank you Dimitri, but its fine. We're fine, right?" I ask making sure he isn't still upset with me.

"Yes Roza of course."

Okay now what? Should I go to bed or will he think I am rude?

"Do you want some hot cocoa, we can go out on the porch and enjoy the fresh night air?" It's like he is reading my mind again, we are always so in tune with each other.

_Okay I can do this, I can be civil and good._ "Sure that sounds nice."

He gives me his gorgeous smile I love so much and prepares our cocoa.

Outside the night air is brisk, our breath shows up as we talk, it is peaceful and quiet. I feel calm and relaxed and warm with my new scarf.

"Did Adrian get you the scarf?" I wiggled a little uncomfortable from his words. We are under a shared blanket and sitting next to each other, I don't think he notices my nervous tick, if he did he doesn't acknowledge it.

I snort. "No." I was not sure I wanted to tell him who gave me the scarf. I am not sure he likes Abe, I remember wanting to ask him about his behavior when I spoke to Abe that night at the ball.

He speaks and pulls me out of my thoughts. "So I realized after that talk we had about your number of um people – two was your number." He clarifies, but I could tell he is struggling. "I guess that means Adrian was number one and Jake was number two?"

"Um yeah that's true." He seems thoughtful, but doesn't look mad.

He nods and sips his cocoa. "I guess it could be worse. As much as I don't like the guy I can tell he cares for you." Dimitri seems to be fishing for information about Adrian.

"Yeah he does." I look at Dimitri. "We are just friends now. He's really great to me and I wish him the best. I think he and Anni really like each other and I hope it works out. He deserves happiness."

I look down at my cup, but I could feel his eyes on me. "You deserve happiness too."

I look at him. "I am happy."

"Are you?"

"Yes"

"I can make you happy. You, me and Zander, we can be happy, we can be a family."

I close my eyes and lean my head back in frustration. "Dimitri I am happy. I have Jake and some day you'll find some nice Moroi and have some more kids like you want."

"Roza look at me."

I oblige and look at him. His eyes are shining and sincere.

"I want you to know I will never love anyone but you. From that first moment I saw you in Oregon I knew with my whole heart you were the one. I tried to fight my feelings, ignore my need to be close to you, but I was wrong. I love you and I will be here for you always. There will never be another, only you, I love you. I made the mistake once thinking I could leave you, taking myself out of your life, but it was wrong. I was wrong. We belong together, the three of us. We can happy, we can be a family, me you and Zander, he already considers you his mom."

I know he is talking about how Z called me his _everyday mom_. We never did talk about that. I wasn't sure what an everyday mom was, but I am sure if I had a job description I would love to fill the it. Who wouldn't want to be Z's everyday mom?

I stare long and hard at my Russian God, the love pours out of his eyes and my heart grows and grows until it swallows me. He owns me at that moment and he knows it. "Dimitri I can't - " He cuts me off by putting his finger on my lips hushing me.

"Don't talk, don't think, just feel. Feel what's in your heart."

I listen to him and like magnets we were drawn to each other. He kisses me and at first it is soft, sweet and slow. Then it turns fast, frenzied and wonderful. He is everywhere as we share an intense passionate kiss. I feel warmth and love flow through my body as my heart grows and grows and controls my every move, every thought, every breath.

We both need air so Dimitri pulls away but travels along my jaw, to my ear and then to my neck. His hands roam my body while mine pull the holder out of his hair, I caress his silky strands of hair pulling on them needing more, he gives me an appreciative moan. I am floating in erotic euphoria.

I feel his breath on neck as he hums my name. "Roza"

That one word was enough to bring me back to the world of reality. To monsters and rules and Jake. Oh my f'ing god, Jake. What was I doing to Jake? I freeze and Dimtiri's posture mimicks mine.

I push him away; both of us are huffing trying to catch our breath. His hair is crazy from my mistrations, his lips are red and swollen and his eyes are alert and shining, he has never looked more stunning. "I am sorry I can't…Jake." I sob and run into the kitchen.

Dimitri is on my heels. "Roza wait."

He catches me and turns me to him. "I am sorry."

A few tears stream down my face. "No I am sorry I shouldn't have done that. I am with Jake. I am sorry I can't." I run to Dimitri's room, shut the door and collapse onto the bed and cry until I have no more tears, guilt rocks through my body.

I hear the door creep open. "Laya?"

I wipe my eyes before looking at him. "What is it honey?"

"I have to go potty and Daddy is asleep, can you help me?"

"Sure baby." I pick him up and hurry to the bathroom. He is doing a pee-pee dance and I don't want to risk an accident.

"I think I forgot to go potty with aunt Kiki."

"It's okay, feel better?" He does his fully body nod, rubs his eyes with one hand while the other holds his train quilt and Woody.

He gives me his best puppy dog eyes. "Can I sleep with you?" My heart swells. As much as I want him to sleep with me and cuddle with me all night long Dimitri's words ring though my head. '_Well since Zander is my son maybe I should worry about what's good for him.' _I run my hand through his hair wavering with my decision.

"Honey you need to stay by your Daddy, okay?"

He pushes his lip out and his eyes turn sad. "Will you rub my back until I fall asleep?"

I nod, pick him up and snuggle him to me. "Yes baby of course."

I lay him in his bed as quietly as I can and start rubbing his back. He hums a little, I love that sound. I feel him relax and his breathing slows, he is out. I get up to leave and hear Dimitri whimper.

"No Roza don't go…" He mumbles. He starts twitching and moaning almost as if he is in pain, he is obviously having a nightmare. I brush the back of my hand against his cheek to calm him.

He hums his approval and smiles. He rolls onto his side and grabs my hand. Suddenly he opens his eyes and looks at me stunned. "Roza? What's wrong?"

I shake my head. "Sorry Z had to go potty I was just putting him back in bed."

He gives me a guilty look. "Sorry I usually hear him."

I pull my hand away and motion like it is no big deal. "No worries." I wasn't sure what to do next, he was gazing at me with the saddest eyes. "Well I better get back to bed." I chuckle nervously, my laugh sounds so _off_.

"Thank you Roza, goodnight." My throat is thick with emotion so I only nod and slink off to bed.

I crawl into bed, my chest aching with guilt and remorse. I close my eyes and as much as I wish for sleep as an escape I know it won't come easily. As the guilt creeps up on me and seeps through my body I realize I am a miserable excuse for a girlfriend.

How could I do this to Jake? I am going to grovel and beg him to forgive me. It is Jake who is real, who is with me, who never left me. No matter what Dimitri says I could never believe or trust him, he left me once to have a family and I know he would do it again. Jake is who and what I need. Hopefully my stupid activities tonight won't ruin everything with him. No matter what I am coming clean with Jake and will beg him until he forgives me.

**Okay so that was a big chapter, I hope you liked it, I'd love to hear what you thought…please. Some of my fanflippintastic pre-readers helped me out, thus added to the length of this chapter. To all my Jake fans keep your tomato throwing to a minimum until you read the next few chapters.**

**I have to send a special thank you out to everyone who watched my daughter's video, we have almost 5,000 views – WOOOHOOOO.**

**If you celebrate Christmas and/or New Years I want to send out a greetings and salutations, enjoy your holidays, rest, relax, and enjoy! Things will hopefully slow down and I am hoping I can write quicker, I know a lot of you are impatient with me, but I swear I am trying : D**

**Cheers!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Sorry for the delay – see wordy AN at end explaining.**

**Thanks for all your encouragement and reviews I LOVE THEM, didn't respond to any this last chapter, but will try to next chapter, trust me I read each one several times.**

**Richelle Mead sadly owns VA and all original characters – Jake, Zander, Soraya, Annika, and the twins are mine!**

**My Milaya Chapter 19, enjoy….**

**Dimitri's POV**

As I saw my homeland's countryside whiz by me I looked to the seat in front of me and saw Roza staring at the same scenery. She had avoided me all morning giving me small answers and never really looked me in the eye.

Yesterday was an emotional roller coaster. We had our little fight in the morning; I let her childish behavior get the best of me. I wanted her with me at the park with Marie so Marie would leave me alone, but mostly I just wanted Roza by my side. I stupidly lost my temper when she refused. I had spent years perfecting my emotions to be a controlled guardian, but Roza obviously could stir feelings in me I spent years repressing.

I said mean and hurtful things and I could tell I hurt her. I felt horrible afterwards and with our guests arrival it was hard to talk to her. Finally everyone had gone or went to bed and we got to clear the air. Sitting with her out on that porch I took a risk and laid it out for her. I needed her to know how I felt about her, that she and Z were my whole world; I would not make the same mistake again. She may reject me, but I needed to make sure she had no doubt how I felt about her.

Z loved Roza and I think could become too attached to her. The logical side of my brain says to slow it down since Roza could choose to walk out of his life at any time, but the caring side of my brain tells me to encourage it. Z craves that female interaction and seeing them interact with one another gives me great joy. Z is asleep on my lap and I hear his little baby snores, I smile down at him and rub his hair. His curls seemed to look a little unruly, Yeva and Mama say I need to cut his hair, but I am not sure I can do it.

I felt her presence and smelt her heady scent of coconut and citrus. I look up and my stomach twists in anticipation, I always get this feeling when I know I am about to look into the most beautiful caring brown eyes, my Roza.

She sits down and looks at me and then to Z, as soon as she spots him she smiles which causes my heart to grow. When the three of us are together I feel complete, it's like warmth and home and love. She from Z back to me and her smile fades a little.

"Comrade, can we talk?"

"Sure Roza." I smile at her, but it's forced, I am in fear of what she might say.

She nervously winds her hands around each other. "Um I think we should limit our interaction. I allowed something to happen last night – " I had to stop her.

"Roza please – stop – you did nothing wrong it was all me."

She looks at me and sighs. She rubs her side, where her tattoo is. She often does this, I wonder if it's related to me or just helps her with her courage? "Please I need to get this out or I never will. I don't think we should train one-on-one anymore. I think we should only be together when other people are around. I don't want to tempt fate again and stir up old feelings; it's not fair to either of us or Jake."

As J's name rolls off her tongue my stomach churns with guilt. "Past feelings? " I say to her with a little bite to my voice. There is nothing past tense about my feelings.

"Well yes for me it's in the past. I am sorry Comrade, but I am with Jake. I am sorry I allowed that to happen last night. But it won't be happening again." She states and I can tell she is in complete control, her Guardian mask up.

I feel defeated; I know there is no use in arguing with her. "Okay" I match my Guardian face to hers.

I see her eyes travel to Z and her mask completely falls apart. "Will you still let me see him; maybe I can watch him or help you out with him sometimes?" The desperate tone in her voice makes my heart quiver.

"Of course Roza, you can see Z as much as you'd like, he loves you." I give her the best reassuring smile I can muster.

"Thanks"

I nod. "Sure Roza"

Roza stayed quiet after that, but didn't go back to her seat, she sat across from Z and I. I would see her glance at him and each time her gorgeous smile would spread across her face as she gazed at him. I could tell she really loved him and I hope my stupid actions yesterday didn't interfere with that relationship.

Roza's tentative voice pulls me out of my reverie. "Dimitri why did you ask me to stay away from Abe Mazur?"

Abe was an okay guy, but he did not seek people out for social chit chat, if he talked to you the way he talked to Roza then he wanted something from them and I didn't want Roza to get wrapped up with him. J was substitute guarding for the Mazur's, but he was his own man, if he wanted to get wrapped up with Abe Mazur that was his business. Even though it was not really my concern I didn't want Zmey near Roza, it just didn't sit right with me. He had to want something from her and it could not turn out well.

"Why?"

She narrowed here eyes a little. "Don't answer my question with a question."

"Sorry. Abe Mazur never seeks people out unless he wants something from them. I just don't want to see you get wrapped up with the likes of him."

"I can take care of myself."

"I know you can Roza, but Abe is an intense businessmen with what some think are _shady_ tactics and I don't want you to get dragged into that. Around Baia he's known as Zmey, the snake."

"Okay"

"Okay you'll stay away from him?"

"Well I've talked to him it's not a big deal, but he did want something from me."

"Mmhm, go on." I knew it.

"He wants me to go work for him."

"And?"

"And of course I said no, you know I would never leave Lissa."

"I know and I am glad you're listening to me."

She glared at me. "I am not listening to you. I am listening to myself, like I said I can take care of myself."

She raised her voice a little and seemed a little peeved. I put my arms up as if to surrender to her. "Okay sorry."

Z stirred and started to wake up, we were almost home so it wasn't a big deal. "Sorry I didn't mean to wake him up." She whispered.

I gave her a genuine smile. "Its fine we are almost home."

"Hi Laya!" He jumped in her lap then looked at me. "Hi Daddy."

"Hi Z." We both said at the same time. With Z's presence and constant barrage of questions the tense and awkwardness around us melted.

Ooo ooO === Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO

We had been back a few days and I was miserable. I hardly saw Roza and when I did there was always a lot of people around and during these times she steered clear of me.

One day I saw her at the gym and she looked angry trying to blow off steam. When I tried to ask her what was wrong she panicked that we were alone and made some excuse about being late for something and needed to hurry off. I had no doubt in my mind she just wanted to avoid me.

Z kept up his references about his daily interactions with Roza so I knew that she was still seeing him at daycare. I was happy, but also a little jealous. Besides missing Roza everything was going well.

"Hi Dimitri, lunch is almost over, but you've barely touched your food?" Lissa asked and looked at me concerned.

"Yes, I don't have much of an appetite today."

She gave me a sad look. "She's just trying to limit her time alone with you. She doesn't trust herself. She's fighting with Jake, she told him right when we got back and he blames her not you. She promised him she would keep her distance. It's nothing personal Dimitri, I actually think she wants to stay away from you since she has a hard time repressing her feelings."

I nod not really sure of what to say since Adrian and his Guardian's join us.

"Adrian and I have some great news. Oksana a very strong Spirit User will be joining us at Court and her husband Mark will be her assigned Guardian for OMP."

Lissa announced to our small work group. It would take a few weeks to get them permanent residences, with all the movement into European Court due to the OMP, there was a delay in placing residents. For a temporary fix Mark and Oksana will stay with me and Annika will stay at Roza's apartment. During this time Roza will stay with Lissa & Christian or Jake. This was good news. Adrian, Lissa and Rose working with Oksana and Mark helped a lot, but having them here to help full time will be wonderful.

Lissa was buzzing with excitement and Adrian had a permanent smile on his face. I guess he was falling for Annika which was nice to hear since he was no longer pining for my Roza. I know he still cared for her greatly, but it seems like he has resolved they will only ever be good friends.

Still thinking that he got the gift of Roza's virginity chapped my hide, but I kept it inside. Every now and then he would drop a lude comment about Roza and him together, but with Annika now in the picture it was fewer and fewer each day, which was nice. He told me Roza and J were fighting and she seemed depressed, but he thought it was about Jake not the darkness. I thanked him for telling me, I don't think he liked me, but I think he accepted I was staying around and cared for Roza and in return I appreciated him enlightening me on Roza information.

Ooo ooO === Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO

Today Mark and Oksana arrive. Z is excited, he loves having company come stay. I drop him off at daycare and my heart swells when I see Roza. Usually when I drop him off she is either busy in another room of the daycare facility or out doing some sort of patrol, I know she has been trying to avoid me.

"Hey Z, hey Comrade." I love it when she calls me this. For one second my mind goes to impure thoughts of her calling me this in bed and I shake my head a little to clear my Roza fantasy.

"Laya, I missed you!" Z jumps in her arms.

"Hello Roza how are you today?" I say in my formal Guardian voice.

"I am good, thanks for asking. How are you Comrade?" _Shoot that fantasy is trying to rear its head again, push it away Dimitri focus on Roza and what she is trying to tell you. She obviously has something on her mind since she's not avoiding you today. _

"I am well. I miss our trainings, but I am surviving, finding partners where I can." She frowns at my answer and her eyes look sad.

"I'm sorry."

"Its fine Roza, I am half teasing, it was just nice to learn new techniques, but I have other Guardians willing to help out."

"Oh" I wanted to take my fingers and turn her frown into a smile, but I knew it would not be a good idea to touch her.

"So…"

"Oh, so you find time to train being a single parent and all?"

"Some, Lissa allows me to leave OMP when they are doing research so I can train."

"Oh"

"Why?"

"Well I was wondering if you wanted me to watch Z one night this week?"

"Oksana is coming today and she offered to watch him to help out, but sure if you have time that would be great."

We made plans, Roza was going to watch him Friday afternoon/evening, she said she wanted to take him to buy something and then would make him dinner and bath him with the twins.

Ooo ooO === Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO

I made dinner for Mark and Oksana, gave Z a bath and put him to bed. Mark was reading in their room, but Oksana was having some tea.

"Dimitri thank you so much for your hospitality, you've been so sweet to us."

"You are welcome. Thank you for helping Roza and Lissa." Adrian was included in that help, but I didn't feel the need to mention him.

"It's my pleasure. You love her?"

"Very much."

"She loves you too; I can see it and feel it."

I smile and then frown, she may have loved me once, but it seems like it was all in the past.

"Don't worry things seem to have a way of working themselves out." She gave me a wink. "So do you want to go work out, I can listen for Z if you want to get a workout in, I know Guardians can never train enough, I am married to one remember?"

"That would be great." I wasn't sure if she was brushing my mind or could just tell I needed to let off some steam, but I was grateful for the chance to get a late night workout in, the gym was normally deserted at this time and I loved the solitude.

I ran to the gym so I could speed up my warm up when I go there. As I stepped in I heard commotion. Two Guardians, a male and a female were arguing. Things were tense between them, but they hadn't come to blows yet.

It was Roza's mom, Guardian Hathaway and J having a heated discussion.

"I am serious Jake, stay away from them and keep them away from my daughter or you'll be answering to me."

"Why do you care so much, Rose is not involved and I would never let any harm come to her."

Guardian Hathaway clinched her jaw muscles and looked as if she was about to strike, I didn't want them to trade blows so I cleared my throat so I could alert my presence to them.

"Guardian Hathaway, Guardian Hale" I greet them formally.

"D" J gave me a curt nod.

"Guardian Belikov" Roza's mom was very formal, but cold. I could tell she was probably not my biggest fan for what I did to Roza, but I don't think she ever blamed me because as a Guardian herself she knew how hard it could be to have a relationship and I think understood my actions.

Janine turned back to J. "We aren't done with this Jake. Head my warning and stay away from them." She gave me another curt nod and stormed out of the gym.

I turned to J. "So Roza's mom is not happy with you?"

"Ya think?" He started punching a bag, I followed suite and starting punching the one next to him.

We trained in silence for a little while. "She's mad that I am working for the Mazur's, she says they are trouble and will bring no good to Rose or me and wants me to cut all ties."

I pursed my lips. He signed and looked down defeated. "You agree."

"It is just suspicious. They always do things for people so you will owe them favors later on, I am not sure if it's smart to be in debt to the Mazur family."

He grimaced. "Yeah I see your point." He wiped the sweat from his brow.

"So J, about what happened with Roza, I am sorry – "He cut me off.

"Look D I am not mad at you, it happened. But her on the other hand…" He grimaced implying he was not happy with my Roza.

"I don't think you should be – " I was cut off again by his cell.

He checked it. "Shoot D I gotta run. Can we meet for a beer on Friday after work? I need to chill and would love to catch up."

"Sure J" Roza would have Z so I could relax and catch up with J.

Ooo ooO === Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO

J and I talked a lot about old times, but I could tell he was avoiding current topics. His thoughts seemed far off like he was here and not here at the same time. In the few times we did have silence he would open and close his mouth like he wanted to say something.

"J if you need to talk you know I am here for you, you can trust me."

He sighed and hung his head. "I have been horrible to Rose this week. When she told me you guys kissed I was so mad at her." He looked up at me. "Maybe it wasn't right, but I only blamed her and not you."

I felt so guilty I didn't know what to say so I stayed quiet and listened to him.

"I've been a complete shit. I think part of the reason I am not mad at you is because I understand how something like that happened with you and Rose."

He sighed and rubbed his hands over his face, I could tell he was very stressed.

He looked at me. "I kissed my charge while I was away. Well I guess she kissed me, but I didn't stop it."

He shook his head as if to shake off the memories. "It just happened. It was wrong, I should have stopped it but I didn't. I suck."

"Have you told Roza?"

"No. And I have been horrible to her. I am in so much trouble. I came home with every intention of coming clean, but then she told me about you two and I just lost it."

We talked some more and J kept drinking. I nursed my beer since I know that drinking a lot was not an option for me. J on the other hand was getting inebriated.

He was starting to slur his words, he threw his arm around my shoulder. "D I love her, but I don't know sometimes I look in her eyes and she looks to be a million miles away. She says she loves me, but I don't know. You know what I mean? Do you think, I mean I hope, but do you think she loves me?"

I hear Gus chuckle as he over hears our conversation. I pat his back. "Of course J, she loves you." I reassure him.

I felt their presence before I heard them. "Well well well if isn't the two hottest guys at European Court. Willing and Ready?"

Beth said to Iris as she sauntered up to us. J and I both turn to them he smiles, but I grimace.

J starts in on his rant. "You know maybe like over a year ago I would take you up on your propositions, but no no no not now." He shakes his head, I can tell he is getting a little dizzy. "But nope not now, I have Rose and she makes you guys look like Ariel's ugly sisters in the Little Mermaid." Oh no we need to leave.

Iris puts her hands on her hips, here it comes. "You know I had words with your foul mouth girlfriend, she's one step away from savage."

"Hey don't talk about her like that, she'll kick your ass." J threatens, but he's slurring so bad it doesn't sound so menacing.

"Yeah well we'll have her savage ass arrested." Okay time to go.

"Sorry ladies I need to get Romeo home, good night." I threw more than enough money on the bar and drag J out of the bar.

"Hey, I wasn't done with my beer." He protests.

"Sorry J time to go."

He looks at me and swerves a little as we walk. "To Roza?"

"Um I am not sure if Roza is at your place, but we'll find her." I've realized just to agree with drunk people since they most likely won't remember.

He looks at me and gives me a goofy drunk smile, his eyes half lidded. "Yeah? Thanks D. I love you man."

"I love you too J." We walk up to J's apartment and I see the curtain move, Roza must be here.

She opens the door for us. "Hey babe I'm home." J announces very animated.

"Oh boy you look like you had some fun!" Roza says to J. He falls into her to give her what I think was supposed to be a kiss, but he missed.

"I missed you." He leans on Roza and I think passed out.

She started to drag him to his bed. "Here let me help you." We both got on each side of J and carry him off to bed.

We put him on the bed, I leave to give them some privacy while Roza puts J to bed.

She comes out chuckling. "So I guess you guys had some fun?"

"Yeah, it was fun, you know a bro-date." She chuckles at my reference.

"Z had his bath, dinner with the girls and then I took him home. He fell asleep on the way. I put him in his bed, Oksana is watching him." She informed with a smile on her face.

"Thanks Roza. Did you guys have fun?"

"Yes it was fun. He has a new pair of shoes, he loves them, if he wasn't asleep I probably wouldn't have been able to remove them."

I couldn't help but smile at her smile. "Thank you Roza."

"You are welcome, we had so much fun. I'll watch him anytime. He's busting to make some cookies so maybe later this weekend or next week some time?"

"Sure we'll work it out."

"Okay" I was inching my way to the door, but she didn't seem anxious for me to go. I felt like she wanted to say something, but was hesitant to do so.

"Well I better leave you some peace, I am sure my son wore you out." I smile at her as I walk to the door and open it. "Good night Roza."

She sighs and rubs the area above her tattoo again. "Good night" She still looks hesitant.

"Rose I need you baby come to bed." Jake slur-yells from his bedroom.

Roza grimaces and turns red, embarrassed. "Um sorry about that."

"You better get to him, I am sure he can't make it out of bed alone, he probably has to use the restroom he drank a few. Good night." She grimaces at my quantifying J's alcohol intake tonight.

"Good night." She whispers as she closes the door looking at me the whole time. I look into her sweet sad eyes one last time before I head home to my boy.

If you are feeling generous leave me some love in a review : D

**Finally an update, I know I suck, but in my defense I had Christmas, New Years, and two of the four birthdays in my immediate family. Real life is finally slowing down so I am hoping for quicker updates.**

**Also my beta has a lot going on in her life so sadly she had to bow out, but Bibi7 has agreed to beta, thanks to both of them.**

**B. Weber, D. Kelly, Snowgoose, Gabbiehannah and rosebelkov26 thanks for pre-reading and giving your input to this chapter.**

**I have an Abe and Janine out take that is in for now Janine's POV that should be posted in the next few days, it goes along with the next few chapters. I felt it is needed to help explain some of the back story and the drama with Abe and Soraya that is coming up and I have always wanted to get into Janine's head.**

**There will also be a Jake's side of the story coming soon in an out take. The next five chapters are pretty intense so fasten your seat belts! I'll try my best to write as much as possible.**

**Annika is named after one of my favorite authors and one of my biggest cheerleaders, Annika Taylor! Thanks Annika for the character inspiration.**

**I got some very hateful anonymous reviews with the last chapter. So far nothing else has shown up, but if it continues I will disable anonymous reviews. These were not harsh or constructive, I can handle that, they just spouted hate. NOT NICE. Just giving you guys who review anonymously if this feature gets disabled you'll know why.**

**Love you guys thanks for reading!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Richelle Mead sadly owns VA and all original characters – Jake, Zander, Soraya, Annika, and the twins are mine!**

**My Milaya Chapter 20, enjoy….**

**Rose POV**

I woke up and I was warm, Jake warm. Drunkie was snoring, laying on me like a sack of potatoes. I struggled from underneath him, but he automatically held onto me in his sleep. I finally freed myself and took a much needed shower. I must have sweat a lot with Lover Boy on top of me, I felt grimy.

I got ready and made coffee, Jake was still out of it. I had brunch planned with my mom and Lord Szelsky. We originally had dinner planned, but Lord Szelsky had so many night events planned with his new found political aspirations we decided on brunch.

I made coffee and left Lover Boy a note. I thought he might get up while I got ready and made coffee, but no such luck he was out. He didn't seem too mad at me last night and I was hoping that maybe he was going to forgive me and stop torturing me for kissing Dimitri, but he was drunk so who knows.

I walked into the fancy restaurant and the maitre d' must have been waiting for me since he greeted me and ushered back to a small private room. Lord Szelsky stood and gave me a warm greeting, kissing my cheek and hugging me. He has always been so wonderful to me and my mother.

He held my hands out to get a good look at me. "Rose dear let me see you?"

I spun for him as I did when I was little. He let out a cute low whistle. "Looking good my dear, looking good."

We sat down and had small talk. Soon we ordered and I felt a strange tension in the room. I was waiting for some shoe to drop. I wonder what it would be this time, maybe instead of Nepal they were moving to Iceland.

Our food arrived and we ate in comfortable silence. Every time I looked at Lord Szelsky he would give me a cute wink.

"So Rose your mother and I have some news." Here comes the falling shoe.

I look to my mom she gives me a nervous nod, weird.

"Rose you might not know this, but your mother is more to me than just my faithful Guardian."

"Oh?"

He nods at me and gives me a reassuring smile. "Rose your mother is my Dhampir child. So that means you are my Dhampir granddaughter."

"What?" I look to my mother. "You never told me, why?"

Lord Szelsky held up his hands in a calming fashion. "Rose look your mother just found out. I kept it from her."

"Oh that was nice of nice of you." My voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"Rose stop." My mom glares at me.

I grimace at her. "So gramps why are you exposing your dirty little secret now?"

"Jeez Rose; stop." I love to rile her up.

"Rose look I know this is upsetting, but I had a deal with my wife that I would not expose this truth until she passed." That's kind of sick.

"Oh, sorry for your loss."

"Thank you"

"Rose you have no idea the things that your grandfather has done for both of us." She stopped abruptly like she wanted to say more.

I narrowed my eyes, I was suspicious, she was not telling me the whole truth. We spent the rest of breakfast reminiscing about the few times I would visit and be a hell raiser at the Szelsky compound. We finished our food and I felt happy that I had one grandparent, my mom's mother dying before I was born.

"Rose I hope we can see each other often, I'd like to be a part of your life if you let me?"

I gave him a hug. "Cool gramps." I smile at him. "But no seriously what should I call you?"

He pondered this and looked at me. "Um, how about Henry for now." He smiled big showing me his fangs.

"Okay" I hugged my mom and she seemed nervous. I think she'd be relieved at this point now that I knew the big _secret_. I mean I didn't totally loose it and embarrass her so overall I guess it was successful. And I now have a grandpa which is pretty cool.

"I thought you'd be mad." She whispered in my ear.

"I am growing up mom" I whispered back and pulled away.

She looked like she wanted to something else, but then just sighed and said. "Yes you are." She gave me a sweet smile and for once I wasn't mad at her.

We made plans to meet for dinner one night next week; Henry wanted to meet Jake which I thought was cute. I never had a dad who wanted to meet my boyfriend and be all tough and territorial; it felt nice to have someone look out for me.

As the three of us walked out we passed by Abe Mazur, he was at a table with several Moroi looking like he was having a business meeting. He didn't live at Court, but this was the second time I'd seen him since I moved here so he probably came here a lot for business.

When he saw me he gave me his super smile and winked. I heard my mother gasp behind me and her eyes locked with Abe's. I wasn't sure what the hell was going on but they seemed to be having some sort of silent conversation. Mom knew Abe? I wonder what was up. Is this why she wanted me to stay away from him, she didn't want me to embarrass her?

"So you know him and want me to stay away because you are embarrassed to be my mother?" We had gotten out front before I laid into her, Henry stayed inside to talk to someone at Abe's table.

"Rose that's not it, he's trouble. Just please for once trust me on this one. Please." She pleaded with me. It was unlike her, I wonder if this was my mother or a step ford zombie.

"Fine" I snippily agreed, but I was onto her.

She raised her eyebrows at me. "You're going to listen to me?"

"Sure whatever - first Dimitri and now you, I guess I'll stay away from him. Look I didn't even wear the scarf since it set you off last time."

"Dimitri told you to stay away from Abe Mazur?"

"Yes, he said Abe was a called Zmey and had some questionable business tactics and associating with him was a bad idea. I told him I would listen to him since he was so adamant." I didn't mention Abe offered me a job, no need to freak her out.

She looked defeated, nothing defeated my mother; she was a hard ass. "Thank you" was all she said; we had a quick good bye. I saw her heading back into the restaurant probably to get Henry; she was his only Guardian at the moment.

I walked back to Jake's place wondering what I would find. A happy Jake or a mad Jake, one thing is for sure I bet he has hung way over.

As I walk up the stairs to get to his level I hear faint voices arguing in his unit.

"Soraya you are out of line. What happened was a mistake and will never happen again. I am done working for you and your family." I had never heard Jake sound so pissed.

"You can't walk away, you do not want to cross my father trust me."

"I already told your father. He agrees I should not guard you anymore."

"But I want to hire you full time. Please Jake I need you with me, you're the only one that gets me, that understands."

"Look I sympathize with your situation, but my place is here with Rose."

"Ugh not her again. Rose, Rose, Rose – it's always about Rose. Well how would your precious Rose like to hear that you took me to a ball, not as my Guardian, but as my date? And that little make out session, um I think my other Guardian got some good video of that. How would your perfect little girlfriend feel about that?"

"Don't you dare!"

"Please Jake, please just be with me. Pick me not her, please." She sounded very pathetic.

"Look I am sorry."

"Fine, but you'll regret this I am going to find your tramp of a girlfriend and show her my video." Who's calling who a tramp, bitch?

I can't believe Jake – asshole – kissed her and had the gall to torture me for kissing Dimitri. What a coward, why couldn't he just come clean. As pissed as I was at him at least he stood up to this biotch and I loved him for that, but Jake Hale was in _trouble_.

I stood outside the door knowing they would open it and see me.

Jake opened the door and was looking at Soraya as she walked out. "Well speak of the devil and she shall appear. Hello Rose, you look lovely today." She smirked at me.

I just glared at her and then put my eyes to Jake. He looked like he was about to have an aneurism. Good he needs to suffer right now. I let my posture and expression tell him I'd been here awhile and heard the entire conversation.

"R-R-Rose what are you doing here?"

"Well I stayed her last night at your request. Don't you remember drunk texting me to come over?" Dumbass, I left him a note to enjoy the coffee and I'd see him later. I guess he needed a popup note to tell him that meant I'd be back after brunch.

He grimaced; obviously he didn't remember anything, jerk. "No baby I am sorry I am glad you're here, come in we need to talk."

"You think?" I said sarcastically.

"Well I'll leave you two to _talk_." She smirked. "Jake I'll be seeing you soon." She winked at him and walked off. My palm itched I wanted to slap that smirk off her face so bad.

"Soraya you won't be seeing me."

She gave him a sexy smile. "Sure Jake whatever you say. Nice way to play it up for your _girlfriend_, but don't worry I know the truth." She winked at him.

"LEAVE, NOW!" He screamed at her.

I pushed him back knowing he was about to lose it and as mad as I was at him I didn't want him doing something he would regret and give this hussy anymore power.

I slammed the door shut, barely missing her ass as she exited. It felt so amazing to almost hit her ass with the door, stupid bitch.

Jake pulled me into a bone crushing hug. "I am so sorry I love you. I know you probably heard that and you hate me, but please Rose just let me hold you for a minute."

I was tense and not responsive in his arms, but I didn't pull away granting him his little wish. After a few moments I pulled away and looked into his guilt ridden eyes.

"What did you hear?"

"I came in when you were telling her she was out of line and it was a mistake."

"Rose I swear it was."

"Details Lover Boy, I need details."

"So…Soraya is an emotional train wreck. I told you about her dad." I nodded for him to continue. "Well it was her birthday and her mom had a party planned. She didn't have a date so her mother insisted I escort her, but not as a Guardian as an escort." I grimaced imaging them together like Cinderella and Prince Charming.

"She was very upset and lonely and kissed me and I kissed her back. The second it was over I regretted it and I put I a stop to it I swear Rose. I am so sorry I love you and I was a jerk."

I gaped at him. "You have been torturing me for kissing Dimitri and you were just as guilty. Were you ever going to come clean? Jeez Jake."

"I swear baby I was going to tell you today."

"Liar"

"I swear it's true you can ask Dimitri."

"He knew"

"Yeah I told him."

"When"

"Last night" The fact he found out last night makes it a little better, but still Dimitri could have told me.

I purse my lips and look at his pleading eyes. I kissed Dimitri so I couldn't be mad about the kiss. I was still upset and jealous as hell. _But_ his behavior after I told him about me and Dimitri, hell yeah I was pissed.

"I need to pack up my stuff."

As I tried to walk past Jake to the bedroom he put his arm out and wrapped it around my waist and pulled me to him.

"Please don't go." He begged.

"Look I kissed Dimitri, you kissed Soraya. I think we can both get past that, they were mistakes and shouldn't have happened, but Jake your behavior since I told you about me and Dimitri has been horrible. How could you?"

He pulled me into a tight hug. "I was so insanely jealous I swear I just lost it. I meant to tell you, but when you told me I got so jealous all rational thought went out the window. Sorry." He held me tight and kissed my temple.

I pulled back and looked at him. "Look I am on my guarding shift tomorrow so I am just going to stay at Lissa's. I think we both need some time."

He looked defeated. "Okay"

I packed my stuff and spent the night at Lissa and Christian's.

The next day Z was coming over to make cookies with me and the girls.

Lissa and Christian went out for an adult day, I was a little worried about watching all three of them, but I was mad at Jake and I didn't think I should be alone with Dimitri so I guess I was on my own.

The twins were sleeping, but should be getting up soon. I heard a tentative knock at the door. I got butterflies in my stomach thinking it was Dimitri. I opened the door to a smiling Zander and Oksana. I couldn't help the disappointment in me. I wanted to see him even though I told him to keep away from me, I am so passive aggressive its nuts.

"Hi Rose I am dropping off Zander."

Z jumped from Oksana's arms to mine and snuggled into me. He gave me a big kiss on the cheek. "Hi Laya."

"Hi baby" I couldn't help it I kissed his temple and snuggled him to me. I ushered him and Oksana inside.

"Where are the girls?" Oksana inquired.

"Oh they are asleep. Morning nap, I think they are having a growth spurt since they have been napping a lot lately."

"Do you want me to wake them up?" Z asked with his big brown eyes.

"No honey, but you can go sit, I made a snack for you. They should be up soon and we will start."

"Are you alone with all three of them?"

"Yeah"

"Oh. Did you need some help?" Oksana asked innocently.

"Uh sure that would be great. If you're busy though don't feel obligated to stay."

Oksana stayed and helped, she was amazing with the kids and so patient. Making cookies with two grabby one year olds and one curious ask every question in the world three year old was not easy but she took it all in stride. I wonder why she never had any kids?

The kids took a nap and I started dinner. "Okana why don't you invite Mark and Dimitri over and we can all eat together; it's kind of what we do on Sundays around here - a big family meal. I'll text Adrian and Annika to come too."

I figured with enough people in the house to run interference The Russian God and I could refrain from sticking our tongues down each other's throats. Plus I missed him a little and I wanted to know if he was ever going to tell me about Jake kissing Soraya.

Lissa and Christian came home, Adrian and Annika showed up and were playing with the kids who were all now awake. Oksana and I were finishing up dinner when I heard Mark and Dimitri come in.

Z was his adorable self, he ran to Dimitri and when Dimitri walked into the kitchen Z was wrapped around Dimitri's leg getting a free ride. There is nothing hotter than a sexy dad who loves his kid, swoon.

"Can I help?" Dimitri asked.

Oksana piped up. "Sure, you help Rose and Zander and I will go say hello to my husband."

"Yay Zander cheered." As Oksana rushed him out of the kitchen, I noticed her give Dimitri a wink.

"What can I do to help Roza?" He said my name and I swear it was like he was trying to kill me by the way he rolled it off his tongue.

I avoided eye contact with him. "I am just finishing up the food, you can set the table."

"Okay" He hummed while he worked. I sneaked glances at him and cracked up as he made each place setting identical; I see where Z gets his OCCD tendencies from.

He caught me staring and smiling at him. "What?"

"Oh nothing" I said in a teasing fashion.

"Come on what?" He pleaded.

"I just see where Z gets it, his organizational skills."

He blushed a little and shrugged. "It looks nice." I complemented him.

"Thank you Roza" He has to stop calling me that, I swear each time he says it he puts his sexy little Russian accent into and it goes right to my girly bits.

We called everyone to come eat. Everyone complemented Oksana and me on the food, it was her recipe, some chicken casserole; it was good.

I had Dimitri on my left and Zander on my right. As I looked around the table at everyone eating I couldn't help but notice how we were sectioned off in twos, like couples. But Dimitri and I were not a couple, I felt kind of bad about not being here with Lover Boy, but he needed to suffer a little.

We finished dinner, Lissa and Pyro were clearing the table and getting dessert since Oksana and I cooked. Mark and Dimitri promised to do the dishes. We left Annika and Adrian without a job since the love birds seemed to be in their own little bubble. I was happy for Adrian and thankful he found someone cool that wasn't going to push me out of his life.

As we finished dessert I heard Eddie come in. "Hey everybody look who I found at the gym."

It was Jake. He smiled and said hello to everyone. At this point Z was on my lap and I was sitting next to Dimitri. After the pleasantries were out of the way Jake's eyes settled on Dimitri, Z and I. He didn't look mad, but I could see it in his eyes, jealousy and hurt at the three of us looking like a sweet little family.

"Hey can we talk?" Jake asked me. I gave Z to Dimitri, he complained, but when Dimitri gave him a warning glance he stopped, but kept his cute little pout up.

"Sure we can go for a walk?"

"Yes please."

I told the room I was going on a quick walk with Jake. I saw Dimitri gaze at me when I said this, but I ignored him the best I could. I didn't need to read into his intense gaze and make my head even fuzzier.

Jake and I walked in awkward silence for a little until we came upon a bench and sat down.

Jake turned to me and grabbed my hands. "Rose I am so sorry. I swear to you I do not want Soraya, she's kind of pathetic. I love you with all my heart and I feel lately like we've lost our way. Can we please just forget this whole mess and start over. Please." He put the full force of those baby blues on me. Oh Lover Boy.

I sighed and looked off into the snowing landscape around us. How did we get here?

"Jake I do love you, but I am nervous you are not telling me everything?"

I saw his eyes puddle with unshed tears. "I swear Rose that's all that happened. One kiss, once, like you and Dimitri." He clenched his jaw speaking of mine and Dimitri's kiss.

He had me there, this sucked. "Why did you do that to me, you made me feel so horrible and you were just as guilty?"

"It's just different."

"What?"

"You know guys and girls it's different. When guys cheat its only physical, with girls it's the whole package." He traced from my heart to my temple.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Your kiss with Dimitri meant more than my kiss with Soraya, plus Soraya kissed me."

"Mr. Dumbass did you want to make up or keep fighting because it just seems like you want to keep fighting with talk like that?"

He grimaced. "Sorry I was just saying that you once loved Dimitri. I don't care about Soraya, never have and never will." He had a point, but man is he dumb.

"You know Mr. Rocket Scientist maybe you should quit while you are ahead."

He got down on his knees and hugged my waist. "Please babe, please forgive me, I am so sorry."

He looked pretty adorable and I could tell he wasn't lying to me; his eyes were telling me the truth. I couldn't resist, I ran my hands through his hair while he hummed a little. "Okay, but don't screw up again Jake, I can only take so much."

He gave me a Jake kiss and we cuddled on the bench a little longer. "I have a shift, I have to go."

"You're working a night shift?"

He grimaced. "I think Soraya complained about my performance since I blew her off so I get rewarded with some night shifts."

"Well that sucks."

"They come first remember?"

"Yeah I do remember."

Jake and I talked a little more. I told him I was still upset and we needed to work through what happened, but we agreed that we loved each other and in the end that's all that mattered. We both messed up.

Zander insisted that Dimitri and I give him and the twins a bath. As usual we worked together in comfortable silence bathing the kids and playing with them. I was never a big talker, but tonight I was extra quiet lost in my thoughts about my talk with Jake.

I saw Dimitri steal a few glances at me looking concerned and I tried to give him a few reassuring smiles.

Lissa and Christian had taken the girls to get them dressed in their room. Well it was more like they ran through the house streaking while Lissa and Christian chased them. They went from crawling and pulling themselves up to full on running in a matter of days and nothing was funnier to them than being chased by their parents. I think adding nakedness to the mix was just a plus for them.

Dimitri, who was the best father in the world, was cleaning up the bathroom, the kids went a little overboard tonight with the soap paint.

I was brushing his beautiful locks while we sang the songs from the school. As usual Z picked up on my feelings. "Laya are you sad?"

"No honey I am good, why do you think that?"

"You aren't talking."

I started tickling him so I didn't have to tell a three year old how I was trying to corner his father and ask why he purposefully kept something so important from me.

"Laya – _giggle_ – stop – _giggle_ – I got to – _giggle_ – go potty." I let him up and left Z and Dimitri to do their business.

We all sat around and watched Little Mermaid, the kids fell asleep on our laps while the adults talked and drank hot cocoa and coffee. Z was lying between me and Dimitri, I was softly rubbing his scalp, while Z's legs were sprawled over Dimitri's lap.

Once I know Z was in a deep sleep I texted Dimitri. Yes I was a chicken.

_Rose: Hey Comrade I need to talk to u_

_Dimitri: Okay let me take Z home and put him to bed, do you want to come?_

_Rose: OK_

We walked in silence, Dimitri holding Zander who was wrapped up in a quilt from Lissa's house. Dimitri put Z to bed, I opted to stay out in the living room and sit on the couch. I rationalized with myself that I'll be okay being alone with him since Mark and Oksana should come home anytime.

"Roza would you like something to drink?" Dimitri always the perfect polite gentleman asks me.

"No I'm fine Comrade." He gave me a small smile; I know he loved my nickname for him.

"What's on your mind, Roza?"

"Well I was wondering if you still consider me your friend?"

He gaped at me. "Yes Roza of course."

I nod and stare off trying to figure out how to word this, I go with the ripping band aid off approach. "So were you ever going to tell me about Jake and Soraya kissing?"

He whipped his head and looked at me. We studied each other for a few moments. "He told you?"

"Yes"

"I promised him I would let him tell you, but Roza I swear if he didn't tell you I would have. He promised me he would and I had to give him his chance."

I nodded and told him the story of how Jake didn't tell me, but how I found out by hearing him and Soraya fighting. Dimitri listened to my story and I could see he was fighting some pretty strong emotions I saw his jaw clench a few times.

"I'm sorry"

"It's not your fault." He nodded and held my hand, but it was friendly, like he was giving me support. And I believed him; I do think he would have told me if Jake did not. I know what an impossible situation he was in.

Mark and Oksana came home so I used that as my excuse to leave and back to Liss and Sparky's house.

Ooo ooO === Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO

The next few days Jake and I focused on our relationship. I stayed with him and although we had our moments I felt that we were able to connect again. We stayed away from everyone at night and just focused on us. Lissa said the twins were having Auntie withdrawals so I promised we would have dinner with them tonight. As much as I missed my friends I was glad Jake and I had some alone time.

We made plans to go away in a few weeks for a long romantic weekend. He wouldn't tell me where he was taking me, but every time he talked about it he couldn't keep the smile off his face. His enthusiasm was catching and I was looking forward to getting away with him.

As I walked to work I decided I needed some chocolate donuts. I promised Z I would bring him some. As I walked into the coffee/donut shop I notice Abe and Soraya Mazur sitting in a booth. They seemed to be arguing.

I was able to use the express register outside so they couldn't see me. I wanted to hear what they were arguing about so I head the restrooms to spy on them. I go around so they can't see me and I hide behind a wall to hear their conversation.

Soraya is crying and pleading with Abe. "Daddy why won't you ever give me what I want? You must not love me."

"Soraya dear he's a person not a puppy."

"You have power, I need him as my Guardian, I don't feel safe with anyone else." She whines.

"He said no, I already asked him. He is very committed to his job and his life."

"You need to sweeten the pot."

"Look no amount of money will be enough, he will never work for you."

"I don't believe that, everyone has their price. I can give him children, doesn't he want a family?" As soon as she mentioned kids I winched. I started to get stressed, rubbing my tattoo. She could give him children, I could not. It was like my Dimitri nightmare all over again.

"Soraya he loves Rose, he's not leaving her."

I heard her huff. "Why are you calling her Rose, do you know her, talk to her? She's a tramp and savage like, I am so sick of hearing about her." I was getting so mad.

All of a sudden I felt strange, it was like a warm tingling sensation, I felt slightly off kilter like I'd lost my equilibrium. The next thing I knew I was pulled into Lissa's head.

_Oh my god I felt her, I felt her. She's upset I have to go to her._

I pull from all my experience with the bond and jump out of Lissa's head. Oh my god Lissa felt me. I run out of the diner off to find Lissa, Oksana and Adrian to figure out how the hell Lissa got into my head.

**I hope you liked it, I'd love to know what you thought. Thank you for all the wonderful reviews, I get back to the ones I can. **

**If you have not read the Abe and Janine out take you should it will explain the back story between them. You can find this story's out takes by going to my profile.**

**So up next I plan to do a Kismet update, I need to finish that story it's so close to being done. Then there will be a part II of Abe and Janine and then chapter 21 of My Milaya. I plan on sharing Jake's story around chapters 22 and 23.**

**So far no more hate mail : D, hopefully it was just some random hater.**

**See you soon – MaxieMoose.**


	21. Chapter 21

**Yes I am alive, now that you know that I am sure you are ready to KILL ME! SORRY I have been MIA. My dad got really sick and he had to stay with my family so we could heal him. He is doing really good now and is able to be on his own, but he was a lot of work when he was here.**

**If you haven't checked out the outtakes for this story there is a really good side Abe and Janine story out there so go check it out after you read chapter 21!**

**Thank you to Bibi7 for lending her beta skills she is so fast you guys are lucky she's on her game!**

**Richelle Mead sadly owns VA and all original characters – Jake, Zander, Soraya, Annika, and the twins are mine!**

**My Milaya Chapter 21**

**Dimitri POV**

"What the hell happened?" Roza barges through the door frantic.

"Rose, calm down, I think Lissa was able to tap into you, we've been trying for a few days with no success. I need you to tell me everything you were doing and the feelings you had – we need to pinpoint why it worked now."

Roza's face turned red and she looked embarrassed. She and Jake had been MIA the last few days and my wild imagination had thoughts of what she or she and Jake could have been doing to entice intense emotions. Just as quickly as those thoughts entered my head I let them go. It was not my business what they were doing.

She looked at me and the others then grabbed Lissa, Adrian and Oksana and ushered them into the hallway toward the conference room. Okay bad thoughts return.

I was left with Christian and the other Guardians to wonder what was going on with Roza.

The foursome returned. Adrian and the girls looked a little smug fighting smiles, while Roza looked nervous as hell.

She walked up to me. "So…um…yeah – Adrian thinks that…." She trailed off and looked at Adrian to throw her a life preserver.

"What Rose is trying to say is that we need to do an experiment with you to see what emotions trigger the connection from Rose to Lissa. Once Lissa can focus on how to tap into her brain and perfect the communication we think that she'll be able to perfect the connection and control it."

"Okay. So what exactly does that mean?"

Adrian cracked a huge grin while Oksana and Lissa fought smiles; Rose glared at all of them and then looked out the window sighing as she looked away.

Adrian rubbed his hands together mischievously. "Well we think you two should go off and see what types of things you can do to elicit extreme emotions."

"Oh" I looked at Roza and she gave me a smile which I think was supposed to be reassuring, but it just screamed how anxious she was.

"You know talk about your past, uncomfortable things, things that would make her nervous." Adrian continued to explain.

"Or extreme emotions, like what would be sparked by a kiss from a former lover." Oksana stated seriously with a straight face.

Rose did not like being put into a corner, she glared at Oksana. "_We_ were never lovers." She said coldly to Oksana.

Oksana instantly looked remorseful. "I am sorry."

Roza looked at her just as remorseful. "I am sorry too. This is just weird."

Adrian shrugged. "Well Jake is MIA today and I think we need to work on this ASAP - so get on with it you two." He made a shooing motion towards us giving us his classic smirk.

Roza looked to me. "Let's go Comrade and see if we can get my BFF to tap into my brain." She gave me a genuine smile and I relaxed a little. She looked back. "Adrian can you call Alberta and tell her I am not going to the daycare for a little so we can work on this?"

"Sure Rose I'll call her now." I just noticed she had a white bag in her hands and I wondered what it was.

We walked out of the building in silence. "So where do you want to go?"

"How about your apartment?"

"Sure" We headed toward mine and Zander's place.

We walked into my apartment and Roza has an evil smile on her face. "What?"

"Oh I was wondering maybe I could dip Oksana's toothbrush in the toilet. You know a little payback?"

"Roza you wouldn't?"

She smirked at me. "No I wouldn't, but it is tempting. I wouldn't do that to her, but she did piss me off a little earlier."

"I am sorry Roza."

She held up her hands in front of her as if to say relax. "Look Dimitri its fine, I've just been avoiding one-on-one time with you since it seems we don't always behave when we are alone together. I just figured things out with Jake and I don't want to screw it up again. It's nothing personal your ass is just too sexy for your own good."

I was never a vain person, but hearing Roza call me sexy put a smug smile on my face.

She looked at me playfully. "A little smug are we Comrade?"

I shrugged not apologetic, I loved that she called me sexy.

"You have always been like a Russian God in my eyes? She said mumbling the words together at the end.

"What?"

She shrugged. "That's what I used to call you in my head, My Russian God."

"Used to?" I teased.

She shrugged and I could see sassy Roza was out to play. Without even trying we were flirting like crazy, yes Roza was right to keep away from me we always came to this same point. It was like we were magnets drawn to each other and the closer we got the heavier the pull was to come together.

She shook her head as if to shake off the feelings that always swirl around us and put some space between us by sitting on the smaller of my two couches. She patted the spot next to her. I sat down and immediately felt the warmth of her travel up my leg as we connected.

"So let's do this thing, I have a handsome little boy waiting for a chocolate donut."

"Zander?"

"Yes I promised him donuts for his morning snack." So that's what was in the bag.

"You spoil him."

She nodded not denying it. "I do, I can't help it, I love him."

"He loves you, thank you Roza." She was so good to him. I believe Zander loved her the same if not more than he would have Tasha.

"Don't thank me, I feel selfish."

"Why?"

She stared a beat longer than normal with sad tortured eyes. "Well I feel like you should move on, find a new wife, girlfriend, whatever, and have more kids. And well my relationship with Z might damage a relationship you would have with a future wife or girlfriend."

When will she ever hear me, believe me?

I held her hand, she looked down at our clasped hands and then into my eyes. "Roza, I don't want anyone else, please don't think like that. I love that you and Z are so close." I look down and collect my thoughts thinking how I should pose this to her. "I guess I am a little jealous, I want to be that close to you. I know it's silly, but Z and you have this connection, I wish you and I had the same thing."

She looked at me and her eyes grew bigger, she blinked a few times. "Comrade I do feel a connection with you, that's the problem. It's always been so natural between us, so hard to fight something you know you should and you know is wrong."

I was crushed, wrong. We were wrong? "Roza we maybe a lot of things, but wrong?"

She shook her head. "I am sorry I didn't mean it that way I meant that there's Jake and you had Tasha and it's just wrong."

She rubbed her hands over her face. "You know I am pretty stressed if she can't feel me now then I don't know if she can."

"What were you doing when she felt you before?" The curiosity was killing me.

Roza pursed her lips. "Um I was listening to Soraya Mazur tell her Dad that he didn't love her since he couldn't convince Jake to come Guard her."

"I am sorry Roza."

"It's like déjà vu. Remember the lodge?"

Here we go a walk through my past of hell and bad decisions.

"Yes Roza I remember, but I wish I didn't. Actually I wish I could go back in time and change some things."

She gave me a grim face. "I don't"

And she stabs me in the heart. "Oh"

"Dimitri, I don't want you to go back and change anything because you wouldn't have Z." She held both my hands. "I know I was hurt, but Comrade that little boy of yours is so special that I can't regret what happened, I just can't"

And neither could I. "You are right Roza, I couldn't go back if it meant losing Z. But please know that hurting you, even though I thought it was the best thing for you at the time, is the biggest regret of my life." As I spoke our eyes locked and I felt that same draw, the intense connection that has always been there. She looked away breaking our trance and I couldn't contain my sigh.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything"

"If Tasha did not die would you have had more kids?"

Shit anything but that. I paused for a bit so I could collect my thoughts. "Honestly?"

She turned back and looked at me. "Honestly, please." She pleaded with me.

"I really don't know. You have to understand that I just wanted to have a healthy child. The future was an unknown for me I tried not to think about it too much."

She scrunched her eyebrows together. "Why?"

Silly girl – I brushed check tenderly. "Because the thought of a future without you was too hard for me to think about."

Her eyes got huge and she gasped. "I felt her, it was flash, but I felt her. Man that is weird."

My phone rang; I saw that it was Adrian. He wanted to talk to Roza so I gave her the phone. She went into the kitchen to talk. I could mostly follow what he wanted from the one sided conversation.

She came in and looked a little frustrated. "So he wants us to try something else. He thought we should train and you should try to make me mad, but I promised Z I'd be there today so let's go to the daycare, see him and then we can head to the gym."

"Okay"

We walked in comfortable silence to Z's school. Roza held the donuts that she had for Z and I had some coffee in a thermos for us.

It was almost time for morning snack. Z spotted us and immediately ran into Roza's arms. She expertly picked him up at the perfect time, spun him around and hugged him. They had this greeting thing down; my heart grew every time I saw them do it.

"Laya you came? Yay!"

She rubbed his hair and kissed his temple. "Of course baby, I promised you."

"Oh - hi Daddy!"

"Hello son nice of you to notice me." I joked with him while chuckling at his antics. He gave an unapologetic shrug, but ran into my arms and gave me a classic Z bone-crushing hug.

"I love you Daddy."

"I love you too Z." I saw Roza watching us and the look on her face was pure adoration and love. But in my peripheral I saw Renatta headed our way. _Great_.

"Hi Dimitri long time no see."

"Hello Renatta."

She gestured between Roza and me. "Will this be a daily thing or is this just for today."

"We are on Guardian business, but are on a break so are spending some time with my son." I stated to her as opposed to asking her since it was not her place to question us. As I predicted she backed down, let out a small humph and walked away. She knew Roza was busy Alberta had called the daycare to tell them she would be out today and told the perimeter guards to keep an eye on the building.

We had snack with Z and his friends. The other kids seemed a little jealous so Roza promised them tomorrow she would bring enough donuts for the entire class. She was corrupting these poor little babes to be donut disciples like her. Z was hooked thanks to her, but I wasn't too worried as long as we kept the donut intake to a minimum.

Snack time was over and Roza caught me glancing at my watch, I wanted to get to the gym to test Adrian's theory before it got too late.

Roza picked up on my actions. She looked at Z and ran her hand through his hair. "Hey Zander your Dad and I need to do some Guardian business so we are going to head out, but we'll be back later okay?"

In perfect form he put a pout on his face. I saw Roza frown; she wasn't as immune to his theatrics as I was. He stomped his feet and crossed his little arms over his chest. "But who's going to rub my back when I fall asleep."

"Ms. Tanya"

"But she won't do it the way I like, like you do it." He climbed into her lap and hugged her, boy he was really putting it on thick.

"I am sorry sweetie, but we have to go. I promise I'll be back later and we'll play okay?"

He put his arm around her neck and lay on her shoulder. "Five more minutes, we play blocks then you go." He mumbled into her shoulder.

"Okay" She took him over to his favorite play station and they started on a block fortress.

They worked on this creation for a few minutes, more like seven not five. "Z it's time I have to go."

He jumped in her lap and hung on for dear life. "Please Laya, please don't leave me." He whined. Oh brother.

"Zander Christian." I warned, he popped his head up at me like a prairie dog and looked at me.

He drew out his theatrical good-bye to Roza for five more minutes and shed tears as we walked out. Once we shut the door she stood against the wall and dropped to the floor putting her head in her hands.

"Roza are you okay?"

I heard her sniff. "Sorry I need a minute."

"OH!" She looked up at me. "I felt her, Lissa she tapped into my head. I guess coming to see Zander was a good idea." She looked a little disoriented. "It still feels weird like I can feel her feeling me."

Adrian called and I handed Roza the phone. Lissa is trying to perfect the communication so it's more two way and not one sided with Roza double feeling Lissa, feeling her. Their communication is so complicated it made my head hurt a little. But I wanted to help anyway I could since a two-way communication between the two of them could be invaluable.

"You okay?"

"Yeah" I wasn't fully convinced.

"Can I show you something?" She raised one eyebrow at me, still can't believe she can do that now.

"Okay"

I ushered her to the camera room. We stood in front of the camera that was focused on Z's group. Ms. Tanya held him as a few crying aftershocks rocked through his body. Just as soon as he started crying he was fine and ran off with his friends to finish his fortress.

Roza gaped at me. "Wow…"

"I know. Its transition – it's hard for kids. See he's fine now. Okay?"

She nodded and dried the rest of her tears left on her beautiful face. "Yeah" She looked at me with grateful eyes. "Thank you Comrade I appreciate it. For a second there I thought you had no heart for my baby boy." Her calling Z that made my heart flutter.

"I am just a little more immune to his antics. The first time I left him and he cried I died a little. Then Momma taped how quickly he recovered and sent me the video via cell phone." I shook my head remembering how horrible I felt that day.

She took a settling breath as she watched Z and the other kids play with blocks. "Okay I am ready to go."

Lissa, Adrian and Oksana met us at the gym and they went into a private room while I set up for mine and Roza's work out. I hadn't worked out with her since we got back from Russia. I was excited; I had a natural smile on my face when Jake walked in.

"Hey D, working out?" Shit what do I tell him? Thankfully Roza walked back into the work out area so she got to deal with him. She pulled him to a corner to catch him up to speed.

"So Dimitri we need extreme emotions, fear, rage. " Adrian said. "It seems from what Rose told me that we've already had anxiety, love and sadness so we need to try some other stuff so her and Liss can perfect this. I'll talk to Jake and make sure he covers the passion emotion tonight."

My teeth audibly clinched, his words hurt me to the core. In a rare move he puts his hand on my shoulder in a comforting way. "Look sorry that was out of line. I know what it feels like to love her and not be able to have her, and then seeing another man with her." He shook his head to stave off the thoughts he spoke of. "But now that I have Anni things are different, maybe it's time for you to move on."

"I tried that once remember. It was not good for either of us."

He blew out a sigh. "True. Anyway man enough heavy shit; get to work Guardian."

I nodded at him and gave him an unspoken thank you for his words. His eyes told me he understood.

"Okay Comrade you ready. Um Jake is going help with some two on one drills with us after we warm up, but he can't stay the whole time." Oh bummer *evil grin*

I point outside. "Sixteen laps." I fight my smile as I hear Roza mutter under her breath, _some things never change_. I follow her outside there's no way that I am going to let her run without me. Jake stays inside and does his warm up in the gym. I think he was waiting for us to leave so he could talk to Adrian in private about what is going on with Roza.

Ooo ooO === Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO

"So Dimitri things seem good with Rose and Lissa, it's not perfected, but they are working on their two-way communication I think in a few months it will be well tuned. Then they'll need to learn about privacy." Oksana gave me sheepish grin. Mark and Zander were sleeping and we were having tea catching up on what had gone on the last few days.

"I think Roza has been able to block Lissa out in the past, right?

"Yes, but this is all new she has to learn all over again."

"Hmm" Was my non-intelligent response, but my mind was running wild thinking about how their bond has grown and changed.

"Not to change the subject, but I haven't had a chance to watch Zander that much since we've been here. Even though we are getting our own place soon please know that I would love to watch him whenever you need help. He's a joy; he makes me want one of my own so bad." That made me curious.

"Have you ever thought about having a baby?"

She looked at her tea cup deep in thought. "I am sorry I didn't mean to pry." I felt bad for prying.

"No no it's okay." She shrugged. "We've tried, but it hasn't happened yet."

"I'm sorry."

She looked at me almost apologetically. "No it's fine. I love Mark with all my heart no matter what. If we are blessed with children I will be thrilled, but if not I am fine with that too. He's my soul mate, either way I couldn't be happier."

"I agree. Roza felt I left to have a baby and not to protect her. I can't regret what I did since I have Zander, but if I would have listened to my heart and not my head I would have been happy just the two of us. But life had other plans." As the weight of my words settled around us Oksana squeezed my hand.

"Maybe life has taken you on a detour from your soul mate, but you have to have faith."

I studied Oksana wondering if her abilities allowed her to know what the future would hold.

"I may be able to brush and read minds, but I cannot predict the future. But Dimitri I know what you two feel for each other and I believe you won't have any choice, but to end up together." She knew what I was feeling, Spirit is an amazing thing.

As I tossed and turned that night I couldn't help but turn Oksana's words around in my head. I tried not to hang onto the hope her words gave me, but I couldn't help it. As much as I loved Jake like a brother it paled in comparison to my love for Roza. The more time Zander and I spent with her the more I saw that we were meant to be together - to be a family. I had hope and I knew that hope would give me the strength I needed to be patient. As I tried to sleep the Guns and Roses song Patience ran through my head on replay until I fell asleep.

Ooo ooO === Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO=== Ooo ooO

"Bye Daddy I love you."

"I love you too Z I'll see you tonight." I looked around for Roza, but she had not gotten to the center yet.

I walked towards the Court central offices, towards our designated work room where everyone was, sans Eddie and Christian.

"Where is Christian?" I asked Lissa.

"Oh he had to go get the girls our babysitter is sick so they have to be here with us today."

"I can help with them." The little twins I have always loved, but since we have been at Court they have wormed their way into my heart and wrapped me around their chubby little fingers.

"I think I'll need to put them at the center soon they are mobile now and need to be with kids their own age. Plus Rose will be at the facility so she can keep an eye on them." The toddler room was next to Zander's class in the same building.

I watched and played with the girls while Lissa, Oksana and Adrian worked. Christian worked with the other Guardians on tactics. I wanted to be involved, but they promised to review everything with me when the girls took a nap.

"Dimitri, Brett and I are going to get lunch are you and Mark okay with just the two of you for a few minutes?"

"Sure Eddie we'll be fine." Adrian had already left with his Guardian to have lunch with Annika.

I started feeding Alexis while Lissa fed Annabel. Mark and Oksana were planning their move whilst Christian was online trying to buy new cell phones – apparently their phones still weren't working well in Europe and they all needed to get new ones.

Lissa gasped. "Oh my god Rose. Oh no, Strigoi!" Mark and I immediate went into Guardian mode. Shit it was only the two of us.

"Where?"

"She's at the center; she sensed them and evacuated the kids to the chapel. She's fighting them outside so everyone can escape. Oh god Rose."

"Mark, Christian get them to them to the chapel, I am going to help Roza." I looked Christian in the eye. "Don't let anyone get them." I turned to Mark. "Get them secure and get Alberta to send reinforcements."

Mark and Christian understood the situation and would protect everyone. Lissa assured me Zander was safe. I ran towards Z's school. I saw Roza fighting three Strigoi, she was amazing, but was struggling with the two male and one female Strigoi. She staked one of the males right before I approached.

As she pulled out her stake and the lifeless Strigoi dropped to the ground, as she watched it gave the female Strigoi a one second chance to lung at Roza. "Roza no" I jumped in-between them and felt a sharp pain in my side. My vision blurred, but I was able to raise my stake and stab it into the creature's heart. I saw the light leave her eyes and we both fell to the ground.

"Dimitri!" I heard Roza scream.

My vision was blurred, but I saw the last Strigoi coming at Roza. "Roza behind you!"

Realization hit her she turned and fought with the Strigoi until she was finally able to get the upper hand and stake him. It was surreal watching her, she was beautiful.

I felt dizzy like I was floating. I knew I was bleeding I could smell it, that Strigoi must have got me with a knife.

Roza dropped to the ground and leaned over me. "Oh Comrade…" She sounded wounded, strangled, her tone scared.

"Roza are you okay?"

"Yes, but Dimitri your side…" She sobbed. "She got you with a knife."

She inspected my side. "Shit there's so much blood." I saw her close her eyes and concentrate.

"I just called Lissa she's coming - she can heal you."

"NO! It's not safe."

"They are all dead it's okay."

"I am so tired Roza."

"Dimitri talk to me you cannot go to sleep."

I cupped her cheek her face blurred in and out of my vision, but I had to tell her how I felt. "I love you Roza, I'll always love…"

"NO! Comrade stop it, stop talking like that you are going to be fine."

"I am so tried Roza. Is Z okay?"

A sweet smile spread over her stressed features. I love this smile - this was her Zander smile - she always got it when she was around or spoke or my baby boy. "He's fine, he's with Christian and Mark, he's fine." She cooed as she tenderly rubbed my face. She made me feel so cherished.

"I love you and Z so much." I slurred - talking was so hard I fought to keep my eyes open as Roza spoke frantically above me. Here sweet words of her love for me were the last things I heard before I succumbed to the darkness that beckoned me.

**Yes I waited forever to give you an update and I left you with a cliffy, but really do you think I could ever kill the Russian God. He's not going to die don't worry.**

**Reviews are better than chocolate donuts!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Richelle Mead (her awesomeness) owns Vampire Academy, all original characters, plots, properties and storylines; her characters just bounce around in my heads and I put them on new paths.**

**See AN at bottom pretty please…**

**My Milaya Chapter 22**

**Rose POV**

I was happily eating my toddler lunch of corn, macaroni and cheese and peanuts with Zander and his friends when I felt it. It has been so long since I felt it - the nausea hit me hard. I transfix into Guardian mode. Out of instinct I grab Zander, he picks up on my frantic actions, and his little warm body goes rigid like he sensed the imminent danger.

I blurt out orders and get the kids organized, head through the other rooms with Zander on my hip, I might be slightly faster without him, but there is no way I am putting him down. He's clinging to me for dear life so even if I wanted to put him down he probably wouldn't let go.

I continue rattling off instructions and with the drills we've completed everyone complies and gets out quickly. We go out the back and head right for the chapel. I feel them getting closer my stomach begins to lurch. I fight it down and turn that horrible feeling into adrenaline preparing to fight.

I realize I need to alert Liss she'll sent me help and one of the teachers from the younger room had the sense to grab a radio and alert the field office. I concentrate and send Lissa the images in my head, thankfully she's with the twins, I want them protected.

I set Z down and he clings to me. "No Laya don't leave me." His lip trembles and my heart clenches.

I bend down and cup his cheek. "I have to go protect everyone and fight them. Help is on the way I'll be fine." He gives me a big hug and lets out a small sob then runs to Ms. Tanya and his friends.

I order them to rush to the back room, blow Z a kiss and race outside. I see three Strigoi descend on me. I pull from all my training and Krav techniques that focus on fighting multiple assailants. There are two male and one female, Strigoi are vile creatures I hope and pray that I never get turned.

I am fighting all of them and get the upper hand on the weaker less experienced male. I am able to stake him. I take a one second break to watch him fall to the ground as the life leaves his body. I sense that the one second break I took gave the Strigoi the upper hand I turn to stake them as they lung at me, but Dimitri jumps in front of the female and she gouges his side.

He lets out a strangled scream, but manages to stake the female. Instinctively I rush to help him and he warns of the last Strigoi. I am so pissed I have ice running through my veins; I immediately stake the last one and rush to Dimitri's side. He's on the ground in the snow and is gasping a little for air. Blood is oozing from his side. I take off my scarf and wrap it tightly around his wound to minimize the blood flow.

My eyes start to blur with tears as I lean over my fallen Russian God, I am mortified by the turn of events. "Oh Comrade…." I sob into his chest.

"Roza are you okay?" This stupid stupid man is worried about me.

"Yes, but Dimitri your side…" I strangle on a sob. "She got you with a knife." I inspect my scarf that has now been rebadged as a bandage. "Shit there's so much blood." I need Liss.

"_Liss, all is safe. They are dead. Get a couple of Guardians and get your ass over here, I am right in-between the chapel and the school. Its Dimitri he's hurt bad and you need to heal him. Please Liss, hurry."_

"_I am coming Rose, I have Mark and Brett with me, Christian is staying with the kids."_

"_Oh God he's fading in and out hurry!"_

"I just called Lissa she's coming - she can heal you."

"NO! It's not safe."

"They are all dead it's alright." Stupid stupid man, would I seriously call my best friend over if it wasn't safe? Why in the hell would he jump in front of that Strigoi does he really think I can't take care of myself, he trains with me, and I kick his ass all the time? Ugh if he survives this I am going to kill him. Please Comrade you have to be okay, you just have to be. What about Z, what about me, please God let him be okay please!

Dimitri's moans pull me out of my internal frantic prayer/chant. "I am so tired Roza."

"Dimitri talk to me. You cannot go to sleep." Shit he looks so pale. He cannot do this to me. Stupid stupid hot ass Russian God.

The site of my fallen lost love in front of me causes tears to start pouring out my eyes, Dimitri cups my cheek. I lean into him and revel in his warm calloused hand. "I love you Roza, I'll always love…"

"NO! Comrade stop it, stop talking like that you are going to be fine."

"_Shit Liss, hurry the hell up."_

"_Coming dear."_ She says in her sweet cheery voice, I am going to kill her too dammit.

"I am so tried Roza. Is Z okay?" At the mention of Z he gives me a small sweet smile and pure adoration spreads over his face.

His smile is infectious I can't help, but smile back at him. "He's fine. He's with Christian, he's fine." I tell him in a comforting tone and rub his strong, but beautiful features.

"I love you and Z so much." He slurs sleepily, shit I am starting to lose him.

"No Comrade, no, don't you dare leave me. I am going to kick your ass, now stay awake and cowboy up already. Would John Wayne pull this shit, stay with me. Please Dimitri, don't close your eyes. I love you Dimitri, I have always loved you and I will always love you." I sob into his chest. I faintly hear footsteps through my sobs, but I know from my settled stomach there's no danger.

"Rose, honey are you hurt?" I feel Jake touch me protectively. I sob. "Yes, I'm fine, but Dimitri's hurt, Jake please you have to help him. Get Liss."

"I am right here Rose. Relax, he's going to be fine."

Lissa and I clasp hands and she puts a hand at his wound. I feel that warm wonderful swirly goodness travel through me. I sigh at the internal peace I feel - she's healing him and I can feel her joy- its working. But close behind it is the darkness that always comes. I take it and then she takes it and we trade it back and forth until we both feel that she is okay. We are getting good at this.

We both open our eyes and smile at each other. I instantly frown since Dimitri's eyes are still closed. "Rose stop, he has lost a lot of blood and he'll be out for awhile, his body needs to recover." She pulls me into a hug. "He's going to be fine don't worry." I nod and wipe my waterworks away. I am acutely aware of Jake's gaze on us. I look into his pools of deep blue sea and I see wonder, but there's something else, sadness maybe? It's gone in an instant and he composes himself and starts barking orders.

I look up and realize there is a rescue group around us. It's like one second it was just us and now there are dozens of Guardians and a few Alchemists. Everyone's busy. They carefully place Dimitri's sleeping form on a cot. I scramble to his side, hold his hand and rub his cheek. He looks so peaceful when he sleeps - so young, so much like my Zander. I sigh as the emotions settle through my body. I can feel Jake's stare on me, but I can't worry about that now. I'll deal with his jealousy; concern whatever it is, later. Right now I need to make sure my Russian God is okay.

"Where's Z?" I ask a little frantically - worried.

"Christian and Eddie are bringing him and the twins; I am just waiting for Dimitri to be taken away. I don't want to worry Zander unnecessarily."

I nod in agreement. Lissa is so calm, so regal I am thankful for her presence. Six Guardians get into position to carry Dimitri's stretcher, I step aside and Jake grabs me and hugs me. "Seriously Rose if something would have happened to you…" He sighs heavily and trails off.

He pulls away and holds the sides of my face in his hands very delicately like I am the most precious glass and will break if he applies any pressure. He searches my eyes, I imagine they are puffing and swollen from my overwhelming emotions. "Are you sure you're okay?"

I give him a small smile. "I am fine, don't worry." I put my hands on his and squeeze. He presses our foreheads together, but my gaze follows the stretcher that is double timing it to the Court hospital and I notice Jake frown.

"We really should follow him and make sure he's okay." Jake nods and his eyes turn from the soft pools of concern to those of a strong in charge Guardian and protector. He doesn't stop touching me the whole trek to the hospital. He has a protective arm around me and is rubbing my hand on the other side. His warmth and presence feel so good. I know if I fall into his embrace I will come apart and I can't do that not now. I have to be here for Dimitri and Z.

Lissa is waiting for Christian to bring the kids and then she'll meet us there. Jake is silent and so am I, but it's not comfortable, it's stale and awkward and tense. I start to internally panic a little. Shit did he hear me talking to Dimitri? I need to make sure he knows that I love him. I mean I love Dimitri too. Oh shit I really do still love him! Seeing him on that cold ground in a pool of blood makes me realize that I've never stopped loving him. It's as if that knife went into his side and that was the trigger that brought all the walls I put up around me come tumbling down. Suddenly I am there at St. Vlad's, seventeen and in love with wide starry eyes that are not scared, but excited by the prospect of love. First love, my love, his love.

Like a wrecking ball his betrayal slams into me, the memories hit me hard and override the euphoric feelings that were just coursing through my veins - remembering how sweet our time was. Those few stolen kisses, our declarations, him holding me and making me feel I was all that mattered, that we were all that mattered. Then he was gone. No note, no goodbye, just an empty room and gym that matched my empty soul. That's what I was, a soulless, lifeless person when he left. It took me so long to put the jagged pieces back together, to be able to breathe without the burn in my chest hurting so badly.

I cannot do that again; I won't do that again. I won't survive it this time. Is it possible for someone to die of heartache? I let out a small sob just thinking about the burn, the hurt all over again. This time it will be three times as bad since I will not only lose Dimitri, but my Zander. I sob at the memories.

Jake stops and pulls me into him. I cry into his shoulder. I cry for my hurt, I cry for Dimitri's pain and his injury, but mostly I cry since I want more than anything to put my walls down and run to Dimitri's side, but my body won't let me. I have Jake, Jake is safe, he loves me and I love him. It's not that star crossed kind of love, but its love and lust and compassion and I sigh, I am mess. I need to get to the hospital and make sure I keep it together. I swallow my thoughts and my stress and squeeze Jake.

I look into his eyes and rub his cheek. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being here for me." He smiles at me and gives me a small sweet kiss.

"Come on gorgeous let's get you warm and make sure D is okay." I nod, he pulls one arm around me and we walk into the hospital. Jake probably doesn't realize it, but he held me up and carried me here, maybe not physically, but he sure did emotionally.

We sit in the waiting room, Liss and the kids are close I can feel them. Dimitri is being 'worked on', whatever the hell that means. "Laya" I look up to see Z running full bore towards me. I pick him up and spin him around. "You're okay?"

I tickle his tummy, he giggles and cuddles into me. "Of course, I told you I would be fine." Well I am okay physically anyways.

He pouts. "Daddy is hurt."

I sit down with Z on my lap. "Yes Daddy got hurt, but Aunt Lissa healed him with her magic." I make big dramatic gestures when I say the word magic.

His eyes are big and he's intrigued. "She is special and made Daddy feel all better."

"Can I see him?"

"Well he's sleeping now, but soon okay." I kiss his hair and soothingly rub his back.

Z pulls back and narrows his eyes at me. "Are you sure he's okay?"

I cross over my heart. "Yes he's okay I promise. He just has had a hard day and his body healed so fast from the magic that he needs to rest."

Jake is next to us and I hear him clear his throat. Zander notices him and jumps in his lap. "Hi Jake, did Aunt Lissa do magic on you too?" Jake chuckles and hugs Z.

Zander starts asking Jake four millions questions about the hospital and the people, etc. Jake is so patient with him. I feel suddenly empty. I realize that Jake is the same age as Dimitri and is a perfect potential father. I feel instant guilt like I am holding him down too. Why do I have to be so defective? I am like a mule, strong and useful, but not fertile with my own kind.

I look away from the two gorgeous people next to me and see Liss, Christian and the girls walk in. Liss gives me a small apathetic smile and tells me I am perfect and Jake loves me and to STOP feeling sorry for myself. I mentally stick my tongue out at her and she giggles. I love our new private two way conversations.

"_Do you know if he wasn't with you he'd be sleeping with half of Court and you know he probably would have an STD by now, so stop feeling sorry for yourself and appreciate the man and know that he loves you Rose he really really does." _

"_I know."_ She winks at me.

As more time goes on more people come by, we hold vigil and wait word on Dimitri. Liss, Christian the girls and the Guardians go home to rest. I keep Zander; Olena is on her way to watch him. When she called I told her it wasn't necessary that I would stay at Liss's house with him, but she's coming to see her only son so she said she'd keep Zander at Dimitri's place.

Z is cuddled up on my lap covered by Jake's coat. Jake has been great. He just went to go see what was up and now is walking back towards us with a confident smile. "He's fine and they are moving him to a room."

"Has he woken up?"

"No, but they aren't worried, his body went through a lot of trauma, he needs his rest." I nod. I know this, but I'm impatient to see his warm brown eyes for myself and make sure he's alright.

I carry Z and we set up camp in the waiting room on the third floor. I start dozing with Z on my lap. "Roza, Zander he's awake, he's awake." I had fallen asleep with Z cuddled on me and Jake sleeping next to me, Jake stirs and groans a little. I missed Olena showing up and who knows what else.

I realize we've been asleep for awhile, my stiffness in my neck and back and Jake's moans of discomfort confirm what my cell phone is telling me, yep two hours

"Bobbi." Z runs to her. "I got to go potty." He starts a rendition of his pee pee dance and we all laugh. "I'll take him." Jake offers and they wander off to the little boy's room.

Olena pulls me to a chair and sits down rubbing my hand. "Roza are you okay?" It's weird that she calls me this, but I like it.

"Yes, I am fine."

"You know Roza I hate that word. _Fine_." She replays it in a nasally and nasty tone. "When I would get my hair done and I knew it didn't turn out so good my family would tell me it was fine. Well I soon started to realized that fine doesn't always mean _fine_."

She gives me a knowing look and I sigh, busted. "Okay I am not that fine. I am worried and I was so scared Olena, so scared…" I sob into her shoulder. "He saved me, sorry, but your son is stupid." I wipe my tears away and smile at her.

"No Roza my son is in love." She says the words, he says the words, but do I really believe the words? I don't know?

I hear Jake and Zander - _Jake_. I say his name in my head and I realize I have Jake, my crutch, my partner, and the one who is really there for me. Jake's eyes are cold and distant, he seems far away even though I can feel the heat radiating off his body.

Olena looks at Z. "Do you want to go see Daddy?" Zander does his full body nod and starts to dance in Jake's arms wiggling about. Jake passes him off to Olena and they walk towards the rooms.

She goes a few steps and looks back at me a little annoyed. "Roza let's go."

"But…um…" I stammer at a loss for words, I should not be with Dimitri his family should. "I am not family." I finally find my words and stutter them out.

"Don't be silly Roza come on." Olena says impatiently. "Laya Daddy is waitin', let's go." Z adds his two cents.

I look at Jake not sure what to do. He gives me a hesitant smile and kisses my cheek. "Go. I have some things to take care of. I'll see you later okay?" He gives me a reassuring squeeze, turns and walks off.

I look from Jake to Olena and Z, and I am torn. I really should go after Jake and reassure him that I am with him and only him, but he did have some things to do. And I am dying to see Dimitri and I don't want to leave Olena and Zander. I will my legs to move and we walk in silence hand in hand in a united front towards Dimitri's room.

I hold back by the door while the three of them have their happy reunion, I feel like I am imposing and I consider ducking out of the room. Dimitri's voice pulls me from my escape plan. "Roza?"

His voice sounds strong and clear, this makes me smile, he really is going to be okay. I step forward shyly. "Hi Comrade, are you okay?"

"Yes, come here please." He says to me in an impatient tone, but has a cheeky smile on his face.

I slowly move to his bed, he has Zander on his right sitting on his bed and I approach his left side and stand a few feet away. "Come here." He says impatiently. I finally get close to him and yelp as he wraps his arms around me and pulls me onto the bed.

He gives me a hug and all the tension and emotions come pouring out of my body as I feel his warm arms embrace me. I start balling like a baby, he holds me while I cry into his chest. I rub my face into his hospital gown and smell him reveling in his warm embrace. I need to have this moment to make sure he's not hurt and he's here awake and safe.

He kisses my head and holds me to his body. I am aware that Olena convinces Z to come with her to get food, she bribed him with peanut M&M's for dessert, and now we're alone. "Oh Roza." He sounds strangled and sad. "If anything would have happened to you…" He lets out a small sob.

I look up at him wiping my tears. "I'm fine." But you know what, I am more than fine; I am pissed. I hit him lightly on his chest. "You are in trouble mister."

"What?"

"Oh don't you play dumb with me Comrade you know what."

"I am fine, see. No harm no foul." Olena's opinion on that word fine vibrates through my head; I am starting to hate that word too.

"If you ever pull something stupid like that again, I swear I'll tell Z its Christmas once a month and he'll drive you crazy." He gives me a mock horror expression and snuggles me closer to him.

"My Roza." I give myself this one moment and let him hold me needing that reassurance that he is really going to be fine. I chuckle at that stupid word again.

"What, what is it?" I shake my head not wanting to bother him with my internal crazy rant.

"Nothing I am just glad you're okay." Not fine but okay.

I look into his eyes squarely for the first time since I got to the room and the intensity in them makes me gasp a little. He is looking at me like I am some prized possession, something to be cherished. Suddenly I am hyper aware of my position in his bed and I feel very uncomfortable. This isn't right - I am with Jake - I scramble to get up.

"Roza are you okay?" Dimitri looks wounded that I am leaving his side.

"Uh yeah I have to use the restroom."

"You can use mine." I nod and walk to the restroom in his room. I splash some cold water on my face and try to clear my head. You are playing with fire missy; I scold myself and smirk at what a smartass I am even to my own subconscious.

After calming down I come out and Olena and Z are back. Z is giving Dimitri a rundown of his morning while I hold back and listen, taking in the family scene around me. They are all so comfortable and calm with each other, there's no tension like with Janine and me. Maybe now that I have a grandfather my family get togethers will be more like this.

"Laya" Zander sing-songs.

"Yes sweet boy?"

"Come here silly." Like I am supposed to know that he was calling me over, oh silly boy.

I sit with them and they share stories of when Dimitri was little. Some were even new to Zander and we both listen intently. Dimitri had several visitors and I sat back and watched as he entertained guests, he really could be relaxed and funny when he wanted. It was such a different side to him than I saw when we were at St. Vlad's. I soak it up and put it in the memory vault.

As the twins and Z were crawling all over Dimitri I realize I haven't checked my phone. It's was set on silent and sure enough I have one text from Jake.

_Hey babe I am working to investigate the break in see u in the am_

It was from a few hours ago so I decide not to respond he's probably working right now and I don't want to bug him. I wonder how those rodents broke through our defenses; I can't wait to read the findings.

"Roza everything alright?" Dimitri asks concerned.

I snap my head up and look at Dimitri's worried face. "Yes fine just thinking?" Oh that stupid word.

I was unsure if I should bring this up, this was a happy time, a time we should be celebrating, but he would want to know how Strigoi got through our defenses. "Um I was wondering how they broke the wards."

He gives me a knowing nod. "Me too." I clearly see the muscles in his jaw clench and his face washes over with stress.

"What's wrong Daddy?" Z asks.

He picks Z up and whisks him up on the bed, nuzzling him. "Nothing son, nothing." The look of pure joy and admiration on his face makes my ovaries ache, he is so sexy when he is being happy, loving daddy.

After much convincing I leave Dimitri's side. Visiting hours are over and the nurse tells us repeatedly he needs his rest. She kept giving Dimitri looks of appreciation I think she just wanted him to herself.

As I walk into my apartment I feel relaxed and at home. Anni had found a small place, Adrian asked her to move in, but neither of them was ready for that. Adrian was pushing for it, but Anni had the sense that they needed to slow things down a bit to make sure it worked before they take the big plunge. Adrian who was once a complete womanizer was ready to settle down and have kids. Anni was definitely all for it, but in due time. I smile thinking how happy Adrian has been, he barely drinks and smokes anymore, Anni is the best thing for him.

I fall asleep quickly I am exhausted from the stressful events of the day.

I wake up hearing someone in my place; I don't panic since I know it is Jake. I open my eyes and his back is to me and he is packing up his stuff he keeps at my place.

"Jake what are you doing?"

He turns towards me, his eyes apologetic; I guess he is sorry for waking me up so early. "We need to talk."

"Okay?" I say a little shakily, I am rattled from being woken up and his clipped tone.

He sits on the bed next to me and holds my hands, but he seems rigid and the air around us is anxious. He takes a settling breath and begins. "Rose this thing that we've had has been great and you are the best…" His speech cuts off and he looks away.

"Um why do I hear a 'but' in there somewhere Jake?"

"Look" Starting a sentence off like that is never good. "It has been a hell of a ride, but we both agreed to keep this casual and it's gotten a little out of hand. I am ready to move on."

WTF. "What?"

He shrugs and the apologetic look is gone from his eyes and I recognize Mr. Jakey Dicky Cockface asshole I met at Court thinking he was all that and a bag of chips.

"So all this _I love you babe_, _let's be more serious_ was cock and bull? What the fuck Jake."

He turns his back to me and shrugs, he starts packing his shit again.

I bolt out of bed and spin him towards me. "Don't you turn your back on me you twat head." I gesture between the two of us. "This was your idea, you pushed and pushed until I relented. You wanted to follow me to Europe, you…you are a DICK!" I was practically screaming at the end.

"Sorry, but I just think we've lost that spark."

"Lost it, was our relationship a fucking gym towel? You lost it, not me."

"Yeah" He agrees with me.

Realization hits me, this was about Dimitri, he thinks I want Dimitri. "Look Jake I know yesterday was tough to watch, me so concerned over Dimitri, but it's you I want, just you." I pull him into a hug. He relaxes and molds to me like he has done so many times before. I feel his lips lightly brush my temple.

Then he turns rigid and holds me at arm's length. He drops his arms and takes a step back picking up his bag.

I look into his eyes and they are like ice, cold hard and distant. "Look it's not that I don't want a relationship." He gestures between the two of us. "I just don't want it with you."

Well that fucking stung. "Ouch, that hurts."

"I want kids and you can't give them to me. Soraya is ready and willing." He shrugs. "And I guess so am I. Sorry Rose, you're just not what I want anymore."

I gasp and crouch to the ground, it is like he punched me in the gut and then poured acid into my heart. Actually I wish he would have done that instead it would have hurt less. "But you'll be okay, you didn't want this and you didn't want to be close. You're a survivor." No I am a defective unfertile troll that no one wants.

I start to ball, but do my best to hold it in; I am not going to let this asshole who is no better than toe jam see me lose it. "Get the fuck out. I knew - I knew you'd break my heart, damn you Jake, get the fuck out and go to that stupid bitch blood sucker. You two deserve each other." I am so angry, but more than that I am hurting. The taste of rejection is on my tongue, reliving this nightmare all over again is like having my soul sucked out of my body. He doesn't want me, he wants kids, I am not enough. I am reliving my worst nightmare all over again.

"Gladly." He picks up his bag and walks out. I want to yell and scream and tell him off. I want to say things to hurt him and make him feel one hundredth the pain I am feeling, but I don't have it in me. This is my fault, I am not enough, we aren't enough together, and he wants more - like Dimitri did. At least he has the decency to tell me.

But this bastard is not going to see me cry and break down, I will not give him that, this is for me and my self loathing. He puts his hand on the door handle and looks at the ground pausing for a moment. "Goodbye Rose." I let out a small sob that is clawing its way up my throat.

"Leave." I said as harshly as possible holding in the meltdown that is fighting to escape. He doesn't look back at me, he doesn't say another word, he opens the door and walks out of my life.

I drop to the floor as despair swallows me, I am not good enough, I am not what he wants, I am not what Dimitri wanted, I never was and I never will be.

**Okay everyone stop and take a breath. I wrote this on an airplane and kept crying, thankfully the guy next to me slept a lot. Sorry that was angsty and if I made you guys cry I feel horrible, but this angsty part is necessary to the story.**

**Before I started this story I wrote this scene in my head, it feels so good to get it out.**

**SORRY I HAVE BEEN MIA. My laptop crashed and I hadn't backed up in a few weeks so I wrote this chapter twice, UGH. But I think the second version was better so hopefully worth the wait.**

**THANK YOU for all your reviews, add, alerts, etc. We have some new readers WELCOME. I usually try my best to get back to reviews, but that was a big FAIL for this chapter, sorry. I will try to get better at it. BUT seriously I love all of your reviews and feedback, I read them a few times and the feedback truly helps mold this story.**

**A BIG SHOUT OF THANKS to my beta Bibi7 and my prereaders – DKelly, Gabbiehannah, twimomlovesdimitri, and last but not least Snowgoose.**

**I will be out of town April 3 – 9****th**** but will do my best to write as much as possible before I go – Up next we are going to get into Mr. Jake's head. The Jake POV will hit the outtakes to this story so make sure you alert the outtakes so you know when it hits. You can find it on my profile.**

**As always your feedback is appreciated! Cheers - René**


	23. Chapter 23

**Hey Guys sorry about the delay, as you know RL is super crazy. I have some cool stuff to share so read AN at the bottom.**

**Hats off to Ruthless527 who filled in as my beta for this chapter, my regular beta was out of town for a few days. And my prereaders thanks to them, they always give me insight that makes each chapter better.**

**Usual disclaimer – Richelle Mead rocks and owns it all!**

**My Milaya – Chapter 23**

**DPOV**

I woke up with a start. I was dreaming. I didn't know what dreams they were, but they weren't good. I'd had bad dreams after Ivan's death and I hoped this attack wouldn't bring them back.

Nurse Colleen came in with a big smile. "Good morning, Guardian Belikov. You're looking better, well rested."

"Thank you, I feel better, do you think I'll be able to go home today?"

She frowned. "No I don't think so. The doctor will start rounds soon and talk to you about that.

"Oh, okay." That wasn't what I hoped to hear. I was anxious to get home to Zander. Thinking of him put a smile on my face.

"Happy today?" she asked.

"Thinking about my family."

"Your mom, sister and son are all very attractive. You have good genes in your family."

Sister? "Oh that's not my sister, she's my…" Soul mate, love of my life, my own personal sun, the only woman I will ever love. "She's a good friend."

"Oh."

"By any chance, has she been in here today?"

"No." Nurse Colleen grimaced and stayed busy tending to her work. "Oh, but there is a Guardian outside waiting for you. I told him he'd have to wait until I checked on you." She smiled and fluffed my pillows, putting her breasts in my face. I wanted to tell her thanks, but no thanks. Hopefully, I'll have a steady stream of visitors all day and that'll keep her at bay.

"Can I see him?"

"Sure, I'll send him in."

Jake walked in looking like someone had just killed his puppy. I instantly worried that something was wrong. My mouth went dry and my stomach did flip flops. God, please don't let there be anything wrong with Roza.

"Hello Dimitri."Jake stood too far away, like he had one foot already out the door. It made me nervous.

"What's wrong?"

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Shit - am I that transparent?"

"Answer my question." He paused a beat too long and my patience wore thin.

"Everything's fine. Rose is okay." He knew where my thoughts were.

"Why do you sound unsure?"

"Look, I need your help. I hurt Rose, bad. I'm leaving with Soraya Mazur and I told her and I…shit. Listen, just please be there for her. I know she loves you and I just can't be what she needs." He shuffled nervously from foot to foot and looked away at the end of his speech.

"You're leaving her?" He can't do this to her, NO!

He turned and glared at me. "Oh, no you don't Mr. High and Mighty. You broke her and left her first. Don't get all holier than thou on me D."

I flinched at his words. "Why J? She loves you. She wants you. Trust me, I should know." I basically admitted making passes at his girlfriend.

"I'm leaving. She hates me. So just make sure you're all here for her. And D, if you hurt her again, I'll… Just don't fuck it up again. You can't fuck it up again. Promise me?" His mask slipped and his blue eyes melted with anguish as he begged me.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Stop. You owe me. Promise me that you'll take care of her." He composed himself and his mask was back in place.

"I promise. I'll always be there for her, no matter what." He knew this already, he knew I would do anything for her.

"Okay. I have to go. I have to catch my flight. Soraya is waiting for me." His eyes looked hard, cold as ice. He was holding back some major emotions. I hadn't seen him like this since Ivan died.

"Good bye J. Take care." He gave me a blank hollow stare and held up his hands in surrender.

"Don't worry about me, I'm fine. Just take care of her." We exchanged a shared look that said more than any words he could utter. He was doing this for her, for me. He was taking himself out of the equation, dying on the vine. I knew at that moment he loved Roza like I loved her, and he was willing to walk away to do what he felt was right. Seeing his unselfish act, I respected Jake like I never respected anyone before.

I gave him a curt nod and he turned on his heel and left. We'd been partners and friends for so long, that words were no longer necessary.

It took me all of two seconds to sprint out of bed and find my clothes before nurse touchy feeling came back in. I had to get to Roza. To see her and to take care of her. She'd be crushed. She'd hate him. She might even hate me since this surely reminds her of what I had done when I left. Why was it that the ones that loved Roza the most, hurt her the most?

She may be hurting, but she's not going to do it alone. I was going to be there for her no matter how long it took, even if it was only as a friend, whether she liked it or not.

I got dressed and was heading out of my room when I felt saliva pool in my mouth. The door grew farther away, my line of sight narrowed and the sides of the room closed in on me. I was blacking out. I tried to shake off the feelings because I needed to get to Roza. She needed me. I forged ahead until the blackness came.

I woke up with my head hurting and Colleen, the touchy feely nurse, staring down at me. I was back in my bed, frowning at Nurse Colleen.

"Welcome back, Guardian Belikov."

"How long was I out?"

"A few hours."

I was back in my hospital cloths. Damn. "Is anyone here?" I hoped and prayed Roza had come by or was here somewhere.

"Your mother and son are here, but they're getting food in the cafeteria. They should be back shortly. The blood loss caused you to pass out and hit your head. They did a scan, but you're fine." She shook her finger at me. "Now stay in bed. You lost a lot of blood and need to rest. The doctor ordered another transfusion which will help get you up and on your feet in no time."

"I need to leave."

"Well you can't. I think the bump on your head should be proof enough of that."

My head did hurt.

"Now rest, I put something in your IV to calm you."

I fought with my lids, but they won and I slipped back to sleep.

I woke up again and heard Zander's giggle. "Aunt Lissa you're silly." Liss was coloring with him. "That's a green ranger, he's not purple."

"Well, I think he looks good purple," she said.

"He looks silly."

She shrugged and kept coloring.

"Daddy, you awake?"

I chuckled. "Yes Z, I am."

"I missed you."

"I missed you too, son." He came and gave me a big hug.

"Hi Dimitri." Lissa gave me an apologetic look.

"Hi Lissa. Have you seen Roza, Jake came by and I tried to go to her -"

"I heard. You passed out."

"So have you talked to her? Is she okay?" I ignored my passing out fiasco.

Lissa gave me a look of pity. "She's, um...she's left on a trip."

"What do you mean, she left?"

"I'm sorry, Dimitri, but she was so upset about Jake, you getting hurt, the attack, everything. She went to Israel to see Master Cohen."

"She's gone? For good?" My heart dropped to my knees.

"No, she'll be back. She just needed some time to clear her head." Lissa gave me a shaky smile that I think was supposed to reassure me.

"Did she tell you about Jake?"

"Yes. She's hurting. It brought up some strong feelings from her past and she felt suffocated. She just needed an outlet, an escape from it all, so to speak."

Lissa put a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "She'll be back soon." She got distracted by Z asking something about starfish.

I sat in my bed, weak and helpless, not being able to be there for the love of my life. She needed to leave because I left her hopeless and alone. I know Jake did the heart breaking this time, but if it wasn't for me, she wouldn't have been with Jake and then wouldn't be hurting. I internally cringed with my past mistakes. I hated that one bad decision, one step off life's path could spiral into horrible events down the road.

I looked at Z as he was showing Lissa some sea animals he found in a magazine. His eyes were shining, his eyebrows slightly pulled together as he looked at the pictures curiously while his aunt explained some things to him. He was biting his lip a little in concentration and all my bad feelings dissolved.

If I hadn't left Roza, I wouldn't have Z. Yes, a different path, but not a bad path. My son is everything to me. I would be the world's happiest man if I could have both Z and Roza. Suddenly a new golden path emerged in my view.

Jake is gone. Roza is crushed, but maybe one day she can get over him, move on. Then the three of us could be a family, a triangle of hope, love and happiness. That hope swirled around in my chest and head, the possibility of it was enough to make me dizzy.

Lunch was served for me. Z, who ate little meals every few hours, sat with me and we both enjoyed the hospital food.

"Lissa, is my mother here?"

"Oh sorry, I should have told you. She asked me to sit with Zander while she went to the train station to get Viktoria."

"Yeah Aunt Ikki is comin' to stay wif us," he said and cheered between bites of pot roast and mashed potatoes.

"Viktoria's coming early?"

"Yes, she got permission to come early because of the attack. They were forgiving of the transition period."

"It'll be good to see her." I fought back some pretty strong emotions. I hadn't seen my youngest sister in awhile and if something would have happened to me, I would've died without telling her how proud I was of her. She was a stand up Guardian and could fight with the best of them. Pride soared through me.

Lissa gave my hand a slight squeeze as she fought back tears. I'm sure she was brushing my mind like she learned from Oksana. She must be a quick study if she could sense my strong emotions.

"Daddy is Laya coming to see us?" I chuckled at the word 'us'.

"Um, no Z. Lay – Roza is away on a trip."

His lip got a little pouty. "But who will rub my back when I can't fall asleep at school?" My heart clenched a little at the thought that Z will miss her so much. He's so close to her.

"Ms. Tanya will."

He stomped his foot. "But she won't do it right."

"Z, you know what?" Lissa piped in.

"Alexis and Annabel will be at your school soon. Can you be the big cousin who's there to watch over them until Rose returns?"

His face transformed from pouty to serious. "I will watch them."

"Thank you Z."

"Dimmmkkkkaaa!" Viktoria came barreling into the room.

Z cheered and started his happy dance. "Aunt Ikki."

She picked him up and spun him around. "Hey, munchkin'. I missed you." She gave him an Eskimo kiss.

He reciprocated with a neck crushing Z hug. "I missed you, too. Are you staying with us?"

Whenever anyone showed up, Z had to make sure he figured out how long they were staying. He liked things in order and liked to be aware of his surroundings, much like his father.

"Yes, I am, and so is Bobbi. Is that okay?"

"Yes! How many sleeps?"

"I don't know, lots if you'll let me?"

Z looked to me to answer. Even though I was distraught over Roza leaving, I couldn't help but smile at him. "Of course, Tor, you know along with everyone else, you can stay as long as you'd like. We have more than enough room."

I sat back and listened to Viktoria catch us all up. Momma returned, Lissa left and Nurse Colleen loomed. She seemed to be trying to figure out if Viktoria was a relative or a girlfriend. I was counting the hours until her shift was over.

Through this whole time, I sat back and watched my family enjoying each other's company. I was thankful they were here to keep my mind off Roza. I saw Momma giving me nervous glances. She was probably waiting for me to snap from the attack and Roza leaving town. My nerves were raw, but I was trained to deal with this type of stress. I put my mask on and would deal with my feelings after everyone went home.

**OOO_OOO_OOO**

"Daddy when is Laya coming back?"

I was reading to Z. He'd been a little clingy since I got released from the hospital. We'd settled into a routine and were dealing, but I knew my stress and Z's worry were not a good combination and it wore on both of us.

"I'm not sure, Z."

"Do you think she misses me?"

"Yes, I know she misses you."

"Did she tell you that?"

"No, I haven't talked to her, but I just know." He stared at the book we were reading while he pondered my words.

"Can I call her?" Roza had only been gone ten days, but it seemed like an eternity.

"No, honey. She doesn't have her phone." By day two I was anxious to see if Roza was okay, so I tried to call but it went right to voicemail. The next day Lissa told me that she left her phone. Now that they had two-way communication, she had a built in cell phone to Lissa if something was wrong.

Z went to sleep easily. Ms. Tanya said he hadn't been sleeping at school that well. He was too used to Roza being there when he fell asleep. I think a lot of the kids were suffering from a little PTS after the attack, Z being one of them.

Not only was he was worried since I got hurt, then his mom, for all intents and purposes, was suddenly out of the picture. The little guy had it rough the last ten days.

"So?" Viktoria asked me as I sat on the couch pinching the bridge of my nose in frustration. I had put Z to bed and went out to watch a little TV with her and be somewhat social.

"Yes?"

"Why are you so boring these days?"

"I miss her."

"I know you do."

"You'd like her. You two are alike."

"But that might mean that we wouldn't get along."

"Impossible. I think you two will be as thick as thieves."

Viktoria frowned at me. "What if she doesn't come back?"

"She will."

She raised one eyebrow (she got that from me). "How do you know?"

"Because I just know." My voice shook a little, I was trying to be confident, but in the deepest part of my mind where the bad an insecure thoughts lingered, I was worried I'd never see her again.

I fell asleep that night dreaming of Roza, wishing she would come home to me and Zander.

I heard the knocking. It had worked its way into my dream. I jumped out of bed startled.

I pulled on my sweats and hurried towards the door, worried about the late hour. Anything this late couldn't be good news.

I saw Viktoria answering the door in one of my t-shirts. She should've put pants on, but that was Viktoria.

"Who is it Tor?"

I heard the gasp before I saw her. Roza looked from Viktoria to me and then back to Viktoria. One second she was blinking back tears the next she was running away from my apartment door.

"Who was that?"

"Roza."

"Oh, no. She thought... I mean, yuck. She thought we were doing the nasty. Go chase her while I wash my brain out with acid. I'll watch Z." She winked at me and walked back to the guest room.

I threw some clothes on, grabbed my coat and was out the door. Roza was back. She came back! The adrenaline of her presence coursed through my veins as I ran into the forest to find her.

I had a hunch where she might be headed.

There was this small pond that had a clearing around it. It was surrounded by trees almost like they protected this one patch of land. There were a few rocks placed next to the pond so you could sit and gaze at the wondrous display Mother Nature put on. The pond was frozen, the trees covered in ice, and snow blanketed the ground. It was a perfect picture. It reminded me the cards Momma had me lick, seal and put stamps on every year at Christmas time.

I often came here alone when I needed to think. It reminded me of Roza, and as much as she liked to run, I figured she would know about this place.

Roza's head snapped up and she looked at me in complete shock. "How did you know where to find me?"

"Easy. It's where I would've gone."

She was sitting on some rocks by the frozen pond. "Where's your _girlfriend_?"

Silly Roza. "That was Viktoria, my _sister_."

She looked at me, blinking back unshed tears. "Your sister?" Her face contorted in confusion.

"Yes Roza, my sister. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't want a girlfriend unless it's you."

"I just assumed..." She looked away towards the open forest around us.

I bent down to look at her. I lifted her chin with my finger and stared deep in her eyes. "I only love you. There is no one else I want as my girlfriend. I love _you_. I always have and I always will. I've done some stupid things and I'll never forgive myself, but I swear with my whole heart that I really thought I was doing what was best for you. My only concern was you, always."

She stared at me and searched my eyes. I hoped she found what she was looking for. "Where's Zander?"

"With his aunt."

"I miss him."

"He misses you."

I was so overcome by her presence and the intensity swirling around us, that I didn't notice she was freezing. Her lips were blue and she was shivering. She must've just come from the airport and wasn't prepared for the winter weather.

I picked her up bridal style, she wrapped her arms around my neck and sighed into my chest. "I'll take you home."

She looked up at me with sad beautiful eyes. "Don't leave me?"

"Never."

**OOO_OOO_OOO**

**Long AN - Sorry**

**Hope you liked it and it was worth the wait. I don't deserve one since I am behind on all my reading and reviewing and I have been MIA, but reviews are better than The Russian God carrying you bridal style - so I'd love one.**

**I have some cool news. I took a much needed week off work and attended the Romantic Times Convention in LA at the beginning of April. As many of you know Ruth Gates (Official pen name is R.A. Gates and ff name is Ruthless527) and I have become friends and she is a big reason I started writing my own FF. I loved her story Change of Scenery so much I had to write my own.**

**She came down and stayed with my family and me. We attended the Romantic Times Convention and did the aspiring authors program. Yes, she and I both want to do this writing thing full time some day. Both of us are working on YA series, mine is human hers is Urban Fantasy. I have another Urban Fantasy series I want to write as well (I can never turn my head off I swear).**

**Anyway we got a chance to attend some panels with Richelle Mead and some other great authors, it was AMAZING! I am so jazzed about writing my series, but I will not stop ff since it's what got me started and I love it so don't worry I am going not going anywhere.**

**I have posted two pics - one of Richelle Mead at her autograph table and one of what she wrote in my book. She was so kind and helpful to all of us aspiring authors, I can honestly say now without a doubt, RICHELLE MEAD ROCKS!**

**Next steps with this story: I have part of Chapter 24 written and part of the Jake POV, hopefully will get those both posted by next Saturday. I still need to finish my Abe and Janine POV, but might be putting in a fourth and fifth chapter later on with a current day Abe POV. That will come after he meets Rose. Abe is loud and wants to be heard. **

**Jake is also pissed he wants his reputation cleared, he feels everyone hates him and he had his reasons for doing what he did. He is walking the streets of London to get away from Soraya and her mom, and is yelling at me to get his story done. Don't worry we will hear from Jake soon.**

**Seriously guys most of you hate Jake, but he really is a good guy. Sure he was harsh and a jerk, but overall a good guy I swear. You'll see ;)**

**Once I am done with all that I'm taking a break from My Milaya for a few weeks and will put all my efforts into finishing Kismet, that story is so close and I need to bite the bullet and finish it!**

**So lots of cool stuff to come, stayed tuned. Oh and check out the pic of Richelle and my autographed book on my profile.**

**Love you all! René**


	24. Chapter 24

**Thank you for all your wonderful reviews and support, I got back to a few, but FF won't let me respond via email so it's really hard to get back to all of the reviews, now it's a manual process. But I read them all and I love them.**

**Thanks to DBCrystal, and Snowgoose for prereading and Ruthless527 and Bibi7 for pre-reading and beta skills, they make each chapter so much better with their suggestions.**

**Ready for some Rose and Dimka fluff!**

**RPOV – My Milaya – Chapter 24**

I felt so stupid. I put myself out there and he had a girl in his apartment. Gah.

I didn't even notice her face. Her bare legs and lack of clothing told me what I didn't want to know, he was with another woman. Even though I had Jake, I stupidly let myself believe the lines Dimitri fed me. Man, I'm so stupid.

I panicked, and just like Dimitri taught me, I ran. I ran so fast I didn't even realize where I ended up until I saw the pond before me.

I loved this pond. It reminded me of Montana, thus reminded me of him.

I laughed at myself. If Master Cohen could see me now, freezing my butt off in the middle of the Moroi night because I was embarrassed, he'd be so disappointed.

Dimitri must think I am some needy crazy person to show up at his house in the middle of the night. What was I going to say to him when he asked me why I was there? Do I lie or do I put it all out there like I planned?

Do I still want him to know why I showed up even though he's with someone else now? Shit, shit, shit.

Master Cohen's advice echoed through my head.

"_Rose, your name is fitting. You are a beautiful flower, but to see that beauty you have to get past all the protection, then elegant beauty shines through."_

_He grabbed a rose to illustrate, the confused look on my face must have convinced him that I needed him to expand on his explanation with a demonstration._

"_See this rose?"_

"_Yes."_

"_It's beautiful, isn't it?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_But look what happens when I take away the leaves, you see the elegance and the beauty the rose possesses."_

_I nod encouraging him to continue._

_He deftly with his knife stripped the rose of its thorns. "Next you take away the protective thorns. The rose now portrays beauty, elegance and innocence, an innocence masked by its protection. The rose's true beauty can only be seen when the protective barriers are stripped away."_

_He was telling me I had walls up. "I see."_

"_Do you?"_

"_Yes, I do. Master Cohen, I'll be leaving tomorrow. There's someone that needs to see me without my protective barrier."_

"_What a beautiful rose you will be."_

"_Thank you."_

Master Cohen knew some of my past. He helped me deal and cope with losing Dimitri, and now Jake. When I showed up in Israel, he didn't bug me to tell him. He allowed me work out my issues and I told him little pieces until he finally had the picture.

If he could see me now, I wonder what he'd say. Probably some Confucius like crap about putting myself out there. And even though I failed, at least now I know the truth so I can move forward. I sound like some Dr. Phil show. How pathetic. This is what my life has come to. Now I see why my mother said its best not to fall in love at all.

I heard him before I could see him; Dimitri. "How did you know where to find me?"

He slowly approached me. "Easy, it's where I would have gone."

"Where's your _girlfriend_?" I couldn't keep the disdain out of my voice.

"That was Viktoria, my_ sister_."

"Your sister?" His sister? Wouldn't I recognize her from the pictures I saw? Well, I guess not since I didn't really look at her face. I was busy imagining her long legs wrapped around Dimitri.

"Yes, Roza, my sister. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't want a girlfriend unless it's you."

"I just assumed..." I had Jesse Zeklos running through my head and what he used to always say in the third grade. _Do you know what assuming does, it makes an ass out you and me._ Why the hell am I thinking of Jesse Zeklos right now?

My Russian god bent down, lifted my chin with his finger and looked me in eye. "I only love _you_. There is no one else I want as my girlfriend. I've done some stupid things and I'll never forgive myself, but I swear with my whole heart that I really thought I was doing what was best for you. My only concern was you, always."

I looked in his gorgeous brown eyes. The love and sincerity in them made me think of my little man. "Where's Zander?'

"With his aunt."

"I miss him."

"He misses you."

Dimitri must have really looked at me and realized I was freezing. He swooped me up and I snuggled into his warm embrace, letting his scent sooth me. "I'll take you home."

No, I didn't want to be there alone. "Don't leave me?"

"Never." The finality of his promise hung in the air between us as he carried me to my apartment. If I was a cat I would have purred.

As soon as I got home from the airport I dumped my bags at my place without turning on the heat or grabbing a coat before I ran to Dimitri's place.

While still holding me, Dimitri turned on the thermostat. He set me on my bed and rubbed his hands over my arms to warm me. Next he pulled the pony tail holder out of my hair. It felt god to release my hair. I shook it letting it fall around my face.

He brushed it back and caressed my cheek with the pad of his thumb. His other hand was playing with the ends of my hair. I knew he loved it since he convinced me not to cut it before he left with Tasha. Next his thumb traced my blue frozen lips. He bent down and took off my shoes. His warm hands stroked my thighs as if to heat me, but all it did was make me shiver in a good, sexy kind of way.

I never took my eyes off him. The silence was comfortable, but somewhat defining. "Do you want hot cocoa?" he asked.

Between the trip and the raw emotions of the last hour I was exhausted, physically and mentally. My lids were heavy. "No I just want to sleep."

He pulled back the covers and tucked me into to bed. I internally panicked thinking he was going to leave me, but then he took off his shoes and his fleece and climbed into bed, spooning me.

"Let me warm you up, my Roza." He pulled me to him and enveloped me in his warm embrace.

"I am so tired Comrade, so so tired."

"Sleep my angel."

"You'll stay?"

"I won't leave you." He said with conviction.

The half glass-full Rose wanted to believe he meant forever, but the put-up-the walls Rose was thinking maybe he just meant for tonight.

"I'll never leave you again, I promise."

I believed him. Dimitri Belikov was not the type to make a promise and not keep it.

"Sweet dreams Comrade."

"Sweet dreams my Roza."

I fell asleep in the arms of the man I loved. It was sweeter than any dream my imagination could conjure up.

ooOOoo ooOOoo ooOOoo

Waking up next to Dimitri was surreal. At some point last night we connected and made love, lots and lots of love. The first time it was slow and passionate, and then it grew to needy and heated, but it was all wonderful.

"Mmmmmm" I snuggled into him, not sure if I was capable of words in my post coattail bliss.

He hugged my body. "I love you."

"And I love you" No other words were necessary. Laying next to him felt like home, right where I belonged. I had given myself to him, and even though it scared the f'ing shit out of me, I was going to trust this man with my heart and soul. He was now the owner and I was hoping he was ready to throw away the keys and keep me forever.

We lay and reveled in the moment until I finally felt him move. He looked down at me and traced my face. "Shower?"

I nodded, but I needed a few more minutes in bed with him before we got up. I pinned him down and kissed him. "I'll never get tired of kissing you."

"Ditto" There was a sheet draped over him from the waist down, but I could still see his perfect form. I traced his manhood through the sheet and saw it rise to attention. Seeing his godlike perfection through the sheet was almost as good as seeing him bare.

He caught me staring and we locked eyes. I instantly turned red, embarrassed. He brushed my reddening skin. "So shy my Roza. After last night I didn't think we could ever have any shy moments between us."

I fell into him more embarrassed. He kissed me sweetly. "Don't be shy my love. Last night was beyond words, amazing, better than any dream."

I nodded, looking at him again, Playful Rose coming out to play. "Hey Comrade, maybe it was best you weren't my first, you might have killed me with that thing." I glanced at his manhood.

I thought my boldness would make him shy like me, but instead he was surprisingly smug. He laid back with his hands behind his head and smirked at me. "Like what you see Roza." He stole my line!

I tackled him and started tickling him. "Dimitri Belikov, are you being smug?"

He shrugged and kissed my head. "Not smug, just happy and in love." He nuzzled my nose. "Now let's take a shower, get some grub and go see Zander."

Suddenly I felt sticky and was anxious for a shower. "Come on Comrade, you play your cards right and you might get some shower sex."

He raised one eyebrow. "Might?"

I bit my lip trying to be strong and resist his perfection. "Yeah, might."

In another surprising move, Dimitri picked me up, threw my naked body over his shoulder and double timed it to the shower.

He was so tall, I made him get down on his knees so I could shampoo his hair before he washed mine. We worked in perfect unison cleaning each other's body, like we'd done this everyday for the last four years.

We got ready in comfortable silence until my stomach growled just as I was getting dressed. Dimitri sat on the bed and watched every move I made. I may have exaggerated my movements just a little more than normal. "As much as I love the show Roza, I think your impatient stomach needs some food."

We walked hand in hand to my favorite breakfast café. The hostess led us to our seat and Dimitri put his hand protectively on the small of my back. Our actions and loving gazes at each other made it obvious we were a couple.

We received a few heads turned our way, but nothing that made me uncomfortable. And by Dimitri's light mood, I assumed it didn't bother him either.

"So what does Roza want for breakfast?"

"Hmmm, I think I'll have the waffle, with a side of fruit and a chocolate donut."

He chuckled. It was such a wonderful sound. He closed his menu and gave me a gorgeous smile. "That sounds good. I think I'll have the same."

We ordered and I gave the waitress a nasty look because she was eyeing Dimitri. I wasn't very jealous when women swooned over Jake, but with Dimitri, it's like these women awoke the green eyed monster inside of me. First Tasha, then Renatta, followed by the nurse and now this stupid waitress. Okay, deep breaths. Ignore them. Just remember how he looks at you and _only_ you.

"You okay, Roza?"

"Yeah, actually I'm great. But does it bother you that some people noticed us?"

"No. You?"

"No, not at all. It's just surreal."

He cocked his head, reminding me of Zander. "How so?"

I took a moment to collect my thoughts, so I could articulate myself correctly. "Well, in the past I felt like I always had to hide my feelings for you. I was seventeen, you were twenty-four. We're both Dhampir. I was a novice and you were a Guardian, my teacher, my mentor. It's like the forces of nature and the Moroi world were against us. I just never imagined sitting having breakfast with you like this."

"Are you disappointed?"

"NO! God no. It's just after you left I never imagined it would be like this." My voice got soft at the end, almost sad.

He grabbed my hand. "I will spend the rest of my life on my knees praying for you to forgive me. God knows I will never forgive myself. But Roza, if this is to work out," he gestured between the two of us. "We're going to have to get past what happened four years ago." His eyes looked sad, almost scared for my reaction.

I grabbed his hand. "I promise you, I am past it. I have forgiven you. Please let's just move on. I don't want to spend another minute thinking or talking about it. I love you and I think you love me and I want this more than anything."

He smiled and kissed my hand. "I want that too, more than anything. Roza, I want us to be together, as a couple. I'll wait if you're not ready. I'll wait as long as it takes."

"I want that too, and I don't want to wait. I'm okay. I just needed a little time, but please, let's not wait another minute."

He nodded and stared lovingly in my eyes until the waitress brought our food.

I was floating from a Russian god high and so happy that I didn't let the desperate waitress's advances get to me. He was my man. She could look all she wanted, but I was going home with him.

We both seemed lighter, resolved, as we devoured our food. Dimitri wore me out last night and I needed some nourishment.

Dimitri paid the bill while I stole a handful of mints. They were the ones that were mixed with chocolate and I knew Zander liked them.

"Rose?" Janine Hathaway, ladies and gentlemen. Shit!

"Mom, Henry, what are you doing here?" I didn't mean to sound rude, but I was shocked to see them. Even though Dimitri and I decided to go public, I wasn't sure I was ready for Janine public.

I felt his hand protectively on the small of my back. "Guardian Hathaway, Lord Szelsky." Dimitri was polite as ever.

"Guardian Belikov." Janine glared at his hand. "Rose I think we need to have lunch tomorrow. Are you free?"

I grimaced, but was happy she was being civil. "Sure, I'm still off. I don't go back until Tuesday."

"Very well then, I'll call you tomorrow morning to finalize some plans." She said it like a warning.

We said our good-byes. Henry seemed a little confused by the tension between my mother and I, but stayed polite as always. I tried to reassure him with my smile, but I wasn't sure he bought it. I was sure after Dimitri and I left, she caught him up on the gossip. It's crazy, I now had a family that gossiped about me, and as annoying as it seemed, it almost comforted me that they were there for me. Even if it was to gossip.

"So, Zander?" Dimitri asked.

"Yes, but I forgot his gift so I need to swing by my place to get it."

He nodded and led the way.

I got Zander a black baby Krav Maga training uniform and some Israel chocolates. I was worried he'd be upset with me for taking off and I was not above bribing him for forgiveness.

"He doesn't know you're back. I knew if I told him he'd bug Viktoria to death and I don't want her mad at me. I now have a girlfriend and I need all the babysitters in my corner so I can take my gorgeous girl out."

I had a super smile on my face, him referring to me as his girlfriend made me squeal inside.

"Is it okay if I refer to you as my girlfriend?"

"Absolutely."

We quickly went by my place to get Z's gift. We kissed a few times and both sighed when we had to leave to see Z. We had plenty of time to connect again later after Z went to bed. As much as I wanted to spend the day in bed with Dimitri, I was longing to see Z.

As soon as we walked into their apartment, Viktoria was hushing us. "Quiet he's sleeping." It was early for a nap. Z must have woken up early sensing Dimitri was not home.

Before Dimitri could introduce me to his sister, she approached me. "So you're Roza?" Her tone was a little bitey and I wasn't used to a Belikov acting like this.

I put my hand out and put the nicest smile I could muster on my face. "Yes, hi, I'm Rose. It's nice to meet you."

She didn't shake my hand, but rather stared at it like it was an unwelcome site.

Feeling awkward at her attitude, I pulled my hand away.

"Well, I guess you're pretty, but I – "

"Viktoria, kitchen. NOW!" Dimitri scolded her.

I watched nervously as they both stormed into the kitchen. I heard Zander come down the hall, snuggling his train quilt to his head and rubbing the sleep from his eye.

He looked at me and for one split second froze. "Laya!" In Zander like form, he ran to me and we did our usual greeting.

I soaked him up smelling his sweet little boy scent as he snuggled into my neck.

He pulled away. "I missed you Laya."

I gaped at him, his hair, his curls. Someone cut his gorgeous hair. No! I rubbed it a little almost to confirm so much of it was missing. "I missed you too little man." I tried to keep my tone light, but I don't think it worked.

"Zander Christian Belikov what happened to your handsome hair?" I hated whiney women, but I couldn't help the whine that rang through my voice.

Just then Viktoria and Dimitri walked in. Z pointed to Dimitri. "Daddy did it."

I turned and glared at my Russian god. He was in trouble.

**Reviews are better than Rose and Dimitri fluff….**

**Pictures of the real Zander on my profile, he's my inspiration for this character. Also a pic of what story Zander looks like is on my profile, with both the shorter and the longer hair. If you haven't seen it yet there is a Jake POV on the out take story.**

**I'll be taking a break on this story until I finish Kismet, then I'll return to My Milaya, if you have something you want to see in this story PM me or put it in your review I will consider it.**

**Everyone in the US have great long weekend! I am looking forward to it and plan to spend a lot of time lounging by the pool!**


	25. Chapter 25

**Please see AN at the end of this chapter**

**Chapter 25 – My Milaya**

**Dimitri POV**

I looked up to see my son point his finger accusatorily at me. "Daddy did it."

Roza turned to me. "Dimitri? Why in the hell would you cut his curls?"

"Oh please, he looked like a little girl. It was embarrassing."

Roza gasped at Viktoria's rude words regarding Z. She picked him up shielding him protectively. I know she meant well, but he was still going to be able to hear our argument.

"Viktoria! Stop it. What is your problem?"

"I look like a girl?" Z asked mortified.

"NO!" Roza and I both say at the same time. Z's watery look broke my heart.

"I'm out of here. I have to work out. I don't get a lot of practice since I'm covering someone's post who ran off because her life is _so_ hard." Viktoria flared her arms dramatically and I jumped in-between her and Roza.

I didn't really think Roza would try anything with Z in her arms, but I wanted myself as a buffer instead of my son, just in case. The two of them glaring at each other was not how I wanted their relationship to start. Damn it! I finally get Roza back and Viktoria has to act like a nine year old.

I hug Roza and Z, knowing it will calm her. Viktoria huffed at Roza and went to the guest room to get changed for her work out. I scurried Roza and Z in my room to diffuse the situation.

"Why is Aunt Ikki so mean today?" Z straddled Roza playing with her hair. He kept inspecting her. I know how he felt. It was like he couldn't stop touching her - believing she was finally here back in our lives - in our home. _I know son I can't believe it myself._

"I'm not sure Z."

"She needs a time out." He stated as a matter of fact. Roza and I chuckled at Z.

Roza hugged him and tackled him on my bed. The sight before me was irresistible. I couldn't help it, I jumped on the bed with them, playing in their tackle game while I smothered both of them with kisses.

"Hey, you can't kiss Roza. She has a boyfriend."

"Who?'

"Jake, he's you boyfriend. Right?"

Roza and I spent the next hour explaining everything to Z. I was conservative with our 'talk', but truthful since I know he understands more than people realize and is bright for his young age.

"So, Roza gets to live here wif us?'

"Uh... " Roza gave me a panicked look.

"Well Z, we're together as a couple, but we aren't living together."

"How come? Adri and Anni live together."

"Uh... " Roza gave me another panicked look while I explained to Z that not all boyfriends and girlfriends live together. He wasn't really buying it, but was hungry so he relented.

We made a small lunch and I could tell Z was tired.

He put his plate in the sink, thanking me for the food. Then he sauntered up to my girl. His big browns eyes shining with love. "Laya, will you rub back while I take my nap."

She rubbed her hands through his hair, or should I say lack of hair, "Of course, baby."

Z rubbed his eyes as Roza picked him and he snuggled him into her. His face was pressed into her neck and I swear I saw him inhale. I love Roza's scent, too. It looks like it was a comfort to Z as well.

I laid on my bed reading one of my favorite western novels for the hundredth time, trying to pass the time while Roza put Z down. She snuck into my room and I pretended not to notice her. She stripped rather showily in my room, put one of my worn workout t-shirts on and curled up next to me on the bed.

She kissed my neck, flicking her tongue over my pulse point.

I couldn't hold in the moan that fought its way out of my mouth. She took the book out of my hand, set it down on the nightstand, and started kissing me.

I rolled her over and kissed her. "I want nothing more than to rip that t-shirt off and make love to you, but I think we need to talk."

"Okay."

"So, Viktoria."

A little grimace passed over her face. "I thought all the Belikovs loved me, but I guess I found one that doesn't sing my praises?"

How to explain this to her? "I think Viktoria is jealous of you."

She looked at me in shock. "Why would she be jealous of me?"

"She took over your post at the daycare and all the kids can't stop talking about you. Plus Z thinks you hung the moon, and it used to be Viktoria that hung the moon in his eyes. So, yes, I think she's jealous."

"Huh." I could tell she was processing. "I see. But why in the hell did you cut his hair? You know you aren't off the hook for that one. And now he's worried he looks like a girl!."

It was my turn to grimace. "A few people said some stuff about his hair over the last few weeks. It was looking a little straggly and I started to get worried it was too long and that I was one of those fathers who didn't cut their kids hair.

"Viktoria agreed it was a little long and scrappy looking. I wanted to just trim it, but the girl was a little over zealous. It'll grow back."

"That's the great thing about hair." Roza ran her hands through my hair. "It'll grow back. Sorry I flipped out. I just loved his hair and he doesn't look like a girl at all."

"I know. I don't know why I let those few people get to me."

She caressed my face. "So, what are we going to do about your sister hating me?"

"I don't think she _hates_ you, I think she's just jealous. Viktoria has always been the baby in our family and is used to the spotlight. She'll come around. I know once you guys get to know each other, you'll be close."

"I hope so." She snuggled into me. "Let's take a nap."

I usually wasn't so lazy, but Roza and I didn't get a lot of sleep and I wanted to lay with my girl and feel close to her. She spooned into me and we fell asleep together.

Zander always thought he could sneak up on me. He was sitting next to me on the bed staring just a few inches from my face.

"Daddy, you up?"

I couldn't fight my smile. Roza was snuggled into me and Z was poking my face trying to get me to wake up. "Yes Z, I'm up." I opened my eyes to see him leaning over me.

Roza stirred and moaned a little. I wondered if she was dreaming about me.

"Is she having a nightmare?" Z asked.

"I don't know, son."

He must have decided it was time to get Roza up because he poked her face. I could tell she was awake when I saw a smile tug at her lips. With lightening fast speed, Roza pulled Z into her arms and started tickling him.

They were both giggling and smiling and the sound went right to my heart. "Laya, stop. I got to go potty."

"Off you go." She patted him on the butt and he ran off to use my restroom.

"Son, wash your hands," I hollered after him.

Roza looked up at me with sleeping eyes. "Mmm, I can't remember the last time I took a nap. Jet lag really got to me."

I pulled Roza's hair aside and kissed her neck. "And we didn't get much sleep last night." Gazes locked, our eyes filled with lust remembering our time together last night.

"I want to spend every night like that for the rest of my life," I declared to her. A single tear rolled down her cheek.

"Don't be sad, my Roza." I wiped her tear away.

"I'm anything but sad." She rewarded me with one of her smiles.

But nothing kills a romantic moment like a three year old. Z ran up and jumped on the bed. "S'not fair. I want to nap in here with Laya."

"Z, you want to make cookies?"

"Yay!" Z did his little happy dance, not realizing Roza was diverting his attention away from his question.

"Make them now, but no cookies until after we eat dinner."

"Okay, Daddy."

I ruffled Z's hair and we went off to the kitchen.

Viktoria came in looking sullen and guilty while Roza and Z were finishing up the cookies.

She nervously put her hand on her forehead pulling her bangs away from her face. "Hey Rose can I talk to you for a minute?" I knew my sister and she seemed to be ready to apologize.

Roza looked at me, probably not sure what to do. I gave her a nod and she returned it with a watery smile. "Sure."

They went outside and when they came back in, they both looked a little worn out, but seemed to be happy and amicable. We had a nice family dinner and Z ensured he ate his share of cookies for dessert.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~MM~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Roza and I spent the next few weeks in pure bliss.

Since Roza and and Viktoria had made peace, they had actually started to get along with one another, as I originally suspected they would. They shared the shifts at the daycare. Roza worked Tuesdays and Thursdays and the rest of the time worked with us on the OMP training program. Lissa, Adrian and Oksana were getting the mind reading and compulsion down.

Things were going so well it scared me a little. It was like I was waiting for the last shoe to drop. Roza didn't move into my place yet, but we spent practically every night together.

We hadn't talked about living together completely, but I was planning on asking her to move into my place and then Viktoria could officially have her apartment. I had my suspicions Viktoria was seeing someone, but every time I asked her, she ignored me and changed the subject. She was an adult so I didn't push her too much, but I was determined to get the story. My big brother tendencies were kicking in.

Roza would wake early every morning and sneak off to the guest room. I told her it wasn't necessary, but she insisted on wanting to ease Z into our relationship. It made her happy and nothing was better, or sexier, than a happy Roza.

In a few days, Momma and Yeva were coming for a visit so we needed to chat about our sleeping arrangements. I was not ready to give up sleeping with Roza by my side, but I know she didn't want to be in my bed with Momma and Yeva here. I was in deep thought about how I was going to broach this subject with her when she interrupted my musings.

"Hey, gorgeous, what's wrong?" Roza walked into our room ready for bed after putting Z down for the night. Tonight he only wanted Roza to tuck him in.

I couldn't help but smile at her. "Nothing's wrong. Did he go down okay?"

"Yes, but he brought up a subject and…"

"What, is something wrong?"

"He asked me to be his everyday mom." She looked at me a nervously.

I nodded and sat next to her taking her hand rubbing small circles trying to organize my thoughts.

"Why don't you seem surprised?" She asked.

"Because he's been asking me since about the first day he met you if you'd be his everyday mom. When you knew how to make cookies, the deal was sealed."

I smiled at Roza, but she still appeared distressed.

"What's wrong Roza?"

She turned towards me and took my hands. "I never thought I'd be anyone's mom, and it's a little surreal for me."

I must have frowned because Roza traced her finger around my lips. "Hey, don't be sad. I want nothing more than to be that little boy's mom. I love him more than anything, but what if…"

"What Roza? What's wrong?"

"Comrade, what if I suck? I mean, I really didn't have a mom, so I'm not sure I'm the best role model."

I couldn't help it, I laughed out loud.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Why are you laughing at me, mister?"

I shook my head. I had to hug her, "Roza you're already the best mom in the world. What do you think you've been doing since you met Z. You're already his mom."

She pulled away and looked at me. "You really think so?"

"No, I know so." I kissed her with all the passion and love I had in my body.

"Wow. What was that for?"

"To let you know that not only are you the best mom around, but you're also the sexiest mom around."

Roza pinned me on the bed and showed me just how sexy a mom could be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~MM~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day Eddie and I ran out to get everyone lunch. I was a little put out that Roza didn't want to come with me. She, Lissa and Oksana were doing some scrapbooking stuff. Eddie and I walked in comfortable silence. Lately he was quieter than normal and I wondered what was going on with him.

We left the cantina with our food and ran into Janine, Roza's mom.

"Guardian Belikov, a word please?"

"Sure." I looked at Eddie.

"Don't worry, I got the food. I'll meet you back there." I handed the big box of food off to him and watched him walk away.

"Guardian Hathaway, what can I do for you?"

"Cut the crap, Dimitri."

"Okay?"

She fidgeted. "I need to talk to you."

I'd never seen Guardian Hathaway so nervous. "Yes, you said that. Would you like to go somewhere more private?"

"Yes, please. It's in regards to Rosemarie." It was weird to hear someone call Roza by her full name. I kind of liked it, but to me she will always be my Roza.

I followed her to a bench outside the Court Guardian offices.

"Is there a problem, I mean with Roza?"

"No, not really." She looked terrified. I was starting to get a weird feeling in my stomach, like something was not right in my world and I knew it pertained to Roza.

"And…"

"I wasn't happy about Rosemarie and you getting together at first. I know she was crushed by your actions earlier and then with Jake…" She rubbed hands on her pants nervously. "But, now I see. I know my daughter, even if she thinks I don't know her like a mother should, I _do_ know her, and she's happy with you and your son."

"Thank you, Guardian Hathaway. Is that your way of giving me, us, your blessing?"

"In a way, I guess it is. But I need your help."

"Is it in regards to Roza?"

"Yes." She was really going to make me pull this out of her wasn't she?

"And what can I do to help my girlfriend?"

Her head snapped to mine. "I guess I hadn't realized you put titles on your relationship."

"Yes we have." I wasn't going to elaborate any further as it was not my place. If Roza wanted to give her more details, she could.

"I've recently been in contact with Rosemarie's father."

That got my attention. I studied her eyes and body language to see if I could get more out of her than her few short words.

"And he wants to meet Roza?" My Roza.

"He wants to be part of her life." What the hell did that mean?

"Well, I think that's up to my girlfriend whether she wants that or not."

"And that's what I need your help with."

I laughed without humor. A few short weeks ago she bitched me out and threatened my life and my manhood if I hurt Roza, and now she wants my help.

"I see. And what do you want me to do?"

"Well - I'm going to have dinner with her tonight and I wanted to know if you could come and help ease the shock for her. Be there for her."

"Why would it be a shock?" I held my hands up to stop her. "Scratch that, don't tell me. I don't want to know. I can't keep anything from Roza and this all needs to come from you."

"You won't tell her about what I'm going to say, will you?" She looked panicked and small. I'd never seen her vulnerable. This was all getting to her. Her armor had cracked.

I rubbed my chin in deep thought. I didn't want to keep things from Roza, but she needed to hear this from her mother.

"Yes, I'll keep the goal of this meeting to myself. I'll only tell her you asked me to join you two tonight. He's not going to be there is he?"

"No, no. Not yet. I need to tell her," a small smile tugged on her lips. "I mean, he wants to be there, but I told him he had to wait."

Shit, she still has feelings for him. I felt it in my bones that this was not going to be the happy reunion Janine imagined. My poor girl, I'm not sure how much more angst she can take.

"Yes, I think it would be best if he weren't there."

She nodded. "Dimitri, I love that little boy of yours and I'd love for him to come, but it might get ugly and – "

"No worries, say no more. I would never put him or Roza in that situation. I'll ask his aunt and uncle to watch him."

"Thank you Dimitri, I'll see you tonight at the café."

"Okay, good- bye Guardian Hathaway."

"And Dimitri, I'm using your first name, please use mine."

"Okay." She gave me a stiff nod, put her mask back in place and turned to walk off.

As I walked towards my love, I was getting a feeling that shoe was about to drop. I don't know how she was going to take the news that her father, now, after all this time, wants to be part of her life. And what was with that smile Janine had? Could she possibly still be romantic with this man?

As I walked, I tried to remember that Roza and I loved each other. We'd been through hell and back. Surely, we could handle her father, a Moroi. How much trouble could he be?

I know it has been forever and I am so sorry. Still not done with my other story, but much closer and I couldn't stay away from this story, it was calling to me.

**Authors Note:**

**Finally an update! I might have lost from readers and I am sorry for that, but if you're still sticking with me I need your help. I wrote this chapter as a transition, but tell me what you'd like to see from this story. I have a few ideas, but I am curious how far you guys want me to go with this.**

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and asked very nicely to update. I had a tad bit of writers block and the encouragement helped!**

**Thanks to Bibi7 and ruthless527 for being great helpers with pre-reading and lending their beta skills.**

**NEW STORY – My dear friend and biggest cheerleader has a new story. It's called My Wild Amish Rose, by ruthless527. She has written some great stuff, this story is only a few chapters in, and I am already hooked.**

**Lastly, I am going to do a one shot for charity - it will be the lemon that Rose and Dimitri share between chapters 23 and 24. It's my first time writing a lemon so I am a bit nervous, but a few folks have asked for a lemon outtake. See info below on the charity:**

**Project Team Beta is holding a Back to School Fundraiser. It's a tough time now, and teachers and students everywhere are being affected. With just a minimum donation of $5.00, you can play a part in helping a classroom, and in return, receive a compilation of stories written by your fellow fandom authors. For more information, visit the PTB Site. www(dot)projectteambeta(dot)com**


	26. Chapter 26

**Hi guys *ducks head in shame* I'm so sorry from the bottom my heart that it has taken forever and a day update this story. I got a new job – which was a great move for me – but I stayed at the same company and I had to take care of the old job and do the new job. It was hell, but I'm finally done and my stress level has reduced about seventy percent, yay!**

**I cannot tell you how much support and encouragement my readers have given me. Thank you, thank you, thank you! For all the emails and the reviews, you guys are the best readers. I'm so lucky.**

**Thanks and love goes out to JS Hagen for pre-reading and ruthless527 for her mad beta skills. Thanks girls!**

**See AN at bottom with my update schedule and how much of this story we is still to come.**

**My Milaya – Chapter 26**

Zander insisted I give him his bath alone tonight. This worried me because I knew Dimitri had a conversation with him about me being his everyday mom and the kid was so damn smart, he always posed me with questions I wasn't sure I could, or should, answer.

"Laya, can I use my soap paints for my bath?" Z asked me as he stripped on his way to the bathtub. We passed Dimitri who was reading a western I got for him. He was laying on our bed…oops I mean _his_ bed. He winked and smiled at me, then pointed to Z's naked butt that ran by. Who wouldn't smile at that cute little bottom running naked down the hall towards the bathtub?

"Sure Z, but be careful don't run on the tile. You might slip."

"Okay, Laya," Z hollered as he opened the cabinet to get his soap paints.

Z was very methodical about everything, including bath time. He insisted we wash his hair first, which I did, then it was time to wash his body. We got all the business out of the way so he could have playtime for the rest of the bath.

"You're silly, Laya!" Z giggled as I painted his face with stripes so he looked like a warrior.

"You make me silly, little man." I tapped Z's sweet little nose.

"Laya?" Z said in a small serious voice. "You're my everyday mom now, right?"

"Right, Z." I smiled, I loved that he called me this.

"So, can I still call you Laya or should I call you mom?" Good question.

"Uh…" Once again, the kid had me stumped and I didn't know what to say.

"Call her what you'd like. She's your mom, but she will always be your Laya." Dimitri came in to save me. It's like he had some kind of sixth sense that I needed him and of course he was there.

I looked from my sweet boy to the man I loved, my heart felt so full. A few short months ago, my life was in shambles and now everything was perfect. I just hope it stayed that way.

"Okay." Z said casually as he played with a boat. Dimitri winked at me.

"Hey Z, why don't we let Roza get dressed for dinner," Dimitri turned to me. "We don't want to keep your mom waiting."

"Okay. Z you'll be okay with your dad finishing up the bath and washing off the war paint?' Z shrugged as if he didn't care, but was teasing Dimitri since he attempted to wink at his dad. Dimitri and Z both chuckled, which was my favorite sound in the world.

Just as I was about to walk into the guest room to get dressed I heard Z slosh his legs in the tub, which was an attempt to stomp his feet. Something I've learned he did when he was not a happy camper.

"Why can't I go with you to dinner? S'not fair, dad." Z crossed his arms, which were coated with bubbles, over his chest and gave Dimitri his best pout.

"Because it's an adult dinner," he said. I proceeded to walk into the room, but listened out of view. I wanted to hear how Dimitri handled Z, and god knows I needed to learn his ninja skills at dealing with a very convincing and stubborn three year old. "And, it will be boring. You'll have more fun with Aunt Icky, trust me." Dimitri sounded like he was not looking forward to dinner with my mother and would rather stay with Z.

Actually, I think I would rather stay home with Z and Dimitri, but my mother wanted to talk to us. She was not supportive of our relationship, but I was hoping she would come around soon. I loved Dimitri and no matter what Janine Hathaway said, Dimitri and Z were my future.

I was all about forgiveness with her, and our relationship has improved greatly from when I was at St. Vlad's, but if she wasn't on board with Dimitri, Z and I as a family then she needed to hop off the boat. Besides, I was Z's mom now. I still couldn't say that without smiling. Which in turn made her Grandma Janine, so she had better get on board with us quick.

As I stepped into my red wrap dress, I felt Dimitri slip his warm calloused hands over the sides of my torso. He growled in my ear. "I'd rather stay in tonight, but I can't wait to see you in this dress. Do you know how much that color drives me wild?"

My Evil Rose smile adorned my face. I did know. That's why I wore it. I wanted to drive him crazy and get him worked up. I knew he wouldn't touch me in front of my mother. His mother and grandmother would be here tomorrow, so tonight would be our last night together in his bed for a few weeks, while Yeva and Olena were visiting.

"Really, this old thing," I said with a smile to my voice as I slipped into the dress. I pulled my hair aside, which was down and curled in loose ringlet curls.

"You aren't fooling anyone, my Roza. I know what you're trying to do and it's working." Dimitri's voice had a husky tone and it almost shook with anticipation. As usual, he knew exactly what I wanted and zipped up the dress. He put a sensual open mouth kiss at the top of the zipper at the back of my neck when he was done.

He wasn't the only one that was getting worked up. I turned and ran my hand up his toned chest. My eyes traveled up from a half mass Comrade Jr. until they landed on Dimitri's warm brown eyes.

I wrapped my arms around Dimitri's neck, straining on my tiptoes and gave him a closed mouth kiss. If I slipped Dimitri tongue, I knew we would be late to meet my mom.

When Dimitri tried to deepen our kiss, I mumbled my concern about Z being just in the other room.

Dimitri pulled my hips into a growing Comrade Jr. and ran kisses down my neck behind my ear. "Viktoria is here, they are setting up their cartoon viewing schedule for tonight." I don't know how my sexy man did it. Nevertheless, with that accent and the way he touched me and made my body sing, he made talk about cartoon viewing sexy.

I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of his lips on my neck, sending chills of lust through my body. However, as good as it felt, I knew I had to stop it and leave. You don't want to be late when you meet Janine Hathaway.

I pushed Dimitri away and almost laughed aloud when he pouted like Zander. "Guardian Hathaway is waiting, Comrade. Not a good idea to be late."

Dimitri closed his eyes, let out a settling breath and dropped his head in a defeated manner, giving a small nod. "You're right." He looked up, put on his Guardian mask and adjusted Comrade Jr. I couldn't help, but snicker. Dimitri grunted his disapproval of me teasing him and pushed me towards the front room.

Z jumped off the couch and made a b-line towards us. He clung to my legs and looked up with his best puss and boots sad eyes. "I don't want you to go, Laya." He had a huge pouty lip. The kid knew my weakness and was playing me.

I picked him up and he laid his head on my shoulder. I patted his hair that was just starting to grow back. "I know, little man. I'm sorry, but your dad and I have to go. It will be boring you'll have more fun here with Aunti Vicki."

Zander played with one of the tips of my curls and wouldn't look at me. "But, I'll miss you and I want you to tuck me in." He was breaking my heart.

I looked to Dimitri for help. "Hey Z, we have to go. How about you stop giving your mom such a hard time and let her go." Both Zander and Vicki snapped their eyes to Dimitri. It was the first time he had referred to me in this context as Z's mom and my already full heart swelled with love.

Dimitri knew exactly what he was doing, because referring to me as Z's mom was just the thing to get his mind off us leaving. Z gave me a famous hug. "Bye, Mom, I love you."

I fought them, but a few tears escaped. Z, who now seemed okay, ran off and turned the television on. Viktoria gave me a frown and walked towards the couch sitting next to Z. After her outburst when I first met her I was waiting for her to run her mouth, but she stayed quiet. I knew that she was not happy that Z called me mom. Thankfully, she stayed quiet, but it was just one more thing to add to the worry list. Dimitri and I mumbled a quick goodbye and ducked out before Z got sad again.

I stopped outside the apartment and pulled Dimitri into big hug. He pulled away and rubbed my cheek lovingly.

"Not that I'm complaining at all, but what did I do to deserve that hug?" Dimitri gave me a small sexy smile.

"Thank you." He pulled me to his side and kissed my temple.

"You're welcome, Roza."

On top of the million other things, this is what I loved about Dimitri the most. He was in tune to me. Without words, he knew that I was so thankful to him for loving me and allowing me to be a mother to Zander.

We had such a good night, let's see if a stiff and uncomfortable night with my mother could not ruin it.

Dimitri and I walked toward the restaurant in silence, it was eerily quiet, almost like the calm before the storm.

My mother was dressed in a simple black dress, which was rare. It was my first clue that there was nothing normal about this dinner.

"Rosemarie, Dimitri, please come sit." She was already at a table for four and had half of her water drunk. I wondered how long she had been waiting for us. We were right on time, and she was early, even for her. Tip two something was off about this dinner.

She hugged each of us and I felt like the shoe was about to drop. Dimitri seemed nervous as well. Still riding my high from Zander, I tried to ignore the tension and viewed the menu while Dimitri and my mom engaged in polite small talk. Well, it was mostly Guardian gossip, but small talk for them.

I glanced at the fourth chair, "Is Henry joining us?" I wondered if my grandfather was coming. I'd hadn't seen him awhile and I kind of missed him.

My mom bit her lip, a nervous tick of hers I rarely saw. "No, uh, he had to go home to take care of some business. He'll be back in a few days."

She was not with him, tip three something was amiss. "Really, and you aren't with him, because…?"

"Rose, he has two other Guardians and I was off shift. It's uncommon, but I do take days off." She had her usual sarcastic tone, maybe I was imagining things, and she finally seemed to be her normal self for once.

We chatted about nothing and everything. Mostly Zander. I hated those parents that talked about their kids too much, but being a mom was new to me so I had some catching up to do. Plus, I think my mom liked hearing the tales of Zander. I loved how bright Dimitri's eyes got and how a special smile adorned his face when he talked about our son.

_Our son_, as I said the words I got watery eyed. "Rose, are you okay?"

"Oh yeah, just missing Zander." My emotional state passed and I engaged in the conversation. We switched to Guardian talk and how the roles were changing and the Moroi world in general with the OMP program.

Dinner was good, not what I expected, and that was a good thing. I thought my mom would give us the third degree, but she was pleasant to Dimitri and me.

I was itching to leave, hoping we could catch Z before he passed out and we could tuck him in.

Dimitri had his hand on my leg, He had found his way into the slit of my dress and was rubbing small circles at the top of my knee. His touch gave me shivers a few times. I was not only anxious to go and see Z, but once he was asleep and Viktoria was gone, I was hoping we could spend the rest of the night wrapped around one another.

My mom noticed me scan my watch. It was pretty obvious I was busting to leave. So it confused me when she snatched up the dessert menu, "How about something sweet to end our day?"

"Sure, that sounds good." Dimitri piped up and I gave him a confused look. His hand moved from my leg and he grasped my hand closest to him. He and my mom were acting weird and I was getting suspicious again.

The waitress came and took our order. With each second that ticked by and each small squeeze Dimitri gave my hand, the more suspicious I became.

"Rose, I have an ulterior motive for this dinner. I already approve of you and Dimitri and I'm happy for you." She smiled, like she held some secret. "I, too, have found someone I'd like to share my life with!"

"Okay," So unlike her. What was going on?

"Rosemarie, I know I have told you very little about your father, but I did love him. We loved each other and he wanted to raise you and wanted us to be a proper family." Her voice sounded sad, "But his family forced us apart."

"Are you going to tell me now, when I'm almost twenty-two years old, who my father is?" Why now? _Oh!_ "Wait, the person you're with now, it's my dad."

"Yes, Rosemarie, and I love him very much. I want you to love him, too. And we can finally be a family."

"B-but, I thought his family kept you apart? Why now, why the change?"

She got a sad faraway look on her face. "I kept you hidden, your birth. I mean, he knew I was pregnant but I lied. I pretended I lost the baby, well you."

"You kept me from him and hid me away at some school. Is that why you never came to see me?" Tears stung my eyes.

"Rosemarie, stop. They, his family, his father, would have enslaved you as some family Guardian. Treated you horribly and made you a protector of your siblings. I didn't want that for you. I wanted you to have a chance at real Guardian career, a better life." In rare form, a single tear leaked out of her eye.

My head was spinning. "So, now he knows about me?"

She wiped her tear. "He's known for a while, since the news got out of you and the Princess running away. He figured it out by your picture. You look just like his sister, it was obvious. And I had changed my name, so he was able – "

"You changed your name, Hathaway isn't our name?" This was too much. Dimitri knew I was losing it. He squeezed my hand and put his arm around me.

He didn't seem shocked at the turn the evening took, which made me wonder if he knew. Did he know then, when he was sent to retrieve Liss and me? Did my dad – that sounded so weird – did he possibly send Dimitri to get me?

I must have zoned out from all the internal chaos going on in my head.

"Rose? Hello?"

"What, oh sorry, it's just a lot to digest." I shook my head to clear it so I could try to listen to her.

"Anyway, yes, I changed our name to protect you. And, it worked until you decided to run off. But, A-uh, your father, after he found out, helped me hide you from his father. Because trust me, if he would have known, you would have been shipped off to the family compound in a heartbeat."

"What's changed? Why now is it suddenly safe?" This was all too much.

"Well, your father's father, I guess your grandfather." She grimaced, "Uh, he's passed so there is no longer a threat. And your father is divorced now, so there is nothing keeping us from being together." My heart sunk, he had another family.

"So you two are together, together?" It was obvious she was with him intimately and now it seemed she loved him.

In ten minutes, my life has now turned into some human soap opera like the ones Lissa and I were addicted to when we lived in our apartment in the human world. "Okay, well, when do I get to meet him."

"Right now," Abe Mazur stepped up to the open chair with a five thousand dollar suite, decked out in all of his gaudy jewelry and with a huge smile on his face.

"Oh, hell no," I stood and pulled Dimitri along with me.

"Rose, stop." My mom looked at me with pleading eyes, but there was no way. All the unknown pieces of my life clicked into place and anger quickly replaced my shock of a few minutes ago.

"Rosemarie, stop, I am your father and you will listen to me."

I turned and glared at him– we had the same eyes and for one second that thrilled me – but I was so pissed I couldn't let our resemblance falter the speech I had to get out.

"My name is Guardian Hathaway, which apparently is some made up name, and you are nothing but a sperm donor who raised a spoiled rotten daughter, who I will never call my sister and you will never be my father." I dragged a stunned Dimitri with me and away from the table.

"Rosemarie, get back here." My mother said in her stern Guardian voice, but I ignored her.

I turned and pulled Dimitri to my side. "I have a son and a family." Abe Mazur gave me a look of shock as his eyes traveled between Dimitri and myself. "You two can go be some made up family and have your sweet little reunion, but keep me out of it."

I turned on my heel and dragged Dimitri with me. We passed our waitress who had our coffee and desserts. She smiled nervously and I wondered how much of the drama she just heard.

Dimitri silently kept his arm around me as we trudged towards his apartment. We were just about to head up the stairs when he pulled me aside.

"Hey, slow down. He's probably asleep." He put his finger under my chin and made me look at him. "It's me, Roza, the man who loves you no matter what. Talk to me."

"Did you know?" Probably not what he meant by me talking to him, but I had to know.

"Yes and no. I knew she had been in contact with your father and now he wanted to be a part of your life, but I had no idea the identity of your father or the other parts of the story she talked about. I'm sorry, Roza. Guardian Hathaway wanted to be the one to tell you." Dimitri pulled me into a hug. "I'm so sorry, Roza. Are you mad at me?"

I hugged him tighter. Of course I wasn't mad at him. "No, Comrade, I'm not mad, well at you anyways."

He pulled away and held my face in his hands. "Roza, you have to give yourself some time to cool off. Your mom was obviously trying to protect you."

I shook my head and squeezed my eyes shut, how was I going to explain this to him, without hurting him. "I'm not mad at her, if anything it explains why she did what she did. I just thought she didn't want to be a mom, but now I see that she was scared for me and that's why she stayed away.

"It's just him and his daughter. He's the one who pushed Jake and Soraya together. And Dimitri, I am so happy I am with you, it's not that I want to be with Jake. It's just that he knew and if he was a real father he would have cared."

Dimitri studied me. "You might not know the whole story. You might want to give yourself some time and think before you cut him and your mom out of your life. No matter what Roza, Zander and I will be here for you always."

"I know and thank you." He wiped a few stray tears that leaked out of my eyes.

"Let's go home Roza." Dimitri led me upstairs and for once, it didn't feel like just his apartment. He and Zander were my home, no matter where we lived.

**Okay here's the deal. I am back to a normal schedule and a normal life so I'll be updating every two weeks. But, the next update will be of the Janine and Abe story. I feel it's crucial to the path of this story.**

**So in two weeks we will get Part III - Janine's side of events when she was pregnant with Rose and deceived Abe along with Part IV – which will be Abe's point of view when he first finds out Janine never lost the baby and when he sees Rose for the first time.**

**Thanks again for everyone who has stayed with me on this story. I'm glad to be back and I can't wait to finish this story. I'm thinking about 5 or 6 more chapters and then an epi, but I can get wordy so it could be longer, but that's what I have outlined so far.**

**See ya in two weeks…**


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